Silverlake Boys
by brokenlovesong
Summary: When Blaine was 3 years old his family died in a tragic accident. The poor boy was sent to Silverlake Home For Orphans. He found trust and comfort in Kurt and the two quickly became inseparable. Until one day reality struck and everything changed. 12 years pass before they find each other again. Rated M for rare strong language, alcohol and explicit sexual content.
1. The Lion And The Penguin

Blaine would never forget his first time at the Silverlake Home For Orphans in Lima, Ohio. He was only 3 years old and so incredibly scared when he arrived. A sweet, young social worker had dropped him off with the few personal items that had been saved from the flames.

His parents and older brother had died in their house when it burned down around them. The only reason Blaine had survived was because he had a habit of sleeping with his face hidden under the covers and his room was the first the firefighters broke into at the top floor of the house. The doctors said that was the only thing that had kept his lungs from taking in enough smoke to kill him as well.

He was all alone in the world, and after the doctors were done checking him in every thinkable way, and taking all of their tests he had been drained of all energy and he had fallen asleep in a hospital bed. He had stayed there for observation, and he had got covered in gauze for the burn marks on his arm and belly. After a week the social worker drove out to Lima to get him into Silverlake.

Blaine didn't talk to anyone when he first came. He stuck to himself, and clung himself to the Simba plush that was the only thing he had with him from home. It stank of smoke and the workers at the orphanage had tried taking it from him on several occasions, but each time he panicked and broke into hysterics so the psychologists had advised them to let him keep it.

Around a week after he had arrived the orphanage were having their annual summer fest. All the kids were dressed in their finest and the house was open for people to come meet the children with the hope that someone would adopt the poor, lonely kids.

The party was being held in the backyard with a huge bonfire.

Blaine was terrified. The fire reminded him of the heat creeping up his skin, and he still had marks on his body from where he had got burned. After a long time of crying and screaming one of the young women working there had allowed him to sit on the porch and look at the party from a distance. That way he would be away from the fire, but still close enough for them to keep an eye on him.

He sat there alone for a long time, staring at the laughing and dancing kids, the bright colored decorations and the visiting people. His grip on Simba was so strong that his knuckles were white and the dress shirt the staff had put him in was too big so the sleeves were flapping around his wrists but he didn't care.

"You're always crying. I hear you at night," a voice said.

Blaine hadn't even seen the boy come to sit next to him on the loveseat. The boy wasn't judgmental or mean in his words. He actually sounded sad for him. The boy had thick golden hair and mysterious eyes. He was pale even though he had been out in the sun all day.

Blaine had observed him over the week. The boy was a year older than him and they slept in the same dormitory a few beds apart. He never talked to anyone either. He usually kept at the other end of the table when the other kids were drawing or eating or doing something else. Whenever they were outside he walked around to himself and sang quietly while Blaine kept at the porch watching the other children playing.

"You miss your family. I never knew my family. I've always lived here. The others are nice. The grown-ups too," the boy said and smiled at Blaine. His smile was comforting, like he knew that Blaine was alone in the world and could need a friend to make the world less lonely.

"If they're nice, how come you never play with anyone?" Blaine asked, confused as to why the boy wouldn't be with the others if he liked them.

"I don't know. I just like other things than they do," the boy shrugged. He didn't sound like he was bothered by the fact that he always wandered around alone. Like it was his own choice rather than something he didn't have power over. Maybe it really was his own choice. Blaine had seen the girls ask him to play with them and he had always politely declined their offer.

"I like your Simba. Lion King is my favorite movie," the boy suddenly said and reached out his hand to pet the lion, but not touching it as if he was waiting for Blaine's permission. Blaine stared at his hand, weighing whether he trusted the boy enough to let him touch his only possession, his only friend. After a little while Blaine thought the boy would retreat his hand, but he didn't. He didn't push it forward either; he simply waited for Blaine to say yes or no.

Blaine reached out the lion for the boy to take it. He picked it up with soft hands brushing Blaine's gently and scooped it into his arms the way Blaine had seen his older brother do with a kitten they once found in their backyard. Like it was the most precious thing in the world and could break at any second.

The boy started stroking the fluffy mane with careful fingers, but his big, blue eyes still locked on Blaine.

"He's soft. I like him. Do you think he likes me?" The boy asked, taking Blaine off guard. He had been completely absorbed in the way the boy held the lion - so careful not to drop it.

"My name is Kurt. Your name is Blaine, right? I heard the grown-ups talk about it when you came," Kurt said, seeming embarrassed that he had been eavesdropping. Blaine already knew that in this place everyone eavesdropped on the grown-ups' conversations so he didn't think anything of Kurt for doing so, so he nodded and started chewing his lower lip.

Suddenly he felt a soft hand over the bandage covering the burn mark on his arm. His first reaction was to pull his arm away, but Kurt quickly let his hand carefully slide down and hold around Blaine's.

"I think I would want you to be my friend. If you want to be my friend. I like your eyes," Kurt exclaimed. He wasn't squeezing Blaine's hand, but simply holding it still to wait for Blaine to react to the sudden contact.

His hand was soft around Blaine's and a warmth spread from his hand through his arm and filled his entire body. He couldn't stop staring at the way Kurt's hand was carefully wrapped around his, and after a little time he closed his hand around Kurt's as well, feeling Kurt squeeze gently back.

"Your hand is really soft," Blaine mumbled, not knowing what else to say. Did this mean that they were friends now?

It did. After that day Kurt was Blaine's best friend. As Kurt had said himself; it wasn't that they didn't like the other kids, they just liked playing with each other better. They trusted each other blindly and didn't have a problem with holding each other's hands in front of the other kids, even though the boys wrinkled their noses at them at the beginning. After a little while everyone knew that if they looked for one of them they just had to look for the other and they would be found. That was the way things were.

The workers thought that it was a delight to see that Kurt had finally found someone to open up to, and it was just as great to see that Blaine had found trust in someone, but they worried that they were too isolated when they only played with each other. They tried talking them into playing with the other kids, but they just shook their heads and proceeded their own games.

Blaine suffered from terrible nightmares. Always about fire and his family being suffocated in the flames while he was crying and watching them from afar, or himself being sucked up by fire and his brother screaming his name but not being able to help him.

"Shhh, Blaine. You're having a bad dream." Kurt woke up Blaine one night. Snores and heavy breathing from the other boys in their dormitory was all that was heard, but Kurt's blue eyes were shining through the darkness. He was standing next to Blaine's bed, holding his plush penguin and his eyebrows meeting worried in the middle of his forehead.

"I heard you cry, so I would make sure that you were okay. But you are not," Kurt whispered, and sat down on his knees next to Blaine's bed.

"I miss my brother," Blaine cried, the words the only ones to push through his whimpers. The face of his older brother, Cooper, surrounded by flames, and the heat crawling under his skin was still vivid in his imagination and he was shaking.

"Kurt, I'm scared." Blaine sobbed and hugged Simba closer, feeling the mane being soaked under his tearfilled cheek.

"Don't be scared. Move a little," Kurt cooed and crawled into the bed next to Blaine. He pushed his penguin under Blaine's arm next to the lion before he put his arm around him and started to stroke his fingers up and down Blaine's arm where the skin wasn't covered in bandage.

"Now I'm here, so you can sleep again. I like water better than fire, so if I just think of water, all the fire in your head will go out," Kurt assured him, and Blaine felt his heartbeat slow down. It was comforting to lie with Kurt in the dark like that. It was like they were in their own world, and he knew that as long as Kurt was there nothing would be able to hurt him; because Kurt would never let anything do him any harm.

The next morning Miss Pillsbury, Blaine and Kurt's contact-person, told them that they couldn't sleep in the same bed like that. However, Kurt pulled Blaine aside at breakfast and whispered that whenever he had a nightmare again he could come sleep in his bed.

And so it was; whenever Blaine had a bad dream he snuck into Kurt's bed, and if Kurt heard Blaine crying at night he crawled into Blaine's bed. They didn't want to let the grown-ups stop them, because Kurt knew that Blaine needed him, and Blaine knew that Kurt chased the bad dreams away.

It caused a lot of problems from the grown-ups, so they figured out a system on how to wake up before the grown-ups woke them up, so they could hurry back to their own bed without being seen by anyone.

**xXx**

Now Blaine was 6 years old and Kurt was 7. They knew that it would only be a year before Kurt would be moved to another dormitory and it made Blaine nervous. He didn't want Kurt to completely disappear from his room. He still snuck into his bed at night, only not as often as when they were younger. The nightmares weren't as strong anymore, but sometimes they still came, and Kurt gladly let Blaine slide under his covers. Blaine suspected that Kurt liked it just as much as he did, and it was comforting.

It was a late Sunday afternoon and the rain was pouring down outside so they had been told to play inside. The other boys their age had quickly found out their swords and guns and started a heated war game while the girls played dress-up. Blaine and Kurt disappeared into the dormitory where they built a fort out of blankets and sheets over some chairs and found a stack of books to bring with them.

"Kurt? What happened to your family?" Blaine asked while they were absentmindedly flipping through the pages of a copy of Cinderella that some kids had decorated with crayons.

Kurt gazed at Blaine as if he was surprised by the question, which he probably was. They had never discussed Kurt's family, or how he had ended up at Silverlake. It was just the way things were; Kurt had been there his whole life, so somehow Blaine had always figured he never had a family. However, the other day a boy had been picked up by a family that had adopted him, and he came to think that once Kurt had to have had a mom - because everybody had.

Blaine started chewing on the inside of his cheek. He was afraid that it wasn't okay to ask. That Kurt didn't think it was okay of him to talk about it. Maybe something awful had happened to them, the way something awful had happened to Blaine's family.

Kurt rolled over to lie on his side as herested his head on his arm. He stared into Blaine's eyes, and Blaine realized that he was holding his breath.

"I don't know," Kurt said earnestly.

"How can you not know?" Blaine burst out, but instantly wished that he hadn't. That was stupid. There were probably a lot of the kids who didn't know what had happened to their families.

"Miss Pillsbury told me that I came here when I was 1½ year old. They don't know where I came from; one morning I was just there. There was a paper that told them my name, and my penguin was with me and some of my clothes, and that was all," Kurt mumbled. His eyes had dropped to the blanket they were lying on. His voice had gone weak and insecure.

"I guess nobody wanted me," Kurt shrugged and a tear ran down his nose.

A ball curled up in Blaine's stomach and rushed to his throat. He had never seen Kurt cry before. Kurt was always strong, and the one to take care of him. Sometimes he thought that Kurt didn't know how to cry, that it was something only very weak children did, and strong children like Kurt had never learned how to because they didn't need it.

"I don't think that. Maybe there was so many people that wanted you, that they had to agree that no one could have you, because that way no one would get sad because someone else got you," Blaine suggested awkwardly. He couldn't imagine how anyone would ever not want Kurt.

"That would be stupid," Kurt sniffed, but his cheeks had turned pink, and he was running his fingers up and down the fabric under them.

"_I_ will always want you. You're my best friend, Kurt," Blaine said and folded his hand around Kurt's, stopping it in its way over the blanket.

Kurt looked up with wet eyes and let his hand lock around Blaine's in return. He smiled thickly and let his head disappear into the hollow spot under Blaine's chin.

"You're my best friend too, Blaine. I actually love you," Kurt mumbled into his collarbone while Blaine felt butterflies flying around his belly. Yeah, he definitely loved Kurt too. They had never said that they loved each other, but somehow Blaine had always known that he loved Kurt and that Kurt loved him back it - but it was different to actually hear Kurt say it.

They stayed that way for a long time. Blaine's arm started sleeping, but he didn't want to move, because if he did that Kurt would move as well, and he didn't want to miss the feeling of his body against his. It was like lying next to one of those blankets the grown-ups put in his bed when he was sick, only this blanket was soft in another way, and it had a heart that was beating against his.

**xXx**

It was hard when they had to go to school because Kurt was a year older than Blaine so they couldn't be together in school. The first thing Blaine did when he came back to the dormitory was to wait for Kurt to come up there so they could discuss their day. However, the kids from Silverlake attended the same school in town, so they still had a chance of meeting up in the lunch break which made it a bit easier.

They didn't get bullied, but often got comments that it was weird that they only played with each other. They knew that the others were talking about them behind their backs, and that the reason the grown-ups always made sure to sit them in the middle of the table during meals were an attempt to make them interact with the other kids.

They talked politely with some of the others, and when they all watched movies in the big room Blaine and Kurt curled up around each other on a beanbag but still made sure to stay close to the others as well. They were terrified that one day the grown-ups would force them apart, so they did everything they could to avoid that.

They had both joined the school's music program so they got to spend time together there as well and refused to sit anywhere but next to each other in the choir room. Over Christmas their singing group did a big concert for charity and Blaine was to sing an entire song by himself, only accompanied by the rest of the group over the chorus. He was deadly scared, and sure that he was going to mess up the words.

Kurt, who was slightly taller than Blaine, was standing right behind him during the performance, so when Blaine's solo came he felt Kurt sneak his hand discretely into his. He relaxed a little and only messed up a few words while boring his nails into the skin on Kurt's hand.

"I actually think it sounded better like that," Kurt grinned at him after the show. That made Blaine's insides bubble, and he couldn't help but grin back at him.


	2. Wounded

It was spring and they had finished their homework so they had got permission to go outside before dinner. The sun was baking down on their heads and Blaine could feel his black curls sucking up so much sun that he imagined his face to be completely scarlet when they got back inside.

"Wouldn't it be cool if some rich family came and adopted both of us?" Kurt asked as they watched a baby frog struggle to jump through the tall grass. It stopped, as if it knew they were watching and wanted to gather up strength to take another, more impressive, jump. Blaine's eyes were locked on the frog as it continued to slowly jump its way towards the bushes.

"I don't know. I don't think I could have another mom. I had a mom and dad once. And a brother. I couldn't get a new family instead of them," Blaine responded, turning the question over in his head, tasting the concept of some strangers sweeping in to replace his parents and brother.

"But I don't want you to get adopted without me. Or me to get adopted without you," he hurried to say. He had never considered that option before. That maybe some day someone would walk in there and pick him or Kurt, but not both of them, and they would be separated. Maybe never see each other again. The thought turned around in his belly and he was afraid that he was going to throw up.

"But if we got adopted by the same family we would always be together. And if the family were rich we could get a room together and have all kinds of awesome stuff, and all the books and music and Disney movies we would ever want," Kurt exclaimed eagerly. Maybe he had given it a lot of thought.

"Mhm, that would be cool. I like that. We could make like a pact; that if someone comes to adopt one of us we say that we won't go without each other," Blaine proposed and hoped that Kurt would make that promise with him. That way they were sure to stay together forever and never have to worry again.

"Yes. I wanna do that. And when we get adopted we can tell them that we want one huge bed instead of two small like we have now. When you sleep you're like a cat and take up a lot of space," Kurt laughed and presented his little finger.

"Sorry," Blaine mumbled and felt his ears go red. He actually always laid as close to Kurt as possible whenever they shared bed. He hurried to lock his little finger with Kurt's to seal their pact and started to wonder if he dared dreaming of them actually being adopted together.

**xXx**

After having begged Miss Pillsbury for a long time they were finally allowed to run outside to play in the rain. It was pouring down, but Blaine liked the way his curls stuck to his forehead. Kurt didn't like the rain particularly much, but he agreed to go outside because he knew how much Blaine loved it.

The day before they had found a cat in the bushes, so after having jumped in puddles for some time Kurt talked Blaine into go looking for the cat. They rummaged around the bushes for a long time until they couldn't see the house anymore. The cat wasn't there and the boys got disappointed.

"Maybe he had better things to do," Blaine suggested with a shrug before he slid on the wet grass and fell on his bottom making Kurt gasp from the shock.

"Did it hurt?" Kurt asked and looked down at him. Apparently he had been just as startled as Blaine had by his fall. He was white in the face and his eyes were round and dark from the shadows of the leaves and the gray sky. In there it was nearly as dark as in the dormitory when all lights were out when they were about to sleep.

"No," Blaine lied, but his voice didn't sound anywhere nearly as brave as he wanted it to. He could never lie to Kurt, not even pretend, and he had to bite his lower lip to not break into crying.

Kurt dumped down on his butt to sit next to Blaine in the muddy grass. Their rain suits were luckily enough perfectly waterproof so their clothes didn't get wet from sitting there.

"We can always sit here until it doesn't hurt anymore," Kurt suggested casually, pretending that he hadn't heard Blaine say that it didn't hurt. He sat so close that when he moved to find a comfortable position their rain pants squeaked against each other.

They stayed in the bushes for a while, waiting for Blaine's butt to not hurt anymore while they listened to the rain drum on the leaves over their heads. Eventually they heard Miss Pillsbury call for them and they got up.

As Blaine started to walk towards the garden opening Kurt grabbed around his wrist. Blaine turned confused around, but before he could ask what was wrong Kurt had pressed his lips against Blaine's. It was quickly over, and the second he broke away he ran towards the door of the house, leaving Blaine in the rain with the print of Kurt's soft lips burning on his.

They didn't talk during dinner, and when they watched a movie before bedtime they coiled up on the beanbag together the way they always did.

Neither of them mentioned the kiss, but when the lights were off in the dormitory Blaine couldn't stop thinking about it. He closed his eyes and imagined that it had lasted a little longer, and that Kurt hadn't run away when it was over, so they could have walked back to the house hand in hand. He didn't know what it meant but he liked it, even though he wasn't sure if he was supposed to like it.

**xXx**

It was Saturday and Silverlake was taking the younger kids on a field trip to a playground in a big forest where they were to spend the entire day. The older kids were doing something else, and it wasn't unusual for them to split in groups that way.

When the bus stopped they had to walk for fifteen minutes through the woods, but when they finally got to the playground it was huge and Miss Pillsbury had to yell to make them all sit down on a group of benches to make them listen to the rules.

They had to keep within the barriers of the playground, which was actually just a fence around the square which wasn't much more than ten inches tall. They were to play nice and safe, and if anything happened they should find a grown-up. When the grown-ups called they should come back. That was it; they were released to play as crazy as they wanted.

Kurt didn't take Blaine's hand, but walked away from the benches by himself. Blaine was left alone to stare after him. After a minute sitting there he had enough of Miss Pillsbury's huge, concerned eyes staring at him, so he awkwardly got to his feet and started to walk by himself in the other direction.

"Blaine? Where are you going? Aren't you coming with me?" Kurt called over the square and Blaine stopped. He wasn't sad anymore; Kurt still wanted to play with him.

He turned around and saw Kurt staring at him from the other end. He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily to show that he definitely hadn't been upset that Kurt had walked away from him without as much as a word.

"I guess I could do that," Blaine called back in a fake bored voice. He scraped a little in the ground with his boot, but he couldn't stay away any longer. Even two minutes away from Kurt were a pain. He started to clumsily run over the square and when he reached Kurt he was heaving for air but followed him silently as they walked towards the forest.

The walked in between the trees, both of them well aware that it probably was a little too far away for the grown-ups to be pleased with them, but they would much rather be alone, than to have everyone constantly hovering over them.

When they were so far away that they couldn't see the playground anymore Kurt stopped by a big, old oak tree. They let their backpacks bump to the ground before they sat down and rested their backs against the trunk. A beam of sunlight was streaming down on their faces through the ceiling of leaves, and birds were singing over their heads.

Blaine thought it was nice to sit there with Kurt. The air was hot, but not so hot that it was uncomfortable. Blaine was sitting on a clump of moss, and he could feel it being wet through his shorts. He knew that he would get into trouble with Miss Pillsbury when he came back and she saw the stain, but he didn't care.

Kurt had pulled a deck of cards from his backpack. Apparently he already knew that he wasn't going to run around on the playground like everyone else. It didn't surprise Blaine. Kurt hated anything where he could get dirty, so whenever he rushed himself into stuff like that it was mostly because Blaine talked him into it. Like that one time when Blaine was 5 and wanted to do finger painting badly and Kurt had agreed to be there and watch him while he was painting, but Blaine quickly dug Kurt's fingers into the painting, and they ended up laughing so hard that they accidentally pushed the painting tray on the floor.

Kurt spread out a blanket and Blaine sat down in front of him. Kurt dealt the cards and they played in silence. They could hear the screaming and laughing from the kids playing and Blaine kept his ears constantly tensed to hear if the grown-ups called for them. But they didn't.

After some time he was starting to get hungry but he knew that they would get into trouble if they ate before the entire group was called for lunch, so he tried to ignore his stomach growling in objection.

Kurt sent him glances across the blanket, and Blaine was certain that he knew that he was hungry. He probably was too, and Blaine figured that he was trying to keep their focus elsewhere until they were called back to the playground.

After they had played for a long time Blaine was bored with the game, so he absentmindedly let his cards drop. When Kurt dropped his as well Blaine gathered them all and packed them away to stowe them into his backpack.

They both sat against the tree trunk. The bark was cold and clammy through his t-shirt, and the smell of wet, rotten leaves on the forest floor made his head heavy. He was already tired, but didn't say anything because then Kurt would say that they should go back and he didn't want that. He wanted to stay there alone with Kurt.

They started talking about the few different flowers that were showing around them, and about the insects they saw. Kurt thought they were gross, but Blaine found them fascinating. A butterfly flew over and sat on the blanket at their feet and even Kurt's jaw dropped. It was big and blue, with purple and black almond shapes on its wings, as if it had eyes there.

Blaine watched as Kurt slowly crawled closer and let his finger onto the blanket in front of the insect. To their joined surprise it took a few strokes of its wings and was suddenly seated on Kurt's finger. Blaine laid down on the blanket next to him while they watched all the details of the tiny creature.

"I think we should go back. Your hand is ice cold," Kurt declared when the butterfly had taken flight and disappeared between the trees.

Blaine got embarrassed. He hadn't even noticed that his hand had slid so close to Kurt that he was nearly holding it on his wrist. It was true though; his hands and toes were freezing and he felt like they had been out there forever, so he had to agree that it was time.

They stood up and helped each other fold the blanket. Kurt made sure he hadn't forgotten anything and started to head back towards the playground. He only took a few steps before he stopped and turned in horror when he heard a bump to the ground behind him.

Blaine had stepped on a branch that slid under his foot and he fell to the ground. Kurt quickly ran to his side, staring at him in concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked and offered Blaine his hand to help him get back up. Blaine took his hand and shook his head. He was afraid that if he opened his mouth and tried saying something he would start crying. He was already embarrassed by how clumsy he always was.

He tried getting up, but he fell back down to sit on the ground. It hurt too much in his ankle to support on it, especially walk on it. Now he cried. It was stupid, but he was tired, he was hungry, and now he couldn't get back to the playground. He was stuck in the forest.

Kurt found out the blanket and put it on the ground at the tree where they sat only a few minutes before. Then he helped Blaine over to sit back against the trunk and folded the rest of the blanket around him before he stood up.

"I'm gonna go get Miss Pillsbury. Then she can help you back," Kurt said. The message hit Blaine like a train and he started crying hysterically.

"No. Kurt, don't go. Don't leave me here alone. Please," Blaine wailed. He felt pathetic but didn't care. He was scared and cold. What if Kurt left to get a grown-up, but couldn't find back to him? Then he would be left to sit there alone forever.

Kurt silently walked to the tree and nudged to Blaine's knee with his foot.

"Then move a little so I can sit there too. They'll find us as soon as they call for lunch and we don't show. It's gonna be any minute now," Kurt said and crawled inside the pocket they had formed in the blanket. He wiped away Blaine's tears and Blaine stopped crying. As long as Kurt didn't leave him it wouldn't be so bad.

"Are you hungry?" Kurt asked. Blaine sniffed and nodded. He couldn't stop staring at how shiny Kurt's eyes were, and how much the blue in his irises resembled the color of tinkerbells. Whenever they were drawing he would always try finding that exact color of blue, but even after three years of knowing him he still hadn't succeeded.

Kurt dragged over his backpack and opened the little room at the front. He rummaged a little around before he found out a little container. It was one of those the older kids used, and Blaine wondered what he could be keeping in that, and especially how he had even got one of these.

"I helped one of the big girls with her dress the other day, so she gave me cookies. I asked for those with chocolate and cranberries - your favorite," he explained and offered Blaine one. _His_ favorite, not Kurt's favorite with raisins. But Blaine's.

"Thank you," Blaine mumbled thickly. He took the cookie Kurt held out to him and smiled at him in gratitude. He marveled at how considerate it was of Kurt to do that. He could just have asked for those with raisins. Blaine liked those too.

They ate the cookies in silence. It felt like they sat there for ages, and the sun had stopped shining down on them a long time ago. Blaine let his head fall to rest on Kurt's shoulder and Kurt let his fingers slide into Blaine's under the blanket, resting them on Blaine's knee.

"They will find us soon. I'm sure they will. We have been gone for a very long time now," Kurt mumbled and rested his cheek on top of Blaine's head. Blaine suspected that he was starting to get scared too, but pretended to be brave to not upset Blaine more than he already was.

Blaine was so happy that Kurt stayed with him. He was incredibly scared to be alone, even at home at the orphanage so he couldn't stand the thought of being alone out in the forest. He imagined to turn his head around and kiss Kurt like he had kissed him in the rain. He wondered if his lips really were so soft or if it was just something he had imagined because he liked it so much.

He squeezed Kurt's hand and shut his eyes. He didn't dare kiss him - what if it was only Kurt who was allowed to kiss him, and not the other way around, and Kurt would get mad at him for doing it?

It was so cold that they were nearly shaking. Blaine's ankle was throbbing, and he wanted to scream and cry from the pain, but didn't say a word.

Suddenly out of nowhere they heard voices calling their names and Kurt sat up straight and started calling back. Quickly two of the grown-ups showed and ran towards them as soon as they saw them by the oak tree.

"Boys, what are you doing here? You were told to stay back at the playground!" One of them spat out. They both seemed mad, but also relieved to find them in great shape.

Kurt hurried to blabber out with an explanation of what had happened. He said that they just wanted to get a little away so they could play cards but they could still hear the others, and then he proceeded to tell them about how Blaine had fallen when they were on their way back.

They looked at his ankle and decided that he couldn't walk back, so the man lifted Blaine up and carried him back to the playground. Everyone was waiting for them, and they were done with their lunch a long time ago, so they started walking back to the bus.

As Blaine was being carried back he felt like a child, a stupid three year old who was always clumsy and fell down on the wrong times, and didn't even have control of his own body so he always ruined everything for Kurt. But as much as he was mad at himself he knew that Kurt didn't think he was an idiot, which helped a bit.

Kurt stayed close to them. Neither of them said anything on their way back to the bus, but Kurt didn't stray away from Blaine for a minute. Every now and then Blaine looked down on him, and Kurt smiled consoling up at him.

When they came back to Silverlake the grown-ups wrapped gauze around his foot after he had been helped to take a bath. They said they wanted to wait and see what happened but if it was still swollen he would be taken to the doctor on Monday.

When the lights were off in the dormitory at night he remembered back on how safe he had felt with Kurt in the forest. The way he and Kurt had been wrapped up in the blanket, sitting close and holding each other's hands. He wished that he could walk over to Kurt's bed to at least say goodnight to him.

"Kurt? Are you asleep?" Blaine whispered through the dark, and someone hushed at him from the other end of the room. It was followed by complete silence.

_He's probably sleeping. He was very tired_, Blaine thought to himself. He was a bit disappointed, but hoped that Kurt would sleep well when he felt a hand push at his arm. He gasped but looked up to vaguely see the outline of Kurt holding a finger against his lips to tell Blaine to be quiet.

He moved over and Kurt snuck under the covers. His feet were cold against Blaine's skin where his pajama pants had crawled up his still healthy leg. Kurt pulled the sheets over their faces and grinned at Blaine.

"Can I sleep here tonight? I like your bed better than mine," he whispered with a smile, and Blaine nodded eagerly back. Warmth spread through his body and he wanted to hug Kurt instantly.

"I was worried about you. Does your foot still hurt?" Kurt asked, and put an arm over Blaine's belly as he always did when they shared bed.

"Not so much after they wrapped that stuff around it," Blaine answered truthfully, and bit his tongue. He felt like he was exploding from the thought that Kurt had worried about him.

They stared into each other's eyes through the dark for a while before Blaine felt his eyelids heavily drift. He yawned and knew that it was only a matter of time before he couldn't stay awake any longer.

"Goodnight, Blaine," Kurt whispered and kissed his cheek before he closed his eyes and fell asleep himself, clutching his grip around Blaine.

Blaine grinned to himself and closed his eyes as well while feeling the hot print of Kurt's lips against his cheek burn into his skin. It felt like a promise that he would always be safe. How could he not be when Kurt was lying there next to him?


	3. Fear

The next day Blaine was allowed to spent on a beanbag without moving his foot. Kurt got permission to stay indoor with him, so they watched movies and read comic books all day, even though the rest of the kids in their group were to be outside for the day.

As they were lying there and could hear the other kids outside the window while a sunbeam was streaming inside to heat up their faces it nearly felt like they were far, far away instead of only being inside. Blaine remembered how his brother had built forts and then they would crawl inside and pretend they were flying to another universe where everything was just the way they wanted it to be.

At night Kurt crawled back into his bed where they talked about the way two of the other boys from their dormitory had a fight at dinner, and the way some of the older girls had asked Kurt for help with something for the choir they were singing in at their school.

Blaine was always impressed with the way all the older girls always asked Kurt for help. The girls were only a few years older than them, but they never talked to anyone their age, so for them to ask Kurt for help was a big deal. No one ever talked to Blaine, not even kids his own age.

When he fell asleep he couldn't stop wondering whether the girls liked Kurt; but even more if he liked them back. Blaine didn't know why, but he didn't like the thought of the girls liking Kurt.

**xXx**

Monday Kurt had to go to school, but Blaine's ankle still hurt so a grown-up took him to the doctor instead. He got the message that it was just a bad twist and he was just to keep it calm for a few days until it wasn't black and swollen anymore.

When he came back to Silverlake after his doctor's appointment he was put on a couch and told to do his homework. Of course they had made sure to call the school to make sure he could keep up with his school work even though he couldn't go. Typical of grown-ups to do that.

While he was sitting there struggling with his English homework a man came in. Blaine had never seen him before. He was wearing a shirt, a baseball cap and jeans. He smiled at Blaine and greeted him before he proceeded down the hall towards the office. Blaine had been so surprised to see an unfamiliar face that he hadn't said anything. He had simply stared at the man who nodded at him with a grin.

It was strange. No one ever came there. Not that way. If anyone unfamiliar came to Silverlake it was couples looking to adopt, never singles. And usually they would come during the late afternoon while the kids were all over the orphanage to get a picture of them in their natural every-day-life.

Blaine kept listening for when the man left. He waited for a long time while he kept on reading the same page in his English book over and over again, but he was too absorbed in figuring out who the man was to let the words sink in. He couldn't tell why he was so interested in what this man was doing at Silverlake, but he just had a feeling that he needed to know.

After what felt like ages Blaine heard the door to the office open at the other end of the hall and he got so startled that he nearly dropped his book. He quickly got a hold of it and pretended to be deepened in the text just as Miss Pillsbury came into the room with the man on her side.

They both smiled at Blaine and she showed him around, telling him about the room and for what purposes it was used. They didn't stay in there for long, but returned to the hall. Before they left the room the man smiled at Blaine and told him to have a nice day.

Blaine liked him. He seemed nice, and somehow there was something familiar about him, but he didn't know what it was. He kept on listening when he heard the grown-ups stop a bit down the hall. What he heard made his blood freeze to ice.

"Yeah, that was Blaine. He's Kurt's best friend. Nothing can separate the two of them, so that might be a problem," Miss Pillsbury said in the tone she always used when she was worried and stressed.

"We'll figure something out about that. Let's just wait and get the test results before we do anything next. There's no reason to tell Kurt anything before we know what's gonna happen," the man's husky voice sounded. It sounded like he was relaxed, but still anxious under the surface.

Blaine heard Miss Pillsbury agree before she promised to call him when she had some news. Then they said goodbye and Blaine could hear the man disappear down the hall and Miss Pillsbury head for her office.

The air in the room had grown thick and difficult to breathe. This time Blaine didn't care that his book fell to the floor. Tears were pressing against his eyelids, struggling to get out, but he bit his lower lip to hold it back. He couldn't start crying if Miss Pillsbury came in to check up on him, because then he would have to let her know that he had been eavesdropping.

_Now the man is going to adopt Kurt, and he will leave me, and I will be all alone here and never see him again_, raced through Blaine's head. Images of Kurt being taken away by the man started presenting itself, and no matter how much Blaine tried pushing it away it kept crashing in over him with incredible force.

For the rest of the day he didn't get any homework done, and as soon as the kids started getting home from school and kindergarten he wished that he could walk to his bed himself. Why was it so hard for the others to understand that he didn't want to talk to anyone, and that he just wanted to be left alone.

"Blaine, is anything wrong?" Kurt asked when he dumped down next to Blaine late in the evening.

Blaine hadn't talked to him all day. Not really talked to him. He had been pouting and introverted. He had no idea if he should tell Kurt what had happened, or if he should pretend that his day had been boring and slow. Maybe the man would change his mind and Kurt wouldn't have to leave anyway? And what was it about some tests they talked about?

But it shouldn't really matter, because if the man would adopt Kurt he would just tell him that he wanted Blaine to go with him, wouldn't he? He had promised that he would.

"I'm fine," Blaine lied, but his throat tied up. He didn't look at Kurt because he was afraid that he would know that something was up. Because Kurt always knew. Instead he kept his focus locked on his math book in front of him, even though his head was aching from not getting a thing of what he was supposed to do.

"Okay. But you would tell me if you weren't, wouldn't you?" Kurt tried again and nudged him with his shoulder. Blaine just shrugged and hoped that he would leave it alone so he didn't have to think about it, even less tell Kurt about what he had witnessed.

_What if Kurt gets all excited about it and then he forgets all about me? _Blaine feared. He couldn't stop the memory of how Kurt had seemed thrilled about the thought of being adopted one day. What if his dream of being adopted was stronger than his friendship with Blaine?

Kurt mumbled something incoherent and got up again. He left the room and Blaine didn't see him for the rest of the evening. Not even when they went to bed. When Blaine was out to brush his teeth Kurt had already gone to bed, and Blaine got sad. He hadn't even told him goodnight.

**xXx**

A couple of days went by without Kurt and Blaine really talking together. Kurt went to school and when he came back they sat next to each other doing their homework, played videogames or read books without talking.

Every now and then Kurt would go outside to walk around by himself, or he went to hang out with the older girls. It made Blaine sad. He wanted to go outside and be with Kurt instead of sitting inside and pouting.

The man with the baseball cap kept returning to his thoughts whenever he wasn't occupied by other things. It was nagging him greatly, but he figured that since Kurt hadn't mentioned anything to him no one had told him about it, so maybe the man had changed his mind.

Wednesday night after his bath the grown-up helping him decided that he didn't need to get the gauze back on. His ankle had returned to its normal size and it was only a little pale now. It was nice but weird to be back to walking on the foot again, but he was happy that he didn't have to depend on the grown-ups helping him around anymore.

When he was finished and ready for bed the lights were already out in the dormitory and he could hear that a lot of the other boys were already snoring around him. He staggered clumsy to his bed in the middle of the left row of beds, and crawled under the covers.

The moon was shining sharply in his eyes, and even though he hid his face under the sheets as he always did it he still couldn't fall asleep. He tossed and turned, fearing that he would wake the others, but no one said a word. All that was heard was the hummed breathing of sleep around him.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and nearly tripped in trying to find balance. The linoleum floor was cold under his feet and he curled his toes. He soundlessly tiptoed over the floor and found Kurt in his bed, clutching his penguin close.

"Kurt? I need to tell you something. Are you asleep?" Blaine whispered, his face so close to Kurt's that he could feel the warmth from his cheek on his lips.

There was no reaction. Kurt's closed eyelids did a few rapid movements before he moved a little and wrinkled his nose. Blaine loved when he wrinkled his nose, it looked cute, and it made his freckles looked like they were dancing over his face.

Blaine stood for a moment watching him sleeping, weighing whether or not he should push to get him to make room so he could climb into his bed. He didn't want to wake him up, but it was so tempting to feel his hot skin against his hand, so he traced his index finger down Kurt's naked arm.

"Blaine? Is that you? Aren't you asleep?" Kurt mumbled quietly, and bored his nose into the pillow before he scooped over. Blaine found place next to him and pushed Simba under Kurt's arm as Kurt pulled the sheets over their heads.

"I need to tell you something. It's really important," Blaine ushered in a thick whisper. Kurt's eyes were close, and for a second Blaine feared that he had fallen back asleep already. He was startled when his eyes flung open and stared directly into Blaine's, and it was like he was wide awake.

"Can you tell me in the morning? I am really tired, Blaine," Kurt complained and moved a little closer. His body was hot and it nearly burned Blaine's freezing skin. His entire body was ice cold, and he felt like sneaking his hands under Kurt's shirt, and his feet up the legs of his pajama bottoms, but he didn't want to make Kurt cold as well.

Kurt buried his face in the crook of Blaine's neck, and he could feel that he was struggling to not fall asleep. If Blaine said that it was too important to wait he knew that Kurt would sit up so he could listen - but he didn't want to do that. He had struggled with these thoughts about the man in the baseball cap for so many days now that he guessed that he might as well wait one more day.

"Let's just sleep. I'll tell you in the morning," Blaine assured him, and he could feel that as soon as the words had flown from his lips to Kurt's ears he relaxed and let himself sink back into slumber.

**xXx**

"Kurt. I need you to keep a secret for me," Blaine mumbled and looked over his shoulder as they moved together under a tree in the garden. A group of 13 year olds were sitting near them, and a group of 4 year old boys were playing with cars in the sandbox a bit away from them. He relaxed a little and looked back to Kurt who was staring at him with wide, bright eyes.

"Okay. What is it?" he asked intrigued, and shuffled to sit on his knees. He very well knew that when Blaine said that what he wanted to share was a secret he really meant it.

Blaine held his breath for a little while, trying to collect his thoughts and figuring out how to really break it open. He could see anticipation grow in Kurt's eyes, and he could feel the message throbbing to come out so eventually he couldn't hold it back anymore.

"The other day when you were at school this man came. He talked to Miss Pilsbury. About you. Kurt, I think he wants to adopt you," Blaine spat out and felt exactly how much it worried him. It was like an explosion of feelings through his mouth, and he desperately needed Kurt to take some sort of stand, to have some sort of reaction to the news.

"What… did he say? What did they say about me?" Kurt asked insecurely. His face had turned ash-gray and it was like he didn't know how to react. He folded his hands in his lap and squeezed them together. But the worst part was that he avoided Blaine's eyes.

"They said that… they talked about some tests. And that we were best friends. And that… Miss Pilsbury said that we couldn't be separated and that it would be… a problem," Blaine remembered out loud and squeezed his eyes hard.

"The man said that… they shouldn't tell you anything. Yet. Before they had the tests -" he closed and hoped that Kurt would hurry to say something, so he could know what he was thinking.

"Well… maybe it's nothing. I don't know. Maybe… maybe they just need me to do something for them? Usually there's a mom and a dad when people come to adopt someone," Kurt tried to rationalize, and Blaine appreciated how much he tried to ease his mind, but he could feel that he didn't believe it himself. That he knew where this was going.

"But it doesn't matter… if I get adopted, you get adopted. We made a pact, remember?" Kurt let his little finger crook around Blaine's, and Blaine felt a grin cross his face.

_Yes. He remembered, _Blaine thought bubbly.

"Yeah, we made a pact," Blaine beamed back at him, and fell on the grass. Kurt fell down to rest his head on Blaine's belly. They stared at the clouds drifting by over their heads, and Blaine could feel that his mood was lightened.

His brain felt as fluffy as the clouds on the sky, and he let himself into the ease of feeling the sun bake over his skin. Suddenly the idea of Kurt being adopted didn't seem so frightening anymore. He should have known that Kurt would ease his troubled mind.

"What are you thinking about?" Kurt asked, and turned to lie on his side, with his head still resting on Blaine's belly, but his fingers running through the soft grass under them. Blaine was very careful not to breath too deeply to avoid pushing Kurt's head, but it was a harder task than he had hoped for.

"I am thinking that… I wanna be adopted with you. I like Silverlake. But it would be so cool if we had a home and a family. Together," he said and let his mind drift off to what they could do and experience if they were to live outside the orphanage one day.

"I don't know what it's like to have a family. But I think it's good. I hope it's a nice family then. Did the man seem nice?" Kurt inquired. It sounded as if he had been thinking a lot about it, but hadn't dared asking.

"He seemed okay. He didn't look like he was fancy or something. But I think I could like him," Blaine told truthfully. He remembered how he had liked the man until they had started talking about Kurt. Now he actually thought he could start to like the man very much.

"I wish we could tell Miss Pillsbury that we know about him so we could meet him. I wanna know who he is." Kurt slid down to lie on the grass, looking into Blaine's eyes with a pensive gaze.

"He'll probably come back soon. Then you might get to meet him, and he can take us home with him," Blaine suggested, wondering whether the man would make him call him dad. He didn't want to do that; he had a dad once.

Neither of them said anything, and when they walked in for dinner they couldn't stop grinning at each other. The other kids knew better than to ask them what they were smiling about; Blaine and Kurt always had something together that couldn't be shared with anyone else


	4. The Man

A long time went on and the man didn't show. Blaine and Kurt frequently discussed their future of getting adopted together, but the longer time went on without any sign of the man, the less they talked about it. Blaine was starting to think that Kurt was really sad that the man hadn't returned which was why he didn't talk about it, so Blaine didn't want to remind him that he might have been let down once again.

It was the last day before spring break and Blaine's class was doing a show for the entire school. Blaine was singing and dancing, and Kurt had promised to find a seat so Blaine could see him, so he only needed to focus on Kurt instead of the fact that he would be performing alone in front of 350 students and teachers.

When Blaine was waiting to go on he looked from behind the curtain to get his eyes on Kurt so he didn't have to look for him when he had started his number. He couldn't see him. Blaine desperately looked through every row, every seat, but Kurt wasn't anywhere to be seen. Sweat started to break out on his palms, and he tried to memorize his words but even though he knew them perfectly well they somehow got stuck on their way from his brain through his mouth.

When the girls ended their number their teacher came over and pushed Blaine out on the stage. At first he was just staring at the kids looking at him. He was boring his nails into his hands and kept singing the song to himself in his head before he finally got himself together enough to slowly start singing.

The number was a disaster. At least Blaine thought so. He lost his wordss and nearly tripped over his own feet several times. At one point he even went to the right instead of the left and he was on his way over the edge of the stage. Everyone clapped and cheered at him, and his teacher was thrilled, but he hated himself. All he could think of was that Kurt hadn't been there.

When he came back to Silverlake he kicked off his shoes and went directly to the dormitory. He threw his bag aggressively on the floor before he dropped to his bed where he groaned into the pillow. He curled up with his knees to his chest, and knew that as soon as Miss Pillsbury found him there she would tell him to get outside with the other kids.

"This is my… room. Sort of," Kurt's voice sounded behind him, and Blaine stiffened in his bed. Kurt was there, and he was with someone. Showing someone around, maybe even. It sounded like it.

Blaine heard the familiar sound of Kurt's footsteps tripping over the linoleum accompanied by a second pair of feet. Who was he with?

"Blaine - you're here!" Kurt beamed at him, and Blaine didn't know if he should turn around or not. He didn't want to seem like he had been prying or eavesdropping, but now that Kurt had seen him he guessed that he might as well acknowledge it, so he turned around.

Kurt was with the man. The man with the baseball cap.

"Hi," Blaine mumbled and waved awkwardly. He didn't want to seem impolite, but he was still angry with Kurt because he had broken his promise.

"Hey buddy. You're looking a bit more fresh today," the man said, and Blaine found it hard not to like him. Right now he wanted to hate him because he had been the reason that Kurt hadn't been there at Blaine's performance, but he just couldn't. He was too nice, and Kurt looked so happy.

"I'm better," Blaine muttered back. Kurt walked over to sit on the bed next to him, and the man sat down on the bed in front of them. When Kurt let his hand into Blaine's warmth spread throughout his entire body, and he had to fight to remind himself that he was angry with Kurt. They could always discuss that later. Had the man come to take them home with him now?

"Blaine is my best friend," Kurt said as-a-matter-of-factly. It didn't sound like a piece of random information, but like he was stating a fact: that this was the way things were and nothing could change that. Blaine nearly broke out in a grin, but restrained himself to only squeezing Kurt's hand.

"That's good, kid. It's good that you have friends," the man said and smiled at them.

They stayed in the dormitory for a bit, no one saying a word, until Kurt released Blaine's hand and jumped off the bed. He walked to his own bed and pulled out the penguin.

"I remember that! I bought that for you when you were just born," the man burst out, and Blaine felt a fire in his stomach. What did that mean?

"I never sleep without him. It's only Blaine who gets to touch him. He was my best friend before Blaine came," Kurt explained, and then something happened; he reached the penguin out to the man.

Blaine didn't know what to do about himself, so he marched out of the dormitory and headed for the bushes in the garden where he and Kurt had hid in the rain. That was something they had never shared with anyone - Blaine was the only one who got to hold Kurt's penguin, and Kurt was the only one to ever get to hold Blaine's Simba. But now he let the man hold the penguin.

As soon as he reached the bushes he sat down and watched the other kids play through the leaves and branches. He could hear them laugh around them, and even though he could feel the sun burning into his dark hair he still felt so cold that he might start shaking.

How could Kurt just betray him like that?

He stayed in the bushes and did his best to hide from the other kids. He watched as they slowly started to go inside and he knew that it meant that dinner was up soon and he should go get ready, but he still didn't get up until he heard one of the grown-ups call the rest of them inside.

Blaine slowed away in washing his hands and face. He wasn't hungry and he definitely didn't feel like going in where Kurt surely would sit down next to him. He knew that once he saw Kurt he wouldn't know how to be mad at him, but he strongly wanted him to know that he was deeply hurt.

"Hi Blaine!" Kurt sang and dumped into the seat next to him. He started loading his plate, and Blaine kept reminding himself to not move closer to Kurt on the bench and not to smile at him. In fact, it was probably easiest if he didn't look at him at all, so Blaine stared into his own plate of peas and chicken.

"I like your hair like that," Kurt said and stuffed his mouth with potato. Blaine felt his cheeks go red and forgot that he had to swallow what he was chewing on. Over the horrible events of Kurt and the man he had completely forgot that his curls had been tamed and his hair was combed neatly into his head to make it look fancy for the show.

He didn't even finish his plate before he got up and asked a grown-up if he could be excused. He said that he was tired and his stomach hurt, so he was told to go lie down. He was glad that it was so easy and nearly ran out of the dining hall, but remembered that they probably wouldn't take him for not feeling well if he did so.

Blaine pulled out a stack of comics from under his bed, clenched Simba in a tight grip and crawled into the fort he and Kurt had built earlier that week. He wrapped himself in a blanket and laid down on the pillows covering the floor.

"Can I come in?" Kurt asked insecurely as he stuck his head in after Blaine had been there alone for a while. He wanted Kurt to come in, but he wasn't ready to forgive him yet, so he shrugged and rolled his eyes.

Kurt laid down, but not too close to Blaine. It was clear that he was on the edge of explosion to tell him about his afternoon with the man, but he also knew that something was wrong with Blaine - he wanted to fix that first.

"You didn't come. You promised you'd be there and wave at me so I wouldn't mess up, but you never did," Blaine mumbled and hit Kurt's hand with a comic book. He might have hit him a little harder than he wanted to, and he watched as Kurt's face turned sad and he balled his hand to a fist.

"I wanted to tell you, Blaine. But Miss Pillsbury came and picked me up before school ended. I told her that I had promised you to be there, but she said that you'd be fine. I'm sorry, Blaine," Kurt apologized sincerely and Blaine knew that it was true. It still wasn't okay though, what about the penguin?

"Do you have a new best friend now?" Blaine asked brusquely and sat up with his eyes staring at Kurt to scrutinize his reaction.

Kurt's expression turned dark in horror and he hurried to sit up too. He looked like Blaine could just as well have slapped him in the face, and his eyes were brimming with tears.

"No. Blaine, you are my best friend. You will always be my best friend. You're the only best friend I'll ever want," Kurt whimpered and his voice broke. Now he looked just as hurt as Blaine felt himself.

"You gave the man your penguin. You said I was the only one you would ever trust enough to hold your penguin because I am your best friend," Blaine sniffed.

Kurt looked as if the words hit him like a train. He chewed on his lower lip for a second before he leaned so close to Blaine that he could feel Kurt's breath on his lips.

"It's because he's my dad," Kurt whispered, and Blaine could feel the excitement running through Kurt with the words. On the contrary Blaine felt himself fill with ice. What did that mean?

"You have a dad? The man is your dad?" Blaine asked to feel the words through his own mouth, but no matter what, it didn't take away the gutting feeling in his throat and belly.

"Yes! Isn't it amazing?" Kurt whispered and gazed at Blaine with sparkling eyes, waiting for him to take part in his joy.

He couldn't turn that look on Kurt's face down. His dimples were screaming at Blaine to smile back and his eyes were even more eager to see some sort of reaction. So Blaine threw his arms around Kurt and held him tight. He didn't have any words, and he was afraid that if he tried speaking all he said would turn to mush, so instead he held him close and hoped that it would be enough.

When they broke free Blaine regained enough control of himself to send Kurt a trying smile. He laid back down on the pillows and Kurt simply stared at him, so he opened the blanket to indicate for Kurt to come lie next to him.

Kurt grinned at the invitation and hurried to snuggle so close to Blaine that it was hot and difficult to breath. Kurt waited in anticipation and Blaine figured that he'd better ask - the truth was that he was a little curious, but he was afraid that he wouldn't like what Kurt told him.

"I snuck out some strawberries from dessert for you. I know how much you love strawberries," Kurt said and pulled a plastic bag from under his shirt. The berries were a little smushed but it didn't matter because Blaine loved strawberries and he loved that Kurt had cared to bring him some.

Blaine started to eat the fruit and Kurt watched him, obviously waiting for the right moment to get to the core of what had happened over the day.

"What do you mean that the man is your dad?" Blaine finally mumbled and rested his head on Kurt's shoulder. That way he wouldn't be able to see his face when he told him that he would move away from Blaine to live with the man.

"Miss Pillsbury picked me up from school. She took me into her office where the man was waiting for me. They told me that he's my dad," Kurt told quietly, and Blaine knew that he wanted to give him time to get used to the thought.

"But… if you have a dad, why did he sent you here?" Blaine asked, secretly wanting to remind Kurt that there was a time when the man didn't want him.

"He told me that… I had a mom too. When I was born she got very sad so she moved away from my dad. And she took me with her. My dad went looking for me, but he couldn't find me. Then he had to move far, far away. But then when he came back he found me," Kurt explained patiently and Blaine could feel his insides squirming. So the man had still wanted Kurt.

"What about your mom? If you had both a mom and a dad how come you are here?" Blaine tried. It all seemed so strange, something just didn't add up.

"She put me in here, and then she died. I think she knew that she was going to die, so she wanted me to be where people would take care of me, and maybe she couldn't find my dad," Kurt shrugged. It was more of a suggestion than a statement. He wasn't sure what had happened to her either.

"I'm sorry your mom is dead," Blaine said and folded his fingers into Kurt's. He missed his mom a lot, and he didn't want Kurt to feel like that too.

"It's okay. I didn't know her," Kurt said, but Blaine was sure that once again he was just trying to be brave for Blaine, because he knew how sensitive the subject was to him.

They stayed in the fort lying close under the blanket for the rest of the night. They finished the strawberries and Kurt asked Blaine about his performance.

"I really like your hair that way. And your clothes. You look cute," Kurt said and looked away. If Blaine didn't know that Kurt never did he would think he was blushing.

Blaine had completely forgotten everything about his combed hair, and the red bowtie he was still wearing after the show. Now that Kurt had said that he thought it was cute, that _he_ was cute, he wanted to wear it forever.

Miss Pillsbury came to the dormitory and said that she needed to talk to Kurt in her office. Blaine felt a suction in his stomach and without knowing it he took a firm grip around Kurt's wrist.

"I'll be there in a minute," he called out to Miss Pillsbury and they could hear her heels disappearing down the hall before Kurt turned to face Blaine.

"It's okay. I don't know what's gonna happen, but I'm never saying goodbye to you. I promise," Kurt whispered and before Blaine knew it Kurt's lips were pressed against his.

This time he didn't stop straight away, but his lips stayed against Blaine's while he tightened his grip around Kurt's wrist. His lips were soft, and sweet and wet from the strawberries. When he pulled away he was definitely blushing, but his eyes were starry and his lips were as red as his cheeks.

"I'll tell you everything when we're in bed. Don't take up the entire pillow," Kurt whispered and crawled out of the fort, leaving Blaine with his heart roaring like a hurricane in his chest and the taste of strawberry and Kurt filling his lips.

He squeezed his lips hard together and curled up with the blanket over his head. He was afraid that if he let the air dry his lips the kiss would disappear and it would be like it had never had happened. He wanted to keep the feeling on his lips forever.

It didn't take long until a grown-up came in and told him to get ready for bed, so he hurried out to do his things, to make sure that he was ready when Kurt was done with talking to Miss Pillsbury.

He hurried to drag the covers over his head so Kurt would know that he was waiting for him, and then he listened. He listened to the kids crawling into their beds, and the grown-ups telling them to brush their teeth properly or that they couldn't sleep in their dress, but he was only interested in the sound of Kurt's footsteps that he knew so well.

The lights were turned off and the dormitory was silent around him. Now all that was heard was the sound of the older kids walking by in the hall and the grown-ups saying goodbye as they were off their shifts.

"Blaine? Blaine!" Kurt hissed and pushed his arm a little before crawling into his bed. Blaine had dozed off in his concentration of waiting for Kurt and he woke up with a startle.

"Miss Pillsbury told me that the man - my dad - will come here and visit me sometimes. He wants to get to know me, and they think I should get to know him. Do you know what that means?" Kurt spat out. He was so eager that his voice was high pitched and he had a hard time keeping his voice down to not wake up the others or have a grown-up find out that Kurt was in Blaine's bed.

Blaine turned to lie so he better could see Kurt's shining face. He didn't say anything but waited in anticipation for what Kurt was going to say. If Kurt didn't say what he hoped that he was going to say he had no idea what he would do. But Kurt would say that, because Blaine was his best friend. Right?

"If the m… my dad. If he wants to get to know me he will have to get to know you. And then if he likes me I can ask him to let us move to his house," Kurt thrilled and let his arm over Blaine's belly to squeeze him tight.

"Do you think he will like me enough to want me too?" Blaine asked, not sure how a man could want a new son when he already had found the one he had lost so long ago. That wouldn't make any sense.

"Blaine - you're my best friend, I love you - so he will love you! He's my dad," Kurt grinned and let his thumb brush over Blaine's hip, sending chills down his spine and a spinning to his head.

"I hope you're right. I wanna go somewhere new with you. Then we can go on adventure," Blaine chuckled and slapped his hand over his mouth to not make too much noise.

They spent the night talking about how they wanted to go to a real theater together, and they wanted to go see a movie in a real movie theater, and run around in a park to play without having all the other Silverlake kids around them. Kurt fell asleep in the middle of a sentence and Blaine grinned at him. He dared himself to place a kiss on his forehead before he shuffled close to hold around Kurt before he let himself being dragged into sleep as well.


	5. Father To A Unicorn

Blaine was so nervous that he couldn't even tie his own shoes. The laces kept slipping through his fingers and he was getting more frustrated by the minute. Without warning Kurt's fingers pushed his aside and started tying his shoes for him.

"What's wrong?" he asked and let his hand brush over the perfect bow he had just tied on Blaine's sneaker. He got back to his feet and sat on the stool next to Blaine.

"Nothing," Blaine muttered in a weak attempt to pretend that he was fine. Kurt saw right through him though, and he knew that even before he said it. He just didn't want to ruin anything for Kurt, because he knew how special this day was to him.

"Well… I'm just afraid that he won't like me, that's all," Blaine shrugged after he realized that Kurt was only waiting for him to come clean about his thoughts. He sighed and twisted himself so his torso was facing Blaine.

"Now you are being silly. Of course he's gonna like you. In fact; I think he might end up liking you even better than he likes me," Kurt stated with a tone that said "_I__'__m older and therefore wiser_" - but Blaine didn't buy it. In his ears Kurt was talking complete nonsense.

"No one could like me better than you. _I_ like you better than I like me," Blaine said, and Kurt rolled his eyes at him. He would never accept that.

"Just come. He will be here soon," Kurt said and took Blaine's hand so he could lead him out of the room and to Miss Pillsbury's office where they had told to be at one o'clock.

It was the first time Blaine was to go out with Kurt and the man. The man that was Kurt's dad. He had visited Kurt at Silverlake a few times where Blaine had been told to go out and play with the other kids, and Kurt had been out with him once. Now Blaine was to spend time with them for the first time and he was terrified that he was going to mess up in some way so the man would hate him.

When they entered the office the man was already talking to Miss Pillsbury. Kurt was shifting his weight on his feet a few times before he shyly walked over to the man.

"Hey there, kiddo. You've got your friend with you today," the man grinned. Kurt looked to Blaine before he looked down on his shoes for a moment, but eventually he couldn't restrain himself anymore and threw his arms around the man who welcomed him into a warm embrace.

Blaine didn't know how to react, and it only made it harder for him to figure out when they let go off each other and Kurt stayed leaning against the man even as he turned to Blaine.

"So… are you boys ready to go out today?" Miss Pillsbury asked and clapped her hands together. Kurt shot Blaine a broad grin as he started playing with his dad's fingers, and Blaine forced himself to smile back.

Miss Pillsbury told the man that the boys were to be back at 8.30, and that was it. They left her office; Kurt holding his dad's hand in a tight grip and Blaine tracking a few feet behind them. When they were halfway down the hall Kurt stopped and waited for Blaine. As soon as he was on Kurt's side Kurt grabbed his hand with his free one and they proceeded to the man's car.

**xXx**

Blaine had been nervous about what they would be doing, but as they were sitting at a bench in the zoo looking at the kids walking by with their families it didn't feel so bad.

When they left Silverlake the man had buckled them up in the backseat of his car. Blaine had been nervous, but also excited, because he hadn't been in a car since he had been taken to Silverlake when he was 3. After that it had only been the bus to school or field trips. Kurt had smiled at him from his seat. The soft, confirming smile that always eased Blaine's nerves, so he let himself relax.

After a few minutes drive Kurt had asked where they were going. The man had told them that he had planned on taking them to the zoo because he wasn't sure what guys their age would like to do.

They were both thrilled. They had only been to the zoo once, and that had been with Silverlake so they hadn't had much time to look at the different animals because there were so many kids that needed to be looked after.

The man was incredibly patient. He told them about the animals, mostly read out loud what the signs said, and waited for as long as the boys wanted to stay and watch by the different fences and cages.

Kurt didn't let go off Blaine's hand for one second all day and Blaine was relieved because he had been afraid that Kurt would only want to hold his dad's hand.

They spent a long time watching the lions and tigers. Blaine thought they were big and beautiful, but he couldn't stop sneaking gazes at Kurt who was staring open-mouthed with huge eyes at the big cats.

When they reached the polar bears Kurt put his arms around Blaine because he was shaking from the cold. Kurt's dad didn't say anything, but Blaine noticed that he stared at them a lot - but not in the watching way the grown-ups at Silverlake or in school used to do it.

Now they had been through the entire park and was eating sandwiches Kurt's dad had bought for them. Blaine had to admit that he had enjoyed himself a lot, and Kurt's dad was a very nice man. He could easily imagine Kurt and himself packing their stuff into the man's car and drive home with him.

Blaine got to his feet and walked over the little square to throw out the packaging from his food, but on the way back he stumbled and fell face-forward on the gravel.

His knees and palms got scratched and a little blood started showing. He could hear his blood rush in his ears and he desperately sniffed to not start crying, but it was hard because it hurt so much.

Kurt was immediately by his side. He was on his knees and tried to help Blaine up, but before they knew it Kurt's dad was over and lifted him up off the ground.

He carried Blaine over where he sat down on the bench and let Blaine sit on his lap. He rolled his pants up to see how badly his knees were scratched before he grabbed a tissue and soaked with a bottle of water so he could clean the blood off of Blaine's hands and knees.

Kurt was on his side, brushing his hand up and down Blaine's thigh the entire time. Blaine was embarrassed. He had been so proud of himself to not fall down one single time the whole day, but then he messed up and once again made a giant fool of himself.

"Thank you," Blaine sniffed to Kurt's dad who had a firm grip on Blaine's waist so he wouldn't fall down. It felt so comforting to sit there, and it reminded Blaine of when he was younger and had cuddled into his own dad's arm when he was watching sports on TV.

"That's alright, kid. But try taking care of yourself. Can't have you cracking open that nice little head of yours, can we?" Kurt's dad chuckled and Blaine smiled shyly at him.

Kurt moved to lean against his dad so he could rest against him but still hold his hand on Blaine's thigh. It felt good to sit like that; almost as if this was the way things were meant to be.

**xXx**

"Did you like my dad?" Kurt asked eagerly when they were curled up under Blaine's covers at night. He had expected the question and thought about it all afternoon. It was an important question, and he wanted to make sure that he gave the right answer.

"I think that… next time he comes we should just pack up our things and go with him. That would be cool," Blaine said after a short time of thinking.

"I don't know when he will come again, but when he does I can ask him if we can go with him," Kurt beamed, clearly happy and relieved that Blaine liked his dad.

"I'm sorry. For falling down. That was stupid," Blaine apologized with shame flushing back over him. He had felt so lame and idiotic, and he hadn't want to make Kurt embarrassed in front of his dad.

"It's okay. It wasn't your fault. Besides; he likes you," Kurt assured him, and a stone started to dissolve in Blaine's throat. That was good. That way he would want both of them and not just Kurt. Now Blaine was convinced that they could stay together forever, and he didn't have to worry anymore.

They snuggled close and started talking about their day at the zoo. Kurt asked Blaine everything he could think about what Blaine thought about his dad, and they discussed which animals they wanted as pets. Of course they needed all the big cats, but surely they couldn't do without the beautiful peacocks.

"Can you keep a secret?" Blaine asked in a whisper. Naturally he knew that Kurt could keep a secret, Kurt always kept all of his secrets, so he didn't wait for him to answer.

"I want a unicorn. They're beautiful," Blaine whispered. It was stupid. Unicorns weren't real - but he still wanted one.

"One day I will give you a unicorn," Kurt promised without as much as a giggle. He really meant it.

**xXx**

Kurt's dad started to come by more often. He came to see Kurt after school, and he helped them with their homework. He even came to some of their shows with the choir, and Kurt proudly introduced him to the teachers and his classmates.

Every now and then he took them out; every time Blaine got to go with them. He took them to the movies, to museums and to the park. He didn't treat them differently, but acted like Blaine was just as much his son as Kurt, except for when he was to leave.

When he was done saying goodbye to Blaine and Miss Pillsbury he always asked to have a moment alone with Kurt. They hugged and the man promised to come back as quickly as possible.

In the beginning Kurt only called the man Burt, but he slowly started calling him dad instead, and Blaine could feel that the man was very happy about it. In time it started getting harder for Kurt to say goodbye to him. After he had visited a few times Kurt turned sad whenever he left. Sometimes Blaine even thought he saw him cry and he wanted to comfort him, but he was afraid that Kurt didn't want him to know.

Spring had drifted into summer and Silverlake was starting to get ready for their annual summer party. Kurt's dad had promised to come and Kurt was nervous because he was going to sing alone in front of everyone.

Blaine had heard him sing the song lots of times when they were alone, so he was sure that Kurt knew all the words perfectly. He assured him that he wouldn't mess up, and promised to be right in front of him the entire time, so Kurt could pretend that he was singing alone to Blaine.

It went fine, as Blaine had predicted. He stumbled over a few words, but he did a great job and Blaine jumped to his feet to cheer on him. He was so proud, and he just wanted to let Kurt know how amazing his voice was.

The party continued around them as Kurt's dad joined the boys who had retreated to stand on the porch. He complimented Kurt and told him that he was proud of him. Blaine could see Kurt's ears go red, and he felt him strengthen his grip on his hand a bit, so Blaine squeezed back with a grin.

For the entire evening Kurt tagged along with his dad in one hand and Blaine in the other. They waited patiently as he talked to the grown-ups who worked at Silverlake and some of the grown-ups who had come to see the kids. Even some of their teachers had shown up.

Kurt's dad was popular with the other boys because he talked to them about football and baseball, and the girls were fascinated that someone in Silverlake actually already had a dad and wasn't waiting for someone who wanted to be their dad.

When it got late he told Kurt that he needed to talk to Miss Pillsbury, so Blaine and Kurt went to sit on the porch and watch the bonfire. Blaine still didn't like fire, so Kurt always made sure they would stay away and watch it from distance like they had done the first time they talked. They found a blanket and snuggled close together while watching the other kids eating candy or talk to grown-ups.

"I wanna stay like this forever. I like this," Blaine mumbled and tried to suppress a yawn, but it was a lost battle and eventually fatigue took over. Kurt squeezed his hand and moved a little closer so Blaine could rest his head on his shoulder.

"I wanna do that," Kurt responded.

"I like that you combed your hair today. And put the bowtie back on. You're pretty like that," Kurt muttered.

Blaine felt a suction in his stomach and he wanted to look up at Kurt, but he was afraid what would happened if he moved his head, so instead he stayed and closed his eyes so he could listen to the sizzle of the fire and the laughter of children and grown-ups.

It was nearly dark, and Blaine knew that it was only a matter of time before the younger kids would be herded to bed. It was starting to get cold and the sky was a dark purple over their heads. It had been a long and hot day, and Blaine was sure that when he took off his clothes he would find tan lines everywhere. Somehow Kurt was still as pale with a slight pink as he was in the winter, even though they had been in the sun all day. Blaine found that remarkable, and he was sure that it was because Kurt was special.

_I bet Kurt has unicorn blood, _Blaine thought to himself and snickered.

Kurt's dad came over to them and said that he needed to talk to Kurt alone. He was grinning broadly and seemed like he was excited over something. Blaine didn't know why but he didn't like it. Maybe he was just tired?

Kurt muffled his nose into Blaine's hair before he released his hand and walked inside with the man. Blaine tugged the blanket close around him and let a whiff of Kurt's scent fill his nostrils. It only was a few minutes, though, before Miss Pillsbury showed and told Blaine that he was to go with the others and get ready for bed. He objected and said that he was waiting for Kurt, but she said that Kurt would be send to bed as soon as his dad had left, so there was nothing to do; Blaine would be going to bed.

As soon as he was done with washing up Blaine snuck back to the porch. He said that he had forgot something, but in reality he just wanted to wait for Kurt, so he crawled back into the blanket and waited for him.

He didn't have to wait long, because Kurt and his dad came out on the porch and the man said goodnight to Blaine. They walked to the gate together where Blaine could see Kurt hugging his dad goodbye before Kurt returned to the porch. He sat down on the loveseat next to Blaine, but ignored him when he opened the blanket.

They sat staring at the bonfire in silence for what felt like ages. He couldn't say why or what, but Blaine felt like something was wrong. He wanted to ask Kurt what had happened, but he was afraid what he would say, or that he wasn't allowed to ask, so he decided to let Kurt speak if he wanted to.

Mosquitoes were dancing around their heads, and Blaine could feel that he would start to shake if he didn't get inside soon. He wanted to move closer to Kurt, but stayed. For some reason he was paralyzed in his seat.

"I'm moving away. With my dad," Kurt suddenly said in a quiet voice.

Blaine didn't look at him, and he could feel that Kurt didn't look at him either. They were both staring out in the dark filling up the garden. A teenage girl screamed, and Blaine watched her being chased by boys her age. She ran from the bushes towards around the house with screaming giggles and the boys yelling something after her with booming laughter.

"He says that you can't go with us."

Ice filled Blaine's stomach. He still didn't look at Kurt. He wanted to cry and tell him not to leave him, but he couldn't. He opened his mouth but no words came out. It felt like his throat was clogged, and all the candy he had ate was roaming around to find a way to get out.

Blaine got to his feet and ran past Kurt without giving him as much as a glance. He ran as fast as he could and curled up in his bed. He hid his face under the covers, but it wasn't enough so he pulled the pillow over his head as well.

Kurt didn't come to his bed that night


	6. Friends

When Blaine woke up he was confused. Kurt wasn't in his bed like he usually was. It was only 6.30 so it couldn't be because he had already gone to his own bed to avoid problems with the grown-ups.

Then it hit him why Kurt wasn't in his bed. He remembered what had happened the night before. Kurt was moving away. To live with his dad. Without Blaine.

The realization pained like a bee sting in his heart. He turned to lie on the other side, not caring that the sun was sharp in his eyes. He squeezed Simba tight and decided to go back to sleep; maybe he would sleep so long that when he woke up he would be old enough to move with Kurt without the grown-ups telling him that he couldn't.

He drifted in and out of sleep all morning, and around 8.30 they were woken up for breakfast. Blaine hurried to the bathroom to wash up before he could see Kurt. He didn't even spare a glance in the direction of his bed.

"Can I sit with you today?" Blaine asked a small group of boys from his dormitory. They looked a him in surprise because he had never really talked much with them. A blond boy closest to Blaine grinned at his dark haired friends before he moved a little so Blaine could sit down.

The boys ate in silence. It was awkward. Blaine didn't know what to say to the other boys so he kept shut. He was so used to everything coming so natural when he was with Kurt. The blond boy introduced himself as Jeff and the dark haired boys were named Nick and Trent. Of course Blaine already knew that, they had been in the same dormitory for years. But somehow it felt like he was now officially allowed to think of himself as their friend.

Kurt entered the dining hall and looked at Blaine with a pained expression before he sat down on his usual spot. Alone; Blaine's seat empty next to him. He wanted to get up and ask him to come eat with them, but if Kurt rather wanted to move away than to be friends with him he didn't want to force him.

It was the same for the rest of the week. Blaine played with the other boys and found that he enjoyed playing soccer and baseball just as much as he enjoyed singing and building forts with Kurt.

He still couldn't stop himself from stealing glances in Kurt's direction, though, and when he went to sleep at night he laid on the edge of the mattress so there was room for Kurt if he should come to join him.

But he didn't.

**xXx**

The summer break had kicked in and the grown-ups had been taking some of the kids to an open pool in a town an hour and a half away from Lima. The boys spent a lot of time in the garden playing soccer and discussing superheroes. Only when the other boys started talking about girls Blaine got bored - he didn't want to talk about girls. He liked girls, but not the way the others boys talked about them.

One night a few girls had asked Nick if they could play with them and they had said yes. The other boys were a year older than Blaine, except for Trent who was Blaine's age. They didn't really know what to say but after some time they agreed.

They played together all night and Blaine quickly found that one of the girls his age, Tina, was a sweet and fun girl. She was also in the choir at school so she and Blaine started to talk about songs. He found that somehow it was really relaxing to talk to her, and that he didn't have to strive to be cool all the time when he talked to her.

They were talking and laughing really hard at something a girl had done in choir at their last lesson before summer break when a big boy ran by and pushed Blaine into Tina. The boy was 8 and often pushed Blaine and teased him, but Blaine didn't care. But now the boy started yelling that he should kiss Tina and he really didn't want to do that. He liked her, but only because she was nice and liked the same stuff as he did.

Tina nudged him with her shoulder and stood up. Blaine followed her lead and they walked to sit on the stairs of the porch together. It was starting to get dark, but Blaine wanted to stay out of the dormitory for as long as possible to avoid facing Kurt.

"Ha-have you ever k-k-kissed someone?" Tina asked. She had a bad case of stuttering and normally Blaine thought that it was really cute, but now the question was scratching his ears and mind.

"Can you keep a secret?" Blaine asked sheepishly. He really liked her and enjoyed spending time with her; he really wanted to have her as his friend. He would soon need a new best friend after all.

At first she hesitated. Not like she needed to figure out if she could keep his secret safe, but as if to let Blaine be sure that he really trusted her enough to tell her what it was he wanted to share. Then she nodded assuring.

"I have kissed Kurt. Or… Kurt kissed me. Twice," he shared and felt his ears go red. He dragged the sleeves of his sweatshirt down to cover his fingers to occupy them with something.

"Oh… ha-haven't you k-k-kissed any g-g-girls?" Tina asked, but she wasn't surprised that Kurt had kissed him. She wasn't disgusted either.

Blaine shook his head. He knew that if the other boys heard about it they would probably tease him, and he was grateful that Tina had led him to the porch so they didn't have to talk about this close to the others.

"I ne-ne-never kissed a b-boy. O-or a girl. But m-maybe I will so-some d-day," she mumbled and they both fell silent. Blaine was sure that she wouldn't tell anyone his secret, and somehow it was nice to know that he had someone other than Kurt who knew it. Because something inside him was marveling with pride every time he thought about their brief kisses.

**xXx**

Almost two weeks went by where Blaine spent time with the boys or Tina. He only looked at Kurt every now and then, but tried not to because it made him sad. Kurt wasn't playing with the other kids. Sometimes he would eat with some of the girls who was a little older than him, but mostly he kept to himself and Blaine didn't like that.

A Tuesday evening it was raining so they were staying inside. Blaine had curled up on a beanbag in a corner with a stack of comic books while the others were watching a movie or played elsewhere.

"Don't you wanna be my friend anymore?" Kurt's soft voice asked and dragged Blaine roughly out of his bubble of peace. He had been so absorbed in the story that he hadn't noticed Kurt coming over.

"You're the one moving away. You're the one breaking our pact," Blaine spat out, but regretted his tone when he saw the look on Kurt's face.

"I don't wanna go without you, Blaine" Kurt mumbled and his voice turned weak. Blaine stared into his book to not let Kurt's pretty face distract him from being angry at him. He knew that if he looked at him he wouldn't be able to be mad - it was like looking straight at the sun.

Kurt kept standing there staring at him, and eventually it got too hard. Blaine grabbed his comic books and headed for the dormitory. He walked straight past Kurt without seeing him and nearly walked into the doorframe instead of through the door.

He was glad that he was already in his pajamas and crawled directly under the covers. His face was completely hidden, but he could still hear the sound of Kurt's bare feet on the linoleum floor when he came into the room.

"I don't want to. Not without you," he tried again, and his voice was reduced to a mere whimper. An excruciating whimper piercing into his heart. Blaine couldn't hold it anymore so he sat up and watched Kurt flung himself into his arms without warning.

"Blaine, you're my best friend. You will always be my best friend," Kurt cried into Blaine's neck. Now Blaine was crying too and he was squeezing Kurt tighter than he thought he even could, but he didn't want to let him go. Ever.

"You're my best friend too, Kurt. Please don't leave me here," he wailed into Kurt's shoulder and felt Kurt's fingers dig into his back.

They stayed like that for a long time. So long that they almost couldn't let go of each other because their arms and hands wouldn't move. In the end they were both yawning and they knew that it was only a matter of time before they were told to go to bed, so they hurried to let the comic books on the floor so they could both hurry under Blaine's sheets.

"I will write to you every day. And I am sure that I can call you as well. And then I will beg my dad to let you come live with us. I'm sure he will let you," Kurt assured Blaine in a whisper.

Blaine was lying on his back, and Kurt was on his side with both of his arms tightly twisted around Blaine's one arm. That way no one could separate them. He still didn't like that Kurt was moving, but maybe he was right and his dad would quickly let Blaine move in with them. When he saw how much Kurt missed Blaine


	7. See You Later

Blaine and Kurt were back to being inseparable, but now even more than ever. The grown-ups let them and Blaine nearly forgot that they had been fighting. Kurt was back to holding his hand, sleeping in his bed and being with him all the time. That was all that mattered. That was all he needed.

"Kurt, I need you to come into my office. You'll come back to Blaine in a minute, I just have something to tell you," Miss Pillsbury said one day.

Blaine and Kurt had been lying on a blanket on the grass, looking at the boys playing softball against the girls. They had been offered to join and Blaine wanted to, but when Kurt said that he didn't feel like it Blaine said no too. He would much rather spend time with Kurt than do anything else.

"Oh… okay," Kurt mumbled and sent an apologetic glance at Blaine. Kurt hurried to squeeze his hand and get to his feet.

"I'll be back quickly. I promise," Kurt assured him before he turned around and followed Miss Pillsbury inside.

Blaine wanted to ask if he could come, but he already knew that he couldn't. If he had could she would have already told both of them to come, and not just Kurt. It made him nervous.

He sat up and curled his arms around his waist. He let his chin rest on his knee and watched as Tina threw one of the other girls a high five after having run around the field. She grinned at him and waved, and Blaine waved back, forcing a smile to send her cross his face.

It felt like Kurt was gone an awful long time. Clouds kept drifting over to cover up the sun and he constantly switched from hot to cold. The other kids were laughing and screaming at each other because of the game and he couldn't help noticing how happy and careless they all seemed. He missed the time when he was careless, when he didn't worry every time the grown-ups talked to Kurt.

After he had been sitting alone for some time Jeff asked him if he wanted to join them. It didn't seem like Kurt was coming back any time soon so he shrugged and accepted the invitation. He might as well try to have some fun while he was waiting anyway.

It was fun. He was better than he thought and the boys were impressed. The girls whined and giggled as they watch him run around on the field. He only fell down once, which was a great accomplishment to Blaine. He was so ashamed of how clumsy he always was and how he always ended up on his ass when he was just trying to have fun.

He was in the middle of the crowd of boys, laughing and cheering when his name was called. He looked towards the door and saw Miss Pillsbury looking across the lawn. He didn't know why but a chill ran through him. He felt uneasy, but hurried over to her anyway.

She led him through the big house and down the hall on the first floor. She didn't say anything, but he instinctively knew that they were going to her office. And he was right.

When they entered the office Kurt was sitting in his dad's lap with his face hidden against his chest. The second Miss Pillsbury closed the door behind them Kurt looked up and jumped to the floor to throw his arms around Blaine.

It wasn't until then that Blaine could feel that Kurt's cheek was wet against his neck. Blaine let his arms hold as strongly as possible, so strongly that he started shaking and Kurt's breathing turned unsteady.

"Boys you will have to sit down," Miss Pillsbury said sweetly, and Blaine reluctantly released his grip around his best friend. Kurt rushed to grab his hand and they walked to sit on the chairs next to Kurt's dad.

They stared at the lady in front of them, and Blaine could feel that Kurt knew why he had been called in, and he could already feel that this was something he wasn't going to like. Something was wrong, and Blaine was starting to feel scared.

Blaine tightened around Kurt's hand in his own. He looked at Kurt, but Kurt didn't return his glance, he merely stared down on Miss Pillsbury's desk in front of them. He was scared too.

"So… we know that you boys have known for a while that Kurt would be moving out to live with his dad. And so this is now. Kurt's dad has come to take him home. We know that you will miss each other a lot, but Kurt's dad has promised to make sure that you can write each other, and maybe Blaine can come out to visit some day," Miss Pillsbury beamed and clapped her hands together.

She clearly didn't know what a tragedy this was. Blaine was sure he was going to throw up. His stomach curled up and his head felt heavy. Without even knowing it he had released Kurt's hand. His palm was sweaty and his throat was clogged. He had forgotten how to breathe and he was afraid to stand up, but on the other hand he didn't feel like he could stay either.

Kurt was leaving him and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Guys, I want you to know that this is not because I wanna split you up. I like you, Blaine, you can come visit. I'm sure we can figure something out. For now I think we should go get Kurt's things packed up," Kurt's dad said, and Blaine didn't know what to do, so he simply nodded and looked at his hands.

He could feel the grown-ups looking at them, staring at them, probably waiting for Blaine to say or do something. But he didn't. He didn't have anything to say or do. He was in shock. Paralyzed. Scared.

"Alright. Let's go do that then," Miss Pillsbury said after a moment of silence. She got up from her chair, and everyone knew that they should follow her.

Blaine followed with heavy steps to the dormitory. He watched as they packed Kurt's things into a suitcase that looked brand new. His clothes, his books, his hairbrush, the picture of him and Blaine from his nightstand. All of it was gone.

Blaine didn't do anything. He sat on his bed staring down in the floor. He heard as they closed up the suitcase and Kurt was sniffing.

"Remember; this isn't goodbye. This is just a see-you-later, okay, kid?" Blaine heard Kurt's dad say, and then he heard footsteps and the dormitory door close. A cold spread through Blaine and he wanted to look up; to see Kurt's bed deserted, and all of his things gone, but he couldn't make himself do it.

Soft footsteps were heard over the linoleum floor. Even though the window was open and Blaine still could hear the screaming, laughing and whining from the kids in the backyard it was like the footsteps were a booming in his ears, when in reality they were nearly inaudible.

"I want you to have this, Blaine. So you don't forget me," Kurt's voice sounded weakly. He was standing in front of Blaine now, so he looked up. Kurt's eyes were red and his cheeks were wet. Blaine looked down and saw that Kurt was holding out his penguin to him.

"But it's your penguin -" Blaine objected confounded. It was Kurt's most treasured item, he couldn't accept that.

Kurt sat down on the bed next to him, and Blaine immediately grabbed his hand.

"I want you to take it. I can have it back some other day. It's just so you can borrow it, so you won't feel so alone at night. You can give it back to me when you come to move in with me in my dad's house," Kurt said. He tried to make it sound like it was no big deal, but Blaine knew that it meant everything to him.

"My dad says that we shouldn't say goodbye. Just… I'll see you later," Kurt mumbled, and Blaine could hear that he was trying to keep his tears back.

It didn't matter though. Tears were streaming down Blaine's cheeks as he reached his free hand over to accept the penguin. It was alright; just for borrowing. That way he was sure to see Kurt again, because he couldn't live without his penguin forever. That was a comfort.

Blaine made a snap decision. It wasn't even a decision, he just did it. He didn't think about it, but simply turned his head and let his lips clasp against Kurt's. He was so eager that their teeth nearly clattered against each other, but Kurt didn't object. He squeezed Blaine's hand and let their lips stay softly against each other.

"I won't forget you. I can't forget my best friend. I love you, Kurt -" Blaine cried when he moved away.

The door opened and Miss Pillsbury peeked in her head. She said that Kurt had to leave so they had to say goodbye now. That they had a long drive in front of them.

Kurt stood back on the floor and locked his arms around Blaine who returned his embrace instantly.

"I'll never say goodbye to you," Kurt cried in his ear and squeezed him so tight that Blaine thought that his chest was about to break open. Or maybe that was because it hurt so much to know that when Kurt walked out that door in a minute he would leave and be so far away that Blaine couldn't just get him back.

Miss Pillsbury came over and pulled them gently apart. Apparently she knew that Blaine wasn't planning on letting go. Ever. She led Kurt out of the dormitory and then Blaine was left to himself. All alone


	8. Letters

The first week was hard. Unbearable. Blaine couldn't fall asleep. He buried his face under his sheets with Simba and Kurt's penguin clenched to his chest while he cried. He felt lonely and scared. It was like he would never be happy again.

He kept to himself. Even when everyone was playing outside he stayed in the dormitory. He laid on his bed and smelled the scent of Kurt in from his sheets and the penguin. That was all he had left of him.

Only after three days he had left, Blaine got a letter from Kurt. It held pictures of his room, of the house he had moved to and a picture of Kurt with a brown cat. It made Blaine cry even more, but he was happy to see Kurt's face again.

In the letter Kurt told him about his new house, about his room and that he had his picture of them together on his nightstand. He told about the cat that his dad had got him. He had wanted to call it Simba, but it was a girl, so he had to call it Nala instead.

Every other line was the same:

"_I miss you, Blaine_"

It was a comfort. Kurt had all these new amazing things, and so many new things was happening around him, but he still hadn't forgot about him.

Blaine wrote back. He didn't have much to say besides that he missed him too. He felt foolish for not writing a long letter back, but he didn't want to tell Kurt how much he cried over him. He didn't want to make him sad now that he was so happy.

It got easier now that he got letters from Kurt. The second he got a letter he hurried to sit down and read it so he could send one back. They told each other about what their days were like and Blaine sent pictures of himself with Tina, pictures of stuff he did and of the pictures Kurt had sent him hanging over his bed.

Blaine started to be with Tina every day. They ate together, played together and spent most of their time together, and after some time it was mostly at night Blaine cried. Tina didn't join him in his bed as Kurt always did, and he didn't want her to. It was Kurt's spot, and if Kurt didn't sleep there he didn't want anyone else to sleep there.

She comforted him when he missed Kurt. She joined him when he was reading instead of watching movies, and she helped him when he needed it. She even stood up for him to the older boy who always teased him.

**xXx**

Kurt didn't call him. It didn't mean that much though, because the exchange of their letters were so frequent that it nearly felt like they talked. But Blaine missed his voice.

Every time Blaine sat down to write back he wanted to ask if Kurt had convinced his dad to let him move in with them, but he didn't dare writing it. He didn't want to make Kurt feel that he should do it for him if he didn't want it anymore, or if his dad had said no and Kurt was afraid to tell him.

So he accepted that this was how the things were and was happy about the letters and the pictures Kurt sent him. On his 8th birthday Kurt sent him a purple bowtie and Blaine decided to never stop wearing it.

When he had a solo for the choir's concerts a grown-up would film it and they would send the video to Kurt, and he did the same. It was nice, and that way he could remind himself that each time he stepped onto the stage he should make it better than best so he could make Kurt proud of him.

It nearly felt okay again. Blaine hung out with the boys almost as much as he hung out with Tina. He played sports with them and started doing all the things he never did with Kurt because Kurt didn't like it. Each time he tried something new he hurried to write it out so he could tell Kurt all about it.

But suddenly something happened; Kurt stopped answering his letters.

Blaine wrote out a letter as reply to Kurt's and sent it out, but nothing came back. He waited two days, three day, four days, but nothing came back. After a week Miss Pillsbury suggested that he wrote a new letter.

"Maybe it disappeared in the mail," she said, and Blaine hoped that she was right. He sat down and wrote a new letter. This time he made it better than the last and he decorated it as good as possible with Kurt's favorite colors, and added pictures from what he had been doing over the week. First thing next day he made sure Miss Pillsbury got the letter so she could send it out.

Nothing came back.

Blaine was miserable. He didn't understand why Kurt didn't send him anything back. He had kept writing how much he missed him, and he had sounded so happy in his letters. What could have happened that made Kurt not want to write him back?

"Maybe he's busy," Tina suggested softly, hoping that Blaine would see it as a probable explanation. He decided that it might be true, and tried to keep his fears away.

But after two weeks he still didn't hear anything. There was nothing.

He started to keep to himself again. Tina faithfully sat down next to him in the dining hall, sat next to him in the TV room and when he sat down alone while the other kids were playing and having fun. At the beginning she suggested different stuff they could do, but when Blaine kept declining her ideas she stopped saying anything. She merely stayed silent next to him while he was sad


	9. And Then

**12 Years Later**

After not having heard anything from Kurt for 6 months Blaine slowly started to face that he never would again. One day he sat down and packed all of his memories of Kurt into a box and hid it under his bed. He didn't want to have them in his face anymore, it was too hard. Yet, he still couldn't bring himself to simply throw it away, it was too precious to him.

Blaine never got adopted. He stayed at Silverlake until he turned 18 and then he moved out. He and Tina moved to New York together. Tina wanted to dance and Blaine wanted to sing, and they decided that the best place to go for that would be New York. Tina had met a boy in high school that she had been in a relationship with for 3 years so he moved with them.

Now Blaine, Tina and her boyfriend Mike were living together in a small apartment in New York. Blaine was working in a pub, and on the side he had occasional jobs of singing and playing piano at restaurants and cafes.

Tina and Mike attended a dance academy and to finance that they both had dancing jobs at different events, local TV commercials and on the side Mike worked in a sports equipment store while Tina worked at the pub with Blaine.

The lack of interest Blaine had in girls as a kid continued, and when he was 12 he confided in Tina that he was gay. She said that she already knew that and he wasn't surprised. They kept his secret for 5 years where he didn't have a boyfriend or even was with anyone. He didn't think that his identity consisting of being the orphanage gay kid would be a great way to go through high school.

When they moved to New York it didn't last long until they became a part of a group of artists who always hung out together. There were dancers, actors and musicians, even some painters and photographers.

They celebrated Mike's 20th birthday party wildly. A crazy party was held at some of their friends' apartment and everyone was drunk. Blaine had quickly found that when he was drinking he either pushed away the fear of being abandoned completely and became reckless and carefree, or the fear of being alone overtook every part of his body.

That night he wasn't sure which one it was because he had been so drunk that he didn't remember a thing. All he knew was that he didn't wake up in his own bed the next day. He wasn't at the apartment of the party either, but somewhere he had never been before. Fortunately he was wearing clothes.

A stranger had entered the room and the night started to come back to him in short images. The couple who had held the party had invited a couple of their own friends as well, and Blaine had been talking to one guy in particular all night.

The guy had kissed him. At first Blaine panicked. He had never kissed anyone before. Except for Kurt. It was strange and he was embarrassed that he reacted so strongly, but he was drunk, and before he knew it he had crashed his lips against the guy's, and they had been together all night.

The stranger sat down on the bed next to Blaine, making sure to keep a respectable distance. He was pretty with dark hair and blue eyes. He offered Blaine a bottle of water for his headache and assured him that nothing had happened between them. They had come to his place, gone to bed and kissed until they fell asleep. Mike and Tina had left the party early and the stranger didn't want to let Blaine go home alone when he was as drunk as he was.

The stranger's name was Sebastian. They didn't exchange numbers or plan to see each other again when Blaine left, but after a month he turned up at a café where Blaine was playing. He had watched him from the bar and when Blaine was finished they had a beer together. They started seeing each other regularly and one day they were simply a couple.

Blaine felt loved. He was happy to have someone to hold his hand when he walked down the street, someone who would hold him in the night and someone who showed up when he needed to share something good or bad with someone.

Sebastian was mature and experienced in life. He constantly surprised Blaine with something he had tried, or with stuff they could do together. Sebastian's dad was a big shot in local politics and they didn't need any money. If there was anything Sebastian needed his dad would get it for him. Sebastian himself worked as a journalist on the culture pages of New York Times.

He often wanted to take Blaine to plays or concerts or other stuff he was doing for his job. He offered to get him backstage and said that it would be a good way for him to make contacts in the music industry but Blaine always said no.

It wasn't that he didn't want to have any help, he just didn't want to achieve anything through short-cuts; if he achieved anything that way he wouldn't feel that he had properly earned it. He wanted to work hard for it himself, and Sebastian promised to let him control his music career without interfering.

But no matter how often Sebastian surprised him, held him at night or proudly introduced him as his boyfriend to friends or co-workers Blaine still had his secrets.

He felt guilty. He didn't like holding things back from Sebastian and he felt like he was lying to him, but there was stuff he didn't tell him. He kept telling himself that he would do it, but somehow the time never seemed right.

"Are you sure about Sebastian?" Tina asked every now and then when they were hanging out alone and she could feel that something was bothering him. Like when he had spent the night with Sebastian and woken up in the middle of the night, but hid in the bathroom crying because he didn't want to tell Sebastian about his nightmares of fire and flames or people leaving him one way or the other.

"Sure. I really care about him," Blaine would always assure her, and he was honest. Sebastian meant more to him than he could say and he was scared to death that one day Sebastian would find someone who wasn't as damaged as him.

"But… do you love him?" She asked, and Blaine would feel a ball of ice in his stomach. He knew that Sebastian loved him. He didn't have a doubt about that. He had heard him tell his mom over the phone one day when he thought Blaine was asleep, but he had never told Blaine directly. Blaine suspected that it was because he knew that it would only be awkward because Blaine wouldn't be able to say it back.

"What does love mean anyway? It's just a stupid word," Blaine stammered and the conversation would be over.

He wanted so badly to love Sebastian. He had tried convincing himself over and over again that he loved him, and when he woke up in the middle of the night with Sebastian's arms around him he would cry himself back to sleep because he couldn't love him, and when Sebastian looked at him in the morning Blaine would avoid his eyes to prevent himself from apologizing.

It wasn't that Blaine didn't believe in love - the thing was that he was sure that love wasn't for him.

He loved Tina and Mike - and their friends. But deep down he was certain that he wasn't capable of loving a person in a romantic way. He didn't know if it was because he was too scared, or if he was simply wrongly programmed from nature's hand, all he knew was that he had never felt _that _feeling.

**xXx**

Blaine woke up from Sebastian placing a kiss on his naked shoulder. His fingertips were cold through the fabric of his tank top as he ran his fingers up and down Blaine's ribs, but he couldn't help smiling as he turned around to find his boyfriend staring at him.

"I have to leave. Busy day at the office," Sebastian said apologetically. Blaine could see that he had been awake for a long time, because his eyes were clear and aware, not the same blur they were when he had just woken up.

"But I don't have to go to work for the next three hours, why did you wake me?" Blaine mumbled, but already knew the answer. It was the same Sebastian always said when he woke up Blaine before his alarm was to go off.

"I couldn't leave without kissing my boyfriend, could I?" A crooked smile flashed over his face, and Blaine couldn't help smiling back.

It was nice though. He had never said anything about it, but whenever he went to sleep next to Sebastian there was always a fear inside of him that he would wake up and find the bed empty next to him. It wasn't that he didn't trust Sebastian, because he did - Sebastian made him feel appreciated. It was more that he was afraid of being alone, afraid that all the people he cared about would leave him.

"And then I was hoping you would join me for a shower before I leave? Because I miss feeling your body," Sebastian crooned and moved so close to Blaine that he nearly was on top of him.

Blaine let his lips meet Sebastian's, making him smile a little before he feigned a pout, and disappointment filled Sebastian's face. Blaine locked his arms around him to place a few kisses down his jaw in apology, guilt welling in over him.

He knew that Sebastian was eager to have them shower together, he had always been - but Blaine just didn't feel like it. Showers were a place to be alone, and he didn't like the thought of being naked in front of anyone. Not even his boyfriend. It was too private.

"Alright. Guess I'll have to shower alone. But I'm never gonna stop asking," Sebastian muttered through a peck to Blaine's lips.

"I'm sorry," Blaine apologized, feeling bad about turning him down again.

"That's okay, babe. Maybe someday I'll convince you," Sebastian said assuring before he squeezed Blaine's thigh lightly and got to his feet. He left for the bathroom and Blaine turned around to curl up under the sheets with a feeling of being unfair.

When Sebastian left for work Blaine gathered his stuff and headed for his own place. He changed into his work clothes and went through his mail before he left to go to the pub.

When he arrived not many people were there. It was a casual Thursday, and Blaine dashed around behind the bar singing lightly while chatting with his co-worker, Martin.

Around 5 o'clock people started slowly pouring into the pub, and before they knew it they were busy. Tina showed up for work at 5.30 and the pub was nearly full.

Those were the days Blaine liked best; the ones where there were so many people that he didn't have time to linger around. When the pub was nearly empty he felt useless and he started dreaming instead.

"Blaine, will you take that group over there?" Martin said and pushed Blaine away as he headed for a couple who was waiting at the end of the bar.

Blaine looked in the direction of the group Martin had sent him to and he accepted. Halfway through the room he stopped. It was a group of a short girl with dark hair, a blonde girl, a tall dark haired boy and a pale boy with light brown hair. They were all laughing and clearly absorbed in conversation - but Blaine couldn't help feeling that he had seen the pale boy before.

He got to the table and asked for their orders. He kept his eyes locked in his notepad as he wrote down what they asked for, afraid that if he looked up he was going to stare at the pale stranger. He hurried to scribble down his notes and promised to have their drinks sent over as soon as possible.

When he returned to the bar he decided that he'd better send someone else to their table with their drinks so he wouldn't trip on the way. He couldn't help a chill creeping down his spine from the feeling that he had seen the boy before.

"Someone's asking for you at the bar," Martin yelled at Blaine when he was out to get ice. That was strange, no one ever came to the pub when he was at work be cause he well… was at work.

He hurried to fill the ice bucket and placed it under the bar. Martin was by the bottles mixing drinks and pointed at the other end of the bar. Where the pale boy was sitting, looking around as if he was nervous.

"Did he say who he was? I've never seen him before," Blaine lied. Or was it a lie? He wasn't sure anymore.

_What does he want? _Blaine thought and bit his lower lip. He sighed and hoped for it to go well before he walked towards the boy waiting for him.

"Blaine? So… it's really you?" The boy burst out as soon as he saw Blaine coming closer.

Kurt. It was definitely Kurt. The voice, the eyes, the hair - it was all him. And his smile. Especially his smile.

"Yeah. It's me…" Blaine said baffled, not sure what to say or do.

A part of him wanted to fling himself into Kurt's arms, but there was also a part of him that wanted to scream at him, tell him to get the fuck out, ask him why he left him - and then finally there was the part that wanted to break down and cry without giving a shit about the buzzing of people around them.

"Wow. I did not expect this. What are you… how are you? I haven't seen you in -" Kurt started babbling, clearly as confused as Blaine was himself.

"12 years I think," Blaine ended his sentence.

His whole brain was cramping and crying. He had no idea what to say or do. The situation had thrown him off his feet, and he was scared to death, but still wanted to jump into it headfirst.

"I - I'm sorry. You're at work. Do you wanna… I don't know - do you maybe wanna catch up when you get off?" Kurt asked shyly. It was like he wasn't sure he was allowed to make such a proposition, but Blaine had to stop himself to not agree way too fast and eagerly.

"Sure. I could - we could do that. I get off at 7. Could you - I mean do you - I… I'm sorry," Blaine stammered, afraid that his face was turning red from how ridiculously unconfident he appeared. He was.

"Yeah. 7. That's fine," Kurt agreed and nodded. He looked up and down Blaine's frame and smiled before he turned on the barstool and returned to his friends.

_Wow. Time was good to him_, Blaine thought as he watched Kurt disappear in the crowd of people taking up the room. He turned around and saw Tina staring at him from the other end.

"Was that…." she whispered as she rushed by him to get a tray.

"Kurt… that was… Kurt," Blaine said and realized that he was smiling.

Tina stared at him like he had fallen from the sky, and Blaine wished that he could guess what was going on in her head, because he knew her well enough to know that the expression currently occupying her face meant that a billion thoughts were streaming around her brain 1000 miles per hour.

Blaine worked his ass off for the rest of his shift. He was so eager to get off so he could meet Kurt again that he worked twice as hard as usual.

"Uhm… Blaine - do you have a minute?" Kurt's voice sounded behind him and he froze. It was 6.30 and he was about to get ready to let his co-worker take over for him.

He turned around and Kurt was staring at him with big, apologetic eyes.

"I'm so sorry. Something happened, I have to go to work. Can we… I really wanna see you again. Can we find another day? Next week or something?" Kurt asked, sounding genuinely sorry.

Blaine's mood was trashed. He said that it was okay and they planned to meet again the following Monday. Kurt said that he would just come by the pub when Blaine was off work. He apologized one more time before he left with his group of friends, locking his arm with dark haired girl who was grinning broadly at him.


	10. For The Best

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Tina asked as she threw Blaine the sweater vest from his bag. He had told Kurt that he was off work half an hour later than he actually was so he would have time to change out of his work clothes before meeting with him.

Blaine pulled the vest over his head and made sure it fit properly over his shirt. He fastened his favorite bowtie around his neck and checked his hair in the mirror one more time before turning to face Tina.

"Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" He asked her with his arms crossed over his chest to not let her see how nervous he was. He knew why she didn't think it was a good idea - she had been bugging him about it since Kurt had shown up in he pub.

After he and Tina had got off work the day he and Kurt had agreed to meet, Blaine had told her about their short talk and how they had planned to meet. He had been ecstatic and excited but still confused and baffled by the surprise.

Tina hadn't said much during his story of what had happened, but stayed silent and observed him talk. When he was done rambling on about it he had felt that she wasn't as excited as he was. She had been happy for him, but as he continued his excitement over the week he had felt that she was worried. Now they were in the bathroom of the pub and he was getting ready to meet Kurt again.

"You know why, Blaine. You may just have been kids, but when he moved away you were really hurt. I could feel it in you for over a year," Tina said nervously.

"Yeah, but… like you said; we were just kids. That was 12 years ago. We're just gonna catch up. It's not like I'm expecting us to go back to being best friends again," Blaine defended himself and rolled his eyes at her, unsure whether it was because he really thought it couldn't do any harm, or if he was so uncertain about the situation that he wanted to cover it up.

He made sure his hair was combed finely, and he put on his own shoes instead of the ones he wore for work. There was no way he would wear his own shoes for work when they could so easily be ruined by different kinds of beverages being spilled all the time.

He checked his watch and saw that there was 7 minutes left until he was supposed to meet Kurt at the bar. He headed for the door but Tina stopped him by putting a hand on his arm a little firmer than usual.

"Did you tell Sebastian about this?" She asked him, and Blaine felt his throat tie up.

_Why would she ask that now? _He thought with freezing blood.

He didn't look at her, but pretended to be extremely interested in something on the door in front of him, but clearly not convincing her.

"You never told him about Kurt, did you? About what he meant to you," she inquired softly.

She wasn't judging, and Blaine knew that she wasn't trying to make him feel guilty - but he did. He felt awfully guilty. He wanted to tell her that he had told Sebastian everything about himself because there wasn't really anything to tell.

That was what he had told himself all of his life. He had grown up in an orphanage in Lima, Ohio, found out he was gay, went through high school like everyone else and moved to New York with his friends so they could chase their dreams. End of story.

Only it wasn't. There was bits and parts of his life that he hadn't told anyone. Parts about how his family had died in flames, how he had been best friends with a boy that became his entire world, how this boy had left him so he could go live with his dad and how Blaine had cried himself to sleep from missing that boy for almost a year.

How he still he remembered the way the boy had kissed him in the rain while they had been looking for a cat in the bushes, or how he sometimes still had nightmares where he was back to being a child and watched the boy leave him while he was locked to his bed in the orphanage dormitory and he couldn't do anything but cry and scream for his friend not to leave him.

"There's nothing to tell. Kurt and I were friends and he moved away, that's all," Blaine shrugged without facing Tina, but he could feel the burning of her eyes on his face.

However, she stroke her thumb over his arm a few times before she released her grip and let him leave the bathroom with his head spinning and his mouth dry.

**xXx**

When Blaine entered the apartment Tina and Mike were curled up on the couch watching American Idol. He let his bag dump to the dining table and fell down at the end of the couch receiving glances from Tina and Mike.

"So… how did your… thing… with Kurt go?" Tina asked and sat up to get a proper look at him. As soon as she saw the expression on his face her own mood dropped as well.

"He… didn't show. He never came. I waited for an hour, but he didn't come, so I got a few drinks with Martin instead." Blaine shrugged and felt his eyes roll. He probably had a few more drinks than he should have.

"I'm sor -" Tina started but was caught off.

"I'm gonna go to bed," Blaine declared and got to his feet. He grabbed his bag and headed for his room where he closed the door a little more forceful than he intended to and plunked face forward on the bed.

He didn't know why it mattered so much. Like he had told Tina; it wasn't like he was expecting them to go back to being best friends by the end of the night or anything. They were just supposed to catch up.

_He__'__s probably changed and leading a great life. It__'__s lame. I__'__ll never see him again so it__'__s no big deal, _Blaine thought and groaned into his pillow before he turned to lie on his back.

There was a light knock on the door and Tina stuck in her head. He nodded at her to show her that it was okay and she came in to lie on the bed next to him. She laid down to look at the ceiling the way he did it and sighed heavily.

"You're really upset about this, aren't you?"

"No I'm not, I don't care. He can just go and hide in a -" Blaine started to object snarky but regretted halfway there. Tina knew him better than anyone and she would see right through him - she already had seen right through him.

"Okay, I'm sort of upset. Why didn't he come?" Blaine moaned a bit more whiny than he wanted and turned to face her.

"I don't know. Maybe he's turned into a jerk and forgot all about it, or maybe something happened like last week," Tina suggested.

Blaine was sure that she was debating whether to encourage him to keep on thinking of Kurt as a good person, or if she should encourage him to think that Kurt had turned into an idiot and he was better off without getting to know him like that.

Blaine's phone vibrated but he didn't even bother to reach for it. It was just a text. Tina smiled warmly at him and brushed a hand maternally over his cheek. He liked when she did that; it made him feel safe.

"Maybe you should just go to sleep. One more drink and you'd be pissed drunk," Tina cooed and yawned.

His phone vibrated again. One more text. Someone sure was interested in getting a hold of him considering it was nearly 11 on a Monday night.

"Yeah, I probably should," Blaine yawned and hugged Tina before she got to her feet. She staggered towards the door on sleepy feet, but turned before she opened to leave.

"I'm sorry he didn't come. I think it might be for the best. G'night," she said and left his room.

Blaine groaned loudly into the room again when he heard them turn off the TV and retreat to their own room. He started stripping off his clothes and headed for the bathroom to brush his teeth.

He only got to turn off the lights and fall to his pillow before his phone vibrated again. This time it kept vibrating and he remembered that he had turned off the sound while drinking with Martin because he didn't want to talk to anyone. He sighed and grabbed for it to answer the call.

"_Hey gorgeous. Are you asleep already?__"_Sebastian's voice sounded from the other end.

Ugh, he didn't want to talk to Sebastian right now. He just wanted to be alone and feel his self-pity burn in his brain, and sleep off the drinks.

"Almost," Blaine merely answered, not sure what to say without hurting his boyfriend's feelings.

"_Are you drunk, babe?__"_Sebastian asked.

_Dammit. How does he always know?_

"No. I'm not drunk. I had a few drinks that's all," Blaine objected. He rubbed his eyes and hoped that Sebastian would take his lazy voice as a hint that he needed to sleep.

"_Aww, and you didn__'__t think to invite me? I was just stuck in the office, left to miss you,__"_Sebastian whined exaggeratedly.

Because this was exactly what Blaine needed. As if he didn't feel guilty enough for having planned to meet with another guy without telling Sebastian about it, now he was also cute and sweet.

"_I was actually calling to ask you if you wanted me to sleep over tonight? I miss you a lot and I just wanna sleep next to you.__"_

Blaine's insides started turning, and he couldn't decide if he felt sick because of the too-many-drinks or because of himself. There was no way he could look Sebastian in the eyes right now.

"I… I don't feel so good. Can we do it tomorrow? Or something?" Blaine asked awkwardly, a wish to kick himself spreading from his brain through his body.

"_Are you sure? If you__'__re sick I can take care of you, baby. It__'__s alright,__"_Sebastian said, now sounding cautious and worried.

"I just need some sleep that's all. Thanks, honey," Blaine said thickly. He turned to lie on his front and nearly dropped the phone as he heard the heavy silence spread through the phone.

"_Okay. Just call me if you need anything. It__'__s no problem. But__…__ get some sleep. I really miss you, Blaine,__"_Sebastian crooned through the phone and hummed lightly into the receiver.

"I will. Thanks. I just… goodnight, okay," Blaine said and they both hung up.

And now he was ready to either throw up, cry or jump out of the window.

Sebastian had clearly been hurt that he didn't want to have him come over, and even more hurt that he didn't want him to take care of him if he was sick. Only thing in the world Blaine found worse than hurting Sebastian's feeling over the phone was to hurt his feelings to his face. At least now he hadn't seen his eyes fill with disappointment - only heard it in his voice


	11. Don't Leave Me

**A/N: Please don't leave for this chapter - it might seem irrelevant, but I _promise_ that it is very significant to paint a picture of the person Blaine is and what his past has done to him, so please have patience. I promise I have good stuff waiting for you. And so far, thank you so much for reading and for all the amazing reviews. Keep the coming, without you I wouldn't be sharing my brain.  
**

* * *

The next day Blaine was playing at a fancy restaurant all night. He was set to play for a few hours which he was happy about. That way he wouldn't have time to think about his failure of a meeting the previous night.

He had played in the restaurant a few times a month over the past year, and now they had started to ask him to come more often which he saw as a great opportunity. The job paid good and a lot of high society people were regulars. Either it would be a possibility of him being heard by someone who had a pull somewhere, or he would be heard by people who could give him small jobs other places. All he really wanted was to sing.

By the end of the night he came home to play video games with Mike before he fell asleep on the couch. Tina woke him up to make him go to bed and the apartment was dark around them. At first he didn't recognize where he was, but when he slowly came to his senses he felt an unease he didn't know he had loosen.

He sat up and threw his arms around Tina. He held her strongly into him for a long time, clenching her to his chest, while she slowly stroke up and down his back.

"Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?" She asked him quietly as she pulled away to get a look at his face.

He didn't respond. He simply shook his head and went to his bedroom, leaving Tina in the dark living room by herself.

**xXx**

When Friday came Blaine had convinced himself that he wouldn't see Kurt again. He had been stupid to get his hopes up, or whatever it had been, and he should get back to his life as always. It wasn't like it had been a huge life-changing moment when Kurt had walked into the very pub he worked in.

He worked early and went shopping with Tina. They went to dinner with a group of friends, and went out for drinks afterwards. Blaine could feel that Tina was keeping an eye on him, but he was enjoying himself greatly and didn't pay as much as a thought to Kurt not having showed up.

"Wanna come back to my place?" Sebastian moaned drunkenly into Blaine's ear as he placed a kiss under his ear. Blaine felt a rush run through him as he felt Sebastian's hand run down his thigh and threateningly close to his crotch.

Blaine didn't know what it was but he had never liked the idea of having Sebastian spending the night at his place. Of course Sebastian had been over for dinners, parties and picking up Blaine for dates, but he had never got to spend the night. Blaine wasn't even sure that Sebastian had ever even been to his room.

Each time Sebastian suggested they stayed at Blaine's place he always found an excuse to go home alone or for them to go to Sebastian's place instead. He liked it much better that way. But he never had let anyone spend the night.

Blaine had been with other boys before Sebastian. He had made out with them, and slept at their place after being too drunk to go home, but Sebastian had been his first boyfriend, and the first he had slept with - which was also why he still wasn't comfortable about sex. He liked it, and enjoyed it, but had found that he distanced himself when having sex because it made it easier for him to push the exposed feeling aside.

He felt guilty and as the worst boyfriend in the world whenever he and Sebastian had sex. In his opinion Sebastian deserved much better than him - but apparently Sebastian didn't agree, and he praised himself because he couldn't imagine how lost he would feel without him.

"I don't know," Blaine mumbled and was afraid that alcohol was taking over his brain and soon he would feel lonely and paranoia of everyone leaving him would come creeping.

"Come on, babe. Please. I haven't seen you all week and I miss you. We don't have to do anything… I just want to sleep next to you," Sebastian pushed, his hand squeezing around Blaine's thigh under the table, his hand now retreated to stay almost at Blaine's knee instead.

It wasn't fair. He knew that he should simply finish his beer and then head home to go to bed before he dissolved into a nerving mess. But Sebastian's kisses and touch made his skin boil, and he started to giggle and want the others to go away.

Mike sent him a broad grin from the other end of the table, and Blaine felt uncomfortable that he clearly knew what was happening. Tina was deeply involved with a conversation about politics with a dark haired girl that had joined their party and the rest of the group had turned to the dance floor. He didn't have any excuses, no one to tell him that he'd be better of going home.

**xXx**

It was dark around them and Blaine was glad. He was always very strict on keeping the lights off even though Sebastian tried talking him into keeping it on, but Blaine felt uncomfortable and dirty if he as much as had his eyes open.

The room was dark and his shirt kept crawling up even though he tried his best to hold it down. Sebastian's sheets were soft and tickling against his skin and he was sure that he might explode from the heat.

Sebastian's hands were rough and determined on his body. He kept telling himself to relax, but the harder Sebastian was pounding into his ass the more tensed he got. He squeezed his eyes as hard as he could and told himself that the more he relaxed and let himself into the act the better it would be - but he couldn't.

"Shit, you're so tight, baby," Sebastian panted and kissed from Blaine's cheek and down over his neck. He let his arm under Blaine's and locked his one hand on his shoulder while letting the other run smoothly down his thigh.

Blaine forced himself to let out a moan, and hid his mouth against Sebastian's naked shoulder. He let his legs further up to lock his feet on Sebastian's back, hoping to make it easier and better with the changed position.

He felt his hole squeeze around Sebastian's cock and he could feel that he was about to come soon. He turned his face to kiss Sebastian's neck and let his hands down to push on the lower of his back, causing Sebastian's thrusts to be faster and his panting and moaning stronger in Blaine's ear.

"Fuck - you're so perfect, Blaine. Yes," Sebastian groaned and Blaine bit his lower lip. His skin was prickling and he was sweating heavily. His eyes were rolling around in his head and he could still feel the alcohol roaming in his body.

"Now," Blaine mumbled thickly into Sebastian's hair, warning him that he was about to come over their stomachs, and Sebastian raised himself to rest on his one arm so he could lock his free hand around Blaine's shaft and swipe hard until warmth spread through Blaine's body and he could feel it running out of him.

He knew that Sebastian was looking at it. Taking in the sight of how he was making his boyfriend come, and it only made Blaine feel even dirtier. He didn't like the way Sebastian enjoyed watching himself pump in and out of Blaine's ass, or when he looked at Blaine's dick. He felt exposed and violated in some way, but he couldn't tell Sebastian. That was also why he always insisted on keeping his shirt on and kept his eyes closed during the entire act.

Sebastian hadn't asked about it, and Blaine was happy that he hadn't. He didn't have any explanation for it other than it made him feel uncomfortable and wrong. Sebastian was so patient with him in so many ways, and Blaine constantly feared that one day he would call him out on all of his small, weird ideas and decide that he'd had enough.

He could feel Sebastian's hips thrusting against his ass and his warm come filling his hole. He moaned and groaned into his boyfriend's shoulder and dug his nails into his back. He knew that Sebastian wished that he would be loud, or at least a bit noisy during sex - but he felt cheap and fake whenever he tried making any noises at all. Dirty talk didn't apply to him either because it made him feel embarrassed. All in all he just didn't feel good at any of those things.

"Wow - you're so fucking good," Sebastian panted lightly as he felt limp in Blaine's arms. He kissed up Blaine's neck and found his mouth. His lips were dry and dozy as they moved against Blaine's, but his hands were fumbling as they brushed up and down his body.

"Mhm," was all Blaine could utter back and was happy to know that it had been good for Sebastian. He waited and let him find back to his senses. He stroke his hands up and down Sebastian's back to help him down from his high before he fell down next to Blaine, making the mattress do a little jump.

He continued draping Blaine's shoulder in kisses, but Blaine hurried to clean himself off with the faithful tissues on the nightstand before he dragged his boxers back on.

Sebastian locked his arm around his waist and pressed his naked frame against Blaine's clothed body. He knew that he was getting ready for cuddling, so he faked a yawn and kissed him.

"I just… can we just sleep?" He asked insecurely and watched sadness swim over Sebastian's face. _Dammit, that look. _

"Sure. Of course," he agreed, but Blaine could hear that he was disappointed. Ice filled Blaine's stomach and he hurried to kiss him a little deeper than the last time.

"Thank you," he whispered and stared into Sebastian's eyes for a moment before he turned his back on him. He reached his hand behind his back so he could pull Sebastian's arm to hold around his waist, and Sebastian moved so close that Blaine could feel his breathing in his hair and his still hard, naked nipples through his shirt.

"Goodnight, babe," Sebastian yawned, and Blaine mumbled a silent "_Night_" back, hoping to fall asleep soon, but a feeling of being dirty and ashamed was taking over his body.

He waited for a long time hoping to fall asleep, but the clock on the night stand told him that he was lying awake for over an hour listening to Sebastian's low snoring into his hair. Every now and then he placed a sleepy kiss on Blaine's neck, and Blaine instinctively tightened his grip around Sebastian's arm.

He felt horrible. He felt like an awful person, and he wanted to break down and apologize to Sebastian for all the things he was putting him through, all the times he disappointed him and all the secrets he kept hidden from him.

"_Please don't leave me. Ever_," Blaine whispered nearly inaudible. He sniffed lightly and squeezed his eyes hard while biting his lower lip to keep in a sob, settling for letting tears soak his cheeks and pillow.


	12. Waiting For You

The next morning Blaine twisted himself carefully out of Sebastian's grip and tiptoed out off the bed so he could get dressed. He sat down on the side of the bed and ran his fingers lightly through Sebastian's hair before he bent down to softly kiss his cheek.

Sebastian opened his eyes dozily and rolled over to lie on his back when he realized that Blaine was fully dressed and on his way out.

"I have to leave, honey. I need to get home and fix some stuff before I have to go to work," Blaine crooned apologetically. He really wished that he didn't have to go to work. He would much rather stay in Sebastian's safe embrace for the rest of the day instead.

Sebastian looked bummed out by the message, but he didn't seem surprised. That was always how it was with Blaine. Sebastian had offered to clear some drawers and closet space for Blaine to have some stuff permanently at his place, but Blaine didn't want so much as a permanent toothbrush - so Sebastian dealt with watching him bring his toothbrush back and forth along with occasional clean clothes. It was only under objections that Blaine had accepted a key to his apartment after Sebastian had begged him to take it for months, with excuses like "_What if I'm not home and you need a place to stay_?" or "_What if I'm out of town and you miss me_?" he even tried "_What if you're drunk and closer to my place than yours? Wouldn't it be better to come sleep with me instead of struggle home alone_?"

So Blaine had accepted the key, though further a few months went by before he as much as remembered that he had it.

"Alright. I have stuff to do later anyway, but… call me, okay," Sebastian said understandingly and Blaine felt blessed that he didn't make too big a deal out of it this time.

He promised to call him when he got off work at midnight and then Blaine bent down to kiss him a little deeper than he had planned to, but desperate to show him that he really cared for him even though he acted like that. Sebastian reluctantly let go off Blaine's hand and he left the apartment in silence.

**xXx**

When Blaine entered at home he hurried to the bathroom to take a shower. As soon as the water was running down over him he immediately felt relaxed, and the dirty feeling from the sex the night before slowly started to melt away. He bumped his forehead softly against the tiles and cursed himself away before he soaped up and finished.

He spent the day on singing to himself while cleaning his room. Around two he started making lunch as he knew that Mike and Tina would be home soon. When they came home they were happy to find Blaine in an apparent good mood, so they ate together and he quickly forgot how bad he had been feeling.

When the clock hit 5 Blaine put on his working clothes and headed for the pub. He was looking forward to work because Saturday night meant full house and that was equal to him being busy enough to take his mind off himself.

When he got to work around 6 the place was already packed with customers. He signed in for the night and got right down to work. Martin told him that a theater down the block had just opened rehearsals for a big show so now they were celebrating their first week ending which meant drinking, dancing and singing.

The entire place was buzzing with laughter and good spirits, and Blaine decided that this was where he was the happiest when he wasn't with a piano. This was where he truly let go of himself and didn't worry.

It was a good night for tips. Blaine and Martin were favorite targets for young women's flirting and it often caused Blaine to go home with a bit more cash than just his paycheck. Martin often joked that Blaine was cheating because they didn't know that he was gay, but it wasn't like he was encouraging them or leading them on - he was merely polite and chatty, which apparently was irresistible.

Sebastian wasn't jealous. Not even when guys were flirting with Blaine. He never came to the pub though. They hadn't discussed it, but it was like Sebastian had decided that he wanted Blaine to have a free space and the decision was welcomed. Blaine didn't come to Sebastian's office either, so it seemed as if this was a natural way to keep their stuff apart.

Two girls who seemed like they could easily have been a bit too young to be in a pub on a Saturday night sat down at the bar and Blaine hurried to take their orders.

The girls were pretty and Blaine thought that it was clear that there were two options to them; either they had recently moved to New York or they were tourists. They were oblivious to the city and he couldn't help feeling an urge to take care of them. They were paying with credit cards too expensive for them to pay for themselves, and their clothes didn't leave much to the imagination. It didn't take long before they seemed convinced that Blaine was returning their flirtatious looks so he figured that he'd better hold again on the alcoholic beverages for them.

"So… do you have a policy against dating customers?" One of the girls asked with waving eyelashes, and her friend giggled into her drink with red cheeks. Both of them seemed certain that they had truly hit right, and Blaine started feeling sorry for them.

"Well… not exactly, but I don't think I'm your type," Blaine chuckled, doing his best to not be too obvious. For some reason he wanted to keep them by the bar for as long as possible to keep an eye on them, so he guessed that telling him that he was gay and had a boyfriend wouldn't be the best plan.

He didn't get to take it any further, because he froze on the spot. He baffled excused himself and rushed backwards in a hope that he could blend in with his co-workers. His insides tied up and he couldn't figure out whether he was about to throw up or have a heart attack. _A racing pulse is a sign of a heart attack, isn't it?_

Kurt had entered the pub. His hand was locked with the dark haired girl he had been with the last time he had been there. They hugged each other tightly and she tiptoed to kiss his cheek before she disappeared out the door. Now Kurt was alone and he took a glance around the crowd before his eyes steered directly towards the bar.

_No, no, no! This can't be happening, _Blaine thought to himself. He rushed to look busy, but Kurt was headed directly towards him. He couldn't escape. There was no doubt that Kurt had already seen him and he was his target.

"Blaine, do you have a se -" Kurt started but didn't even get to finish.

"Go away, Kurt. I'm working, if you haven't noticed," Blaine snapped at him. He started filling ice into glasses and winked at the girls with a smirk. They grinned, giggled and waved at him in return.

_Why did I do that? That was ridiculous. God, I'm such an idiot!_

"Please, listen - I am so sorry that I didn't come the other night. Something happened and I had to go to work," Kurt kept going. He followed Blaine as he moved around the bar without as much as a glance in Kurt's direction.

"Hmmm. Not like it matters," he groaned and did his best to look like he didn't care. In reality his insides were squirming and he was surprised that he was even able to talk considering how dry his throat felt.

"It matters to me. I was really looking forward to see you. I would have called, but then I realized that I never got your number, and I didn't remember the name of the bar you work at," Kurt apologized and he really seemed sincere in his voice.

Kurt had been looking forward to see him. A fire started inside of Blaine, but he had no idea what it meant.

"What do you want?" Blaine asked under his breath and sighed heavily as he turned to face Kurt who was tripping in front of the bar. His eyes were anxious and his brows furrowed over his nose. He looked like his world had been shattered.

"Please. Give me one more chance. I really wanna hear how you are doing and how your life has been," Kurt said, pleading in his voice and eyes, and Blaine felt it creep under his skin.

He closed his eyes and debated what to do. Should he turn him down and tell him that he never wanted to see him again, or should he cave and see if Kurt would be there for a second chance?

"I can… I can stay until you get off work tonight and we can - have a drink, or a beer, or coffee. Anything. I just want to make this right," Kurt asked when Blaine had stayed quiet for a while. He was clearly desperate that Blaine was going to decline his offer.

"I don't get off until midnight. That's 4 hours," Blaine exclaimed. He was afraid that if he said yes Kurt wouldn't wait around until he got off and then they would make plans to meet another day and he would stay away again. This way he didn't say yes or no and he was on the safe side. Now he could see how Kurt would respond to that.

"I can wait. I don't mind waiting for you. If it's not too late for you, of course," Kurt rushed out. He let his lips form a thin line on his face, and his eyes were anxious and awaiting.

Martin sent him a sharp glare from the other end of the bar, and Blaine knew that he had to get back to work. His pulse was racing, and he could hear Tina's voice in his head, on one hand she was telling him that it couldn't hurt, but on the other she was telling him that it wasn't worth the trouble.

_What would she advice me to do?_

"Alright. Midnight then." Blaine nodded in agreement, still not sure it was the right call, but he was definitely excited to see if Kurt would actually stick out for the entire night.

_Four hours is a pretty long time to sit around and wait for me._

"Thank you. I promise drinks are on me tonight!" Kurt said and smiled at him. He tilted his head and asked for a glass of ice water. Blaine gave him a glass and returned to work.

Kurt walked to sit at a small table in the corner where he still had a clear view to the bar, even through the masses of customers taking up the pub. He rested his chin on his hands and watched Blaine work.

Blaine could feel Kurt's eyes follow him throughout the night. Every now and then Blaine would look to his table and Kurt would smile warmly at him. It was hard to say but he had a feeling that Kurt was just as nervous as he was. He didn't know what it would mean that Kurt was nervous, but he was definitely glad that he wasn't alone in being so.

"Blaine, your fangirls look like they need help," Martin chuckled as he passed Blaine around 9.30 and Blaine looked to the girls by the end of the bar.

One of them had reached a point where she couldn't even get a hold of her straw, and the other girl looked like she was on the edge of tears as she desperately punched the buttons on her phone with clumsy movements.

Blaine rolled his eyes and came to the conclusion that the guys sitting at the booth across the pub had been sending them drinks. Typical problem.

He sighed and headed for the girls. The girl with the phone broke down in a cry and he got her phone wrested from her hand and put it in her purse. Then he called them a cab and led them safely outside where he waited to make sure they got their cab without problems.

The first thing he did when he went back inside was to send a discrete look across the pub to make sure Kurt hadn't left. He was still at his table with a drink in front of him and his phone in his hand.

Blaine felt like texting Tina to tell her that Kurt was there and that they would be going out. He decided to do it first thing when he got off his shift, and he was happy that he only had an hour and a half left.

The night seemed to drift by faster than usual, and yet it was like time was working way too slow on purpose. When the clock finally reached 11.30 he was told that he could leave for the night, and he didn't need that message twice.

He rushed to the backroom to get his stuff but had to take a moment to sit down. It wasn't until now that he realized exactly how nervous he was. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do? What if Kurt really had turned into some douche? Or even worse - what if Kurt thought that he had turned into a douche?

He gulped down a quick glass of water before he checked his hair in the mirror. He hurried to text Tina that he would be home late and returned to the pub to work his way through the crowd to Kurt's table.

"So… you're off now?" Kurt asked and put his hands in the pockets of his coat.

Blaine nodded awkwardly and they found their way to the exit. When they finally was outside they both stared at each other and Blaine was afraid that he was blushing so he quickly suggested for them to go to a nearby café where he and his co-workers often hung out after closing the pub.

They found a table that wasn't in the middle of drunks coming from town or headed there. They both ordered a cup of coffee and fell into a long time of awkward silence.

Blaine had a hard time figuring out where to focus. He was afraid that he was staring too intensely at Kurt, but he couldn't help it; he simply looked gorgeous. When he had let his coat drop he revealed that he was wearing a white dress shirt with a blue and white striped cardigan over. It was matched up with a tight pair of dark, blue jeans and black boots. Everything fitted tight on a body that looked like Blaine would get dizzy just by looking at him if he hadn't been wearing so many layers.

However, he was still afraid that he would end up dizzy. He felt like he was having an out-of-body-experience. It was way too surreal to be sitting down with Kurt in front of him after all this time where he had no idea what had happened to him.

"I uhm… you stopped answering my letters," Kurt suddenly said after they had stayed silent for what felt like an eon.

"Me? I wrote you like… 10 times without response before I gave up," Blaine burst out. He couldn't believe it; Kurt was blaming him for their broken connection. He felt sick, and like he had run into a wall with his head first.

"I never got them. I waited for so long. I waited for the mail to come every day. When my dad said that I should try to move on I was crushed. Blaine, I missed you so much," Kurt said with a weak voice. He was twisting a napkin between his fingers and his eyes dropped to follow his own movements closely.

_Oh… I did not see that coming._

Blaine had no idea how to respond to that. He took a mouthful of coffee to buy himself some time, but no words came to him. He was baffled.

"I'm sorry. I kept writing you. But… it doesn't matter now, I guess. What happened? How has… life been for you?" He decided that he just as well could move over the subject of the letters. Now that he thought closer he wouldn't be surprised if some of the older kids had hidden Kurt's letters from him, or stolen Blaine's letters to Kurt - some of them did really mean stuff to him, so he didn't have a hard time imagining that.

"Well… my dad and I lived in Columbus for a while, but he got a new job so we moved here. I think I was about… 14 or something. I got into a private school focused on performing arts, and now I am signed at a theater a few blocks from here," Kurt told and shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. Like it wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

"That's so awesome. I'm… really happy for you," Blaine said truthfully.

It was hard for him to admit. Kurt might not have achieved this if he hadn't left Silverlake, but if he hadn't left Silverlake Blaine could have been by his side every step of the way. But now that wasn't the case he was sincerely happy to know that life had worked out so well for him.

"How about you? Did you ever… did anyone ever…" Kurt started, but it was like he was afraid to ask. Blaine knew exactly what he was guiding in on though so he figured he'd just as well spare Kurt the stress of making himself say the words out loud.

"I never got adopted, no. It was okay though. I started hanging out with Tina, and ehm… she, her boyfriend and I moved out here when we turned 18. Now I just - work at the pub, play piano and sing at random places every now and then when I can get a gig," Blaine told and felt lame at how his life had turned out compared to Kurt's. Compared to him he was nowhere in his life.

"That sounds really great. You always had a great voice -" Kurt said shyly and looked into his coffee. Blaine was happy that he did because his cheeks flushed. He had no idea why, but he couldn't help it.

Old habits die hard.

They stayed at the café talking for more than two hours. Kurt told how his dad had given him the full version of why he had ended up in Silverlake.

When Kurt was born his mom got a postpartum depression. One day when his dad had got home from work she and Kurt was gone. He did everything to find them but nothing worked. He kept searching, but after two years he had to move out of the country for his work. When he returned 3 years later he went back to searching, but without much hope. He found that she had run off to live close to her mother, but her mother was sick. When she died Kurt's mom snapped and dropped Kurt off at Silverlake an early morning and then she had taken her own life. Simple as that.

Blaine was shocked and didn't know how to react to that story. It was horrifying, but on the other hand it was so long ago and Kurt didn't have any memory of her so it was difficult to know how he was feeling about it himself.

Kurt hurried to ask about how Silverlake had been after he left. Blaine told who had been adopted and who hadn't. He told how he and Tina had bonded, and they laughed at old memories of teachers and other kids from the orphanage.

Kurt also told that his dad had remarried - a nice lady who Kurt got along with very well. She had a son already and that way Kurt had got a brother. He had been blessed with the family he had always dreamed of getting.

It was remarkable how well they got along after all of these years. They only had a few dry patches of silence, and it wasn't anything that mattered.

As promised Kurt paid for their coffee and when they left the café he suggested that they exchanged phone numbers.

"It was really nice, Blaine. I would love to see you again… if you want," Kurt said as they waited for his cab to come. He had his hands back in his pockets and was shifting his weight restlessly between his feet.

_Nerves._

"Yeah. That would be cool," Blaine said and they agreed to see each other again.

When Blaine walked home he couldn't stop thinking about how Kurt had seemed honestly interested in everything he told. How good he had looked and how sweet he had been.

_Definitely not turned into a douche, _Blaine thought relieved and excited to tell Tina.

That's when he realized that he had forgot to call Sebastian. It was definitely too late now, so he decided to call him first thing in the morning instead.

He had wanted to ask Kurt if he was seeing anyone. He had a suspicion that the dark haired girl was his girlfriend, but he hadn't dared opening the subject. That would only lead to questions about Blaine's love life and he wasn't sure whether he wanted to tell Kurt that he was gay.


	13. Should, Should Not?

When Blaine woke up the next morning he was still on a high from having talked to Kurt the previous night. He kept thinking about how free he had felt when sitting there discussing everything with him - he felt like the world had been lifted off his shoulders.

"You got home late last night," Tina commented as she joined him on the couch. Teen Titans was rolling over the screen, but she only watched him and he could feel that she noticed his glow. She grinned at him as she started stirring her spoon in her tea. She was staring - waiting for Blaine to share his story.

Blaine was nearly exploding. He had already decided to tell her everything, but he had twisted and turned the night over and over again in his head to figure out exactly what he should say. However, he was too excited for words and whenever he tried forming a sentence in his head he ended up giving up.

He finally gave in and shot her a broad grin. She was filled with anticipation and looked like she was ready to shake him for an explanation of his good mood. Images from the night were running around his brain and he was afraid that when he opened his mouth all that would come out would be an endless stream of nonsense.

"Uhm last night when I was at the pub - and Kurt came in," he opened and took a moment to breathe and figure out the direction he wanted to take the story; should he show exactly how excited he was or should he act like it wasn't a big deal? Meanwhile Tina's excitement had turned into a poker face - she didn't know how to react to it and Blaine was confused.

"I told him to go away. But he kept asking me to give him another chance - so in the end, after he had asked me a million times, I agreed. He waited for me to get off work for four hours. _Four hours_, can you believe it -" Blaine rushed out, determined not to let her killed spirit affect his mood and eager to show her that he had made the right decision in agreeing to meet with him after work.

"That's a lot. But you waited for him for 12 years," she mumbled.

_Ugh, why can't she just… _

"But that's the thing - he kept writing me too, but he never got anything from me either. Some sort of idiotic malfunction must have happened with our letters. But… it doesn't matter now - we talked for more than two hours last night, and he told me about his life and everything that has happened since he moved away," Blaine beamed eagerly, the words nearly stumbling over each other in their way from his brain to his mouth.

Tina emptied her mug and put it to the table. She dragged a pillow into her arms and looked around their small living room, obviously to turn the events over so she could take a stand. After what felt like an hour, but probably wasn't anymore than a few minutes, she turned her attention back to Blaine.

"Are you gonna see him again?" She asked, and Blaine feared that her tone was trying to tell him something he didn't want to hear.

"I don't know. We exchanged numbers, but I haven't heard from him and I didn't do anything either. It's only 10 hours ago," Blaine said a little defeated. He knew that something was coming, and that was something that was going to pull him out of his happiness.

"You exchanged numbers? Jesus, Blaine… did you at least tell Sebastian now?" She inquired, and he realized that he hadn't even called him as promised. He felt his heart drop and his smile turn stiff.

"No. But -"

"You have to tell him. Seriously. I know that it's not like you're planning to run away with Kurt or anything, but… he was such a big part of your life, he was your entire world - he was a part of making you who you are today." She didn't seem harsh anymore, she seemed worried and cautious; as if she was afraid that she was opening a subject it was in no one's interest having opened.

"I will tell him. I just… wanna see what happens first, alright? Like you said; we're not planning on running away together. He has a girlfriend, and I have a boyfriend - see the mismatch here?" Blaine snapped at her.

He immediately felt bad. He knew that her way was the right way to go around it, but he couldn't help being annoyed that she couldn't just let go and be happy for him for just one second. She always had to be reasonable.

"I never said anything about that. I didn't mean that you -" Tina muttered quietly, clearly shocked by his reaction.

Blaine excused himself and headed for his room where he closed the door a little harder than he should have.

He fell to the bed and dragged out his phone. He had promised Sebastian to call him 12 hours ago, but he hadn't as much as sent him a text, Sebastian on the other hand had sent him a handful of texts that he hadn't even read through.

He opened his inbox and went to his conversations with Sebastian. He suddenly felt guilty and a lump took up his throat.

**01.33**

**Sebastian: **"Hey babe. I just wanted to let you know that I miss you xo"

**03.05**

**Sebastian: **"You didn't forget that you promised to call did you?"

**09.02**

**Sebastian: **"Blaine are you okay? I never heard from you."

**11.30**

**Sebastian: **"Alright, I'll call Tina if I don't hear from you today. You're making me worried, babe. I miss you xoxo"

Now it was 12.30 and Blaine saw that Sebastian had called between the last three messages. His head clogged up and he sat up against the headboard.

_I must be the worst boyfriend in the world, _he thought to himself.

_Okay, I'm just gonna tell him about Kurt then. It's no big deal. He'll understand. Besides, there's nothing to understand. We were friends, he moved away, suddenly we bump into each other again - that is all._

"_Blaine. Are you okay_?" Sebastian said as soon as he picked up. Blaine didn't even get to gather his thoughts.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm so sorry I didn't call last night, honey."

_Just tell him. _

"The place was full all night, so I was exhausted and went straight to bed when I got off work, and I only just checked my phone now."

_What? Why would I lie to him? What am I doing? I have no reason to lie - I didn't do anything wrong?_

"_Aww, that's okay. I just got worried. You usually always reply to my texts so fast, and then you didn't call - and I am just hypersensitive. As long as you're okay_," Sebastian crooned into the receiver.

Blaine bumped the back of his head against the headboard. He needed to fix this. Somehow. He needed to. But of course it was only a tiny, innocent lie and as soon as he had time to tell him about Kurt he would explain about that as well and all would be solved. Wouldn't it?

"I uhm… do you wanna have dinner tonight?" Blaine stammered, hoping that he could make it up to him that way. Then he could always explain the situation to him then.

"_Sure. I would love that. Wanna come to my place then_?" Sebastian suggested and Blaine felt his insides slowly returning to normal. That wasn't so bad.

**xXx**

When Blaine was standing in front of Sebastian's door he had convinced himself that there was no way out - Tina was right and he should tell Sebastian about Kurt. There wasn't really anything to tell, so it shouldn't be so damn difficult to deal with.

The problem was that every time he had tried deciding how to best form the explanation he had ended up pulling out his phone to text Kurt. He had written a few words before deleting them again and giving up.

_If I text him now I will scare him off and I won't get to know him again. He'll think I'm sort of crazy, obsessive stalker or something, _he kept telling himself.

It was lame and he felt like a teenage girl, which he shouldn't because there wasn't anything to it. Still he couldn't help images of Kurt and the sound of Kurt's voice saying that he had missed him filling up his brain.

He entered the apartment and hung up his coat. He went to drop his bag in the bedroom before he went out to find Sebastian in the kitchen. The second he entered Sebastian threw his arms around Blaine and kissed him deeply.

"Mhm, you smell nice," he crooned as he broke away. Blaine pulled him back in to one more kiss before he let his hands slide up and down Sebastian's back with a slight moan.

Apparently Sebastian was cooking. Something he loved doing for Blaine and it made Blaine feel awkward. He always wanted to help but Sebastian denied him. He put a glass of wine in his hand and pushed him lightly to sit on a kitchen chair where he sat and felt in the way.

Every now and then he would stop by Blaine so he could lean down to kiss him and assure him that he should just sit and wait. Sebastian would hum or sing silently and Blaine couldn't do anything but lean back and watch his boyfriend go over the top just for him.

As soon as Sebastian had finished the last for their dinner he put on a smirk as he walked across the kitchen floor towards Blaine. He took the glass from his hand and placed it on the table so he could push Blaine's chair out to make it easier for Sebastian to wrap his arms around Blaine's shoulders as he sat down on his lap and placed a deep kiss on his mouth.

"I just wanna be with you tonight. Can we like… shut off our phones and pretend the world don't exist?" Sebastian whispered against Blaine's neck, and he could feel the hair stand all over his body. His hands were running slowly down Blaine's arms, and Blaine couldn't help letting his hands onto the lower of Sebastian's back.

"Alright. We can do that," he agreed and hoped that he didn't sound too nervous about the proposition. A night like that usually ended in sex - something Blaine wasn't sure he was up for when he hadn't been drinking.

Sebastian kept respectful distance throughout the entire evening. They ate, talked and ended up on the couch. As soon as Blaine sat down he folded his arms around Sebastian and dragged him in so he could wrap his legs around him and Sebastian could rest his head on Blaine's chest.

They watched Love Story, and throughout the entire movie Blaine kept telling himself that he should tell Sebastian about Kurt. He remembered what Tina had said, and remembered how he kept telling himself that it didn't mean anything so he might as well get it over with.

"You're quiet tonight. Something's bothering you?" Sebastian said and looked up at Blaine from his spot on his chest. He let his free hand run over Blaine's that was locked with his own and chills ran down Blaine's spine.

"Just tired, I guess -" Blaine mumbled and felt the need to kick himself.

_This is the perfect time to tell him. He's practically sending me a handwritten invitation, _he could hear his own voice screaming in his mind.

He opened his mouth to grab the bull by the horns, but somehow no sound came out so he hurried to close again before looking too stupid.

Sebastian grinned up at him and took a firm grip around he tendon of his knee before he let his hand gently up Blaine's thigh.

"Yeah, you were working late last night. Let's just go to bed then. We can just cuddle till we fall asleep," he suggested, and Blaine nodded.

They cleaned up and Blaine went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and change into some clothes he could sleep in. He stared at his own reflection, but when he looked himself in the eyes he felt sick. He had no idea why it was so hard for him.

He turned on his phone before going back to the bedroom. He needed it for the alarm so he guessed that it would be okay to turn it back on by now.

Texts ticked in. A joke from Mike that made him chuckle to himself, Tina asking him if he wanted to help her with picking an outfit for a dance audition she had just got confirmation on - and Kurt. There was a text from Kurt. There were several texts from Kurt.

**9.47**

**Kurt: **"Hey. I was wondering when you're in the pub again?"

**9.48**

**Kurt: **"Not because I wanna be a creep and stalk you or anything. I just wanted to see you again. I really had a good time last night."

**9.53**

**Kurt: **"If you want to of course? I was thinking to come by and we could have coffee again or something? If you want to?"

**10.05**

**Kurt: **"I'm sorry I'm being a creep. Just ignore it."

Blaine had to clasp his hand to his mouth to not laugh out loud. This was exactly how he had felt since their ways had parted the previous night - and this was so completely full out the Kurt he remembered.

**11.28**

**Blaine: **"I work Monday, Tuesday and Friday next week. 5 to 9 every night. Hope to see you there."

_Was that discrete enough? I hope so._ He hurried to press the send button so he didn't have to worry about it. He collected his stuff into his bag and started to unlock the door when his phone vibrated.

**11.33**

**Kurt: **"Tuesday night it is (:"

Blaine grinned broadly. He hadn't expected Kurt to reply at this hour. He had figured that he would already be asleep.

_Am I supposed to reply to this? I don't know what to say. I'll just leave at this then._

When Blaine entered the bathroom Sebastian was already in bed. Wearing nothing but his boxers of course. Blaine felt butterflies flutter around his stomach, and suddenly he felt the need to crawl into bed to fall into Sebastian's arms.

He dropped his bag to the floor before he snuck under the sheets and crawled to lie on top of Sebastian between his legs that he curled around Blaine.

Blaine kissed him. Strongly, passionately and could feel his blood boil in his veins. Sebastian's tongue was hard against his and his lips determined. He didn't push away his hands when Sebastian let his fingers sneak under his shirt on his back but simply let himself melt into his arms.

He fell down to lie next to Sebastian but kept their arms locked around each other. Blaine quickly found his eyes and smiled at the way they were shining through the dark of the room.

"That was a nice surprise," Sebastian whispered and his lips ghosted over Blaine's.

"I'm so happy to be with you," Blaine whispered back and felt his cheeks flush a little.

"Me too. You're the best in my world," Sebastian smiled and tightened his grip.

Blaine placed a peck on his lips before he turned around with Sebastian's arm locked around him so he could let their bodies mold into each other.

"G'night, baby," Blaine whispered, somehow feeling that he couldn't break the silence surrounding them.

Sebastian squeezed a little tighter around his waist, and kissed his neck in response.

Blaine didn't know why but he couldn't stop smiling in the dark. He had no idea when it was the last time he had felt so happy.


	14. Impressions

Blaine stopped himself from texting Kurt five times throughout the day, so when he finally had to meet in for work he was relieved and hoped that it would be a nice distraction.

It wasn't.

The pub was close to empty the entire evening, and Blaine kept fumbling with his phone in his pocket. He had a feeling that Tina was keeping an eye on him, but he tried his best to avoid her gaze all night.

As they walked home together when their shift was over he could feel that she was holding something back. He just didn't want to ask because it would probably result in another discussion about whether or not he should have told Sebastian about Kurt.

"You seem pretty chipper these days," Tina shrugged as they sat down on the uncomfortable seats on the train. Blaine kept his eyes locked on the city rushing by them outside, but after some time he figured that he'd better face her.

"Yeah. I am. Why do you say that?" He said, and realized that he was suddenly talking in a defensive tone.

"Nothing. I was just wondering how that could be, that's all. I'm happy that you're happy. I haven't seen you smile this much since… I actually don't know if I ever saw you smile this much. At least not after… never mind," she trailed off and Blaine felt a pounding start in his head.

"I don't wanna discuss this. I'm tired," Blaine simply muttered and waved her off. He went back to looking out the window where the bright city lights were sharp in his eyes and brain. He definitely knew where she was headed with this.

Neither of them said anything on the rest of the way home. Blaine was completely bummed out; he wanted so badly to share it with Tina. She was his best friend and he wanted to let her into his happiness.

But who even said that Kurt was the reason for this recent happiness? It could just as well be his job, his friends - Sebastian. There were plenty of reasons for him to be happy. Why did she have to overanalyze and put too much into everything?

**xXx**

If possible the pub was even more dead Tuesday evening than it had been Monday. It was a bore to be there and as Blaine and Tina were working alone they ended in a deeply engaged conversation with an artist couple about whether or not it was ethical to use real human bones for art as long as the artist didn't kill to use them.

Tina and Blaine were both very much against it. They found it creepy and disrespectful to the diseased. The artist couple on the other hand argued that the piece of art in question was made of bones from a man who had allowed it in his will.

"Hey, is this a bad time?" Kurt's voice sounded and Blaine turned startled around to stare directly into Kurt's eyes.

"No, not at all. We were just… talking. Hi!" Blaine burst out. Why was his heart racing like that?

"Cool. You get off in an hour, right? I was thinking… coffee or something after. If you want?" Kurt beamed and found seat at a bar stool next to where Blaine was standing. He smiled and introduced himself to the couple Blaine and Tina had been talking to and they quickly got Kurt dragged into the issue they had been discussing.

Tina had been out in the back room to get ice and clean dishtowels, but dropped her jar when she saw Kurt. Fortunately he was so engaged in his conversation that he didn't even notice. She turned her back on him and hurried to Blaine's side.

"Is that… why is Kurt here?" She asked anxiously.

"Calm down. He asked if I wanted to go out for coffee tonight and I said yes," Blaine shrugged and filled a glass of water for Kurt.

"Now you go say hi to him. And be nice, alright - for me. Please," he begged her. She rolled her eyes and sighed heavily before she stepped around Blaine so she could head for Kurt.

She stayed nice all evening. Kurt was excited to see her. They hadn't had much to do with each other when he had been at Silverlake, but he remembered her as the girl who had a horrible stutter, and he was thrilled that she had grown out of it.

Around 8.30 Martin and their other co-worker, Julia, came in and they slowly prepared to take over from Blaine and Tina. Customers were slowly starting to buzz in, and when the clock struck 9 Blaine was relieved that Tina hadn't said anything sharp to Kurt.

"Tell Sebastian," she whispered in his ear as she hugged him before she left to catch the train home. He didn't say anything. He just squeezed her and let her go so he and Kurt could go for the café they had been at the last time they saw each other.

They ordered their coffee and found back to the same table. Blaine hid his hands in his lap while they waited. He didn't want Kurt to see how nervous he was, but he couldn't stop twisting the corners of a napkin.

They spent the night on talking about random stuff. Old memories, the artist couple from the pub, and Kurt told that he had recently got a big part in a play on a theater close to the pub. He was very excited about it, and Blaine couldn't do anything but watch him as he told about the play, his part and how nervous he was about doing it. He had only had small parts before, but one day his audition had pulled through and he had been the lucky one.

Blaine found it remarkable how much they had in common despite the fact that they had grown up in so different lives. Kurt still shared his taste in music, movies and mostly everything else. It was a great comfort, and it felt like an assurance that their childhood friendship hadn't just been a spoof of his memory.

They walked to the train together, but unfortunately they weren't going to take the same so they had to say goodbye on the station. Blaine had to stop himself from not throwing his arms around Kurt. He needed to know if his hugs still were the same as they were, but he figured that it wouldn't be the best way to end the evening considering that it was only the second time they had talked.

"I was thinking… you said that you were playing in a restaurant - do you mind if I come see you? I mean… I won't be in the way or anything, I'll behave as any other guest would, I was just…" Kurt rushed out right before he was about to leave.

_I did not see that coming. _

"Sure. Of course you can," Blaine agreed and told him that he had a playing job the next day, before Kurt sent him a warm smile before he squeezed his wrist and hurried on the train.

Blaine was left to watch the train leave with Kurt in it, but the feeling of Kurt's fingers around his wrist still burning on his skin. He wanted to call him straight away, to ask him to come back so they could hang out all night instead but he didn't.

When he came home Tina was asleep on the couch, and Blaine already knew that she had been waiting for him to come home so she could pull the full interrogation on him. He woke her up and helped her safely to bed before he headed for his own room.

As soon as he was in bed himself and was nearly asleep his phone vibrated on the nightstand next to him.

**Kurt: **"Goodnight. It was really good seeing you. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow."

Blaine typed a dozen different replies but ended up deleting all of them. They all sounded stupid and desperate. Instead he fell asleep with a crooked smile on his face and a promise to himself that he would tell Sebastian the next time he saw him.

**xXx**

Blaine was nervous. He hadn't expected to be this nervous just because Kurt was coming to hear him play. He played for lots of people every week. Besides, Kurt had heard him sing before, Kurt was one of the reasons he even started singing to begin with.

However, he had changed his clothes several times and crossed out songs, just to write them back down on the list. Now he was finally sitting at the grand piano and Kurt hadn't shown yet, so he had come back down to earth and let himself blend into the music.

The restaurant was a fancy place so he was wearing an almost equally fancy suit and tie. He never came such places himself when he wasn't playing there so the first few times he had been there he had felt awkward and misplaced. Now it was easy and homely because he knew that the piano was there just for him.

And there he was. Kurt strolled into the restaurant looking like he had been there so many times before, like he belonged. He took place in the bar where he had a perfect view to Blaine at the piano. He ordered himself a drink and smiled warmly at Blaine when their eyes met across the room.

He was wearing a nice, dark purple suit with a dusty green shirt and a tie matching his suit. If Blaine hadn't known better he would just have taken him for one of the regular customers.

It was hard to concentrate when Kurt was sitting there observing him over the dining people. He would much rather go over to sit next to him than to be sitting by the piano so far away. He constantly had to remind himself that as soon as he was done he would be able to spend time with him again.

He kept his gaze locked into the keys and had to go over the lyrics in his head to not miss a word or a sentence. When he was done and headed to the backroom to say goodnight to the host he was relieved that he hadn't messed up one time. He took a moment to get a hold of himself and then headed out to meet Kurt by the bar.

"Blaine, that was amazing! That was so -" Kurt said but stopped himself to search for words. As soon as Blaine had sat down next to him Kurt had clasped his hand onto Blaine's lying between them on the bar. His eyes were slightly red and he was clinging a crumpled up napkin in his free hand. Had he been crying?

"Thank you. Are you okay?" Blaine wasn't sure he was allowed to ask, and he didn't want to make Kurt uncomfortable if it was breaking his boundaries, but he couldn't just sit back and ignore it if Kurt had been crying.

"Yeah. Sure. It was just… so beautiful, and moving. It was really good seeing you perform again. I have missed that in my life." Kurt chuckled at his own words and dried his eyes one last time before he jumped to his feet so he could lead Blaine out of the restaurant.

They went to a less fancy place to eat and after that they walked casually through town. Blaine asked how his rehearsals were going and Kurt got completely carried away in telling him about it. Blaine couldn't help smiling at his enthusiasm, and he found it incredible how passionate Kurt was about what he was doing. Yet, he couldn't help wishing that he could get to hear Kurt sing as well.

"Blaine, I have to say that - it was really amazing. You were really amazing. A voice like yours shouldn't be kept away in restaurants and bars. You should be out there - serenading the world!" Kurt exclaimed when they reached the train station and they both knew that it was time. His cheeks were a little flushed and even though he was staring Blaine in the eyes he seemed like he was uncertain whether it was appropriate for him to say such.

Blaine was caught off guard. What was he supposed to say to that? That was why he had come to New York to begin with - to make a living of music. But it wasn't like he could jump into it as a career from one day to another.

"If I have to I will carry you to it. Your talent needs to be shared," Kurt said determinedly. He didn't seem shy anymore. His eyes were hard and shiny through the dark of the train station and Blaine had no words to return to him.

Out of nowhere Kurt had put his arms around Blaine. He dragged him into an embrace and squeezed him hard. It was just like hugging him when they were kids - only a billion times better. Kurt's arms were warm and soft, and his scent was intoxicating as it filled Blaine's nostrils.

His train rolled into the station and they had to let go of each other even though neither of them were ready to. Kurt squeezed around his wrist like he had done the other day and then he disappeared into the nearest train cart.

As soon as Blaine was in his own train he received a text.

**Kurt: **"I'm so happy to have you back in my life."

**Blaine: **"I have missed you"

Without Blaine realized it he was standing by Sebastian's door. He hadn't asked if he could come over or if Sebastian was asleep. He actually hadn't talked to Sebastian all evening - but now he was standing there and he knocked carefully on the door.

It was a little while before the door was opened and Blaine started to think that he was already in bed and fast asleep. He started to walk away when Sebastian dozily looking opened the door. As soon as he saw who was waiting for him his tired face lit up in a smile.

Blaine hurried to drag him into a kiss with his arms locked around his boyfriend before either of them even got to say anything.

"Hey babe. You alright?" Sebastian asked as soon as Blaine had pushed him inside so he could close the door behind him. Sebastian looked surprised, but also as if he wasn't sure whether he should be worried or not.

Blaine let his hand run down the front of Sebastian's shirt and crook his finger around the hem at the bottom before he let a smile take over his face.

"I just really missed you, that's all. I'm sorry if I woke you up," Blaine said, only now realizing that Sebastian had to have been asleep already.

"Nah, that's alright. You can wake me up like that whenever you want. Do you wanna join me?" He assured him and Blaine nodded before he placed a kiss on Sebastian's jaw.

He borrowed a t-shirt from Sebastian and went to the bathroom to change out of his suit. He folded it neatly and put it on the dresser under the window before he snuck under Sebastian's arm and pecked him on the ear.

Sebastian moaned against his cheek before Blaine turned around so they could lie the way they used to with Sebastian holding him from behind. Blaine could feel in the hazed way he kissed his neck that he was already asleep so he figured that it wouldn't hurt getting out his phone to set his alarm.

As he unlocked it he accidentally pushed the inbox button instead of the clock button. Or was it an accident and not some subconscious action? He wasn't sure, but now he was faced with Kurt's message.

**Kurt: **"I'm so happy to have you back in my life."

He couldn't stop himself from smiling broadly. He felt warm inside and didn't want to put the phone away. He already wanted to hear Kurt's voice again even though it couldn't be more than an hour since they parted at the station.


	15. Conversations

Blaine felt himself slowly turn happier day by day. He had much more energy and was way more up for joking around. He knew that Sebastian had noticed and was enjoying it, but also Tina and Mike seemed to be paying attention to the way he had blossomed into being much more open and energetic.

It was a relief for him to wake up every morning and feel great, and he realized that the songs he were singing had turned into joyful tunes instead of slow ballads like he usually did. He was enjoying himself and having a good time hanging out with his friends and his boyfriend, and even though he didn't have a plan for his future he didn't let it bug him.

Blaine still had a constant urge to text Kurt but didn't do it. It was strange to know that Kurt was in the same city and that Kurt's number was on his phone but he had no idea what to say without seeming stupid or creepy. So he settled for having him on his mind all the time.

One night Blaine was having a night alone with Tina while Mike was out doing a dancing job. She hadn't mentioned Kurt since she had talked to him in the pub so neither had Blaine. He thought that it was the best way to get around to avoid any problems.

They had ordered in food and was on the couch watching Casanova when the display on Blaine's phone lit up. They had both agreed to keep the night phone-free but he couldn't help peeking out of the corner of his eye as he made sure Tina had her eyes locked on the screen.

It was a text from Kurt.

"Can I ask you something? Without it having to be an opening to anything… dramatic. I'm just curious," Blaine said and Tina looked at him with a confounded gaze.

She chewed a little on her lower lip before she nodded and waited for what was about to come.

"Why is it you have so much against me talking to Kurt again?" Blaine asked quietly. He had been wondering about it ever since the first day he had talked to Kurt at the pub. In some way he felt like he already knew the answer, but this way he could get a chance to explain to her why it wouldn't do any harm.

Tina didn't look surprised. She had been waiting for this moment, and she knew that it was inevitable that they would have this conversation sooner or later.

"It's not that I have anything against you talking. It's more that I - I'm afraid that you'll get hurt again. I will never forget how hurt you were when he left; and then again when he stopped writing you. I just can't watch you go through that again, and maybe even worse this time. This wasn't just some childhood friendship, Blaine. You loved him so much. And I think you still do -"

"I'm not in love with Kurt!" Blaine spat out before he could stop himself.

"I'm not saying that you are. But no matter what - what if it messes up your relationship with Sebastian? Do you wanna lose him for some boy who hurt you so bad and only just returned to your life after having been absent for so many years?" Tina argued. She wasn't angry that Blaine had snapped at her - she was just as soft and patient as she was before.

Blaine didn't know why but he was boiling on the inside. Tina was surely saying this because she cared about him and wanted to protect him - but why couldn't she see that Kurt wasn't going to hurt him again? They were just friends casually hanging out and talking. No hurt would be caused this time.

He drew a heavy breath and pressed his lips together. He had no idea why it upset him so much that Tina had indicated that he was in love with Kurt, and then she said that it wasn't what she was saying. He was with Sebastian, and he really cared about him. There shouldn't be any doubt about that - besides, he didn't know Kurt anymore. Not really, anyway.

"You know what - I trust you to have a hold of it. But if he hurts you I will have to kick his butt. And he should keep his hands off yours," Tina grinned and poked Blaine in the ribs before she squeezed his hand.

"He has a girlfriend, so I don't think that would happen anyway," Blaine mumbled, a little thrown off course by the remark.

The rest of the night was spent on light talking and laughing. It was nice to have it talked out with Tina, but Blaine already knew that he wouldn't share too much of his time with Kurt with her. Not because he wanted to hide it from her, but because he didn't want her to think something happened between them when nothing was.

When he was in bed he found out his phone to check the texts that were waiting for him.

**Kurt: **"I was thinking to come see you play again some day. If you will let me of course?"

Blaine smiled and felt a chuckle in the back of his throat. What kind of stupid question was that? Of course he would let him come. They had such a great time the other day, and Blaine had already planned to ask if they could meet again some time soon. He just hadn't expected Kurt to want to come see him sing again.

**Blaine: **"Sure. That would be cool. I'll text you an address tomorrow."

Yes. He was going to spend time with Kurt again.

**xXx**

This time Kurt was waiting at the bar when Blaine sat down at the piano. He looked like he had been there for a while and he was chatting lively with the bartender. The second Blaine started playing he silenced and kept his gaze locked on Blaine.

It was hard for Blaine to concentrate and he kept his eyes on Kurt the entire time. Kurt kept smiling at him while twisting a napkin in his hands. He didn't pay attention to any of the other guests, but every now and then accepted a refill from the bartender. After each song he soundlessly clapped his fingertips together for Blaine to see and Blaine grinned at him from the piano.

As soon as he finished he met Kurt at the bar. They started walking down the sidewalk without any particular direction. Neither of them said anything but it didn't matter. It was May and the wind was nice and cool on their faces, but they weren't cold. There were a lot of people on the street for a Thursday night so even if they had been talking it would have been difficult to keep up a real conversation.

Instead Blaine simply enjoyed the feeling of having Kurt walking next to him, and he didn't really care where they were going or what they would be doing. All that mattered to him was that they were there together.

Kurt stopped in front of a small French café and declared that they had the best crepes in all of New York so they decided to split. They both agreed that it would be a shame to sit inside on such a lovely evening, so they brought their crepes and a cup of coffee each to sit on a bench by a big green area in a park across the street.

"You were there early today," Blaine said in an attempt of getting some sort of talk going. He wanted to hear Kurt's voice as much as possible so he guessed that he had to break open a conversation.

"Yeah. It was so amazing the last time that I wanted to catch the full show tonight. I'm glad I did," Kurt smiled and crossed his legs. He tilted his head lightly as he stared at Blaine with sparkly eyes.

"It's so weird seeing you like this. All grown up, being an adult, like… you just seemed like you grew up in all of those fancy places where I just - go to play, to make sure I can eat," Blaine said shyly and kept his attention locked on a couple playing with their dog, hoping that Kurt wouldn't notice how shy he was.

Blaine hadn't been able to stop looking at how amazing Kurt looked in the suit he was wearing. Tonight it was silver with matching tie and a light blue shirt; all of it perfectly highlighting his eyes. He looked stunning and Blaine was completely absorbed in the view.

"I know what you mean. It's so - odd. The memory I have of you is this… cute little boy in your pajamas sticking out your tongue at Miss Pillsbury because she wouldn't let you go outside because it was raining, and now we're grown-ups," Kurt chuckled back at him.

"I didn't want to grow up without you, Blaine," he said softly and looked away. It made Blaine's stomach turn over a few times and he had to swallow.

"But here you are; serving drinks to people, playing grand pianos, wearing suits - and still with bowties and combed hair. Even though you're older you're still the same, still the Blaine I knew," Kurt said, and it was almost as if he turned sad.

For some reason it was like a heavy cloud had covered them. Blaine couldn't figure out if it was a dark cloud, but he realized that just as well as he hadn't told Sebastian about Kurt he hadn't told Kurt about Sebastian either, and this sudden talk about being grown up made him feel guilty.

Kurt didn't know that he was gay and he was terrified to tell him. Blaine had no idea what Kurt had told his girlfriend so he decided that he would try steering the conversation into the subject to maybe make it easier to come by.

They continued watching the couple with their dog until they left. Now Blaine and Kurt were completely alone in the park. The only light there was were the lamps twisting along the side of the path and somehow the darkness made the noise from the city seem distant.

"What does your girlfriend say about you coming to see me play? Did you tell her about - you know, our story-thing?" Blaine asked awkwardly and wished that he had known how to word it differently. He avoided Kurt's eyes and was afraid that he had crossed the privacy line too soon.

There was a long pause where neither them said anything, and Blaine started feeling cold. He didn't like the silence between them. It was uncomfortable and nerving, and he was just waiting for Kurt to up and leave, but suddenly - as if out of nowhere, Kurt laughed and Blaine stared confused at him.

"Girlfriend? What do you - _girlfriend_?" Kurt asked with a giggle, and Blaine felt his face go red.

"Well it was just - you were hanging out with that dark haired girl, and you were holding hands and she kissed you before she left so I just figured that -" Blaine blabbered frantically out, embarrassment taking over his everything. Why was it so funny that he had thought she was his girlfriend? It was an honest mistake.

He stopped. His words completely failed him and he felt paralyzed on the spot. Kurt had moved close to him and was holding a hand lightly on his wrist while holding Blaine's eyes locked with his own.

"That was Rachel. My best friend - Blaine, I'm… gay," Kurt said softly. He wasn't laughing anymore. He was serious and his eyes were shining intensely through the dark. It nearly felt like he had been holding his breath while waiting to tell him.

"I uhm… so am I," Blaine revealed in return. His voice was low and weak, nearly a whisper. It was like time had stopped around them and the volume of the world had been turned so low that it had nearly disappeared.

Kurt moved his hand away but stayed where he was sitting. Close to Blaine. He looked up to the sky as if he was hoping for something to drop from the clouds, but when nothing did he looked to his hands instead.

"That's one of the things I miss the most by being in New York. The stars. I don't remember when it was the last time I saw the stars," Kurt said quietly. Almost as if their revelations only a minute ago had never happened.

Blaine on the other hand was a mess on the inside.

_So Kurt is gay too - that shouldn't mean anything. Does that mean that he's single, now that he's not with that dark haired girl? He would have said if he had a boyfriend, wouldn't he? It doesn't matter! _Blaine debated heatedly with himself in his mind.

His first thought was to tell Tina as soon as he got home, but then he remembered that it probably wouldn't be such a great idea - it would possibly only add more fuel to her fire of him being in love with Kurt and he didn't want to go through that again.

Because he wasn't.

"Sure. I miss them too. It's not the same when you're used to the Ohio sky," Blaine mumbled back. He wanted to reach out to put Kurt's hand back on his wrist, but he couldn't do that, so instead he kept looking at Kurt's hands locked in front of him.

When they were at the station Kurt hugged him again, this time a little longer, and then he did the thing with locking his hand around his wrist before leaving. Blaine didn't know why, but it made his heart feel warm.

That night Blaine was he first to text.

**Blaine: **"I'm glad that you came out early"

**Kurt: **"Me too. You were extraordinary."

**Blaine: **"Thanks."

**Kurt: **"You always have been. Don't forget that, Blaine."

**Blaine: **"Will you come see me again?"

**Kurt: **"As long as I don't get kicked out for being a fanboy over you (:"

Blaine chuckled. He was so happy that Kurt liked seeing him perform. He was so happy that Kurt wanted to talk to him - and for some reason he was relieved that Kurt was gay too. Somehow it felt like it was holding them together even after all these years.

**xXx**

Kurt started coming to see Blaine play at almost all of his playing jobs. It often fell perfectly into place with his rehearsal schedule and Blaine felt more and more relaxed when he was playing in front of Kurt.

He quickly made it to fit with being with Sebastian the nights he was working at the pub so he had the nights he was playing free to spend time with Kurt, and sometimes he simply went to Sebastian's apartment after he said goodnight to Kurt. Mornings and when at work at the pub he spent time with Tina and Mike, so he was grateful that he had found a way to combine everything so he didn't miss being with anyone in his life.

Simply put; his life was close to perfect.

Except for that gnawing feeling in him that had always been haunting him. It had been in him for as long as he could remember, so he had learned how to pretend it wasn't there even though it was constantly hovering over his head.

It made him feel lost and misplaced - it reminded him of when he was little where he and Cooper had been sent to spend a weekend with their grandparents and Blaine had cried all weekend because he was missing their parents. That was the closest thing to a description he had for the feeling: homesick.

He figured that it was the longing for the family he lost so long ago that was the cause, but he had expected it to go away or be toned down now that he was in a family with Tina and Mike - and he had Sebastian, but recently it felt like it was growing and it scared him. He tried pushing it away, but the more he tried to ignore it the worse it got during his calm moments.

His nightmares were worse than they had been for a long time. It was the same as when he was a kid, only now Sebastian had been added to the people who was being swallowed by the flames. Only positive thing was that his nightmares of Kurt leaving him had disappeared.

He had started sleeping at Sebastian's place almost every night. When he woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare he tiptoed to the bathroom where he cried until his throat was sore and his eyes itching. When he felt dehydrated and so tired that he nearly couldn't hold his head up anymore he tiptoed back to bed and buried himself in Sebastian's arms.

Unfortunately even that couldn't keep the bad dreams away and when he woke up in the morning all he wanted was to be left alone so he could cry his fear out into the sheets. Instead he put on a pokerface and excused himself that he wasn't a morning person until the worst shock of the nightly events had cooled off and retreated to the back of his mind.

Sebastian seemed to be worried about him. He seemed worried because he was quiet and sad during the mornings, but when Blaine showed up at his door with a big smile and covered him in kisses in the evening it was like he figured that it probably just was leaving-the-bed-depression.

Blaine hadn't told Tina about the nightmares being so strong lately. He had the feeling that she thought he was feeling guilty over spending so much time with Kurt and that was why he spent the nights in Sebastian's bed. He missed her, and missed being able to tell her everything that was going on in his life like he used to, but he couldn't take her judgmental looks.

Weekends were easy because if he wasn't playing somewhere he was working at the pub which always was a busy event so he didn't have time to constantly turn everything over in his head.

One day Tina proposed that they should do a double date and her suggestion for when they should do it collided with a night he was meeting Kurt. She said that it would be a good night as Blaine was playing in a restaurant during the afternoon, she had a dancing job and Mike had one as well - they would all be dressed up for it already.

Blaine had to stop himself before saying that he couldn't do it that night. If he did that he was certain that Tina would start making up arguments in her head for why he would rather be with Kurt than with his friends and boyfriend. Instead he hoped that Sebastian would be busy that night and he would be spared the problem.

Sebastian was free. He was thrilled about the idea and was looking forward to hanging out with Tina and Mike, so Blaine had to sacrifice himself and told Kurt that he had forgot that he had plans with some friends. Kurt was understanding and said that they could always find another day.

_At least he didn't get pissed_, Blaine thought relieved.

**xXx**

The date was awkward. Blaine had no idea what to talk to the others about, so he kept shut, ate his food and listened to them talk about Tina and Mike's upcoming exams and an exhibition Sebastian had been to for work.

Blaine was bored, and kept wanting to text Kurt that he was sorry that he had to cancel. Kurt hadn't been able to come see him play because he had dress rehearsal at the theater so they had planned to do something else over the evening instead and he had really been looking forward to it, but now he was just bummed out.

When dessert was coming up he excused himself to go to the bathroom but snuck outside instead. He hurried out his phone and called Kurt. He didn't answer it right away, so Blaine was just about to hang up when the beeping ended and Kurt's voice sounded.

"_Hey. I thought you were with friends tonight?" _Kurt's said surprised.

"I am. I was just thinking that… now that I had to cancel tonight you might want to hang out Wednesday instead? I uhm… I'm playing afternoon as well, so I figured we could do something over the evening - if you want? Maybe…" Blaine suggested awkwardly.

He already had an idea of what they should do, but he wanted to keep it as a surprise. There were some things he had always wanted to do with Kurt, and he figured that now they had been back in each other's lives for long enough to actually do this - now he just hoped Kurt would be on board.

"_Sure. I can do that. I'm not sure about my schedule next week, but I actually think I am off. Let's do it_," Kurt agreed, and Blaine felt a twirling in his body.

They said goodbye and hung up. He couldn't stop grinning to himself by the thought that he would be spending his entire Wednesday with Kurt when he was startled.

"Hey babe. Who're you talking to?" Sebastian's voice sounded from behind him as he put his arms around Blaine and kissed his ear.

"Uhm no one. Just… I just got a playing job this Wednesday, that's all," Blaine blabbered out and turned around to face his boyfriend. He hated himself.

Mean, vicious, horrible hatred was bubbling inside of him, filling his nervous system with acid from lying to Sebastian. He had no idea why he didn't just man up and tell him everything, but something inside him kept holding him back. What was he so afraid of?

"That's great. I'm happy for you. You know that I am really proud of you, right?" Sebastian smiled at him and Blaine looked down.

_Why does he have to be so amazing?_

He couldn't meet his eyes. Not now. He was standing there being the perfect boyfriend, and Blaine was standing there being the… worst boyfriend.

"Mhm, let's… go back inside, shall we?" Blaine said and let his hand into Sebastian's so he could lead him back to their table without having to look at him.

For the rest of the evening Blaine kept his hand locked strongly with Sebastian's on the table as if to show the world that they were together. He didn't look at him or really say anything at all for the rest of the evening, but stayed quiet and avoided all kind of eye contact.

When they came back to Sebastian's apartment he pushed Blaine against the wall and kissed him. Blaine dozily returned the kiss and let Sebastian's hand wander freely over his body. He let his own hands stay locked on Sebastian's back, pressing their chests close together.

When they reached the bedroom Blaine simply dragged off his suit, folded it neatly and crawled under the sheets in his undershirt and boxers. He couldn't wrap his mind around the thought of changing and going into his elaborate facial cleansing routine.

He closed his eyes and hoped that he would fall asleep soon, but Sebastian turned off the lights and dragged Blaine close. He forced him to turn around and Blaine felt it like Sebastian's eyes were piercing into his.

"Blaine. I'm really worried about you. Sometimes I wake up at night and you aren't there. When we wake up in the morning you seem like you'd rather I just leave you alone, and tonight you were just… strange. Is anything going on?" Sebastian asked softly, and Blaine could feel how uneasy he was. Apparently he hadn't been so good at hiding his troubles as he thought he had.

He was lost for words. He had no idea how to respond to that. He wanted to break down and cry. He wanted to confess everything; how he hadn't told him that his childhood friend was back in his life, how he had been lying to him to spend time with another guy regardless of how innocent it was and how he had this whole part of himself and his life that he had never told him about.

Sebastian's eyes were flickering between Blaine's, like he was hoping that they would tell him Blaine's life story, or at least break the secret of what was going on that he wasn't talking about.

"I… I just have a lot on my plate these days. I'm just stressed, I guess. I'm sorry," Blaine mumbled, but could immediately see that Sebastian didn't believe him.

Sebastian sat up in the bed and turned on the lights. He stared down on him, and for some reason Blaine couldn't keep his focus off the fact that Sebastian wasn't wearing a shirt. He was tanned and muscular, and Blaine couldn't count the times he had kissed those gorgeous collarbones. Sebastian sighed and dragged Blaine out of his train of thoughts as his eyebrows crept to meet over his nose.

He grabbed around Blaine's hand, and for the first time Blaine saw him look truly pained by his worries. Something that made Blaine squeeze his eyes shut to hold the tears in check.

"Blaine, if you don't talk to me, then what am I supposed to do? I know something is bothering you and I wanna be there for you, but how can I if you won't let me in? I know you've been through a lot, and life hasn't been easy for you, but… I just wanna help you to let that be the past, and let now and your future be as good as possible. Let me help you, baby," Sebastian begged and clenched his hand.

He looked like he was giving up. Blaine sure felt like giving up. He wanted to throw his arms around Sebastian, tell him that he loved him and that everything was going to be okay as long as he just had some time - but that was the point; he didn't love Sebastian, no matter how much he tried.

Until now he had hoped that he would be able to start loving him, but nothing had happened yet. Sure, in their time together his affection for him had grown stronger. He cared about him with a burning passion and he had never felt like that for anyone before; and he was sure that what he felt for him was the strongest he could ever feel about anyone. It just wasn't love - so he kept telling himself that maybe love would present itself for him in time. Maybe time was what he needed.

Or maybe it was love, but Blaine didn't know how to recognize it because he was so damaged. Or maybe it was love, but he was incapable of feeling romantic love for anyone, even though that was what they had.

"No, really… I'm fine. I'm just stressed out and having a lot of work these days. I'm just… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, honey. I promise I will try to be better. I guess I could take less shifts or something," Blaine apologized. He was lost. He had no idea what to say or do. He couldn't break his heart, and he couldn't tell him anything to explain what was going on.

Sebastian sighed, and Blaine knew that he didn't think it to be a good enough excuse. Sebastian just had a way of knowing when something was going on, and even though Blaine had always been honest with him, he always knew when something was out of place with Blaine. Yet, Blaine was sure that he wasn't going to push it anymore, and he was right. Sebastian laid down and kissed Blaine's forehead.

"Alright. If you say so. But no, there's no reason for you to do that. You love what you do, just… please don't push me away. I wanna be in your life," he said, and Blaine knew that was the last he was going to say on the matter. He had faced his defeat.

"I want you in my life. I promise I'll be better," Blaine assured him and squeezed his hand between them before he placed a peck on his lips.

They bid each other goodnight, and Blaine turned around to melt into Sebastian's arms around him as Sebastian turned off the lights.

**A/N: **_I will be going on a semi-hiatus as I will leave for the Glee convention in UK today. I won't be near my laptop until Wednesday July 18th so you will have to wait a bit. Thank you so much for all of your kinds words, it really means a lot to me, those are what encourage me to keep writing. Bless your souls!_


	16. Homesick

When Blaine woke up the next day he had the horrible nightmares filling him with unease but decided to act like everything was fine. He had promised Sebastian that he would be better, so that was what he intended to do - at least try.

Neither of them had anything planned for the day and it was the first Sunday in a really long time where neither of them had to work, so Blaine decided to wake up his boyfriend by kissing his fingertips and then turn around to kiss his neck lightly.

Sebastian hummed delighted in his ear and found Blaine's mouth. He started letting his hand down over Blaine's ass inside his boxers but Blaine moved his hand away. He wasn't in the mood for that, he just wanted to let Sebastian know that they were fine and that he had nothing to worry about.

Fortunately he didn't get upset but pulled Blaine in to lie on his chest instead and Blaine was relieved. He kissed his chest and locked his arms around him so he could close his eyes and enjoy the feeling of Sebastian placing kisses on his hair.

They stayed in bed for nearly the entire day. Late afternoon Sebastian suggested that they went to see a play he had tickets for through work, so they took turns on showering and dressed up.

When they were back in bed it even seemed to Blaine like Sebastian had forgotten the trouble from the previous night and neither of them mentioned it again as they ended the night with sex and falling asleep almost immediately after.

**xXx**

Sebastian had a company dinner at night and Blaine had canceled a long time ago because of work so they had agreed for Blaine to sleep at his own place. The decision was dearly welcomed as it would assure Blaine to not feel as guilty as usual after having met with Kurt.

_I shouldn't feel guilty. We're only talking_, Blaine always told himself when he was about to face Sebastian after having spent the night with Kurt and he felt like his throat should be filled with cement.

But just to make sure he had arranged for flowers to be sent to Sebastian's apartment just in time for them to arrive while he was getting ready for his dinner with his colleagues.

_Sorry I couldn't be there. Yours x _Blaine had written in the card and he knew that lilies were Sebastian's favorites so he felt like he was in the running to be only the second worst boyfriend of the history.

As soon as he was done playing in the restaurant he hurried home to shower and put on his own casual clothes for a change. Until now Kurt had only seen him in the clothes he wore for work at the pub and the suits he wore for playing in fancy places.

He found out a pair of navy chinos, a black shirt and a white bowtie with red and navy stripes - his favorite that Tina had given him for his graduation. After having checked his hair a million times, made sure he had a hold of his eyebrows and perfected the angle of his bowtie over and over again he left.

**xXx**

He was waiting for Kurt by the park as they had agreed. Kurt was late.

5 minutes late: _The train is probably delayed._

10 minutes late: _Okay, 10 minutes late is normal._

15 minutes later: He checked his phone, but there were no texts.

20 minutes late: _He'll be here, I'm sure he will._

30 minutes late: _Fuck it all._

Blaine's phone started ringing and he quickly found it out. He hoped to God that it was Kurt with an explanation, but when he looked at he phone a picture of Sebastian with morning hair was smiling back at him from the display.

He drew a heavy breath and forced himself to keep even and put on a smile as he answered the phone.

"_Hey babe. I think I have a secret admirer. Someone who knows me really well, cause I just got an armful of my favorite flowers_," Sebastian teased as Blaine picked up.

He smiled at how happy he sounded. He was glad that it had worked after his intention and hoped that Sebastian would know what it meant; that they were okay, that he wanted them to be okay - that this was the closest thing to love he would ever get.

"Doesn't sound good. Looks like I have some competition there," Blaine chuckled, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.

However, he still couldn't stop feeling bummed out that Kurt had ditched him. He dumped down on a bench and looked around the park where people were walking hand-in-hand, dogs were running around and kids were playing while being watched by their parents.

"_They're really beautiful. Thank you_," Sebastian said and Blaine felt warm inside. Whenever Sebastian used that voice he turned to mush and he was happy that he was sitting down or he probably would have fallen.

"I'm glad you like them. I made sure to tell them that I would send my army of vicious munchkins after them if the flowers weren't completely perfect and fresh when you got them," Blaine laughed and felt a little lighter in his mood.

_Maybe I should just go to his place and surprise him when he gets home tonight_, Blaine started thinking. That way he wouldn't have to spend the night alone, and he could continue his quest on trying to avoid Sebastian leaving him all of a sudden.

"_They're really gorgeous. Almost as gorgeous as you_," Sebastian cooed and Blaine was sure that his face had turned so red that he could light up the entire city.

Sebastian apologized that he had to hang up to make sure he would make it for dinner in time and Blaine purposely avoided mentioning anything about his playing job for the day.

When they hung up Blaine stayed on the bench for a little while. He looked at his photo of Sebastian on his phone and it made him smile. He wondered what he would be doing now as Tina and Mike had late classes so they wouldn't be home until the middle of the night. That meant that he could just as well go home and pack a bag so he could go to Sebastian's and wait for him to be home.

A text ticked in.

**Kurt: **"I am the worst person in the world! I am so, so, so sorry. I understand if you have left already, we had a major crisis at the theater. I am so, so sorry."

**Blaine: **"Okay"

**Kurt: **"I am sorry"

**Kurt: **"Really, Blaine. Please believe me."

This was the worst. Horrible. What was he supposed to say? Or do?

**Blaine: **"Meet you at the station?"

**Kurt: **"You're the best. I'll be there in 10. I promise!"

**xXx**

While waiting for Kurt he had promised himself to not ease up too quickly. He wanted to let him know that he couldn't just keep doing stuff like that. That he wasn't going to keep putting up with it. If Kurt wanted them to be friends he should show it.

The second Kurt stepped out of the train he completely left that thought behind though. Kurt was wearing tight black jeans, white shirt and a black, knitted cardigan over a black tie with silver flowers twirling up the fabric. His hair looked soft and was arranged perfectly. The only thing that seemed out of place was the brown, paper bag in his hand.

Blaine didn't get to ask about the contents of the bag, because before he even got to so much as open his mouth Kurt had thrown his arms around him.

"Thank you so much for still being here. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I didn't want to miss our night for anything, but all of this crazy stuff happened with troubles with the costumes and Dana got herself a stomach flu and suddenly I was late. I am so, so sorry," Kurt blabbered out so fast that Blaine nearly couldn't make out the words from each other.

He was speechless and breathless and he felt like an idiot for just standing there gawking at him, but he had no idea what to say. Eventually he shook himself out of his haze and regained the power of words.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it. I was just… it's fine really," Blaine assured him and hoped that he didn't sound too baffled, so he hurried to change the subject.

"What's with the bag? Bringing your own dinner tonight?" He asked quickly, hoping they could completely abandon the issue of Kurt's delay.

Kurt's face lit up, like he had hoped for Blaine to ask so he could deliver the perfect introduction. A triumphant smile crossed his face and he started to open the bag.

"Now that you ask, m'darling, it is for you. Because I suck at keeping my schedule, and it's not fair to you, so I wanted to let you know that I truly am sorry. So I stopped on my hasty way to the train and got you this."

He dug his hand into the bag and produced a box of strawberries and a box of cranberry-and-chocolate cookies. He was smiling shyly, waiting for a response, but Blaine was taken off guard.

"You loved them when we were kids. I don't know if you still like them, I just figured that… it was the least I could do," Kurt shrugged and held his breath while anxiously waiting for the verdict.

"Thank you. This is - amazing. I have no idea when it was the last time I had this. I can't believe you remembered," Blaine burst out.

_He remembered. How can he have remembered this small, insignificant, idiotic thing about me when so much has happened since?_

He suddenly felt a rush of strong affect and a need to hug Kurt and never let go. They were back to being them again.

"This is actually perfect. I have something planned, so I hope you're cool with it. If you're not up for it we can always do something else of course," Blaine hurried to say. He had to let the need of being close to Kurt go. He couldn't do that. They weren't 6 and 7 years old anymore.

Kurt asked a few times what he had planned, but Blaine refused to tell him. He wanted to keep it as a surprise. Instead he led Kurt down the street and they kept bumping their shoulders awkwardly together like when they were kids.

After ten minutes walk Blaine stopped in front of an old movie theater and Kurt looked confused.

"Remember when we were kids at Silverlake and we always talked about how it would be to watch a movie in a real theater instead of just on the screen with all the other kids around us and the grown-ups telling us how to sit? Well, this theater does runs of children's movies early in the evening and we're watching Lion King in 8 minutes. If you want," Blaine beamed at him, but he was anxious.

He didn't have their tickets yet. He was so nervous that Kurt would think it to be the stupidest idea in the world, but now he had finally said it Kurt was grinning widely. He squeezed around Blaine's wrist and Blaine wanted to let his hand up to catch Kurt's.

"This is great, Blaine. Incredible," Kurt said shyly.

_Yes. Perfect!_

They got their tickets and hurried inside to find their seats. As soon as the movie started Blaine felt like he was back to being 6 years old and sitting on the beanbag in the TV room in the orphanage with Kurt next to him.

They shared the cookies and strawberries, and when the scene of Mufasa getting killed Blaine had to clasp his hand over his mouth to hold in a loud sob.

Kurt let his hand up to release Blaine's from his mouth and then he locked his fingers with Blaine's on the armrest between them.

They kept their hands locked throughout the entire movie. They both got startled at the same points and laughed at all the same things. By the end of the movie they were sitting with their shoulders so close that they nearly couldn't move their arms. Just like when they were kids.

"This was - Blaine, I don't know what to say. This was so fantastic. Thank you so much," Kurt said when they left the theater.

As soon as they were back outside it was like the moment had passed and they kept their hands to themselves. Not that Blaine wanted to or anything; he wanted to keep Kurt's hand in his always.

Blaine couldn't help smiling to himself. He wasn't done yet - he had one more thing planned for them and he was sure Kurt would love it.

When Blaine stopped in front of the planetarium Kurt squealed. He clearly already knew just from Blaine's smile when he stopped and turned to face him.

"Stars. I can't believe you're giving me stars in New York," Kurt said with a voice weak from being overwhelmed.

This time Kurt's hand found Blaine's the first thing when the lights were turned off. As soon as the stars started showing over their heads Kurt gasped and locked his gaze on the ceiling while clenching Blaine's hand tightly.

"Thank you," Kurt whispered thickly through the darkness, and when Blaine turned to look at him he found his eyes wet and tears on his cheeks, but a smile was taking up his entire face.

Blaine wiped his tears lightly away with his free hand and smiled back at him from the dark. He didn't say anything back, but couldn't stop looking at Kurt - he was much more remarkable than the stars and planets above them.

Kurt moved to sit so close that their arms were entangled in each other with their fingers locked. His hand was soft and strong, and he smelled like all the good childhood memories they shared. The feeling of his skin when Blaine had wiped his tears away was still burning on his fingertips and Blaine wanted to kiss his cheek so he could feel how his skin would be against his lips.

They kept their hands together until they reached the doors, but when they stepped out into the chill New York night it was like they silently agreed to let go. They walked so close that Blaine could still smell his perfume and every now and then their hands brushed against each other between them.

They slowly reached the station and both of them knew that this was it. They were about to say goodnight and go into opposite trains. What would happen after that neither of them knew, and Blaine felt sadness take over.

"So… I guess we'll see each other around or something, maybe I can come hear you play again soon," Kurt said awkwardly as he turned to face Blaine.

_No. No. No. Can't we do something else? Go to a bar and talk for the entire night? We don't even have to talk, I just don't want you to leave yet_, Blaine begged in his head, but bit his lower lip to stop the words from tumbling out his mouth.

The platform was quiet. The only thing to be heard was the sound from the cars on the streets, a couple fighting on the stairs and a homeless lady talking to her dog.

…and Kurt's train slowly getting closer to the station, simultaneously with Blaine's pulse pounding in his ears in panic.

Kurt took a step closer and locked his fingers around his wrist as he had done every night since they started seeing each other regularly.

"Thank you so much. For everything. I really don't deserve this. I've put you through so much, and yet you go ahead and plan this… marvelous night. You're still the most amazing person I've ever met, Blaine," Kurt smiled softly, and Blaine wasn't sure if he was even capable of keeping himself on his feet anymore.

His brain was going crazy. He needed to do something, make up an excuse for why Kurt couldn't go yet - the problem was he had nothing.

"I guess I'll have to go. Text me, okay?" Kurt said sadly, and started to walk away.

Blaine made a snap decision. Actually, he didn't make a decision, because he didn't have time to think it over. He let his wrist free of Kurt's fingers that had nearly left his arm and closed his hand around Kurt's so he could pull him back. All of a sudden their bodies were pressed against each other and he had no idea what he was doing. Kurt wasn't objecting, but everything was going so fast that he probably wouldn't have had time to anyway.

Blaine crashed his lips against Kurt's. He put his left hand to the lower of his back to press him closer even though it was nearly impossible for them to be closer than they already were. He let his right hand drift up to cup the back of Kurt's head, and by some miracle he could feel Kurt lock his arms around his waist and part his lips to let Blaine's tongue into his mouth.

Kurt's lips were like silk, but as soft and gentle as they were just as strong and determined were they. Their kiss was needy and sloppy, and Blaine was sure that he had a mix of too much saliva and way too dry tongue, but Kurt just kept his face locked to his own with a firm hand.

Blaine was sure that his insides were boiling. His blood felt like it was running so hot that it would damp away any second, and his head was spinning. He was sure that if Kurt let go off him he would sink to the ground, unable to do anything about it, and dissolve into a melted puddle of nothing.

His brain was roaring with noise and his pulse was cramping. He couldn't have Kurt close enough and he wasn't prepared to let him go. He could feel that his face was turning wet and he was uncertain whether it was him or Kurt who was crying, or maybe it was both of them - but he couldn't breath and they had to part.

They kept their hands on each other's faces, their noses so close that if they moved too fast it would result in tragic face injuries. They were panting against one another and Blaine could taste Kurt's breath on his throbbing lips. He was already craving for them to return but he was sure that they would pass out if he tried - not that it mattered, because that would be the best way in the world to pass out.

"Don't go now. Please, you can't leave now," Blaine begged, and he didn't care that he sounded pathetic with tears streaming down his face, and tears streaming down Kurt's face, because all that was important was that he did everything he could to convince Kurt to stay.

"I literally can't leave now. That was my last train," Kurt chuckled thickly against his lips, and strengthened his grip on Blaine's face.

Blaine giggled, he chuckled, he laughed and Kurt laughed with him. It was ridiculous. Here they were standing in the dark laughing against each other as if the world was light and bright around them. It really was in that moment.

"We can always… go to my place. Tina and Mike are out and - it's not some scam to get you to go home with me, I promise. It's just… come home with me, we can have a beer or something and you can wait for a cab. My train will be here in five minutes," Blaine smiled when they finally stopped laughing.

Kurt let his hand over Blaine's to lock around it and let it leave his face. He kept them together between them while he chewed on his lower lip.

"Okay. We can do that. I'll… let's do that then," Kurt said and smiled breathlessly at him.

Blaine felt his fingertips fill with butterflies. They flew through his veins to fill his arms, chest, belly, legs and his entire body. The wind was cool against his skin but he was feeling like it was a hot summer day.

They waited for the train in silence and neither of them said anything during the ride. When they arrived at Blaine's building he unlocked the door and turned on the lights. It wasn't much, but it was good enough for him, Tina and Mike. Now he hoped that it was good enough for Kurt too.

Blaine gestured for Kurt to sit on the couch while he went to the kitchen to get two beers. When he returned to the living room he realized how nervous he was, and that he was slightly shaking.

He sat down on the couch as well, not too close but not too far away either. He had no idea what to do or what would be appropriate. What was Kurt hoping to happen? What did Kurt _want _to happen? Should he offer him to find a number for a cab?

They drank their beers in more silence. Kurt was shyly looking around himself and took in the surroundings that was Blaine's apartment. The walls were filled with pictures from him and Tina growing up together, and as they grew older Mike and other friends had joined the pictures. It was casual and didn't really show that neither Tina nor Blaine had a family.

Blaine kept his gaze locked on the bottle in his hand. He wanted to look at Kurt so badly, to kiss him again and hold him close, but he was afraid that it wasn't okay. That previously only had been a moment of weakness and if he did anything now it would ruin everything. What if he already had ruined everything?

Out of nowhere Kurt's hand were on his neck and pulling his face against his own. Blaine quickly let himself into the motion and got his bottle away on the table. He had no idea what happened, but suddenly he was on top of Kurt on the couch with their tongues dancing lively while their lips were massaging each other.

Kurt's chest was pounding up and down under him, just as strongly as Blaine's own. Their breathing were heavy and their hands were all over each other. Kurt's one leg were between Blaine's, and Blaine's hand was caressing up and down his free thigh. Kurt's hands had dragged Blaine's shirt out of his pants and were now sliding up and down his back.

Blaine started kissing down his neck while Kurt was moaning into his ear. Kurt's hips were bucking upwards to rub his pelvis against Blaine's thigh, while Blaine was rubbing his crotch against Kurt's, and there was no doubt that they were both equally hard.

"Bedroom… wanna…" Blaine tried asking through kissing and sucking on Kurt's Adams apple but words failed him horribly.

"Yes. Now. Please," Kurt groaned weakly back and dug his nails into Blaine's back as he rubbed his crotch hard against Blaine's leg one more time before pushing him off.

"Where?" Kurt asked when they were both back on their feet, but Blaine didn't get to respond because Kurt was back to his mouth immediately.

Blaine led them awkwardly through the living room and to his bedroom with their lips not leaving each other for a second. He turned on the light to make sure they didn't fall over a bag or a chair or something, and they quickly ended on the bed.

Kurt's cardigan fell to the floor almost instantly while his fingers were fumbling with the buttons on Blaine's shirt. Blaine had Kurt's tie off and his shirt open much quicker than he had expected, and he realized the reality of his bowtie on the bed next to them and the fact that he was nearly shirtless next to Kurt.

He squeezed his eyes shut and all his fear of closeness and nudity splashed in over him. He had never been naked with another person in his life before, and he couldn't expect Kurt to understand. If he started telling him about that now it would only kill everything about to happen and Kurt would probably leave. He couldn't do that, he wanted this too badly.

"Condoms… we need… condoms," Blaine panted and sucked Kurt's lower lip into his mouth.

"Condoms… are you planning on something that will need more than one?" Kurt smiled deviously and turned Blaine to lie on his back so he could sit on top of him.

There Kurt was; shirtless, the outline of his hard cock extremely visibly in the jeans that were so tight it should be illegal of health reasons - and he wanted him. Just him, only him, right now!

Kurt leaned down to keep on kissing Blaine while he started opening his belt. He fumbled a little around before he had both belt and pants open. He moved slowly down Blaine's body to drag his pants off while simultaneously kissing him from his collarbone, over his chest and down to his navel.

Everything was twitching on Blaine from the inside and out. It was only a matter of time before Kurt would start taking off his boxers and he would be completely naked.

Kurt returned to lie next to him while teasing his fingers back and forth at the hem of Blaine's underwear, making chills run through him from head to toe.

"If you find condoms… I'll get rid of the rest of these annoying clothes," Kurt mumbled while sucking on Blaine's earlobe.

This was now or never. He had to either do it or miss anything there ever was. He panicked - he didn't have any condoms. He had never had sex in his own bed, in his own apartment. The only place he had ever had sex was in Sebastian's bed.

Tina and Mike. They had to have some.

"Alright. Don't leave," Blaine agreed as soon as he had turned it over in his head. He forced Kurt's face to collide with his in a kiss before he awkwardly got off the bed and tiptoed out the door.

It felt wrong to run around the apartment in nothing but his underwear. He had never done that before either, and he wanted to get back to his room as quickly as possible. Where Kurt was waiting for him.

He dug through Mike's nightstand and luckily he found what he was looking for. He had no idea how much he would need or what the difference of the colors were so he grabbed a small handful, did his best to cover up his trace and rushed back to the room where he closed the door behind him.

As soon as he was a few feet away from the bed Kurt grabbed the elastic of his underwear and dragged him close. It wasn't until then that Blaine realized that Kurt was completely naked, sitting on his bed, and now he was kissing lightly over his stomach. Where no one had ever been allowed to kiss him before.

Blaine let the condoms drop to the bed so he could let his fingers run through Kurt's soft hair. Kurt saw it as an invitation and let his hands onto Blaine's back where he started letting them down his underwear.

His brain was clogged, and he couldn't stop looking down on Kurt kissing and sucking on the skin right above his waist. He licked softly over his exposed hips, and Blaine had a feeling that his nipples were so hard that it would be possible to cut glass with them.

He nervously let his hands from Kurt's hair down over his shoulders to indicate for him to move so Blaine could get down on the bed too. He wanted to crawl under the covers to not feel so put on display, but he didn't want to ask.

Kurt stared at him and let his fingertips run from Blaine's collarbone down his chest, over his ribs and down to end on his hand where he folded his hand around Blaine's. He moved to the other side of the bed and started to lie down and Blaine knew that he should as well so he did without a word.

Kurt moved so close to him that Blaine could feel Kurt's nipples stiff against his chest and his cock hard against his own through his underwear. It was surreal and frightening - yet incredible.

Before he knew it Kurt had started to drag his boxers down and Blaine lifted himself to make it easier for him. Now they were both naked and Blaine was afraid that he was going to die from the pressure.

He wanted to let his hands back to touch Kurt, but he couldn't move. He was paralyzed in the moment and all he could do was lie still and hope for Kurt to take control enough for something to happen.

"Top or bottom?" Kurt asked and pulled Blaine out of his stream of thoughts. He had not thought of that and now he was even more scared that whatever he said it wouldn't fit with Kurt and everything would fall to the floor.

Kurt placed innocent kisses on his lips, staring at him and waited for a response. He had to say something; take a stand, declare his position.

"B… uhm… bottom," Blaine said weakly.

"Hmm… I had guessed you to be top," Kurt smiled without as much as a trace of judgment or disappointment in his words or face.

Blaine wanted to apologize. To say that he could top if Kurt rather wanted it that way, but he didn't get to open his mouth before Kurt had snuck his leg in between Blaine's and were suddenly lying on top of him, pressing his naked frame against Blaine's.

It was too much. Blaine feared that he would start crying. His hands were still lying on the mattress next to him, and no matter what he did they refused to move. Kurt felt strong and athletic on top of him; but in a graceful way, like a gymnast, a ballet dancer or an ice skater - light and controlled.

The room was spinning and his lungs were working overload. His heart was cramping, and his blood was pulsing ten times faster than usual. Kurt's kisses were slow, but in charge and Blaine finally made his hands move. He let his fingertips run down Kurt's arms and ribs to end on the lower of his back.

Blaine was trembling, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he always did during sex, only this time it was because he was afraid that if he met Kurt's eyes he would see that he actually didn't know what he was doing.

"Are you nervous? You're almost shaking," Kurt asked and when Blaine forced his eyes open he looked worried. He had stopped his caressing of Blaine's arms and lifted himself a little to see his face properly.

"Just… a little," Blaine whispered embarrassedly.

"Blaine are you… are you a virgin?" Kurt suddenly asked as if all of the pieces fell into place for him, and Blaine could have buried himself.

"No. I'm just… I've never been, you know - naked, with anyone before -" he said sheepishly and made ready for Kurt to back off. He understood that this would be surely be too much, and too awkward, for him - what man in his twenties had never been naked with anyone before?

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to… push you into anything." Now Kurt seemed embarrassed and sad. His face filled with guilt and worry, so Blaine hurried to drag him down in a kiss.

"You didn't. I want this. I want _you_. Don't stop. Please. I don't know anything because I'm so awkward, but I trust you, so please - just help me through it," Blaine assured him, and suddenly he wasn't nervous anymore. All that was left of his nerves was a bit of unease in the back of his throat, but he knew that as soon as Kurt started kissing him again it would go away.

Kurt searched his eyes as if to make sure that he was telling the truth, to be sure that he was okay. He squeezed Blaine's arm lightly before he leaned back down so their lips almost met.

"Stop me if it's too much," he begged and Blaine nodded at him before he lifted his head to crash their lips together.

From there on it was more or less a mess of lips and tongues fighting for dominance. Every movement made Blaine certain that he was on the edge of explosion, and he could feel Kurt's pre-come smeared over his waist.

They rubbed their crotches against each other, and Blaine knew that he had never been so hard in his life. Kurt's breathing was hard and the heavier it sounded the more Blaine wanted him, so when Kurt let his hand slide from Blaine's knee down his thigh he knew what was coming and relief ran through him.

"I'm guessing there's no lube?" Kurt asked, but it mostly seemed like a statement.

He grabbed one of the condoms and ripped the package open with his teeth. He smeared the lubricant around his fingers and let it drop to the nightstand before he leaned back down to kiss Blaine who was sure he was about to turn crazy from the lack of kisses and touching.

Kurt let his fingers down Blaine's crack and he was suddenly extremely aware of himself. The feeling of Kurt sliding his fingers up and down his crack before he started to slowly let a finger enter his hole made Blaine's entire body tense, and it was like his skin was buzzing.

He kept reminding himself to relax, and it was easier with Kurt kissing him slowly and softly now. In return Blaine let his own hands caress up and down Kurt's chest, over his shoulders and down his back, until Kurt let his finger carefully slide deeper into him.

Blaine burst out a gasp into Kurt's mouth and he felt embarrassed by his reaction. Kurt held still for a while so he could let Blaine get used to the feeling, but it quickly became unbearable and Blaine dug his fingers into Kurt's shoulders and did an involuntary move of his hips.

Kurt started moving slowly in and out of him, and Blaine bent his leg on the mattress to make it easier for him. He could feel that Kurt was doing his best to be careful with him and he appreciated it, but he was getting harder and more desperate and just wanted more.

He let their kiss turn stronger and sloppier. His tongue turned harder and his grip around Kurt's arms transformed to a clench. Kurt crook his finger up and down, and without warning he let a second finger in, making Blaine do another gasp, this time without any embarrassment at all, especially because it made Kurt smile through their kiss.

"Fuck… Blaine - you're so tight," Kurt moaned against his lips.

Blaine felt his face go even redder than it already was, even though he had thought such a thing to be impossible. He couldn't figure out if Kurt meant that as a good or a bad thing, but he was scissoring and moving his fingers up and down making Blaine sure his voice would be high pitched if he was to say a word, as Kurt let one more finger enter him and Blaine couldn't help but tighten around him.

He sucked on Kurt's lower lip, panted into his mouth and was desperate to let his hands feel everywhere on his body. Without knowing it Blaine had locked his hand around Kurt's erection and started swiping up and down. Kurt smiled against his lips and whimpered high pitched against Blaine's cheek before he sat up.

He let his fingers slowly exit Blaine, making him groan and twist on the bed, but Blaine didn't let go off Kurt's cock. For a moment Blaine watched his hand working around him, while Kurt smiled down at him with joy filling his face.

After a brief moment Kurt grabbed for a new condom and got it free of the foil package, this time a little more careful than the last. He locked his fingers around Blaine's on his shaft to slowly stop him after swiping a few times with him.

Blaine couldn't take his eyes off of Kurt's face while he was rolling the rubber over his hard dick, and he was craving to have Kurt's body pressed back against his own. It was torture to lie there watching while he couldn't do anything and for a moment he considered starting to hand himself but he figured it would be too weird.

As soon as Kurt had the condom in place he dried his fingers on his own thigh before he started letting his hands run gently up and down Blaine's thighs. After a few strokes he ended his hands at the tendons of his knees and let Blaine's legs bend.

He leaned down to kiss Blaine without a trace of lust or sex, but sweet, passionately and deep. He broke off and lifted his head a little so he could let his eyes pierce into Blaine's.

"Are you ready?" He asked, his voice so low it was nearly a whisper.

It wasn't because he was nervous himself, he seemed confident and as if he had a complete hold of things - it was to make sure Blaine was comfortable, to make sure he didn't do anything without Blaine wanting it as well.

Blaine drew a heavy breath and realized what was going to happen. He smiled and gave Kurt an assuring nod with an urge to brush a hand over his pale cheek that was currently flushed in a bright red color.

Kurt smiled back at him, and as he let his hand lock around the root of his dick so he could slowly start to enter Blaine he didn't let his eyes go for a second. His free hand was up to support next to Blaine's face where Kurt was caressing his cheek softly with a thumb, a promise that he would take care of him.

As Kurt went deeper into him he released his hand and let it up so he could support on both arms, but both of his now free hands running his fingers into Blaine's hair with comforting strokes. When he was full in he stopped and leaned down to kiss Blaine under him, and Blaine held his hands on Kurt's back. He welcomed the kiss hungrily, and when Kurt thrust his hips to go a little deeper he couldn't stop a groan.

"It's okay? You okay, baby?" Kurt asked sweetly and stared Blaine in the eyes. He felt like he was back to being a virgin again, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was comforting and assuring the way Kurt just wanted him to be alright. This was how he wished that his first time had been - Sebastian had been honorable and gentle, but back then Blaine had done it as something he just wanted over with and because he was scared Sebastian would leave him if he didn't; with Kurt he just wanted it, wanted to share this part of him with Kurt.

"Yes. Please don't stop. It feels so good," Blaine blabbered out, heaving for breath, and a smile spread on Kurt's lips.

Blaine let his feet up to lock on Kurt's back. Kurt understood the message and started to slowly let his hips move himself in and out of Blaine in long, slow strokes.

The faster their kiss got, the faster Kurt thrust. Both of his hands were entangling his fingers in Blaine's hair now, and as Blaine felt himself tighten more he dug his fingers into Kurt's back. He heard himself pant loudly, and the heavier Kurt was breathing into his ear the heavier he was breathing himself.

He never knew sex could feel like this. The way Kurt held his arms around him, and the way Kurt's body made his own tremble and fill with gooseflesh made him feel safe and protected. It was extraordinary and he wanted the feeling to never stop. It was like the outer layer of his skin was ice cold, but the rest of the layers and all the way in to the core of his everything was on fire.

Even though Kurt was on top of him, holding his arms around him, was inside him; he only craved for him to be closer. He wanted Kurt deeper, faster and harder. He wanted Kurt to be a permanent part of him.

"Fuck, you're so good, Kurt," he heard himself whimper as Kurt started kissing down his jaw. He kissed his neck, his ear and his temple.

"Trust me," he whispered in Blaine's ear before he started to sit up, still moving inside of Blaine, and Blaine could see his abdomens working with every thrust.

Blaine panicked. He couldn't leave him, couldn't sit up so he could see him lying there spread out with nothing to cover him up - no, he needed to come back, but all Blaine could do was moan and whimper from Kurt moving his dick in and out of him.

Kurt let a hand run gently down Blaine's torso, massaging his nipple on the way, with caressing strokes over his ribcage he sent electricity through Blaine's body.

He let his hands close around the tendons of Blaine's knees so he could lift his legs higher and lock them by his shoulder blades instead, changing the angle so when he bucked his hips forward Blaine groaned weakly and a smile covered Kurt's face.

"You're so beautiful," Kurt said through a smile with his eyes looking heavy and blurry. He held his hands flattened lightly on Blaine's thighs, and started to thrust slower, but harder and deeper.

Blaine couldn't stop looking at him. He wanted to see every inch of his amazing body, every furrow of his eyebrows, every twist at the corners of his mouth, and every flicker in his eyes. His eyes that were running down Blaine's body to take him completely in before they locked back on his face - boring themselves into Blaine's eyes, making it real that he was having sex with lights on, exposed for Kurt to see all of him, and still holding eye contact because he didn't want Kurt's eyes to leave his ever.

Kurt bit his lower lip as he couldn't hold in a hard moan and Blaine wished that he hadn't. He looked so hot doing that but he wanted to hear him, because the sound of Kurt's moans was the sexiest sound in the world.

"I can't… I -" Kurt panted and thrust harder into Blaine as he arched his back and Blaine could see his muscles flex.

He hurried down to meet Blaine's mouth in a greedy kiss. His lips felt like he was trying to let them melt together and he was whimpering into his mouth as his hips and thighs were clasping hard against Blaine's ass filling the condom with come.

"Yes. Blaine, yes, don't let go now," Kurt groaned and Blaine retreated his mouth to make space for breathing and Kurt's words and sounds run freely.

He sounded weak and confident at the same time, it was a sore and nearly musical sound and Blaine wanted it to fill his body. He clasped his forehead against Blaine's temple and his lips against his cheek, and Blaine could feel his sweat and spit smear over his skin.

He went still. He didn't move anything but his heaving chest. All that was heard was his fight for oxygen and Blaine felt him tighten his grip around his shoulders.

Between them Blaine's balls were hard as rocks, and his cock was throbbing, but the moment was too remarkable to ruin it, so instead of saying anything he turned his head to kiss Kurt's jaw and cheek, when it was like a fire was re-ignited inside of him.

Kurt turned his face to catch Blaine's mouth just as forceful as before, but his breathing more even now. He lifted himself a little without pulling himself out of Blaine, but just enough to let his hand down between them.

His hand was slippery from sweating and his touch was gentle. He let his flat palm move over Blaine's dick from his head, down the shaft and down to cup around his balls lightly before he let his hand slide back up where he could get a hold.

He started moving his hand up and down around Blaine, and Blaine knew hat it wouldn't take much to push him over the edge, so he cramped his fingers around Kurt's arms.

It felt like his skin was shrinking on his body. He couldn't stop furrowing his eyebrows and he needed to kiss Kurt's collarbones that were so clearly mocking him by being so far away from his lips.

His brain started cramping and all muscles in his body flexed in one time. He couldn't think anymore, and it felt like he couldn't breath either. All he could do was stare into Kurt's eyes and feel how he was moving his hand, sliding his thumb through pre-come on his head and differencing his speed while breathing fast and looking down on him.

"Kurt, you're… yes, you're so good," Blaine groaned and as much as he wanted to warn Kurt he couldn't, because from one second to another his crotch, balls, shaft and head was on fire. Boiling spurts of firework were pulsing out of him and even though it was covering Kurt's hand he didn't stop but helped him through it while their eyes were locked together.

Blaine didn't even feel the need to close his eyes. The contrary actually, as he wanted the feeling of Kurt's eyes intensely staring directly into his soul never stop.

Kurt softly lowered himself down to kiss Blaine gently. No tongue, no force, nothing but their lips caressing each other while they were easing each other down from their orgasms. Blaine still didn't close his eyes and he was glad that Kurt didn't either because he needed it.

"You look so gorgeous when you come. That was better than stars in New York," Kurt whispered sweetly with his lips ghosting over Blaine's.

He had nothing to say to that. This entire night had been better than seeing stars in New York, everything about Kurt was better than stars in New York and he wanted to tell him.

Kurt placed an innocent peck on his lips before he moved his hand down to save the condom as he dragged himself out of Blaine. The feeling was unbearable and Blaine wanted to ask him to stop so they could stay locked together forever, but all he did was whimper from the feeling of Kurt leaving his body.

They were both so sweaty that their skin nearly slipped off each other, but Blaine got the nightstand drawer open and found out a box of Kleenex. Kurt cleaned both of them off, and walked over to let the used condoms and tissues find their way to the wastebasket by Blaine's desk.

Kurt grabbed the folded blanket from the chair and draped it over Blaine before he fell down to snuggle into him. He rested his head on his shoulder and locked his arm around his waist while kissing his neck and pressing his naked body against Blaine's.

"That was… wow," Blaine mumbled and kissed Kurt's hair and felt dumb. He surely should have been able to say something better than that.

His brain was fogging up and words were fighting each other to come out, but all he could think was that this was the best he had ever tried.

"I know. It was… spiritual," Kurt smiled and rested his forehead against Blaine's cheek. He was still sweating, they both were, but at least now they were breathing normally even though it had seemed impossible moments ago.

"You're not leaving now, are you?" Blaine asked before he could stop himself. He turned to lie on his side so he could see Kurt's eyes. He was terrified that now they were done Kurt would stay for a quick cuddle and then call for a cab.

Kurt chuckled at him and let his fingertips run soothing up and down his arm. Blaine's skin felt like it could break at any second, and the feeling of the light touch was like it was there for him to calm down and the fire slowly started to cool off.

"Surely I can't leave now. I don't fuck and run. Besides…"

He paused and it was like he was trying to tell Blaine something with his eyes, but he couldn't decipher his code and it was frustrating.

"This was more than just a fuck… wasn't it?" He asked and Blaine knew that it should have made him relax, but instead he felt his heart speed up.

He opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out so he closed again. His lips formed a thin line and chewed on the inside of his cheek in a hope for the circulation to bring his power of speech back to him.

"It was. Much more than just a silly, random, whatever fuck. This was…" Blaine blabbered desperately out, and he couldn't stop the tears forming in his eyes no matter how stupid and childish it was, but he was scared that Kurt thought he had only invited him back to his apartment to have sex with him.

"Shh, I know," Kurt cooed and let his hand rest on Blaine's cheek. His thumb stroke back and forth over his skin to wipe the tears away regardless of how many was about to come.

Blaine's first instinct told him to close his eyes and look away so Kurt couldn't see his vulnerability, but he didn't - he kept his eyes locked with Kurt's and marveled over how his eyes managed to be both blue, green and golden in one time.

"What about I turn off the lights and we sleep?" Kurt suggested with a nearly maternal voice.

He didn't push a reaction out of Blaine even though he couldn't wrap his mind around anything, so he stayed silent for a long time. He blinked and nodded, hoping that he wouldn't sob and cursed himself as far away as possible because starting to cry in this precious moment was the worst thing he had ever done.

When Kurt started to get up Blaine held him down, held him pinned to the bed with his hands, but Kurt leaned in to kiss him gently so Blaine released his grip and watched him tiptoe to the door where he could turn the lights off covering them in nearly complete darkness, only broken by the streetlamp outside his window.

As Kurt returned to the bed he laid down on his back and gestured for Blaine to lie on him. He rested his head on the hollow spot of Kurt's shoulder. He kissed his chest and lifted his hand so he could kiss his fingertips as well before holding strongly around his waist.

Fatigue started to overwhelm him and he decided to let go, because Kurt would still be there in the morning so he didn't have to worry. He closed his eyes and listened to Kurt's heartbeat and breathing, when he felt Kurt's hand lock itself with his.

He wasn't lost anymore. He didn't feel homesick anymore. It hadn't been his family and the house he was born into he had missed - he had needed the only home he could ever remember having.

**A/N: I do not condone of cheating in any way at all.**


	17. Hiding

Sunlight was filling Blaine's room and his arm was burning hot from being in the direct line of sunbeams coming from the window. He squeezed his grip a little tighter and kissed the chest under his cheek when he abruptly realized that he was in his own bed and not Sebastian's - and the fact that he was resting his head on someone's body was wrong because he had never slept like that before.

And he was naked.

The person his body was entangled in moaned and clenched a little harder around Blaine's shoulders. He brushed his foot up and down Blaine's shin and Blaine could clearly feel that he was equally as completely naked as Blaine was himself.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck! What did I do? _Blaine's thoughts were roaming at him and his heart started racing in panic.

He didn't dare open his eyes when a whiff of perfume reached his nostrils. It was the scent of Kurt.

It was Kurt.

He was naked and wrapped around naked Kurt. He strengthened his grip and opened his eyes to let his gaze be met by a pink nipple on porcelain skin only uneven by a single, tiny beauty mark on his ribs.

Blaine's blood was pulsing and he didn't know if it was because he had cheated on Sebastian, _was_ cheating on Sebastian, or if it was because it was Kurt he was lying with.

Blaine shuffled to lie on his front and started kissing over Kurt's ribs, his chest and abdomens - his entire torso. He licked over Kurt's nipples and sucked on his collarbones while Kurt twisted his fingers into his hair. He was moaning and giggling at the same time, and Blaine could feel Kurt's heart pumping and his cock hard against Blaine's arm that was folded over his waist.

He put his arms on each side of Kurt so he could drag himself up to lie on top of him while kissing down his neck.

"Goodmorning," Kurt mumbled thickly as he took a firm, but caring, grip on Blaine's locks to force him to face him so he could place a kiss on Blaine's nose.

"Morning," Blainne hummed sheepishly back at him. He didn't really know the procedure of what one was expected to do the morning after having sex with a person one wasn't in a committed, long-term relationship with.

"How did you sleep?" Kurt asked and it was like the sun was shining directly into Blaine's brain.

He had slept through the night without waking up once. He hadn't had any nightmares at all. No fire, no screaming, no dying family or friends - nothing but deep, black, comfortable sleep.

"The best," Blaine said truthfully.

He hadn't told Kurt that he still had the nightmares from when he was little, and he didn't want to sound too eager about actually having slept good so he guessed that he would keep it on the safe side by not saying too much.

"How about you?" Blaine asked in return as he placed a hand on Kurt's chest so he could rest his chin on it to keep eye contact.

"The best," Kurt echoed with a warm smile.

"You still sleep like a cat, though - but I like it. I like the feeling of your body enveloping me that way," Kurt assured him and let his fingers brush down Blaine's naked back.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that something so wrong, something that would hurt Sebastian so badly, felt so right and true. He wanted to kill himself because he knew that this was the worst thing he could ever do to Sebastian - but he wanted to stay there with Kurt and never have them leave his room, his bed, ever again.

"I think I need a shower. Will you… uhm… how… when are you leaving?" He hadn't wanted to ask because he was afraid of the answer. He was afraid that Kurt would need to leave as quick as possible and that would be the end.

"I don't need to be at the theater until tonight, so… until you kick me out," Kurt crooned and Blaine's heart stopped from the sound. He couldn't stop a grin from taking over his face and he raised himself a little from Kurt.

Kurt wrapped the blanket softly around Blaine's body and a rush of safety felt like it was injected directly into his veins. Kurt smiled and kissed his cheek.

"There. Now you can go shower. Just with… the naked thing. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me." Kurt stared at him with affection and Blaine was overwhelmed.

It was the strangest thing that Kurt actually remembered such a thing even though he had told him in such a heated moment where their attention was directed on other, more pressuring and passionate, stuff.

"Thank you," Blaine mumbled weakly with an honest smile he hoped showed his gratitude.

He got awkwardly off the bed with a firm grip on the blanket. He took a look back on Kurt who was completely exposed to him, but had started to move so he could crawl under the covers instead.

Blaine had to force himself to hurry to the bathroom. He rushed under the water and it was like it was his first shower in his life. The streams of water caressing his skin was incredible, and the feeling of his fingers massaging soap into his hair and skin made him so relaxed that he had to keep reminding himself not to slide down to lie on the porcelain floor.

When he stepped out and started drying himself off he avoided the mirror. He couldn't look himself in the eyes. He couldn't take the thought of seeing his own face because it would make the reality of what he had done to Sebastian hit him and he would surely break down in hysterics.

He pulled on a fresh pair of boxers and a t-shirt before he returned to his bedroom. Kurt was curled up under the covers with his nose and fingers digging into Blaine's pillow under his cheek, and he looked like he was wrapped in peace.

Blaine sat softly down on the bed next to him and realized that he was sleeping. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed and light lines were showing on his forehead with a little twitch at the corners of his mouth. He looked peaceful, yet pensive, and Blaine didn't have the heart to wake him up, so he carefully crawled under the sheet so he could lie down next to Kurt and watch him sleep.

As soon as his head hit the pillow Kurt put his arm around Blaine and pulled him closer. He let himself into the embrace and put his own arm around Kurt's naked waist. Kurt kissed his forehead gently and Blaine closed his eyes to take in the mixed scent of Kurt, sweat, soap and sex that was filling up their closed space.

**xXx**

Blaine woke up startled by a cold palm on his back pressing him close to a pounding heartbeat.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's okay, baby. I'm here," Kurt's voice cooed into his ear. He stroke

his hand over Blaine's hair and over his shoulders with comforting sounds.

It was only then Blaine realized that he was crying. He immediately felt embarrassed and wanted to hide, but the fear was clogging up his throat and the image of Sebastian in flames was burned into his eyes.

He dug his fingers as hard into Kurt's ribs as he could, and even though it had to be painful Kurt didn't make a single twitch. He simply strengthened his grip around Blaine in return.

Blaine's tears and sobs slowly died out. He didn't dare closing his eyes because all that would meet him would be Sebastian surrounded by flames and screaming for help. Kurt kept humming lightly into his ear with kisses on his hair and fingers running soothingly through his locks.

The feeling and rhythm of Kurt's heartbeat against his cheek helped him slowly return to silence and his pulse fall back to normal.

"Is it still the same?" Kurt whispered in a scared and sympathetic voice.

Blaine didn't dare open his mouth. He was afraid that if he did he would start crying again and he couldn't do that, so instead he nodded slightly and Kurt squeezed around him with both arms reaching as far around Blaine as possible.

"I am so sorry, sweetheart."

They stayed with their arms wrapped around each other for a long time. Blaine watched the digital numbers on the alarm clock on his nightstand go from 9.47 to 10.53 before he as much as moved.

"Do you wanna go take a shower?" He asked mindlessly without looking at Kurt. It was like his eyes had been glued to the digits on the alarm clock.

"Are you trying to tell me that I smell?" Kurt teased with a muffled chuckle into Blaine's hair.

"No. I was thinking that I would go make you breakfast while you were in the shower, but now you ruined the surprise," Blaine said with faked accusation as he fell to lie next to Kurt so they were face to face.

"I could do with a shower. And breakfast. And -" he shuffled so close to Blaine that he was afraid to move because he didn't want to breathe morning breath into Kurt's face.

"Orange juice. I really hope you have some orange juice," Kurt said intensely and Blaine grinned.

He promised to see what he had in the fridge and Kurt rolled out of the bed. Without even raising an eyebrow he wandered around the bed, grabbed his underwear and disappeared into the bathroom - all Blaine could do was lie on the bed and enjoy the view.

He stayed in bed and listened to the shower curtain being opened and closed before the water started drumming from the bathroom. He got to his feet and found his way clumsily to the kitchen.

On the counter was a pink post-it with Tina's rushed handwriting on it and Blaine's mouth and eyes went dry.

_Call me when you see this -Tina_

He hurried to curl it up and throw it in the garbage. He beat his forehead against a cabinet a few times, but remembered his promise to Kurt. Now he was going to make breakfast, forget about his upcoming journey to hell so he could enjoy being with Kurt for the day and then he could always kill himself later before Tina got around to do it with her disappointed words.

A sigh was heard from the door to Blaine's room and he looked up to find Kurt leaning against the doorframe looking like he had been observing him for a long time. He wasn't wearing anything but his boxers and a smile and Blaine stopped in the middle of a motion from the sight.

Kurt walked slowly across the floor and ended to lean against the counter. He cleared his throat and Blaine remembered that he had been about to pour coffee into mugs when he was surprised.

"It looks good," Kurt smiled and stole a grape from a bowl before he leaned closer to Blaine with a teasing smile.

"_You _look good," he grinned and Blaine felt himself blush all the way to his ears. He felt bubbly and high spirited, and he was certain that not even the coffee was as hot as he felt on the inside at that moment.

Kurt watched him with eyes following Blaine around as he put the food and fruit on the little round dining table at the other end of the kitchen. Lastly he found out juice and two glasses with a smile in Kurt's direction.

"You spoil me so much," Kurt laughed and put his arms around Blaine's shoulders so he could kiss him. It wasn't until then Blaine realized that he had been nervous about what was to happen - if they were back to being just friends again, or if they still were… whatever it was that they were.

Kurt asked if he could borrow a t-shirt and Blaine found out a Silverlake shirt. Kurt laughed at him but looked reminiscent down himself after he had pulled it on.

They sat down and ate silently. Every now and then Kurt would brush his cold toes up Blaine's leg and they would both giggle. It felt liberating and easy to be with Kurt; it was like he didn't have to worry about anything, which was stupid because his life had just turned upside down and a thousand times more complicated.

When they were done eating Blaine figured that he had to clean up right away so there weren't too many traces of breakfast for two once Tina and Mike got home - which he hadn't even considered. He deeply hoped that they wouldn't be home until evening like they usually were on Thursdays.

Luckily Kurt apparently found it fun and started to help Blaine clean up like it was the most natural thing in the world. When they were finished there wasn't the tiniest hint of anyone having been in the kitchen during the day and Blaine was satisfied.

They went back to Blaine's room where they went back under the covers. Kurt curled up in Blaine's arms with his head on his collarbone and a hand snuck under his shirt to rest on his ribs. They watched Sweeney Todd and discussed in which role Johnny Depp looked the hottest and what classic Broadway show they would most want to see him in.

Halfway in the movie they couldn't hold back anymore and instead of watching the screen they ended up kissing heatedly with their hands wandering eagerly around each others bodies.

It was warm and safe, and the feeling of Blaine's legs twisted with Kurt's while Kurt's fingers were softly entwined in his hair made Blaine feel like he was in some parallel universe. Kurt's hands were gentle against his skin and he didn't mind that he kept his hands under his shirt rather than outside of it. He wanted, _needed_, to feel Kurt's hands directly on his skin.

"I think we should stay here forever," Kurt said quietly as he let his fingertips caress gingerly over Blaine's temple.

They had slid down to lie on he pillows and were nearly completely covered by the sheets. Their faces were so close that Blaine could feel Kurt's breath on his lips and he simply wanted more.

"That would be really nice. I want that," Blaine mumbled and hoped that Kurt didn't notice how it sounded like his voice was about to break. He let his thumb brush over Kurt's cheekbone and wished that he could snap a mental photography of Kurt in that very moment.

"I have to leave, though. I have to go home and change before going to the theater tonight. But I'd much rather stay here with you," Kurt pouted and seemed genuinely upset. He really meant it.

"Then don't go. Call in sick. I'll hide you and then no one will find you," Blaine exclaimed eagerly and pulled the sheets over their heads like when they had been kids and were hiding from the world.

Kurt laughed heartedly with his free hand clasped against the skin on Blaine's chest. The sound was beautiful and free - honest even, and Blaine had to chuckle.

"I can't do that. Everything depends on me tonight, and my vocal coach will have a heart attack if he thinks anything is wrong with my throat."

His eyes turned big and sad. His fingers were now lightly stroking Blaine's chest and it felt like he was trying to apologize through tender touching. He leaned in to kiss Blaine, so Blaine pulled him closer.

"I wanna hide with you. I want us to find some day we can hide from the world and not care about anything. Like today, but a whole day, or a weekend," Kurt whispered and kissed him again, but this time it was different than he had ever kissed him before. It was like he was afraid it would be their last kiss.

"We'll do that one day. One day where neither of us have to work," Blaine assured him. He pulled him deeper into his embrace and they stayed there until it was time. Kurt had to leave and there was nothing they could do about it.

Kurt promised to text him. He said that he didn't know when they could see each other again because he was working intensely with his premiere only a few weeks away.

When he was about to leave he pushed Blaine against the wall and stared him in the eyes while caressing his hair.

"You're the most amazing person I've ever met. Don't ever let anyone tell you anything else. You're extraordinary," Kurt whispered. He let his eyes pierce into Blaine's for several intense seconds before he pressed his entire body against Blaine's and kissed him.

And left.

It was painful for Blaine to watch him walk away. He wanted to run after him and tell him to quit the theater so they could run away together instead. They could live as gypsies and make money by performing on the street and whatever they passed by.

That way they would always be together, doing what they loved and not be bound by anything - or anyone.

When Blaine dragged on his sweatpants and curled up on he sofa he felt empty inside. It didn't have anything to do wit the fact that the shopping channel was on the screen and he didn't even pay enough attention to press another button.

He was happy and miserable at the same time. He had just had the best nearly 20 hours of his life - but it hadn't been with the only person in the world he was supposed to share those moments with.

He wanted to call or text Kurt right away, but he didn't have any words to say to him other than "_I miss you_" or "_Come back to me_". He was sure that this was the way junkies had to feel about their preferred fix - he was addicted to Kurt.

He was in love with Kurt.

**A/N: If you go to readtheart on tumblr you will find that I have started publishing an illustrated version of Silverlake Boys, with mindblowing illustrations by one of my incredible friends. Enjoy (:**


	18. Confrontation

His hands were trembling and his insides were iced up. He was deadly scared of what was about to happen, and he didn't even know when the hurricane would hit.

He had been too much of a coward to call Tina so instead he had texted her that he would be home all day. She had quickly texted back that she would be home at normal time and that they would talk as soon as she was in.

Now it was ten minutes later than she usually came home on Thursdays and Blaine had started to consider making a run for it. He was frightened to face her disappointed eyes.

The suspense was terrible. He kept turning over on the couch, switching from sitting up to lying down and then back up again.

However, the part that was killing him the most was how much he really wanted to tell her everything and have her share his happiness with him - and have her advice him on what to do about the chaos he had caused.

The door opened and Blaine heard Tina groan loudly as her bag heavily dropped to the floor. Blaine moved his feet so she could plunk down at the end of the couch where she pulled off her boots and let her head dump to the neck rest.

Blaine didn't know what to do so he kept his eyes locked on the screen where some overexposed Hollywood teenager was trying to sell skin care products. Tina cleared her throat and he nearly didn't dare breathing out of fear for what the consequence would be.

Out of nowhere Tina forced the remote out of his hand and turned off the TV. The plastic hit the coffee table noisily and he knew that this was it.

"Blaine, sit up. We need to talk." Her voice was firm and it made his blood freeze over. Honesty hour, dead man walking - he needed to take the responsibility of his actions.

He carefully sat up next to her and did everything he could to avoid looking at her.

"You broke up with Sebastian?" She asked, and he could hear that she knew that he hadn't. She wanted to provoke him into opening the subject himself. They had never lied or kept secrets from each other, and she clearly thought that he had crossed the line.

Blaine pulled a pillow into his lap and started fumbling with the corner. He focused intensely on the fabric twisting between his fingers while trying to drag out time so he could find something to say, even though he knew it would be impossible.

"I saw you. I went to your room this morning - to check if you had come home to sleep, and to see if you were okay. Because I know your nightmares are back," she stated quietly. She didn't sound pissed anymore; in a strange way she sounded worried.

"Are you going to tell him?" She inquired. He knew what she meant - this wasn't a request, and he did have a chance to take a stand before she continued.

"Dammit, Blaine. You gotta tell him! This isn't who you are - I know you, and I know that you aren't one to cheat on your boyfriend like that. This is strictly because it's about Kurt."

She sighed heavily and did a dissatisfied snap of her tongue before she let the room fall silent around them. She had said hers, now she wanted Blaine's mind on the table.

He stared into the black TV screen with his heart beating half-paced in his throat. He could feel that if he started talking to her now he wouldn't be able to stop himself. It would be like when you get a paper cut on your fingertip and it just keeps streaming out of it and there's nothing you can do to stop it. The cut might seem small on the outside, but it contains an extreme amount of blood that will stench through everything.

"I really care about Sebastian. He's the best boyfriend I could ever have wished for - but I don't know how to make myself fall in love with him. I have tried so hard. I wanna love him so bad - but I can't. I just don't feel it," Blaine said apologetically and the blood from the imaginary paper cut had turned to tears streaming down his face.

"Because you have been in love with Kurt your whole life," Tina concluded.

"I never wanted to hurt Sebastian. I have been so afraid that he would leave me some day - because I suck. I'm a horrible boyfriend. I never wanna do what he wants to, I'm terribly boring in bed, I'm afraid of everything - he found out that I get up at night sometimes, but he doesn't know why, because when he asked me about it I just said that it was nothing instead of talking to him. I trust him, I would trust him with my life, but I just can't tell him this, and I don't know why. I just really want him to be happy, but… I can't give him the love he deserves," Blaine said and felt the panic and angst covering the words as they thrust themselves out of his mouth.

"Does Kurt know about Sebastian?"

"No. We never discussed those things. Well… except for when we told each other that we're gay and he said that the brunette in the pub wasn't his girlfriend."

Tina looked at him with sympathetic eyes, and chewed on the words.

"I think you should talk to Sebastian about Kurt. Start out by telling him your story, then he will understand that this wasn't just some random guy, and that you never meant to hurt him. I know you don't wanna break his heart, but I'm afraid that's a little too late, sweetheart," Tina said sweetly.

Blaine sniffed. His head felt like it was twenty times heavier than it was supposed to be, and his eyes felt sore and swollen. Life simply sucked at the moment.

"I'll go talk to him Sunday. He's got a lot of work right now so we already planned that I would come to his place Sunday night."

His heart felt like stone and it suddenly occurred to him that he living room had turned dark around them which seemed appropriate for his current state of mind.

"And then you should tell Kurt about Sebastian as well. If anything is to ever be between the two of you, you need to lay it all down from the start."

_Anything between Kurt and me._

The thought pinched in Blaine's heart and chest, but he knew that she was right so he nodded in agreement. The question was if he wanted anything with Kurt like that, because at the moment he had no idea what he wanted. He was so confused. There was also the question of whether Kurt wanted anything with him. Especially after he would come tell him that he had cheated on his current boyfriend to be with him.

Tina put her arm around his shoulders and dragged him close. He rested his head on her shoulder as she kissed his hair with a soothing brush up his arm. The closest thing he would ever get to someone taking motherly care of him.

"Next time you steal our condoms tell me, though -" she teased and squeezed around his hand.

Blaine had completely forgot about the condoms and now that she mentioned it he wished that he could turn himself invisible.

"How was sex with Kurt, anyway? As awkward as with Sebastian? You didn't like… cross your own boundaries too much, did you?"

Finally Tina was back to being his best friend, the friend with whom he talked to about everything. Even the stuff he nearly was too shy to think about, so surely she would know this because she knew how he felt about sex and how scared and self-conscious it made him.

"Sex with Kurt was… something. He was so different from Sebastian. Of course he didn't know how I - you know, feel about it. But I told him that I have never been naked with anyone before and he respected it. He was really noble about it," Blaine explained slowly while letting the act of the night return in images, sound bits and feelings creeping around his insides and his skin.

"So… when you kept your shirt on he didn't find it weird? That's really great. That was so great of him," she said and sounded impressed.

"No I… I didn't keep it on. I let everything off, even the covers. But the lights on. And I looked him in the eyes and it was just… really different," he told and felt a suction in his stomach from the thought of the intimacy.

"Wow. That is - everything you never did with Sebastian. You sure you didn't feel pressure into it?" She was worried, afraid that he had taken too many steps at once.

"It was really good. I have never felt better, honestly. I felt so safe and protected. Even when I woke up naked this morning, and Kurt was naked too. It was perfect."

He swallowed and felt his guilt wash back in over him. He was happy that he knew that Tina was well aware that it wasn't because Sebastian didn't treat him right, because he sure made it sound that way - but it wasn't Sebastian's fault that he was so messed up.

"I didn't have any nightmares last night. When sleeping in Kurt's arms. We nearly slept like when we were kids - except this time we were both naked and clasped so close together that we could have been Siamese twins," Blaine chuckled.

"I'm glad to hear that. I hate it when you have nightmares. I've never seen anyone as scared as when you wake up from one of those," Tina cooed and rested her head against his.

They didn't discuss it any further. The subject was out for now, and there wasn't anything they could do anyway, so they could just as well spend time together instead of going it over again.


	19. Selfcontrol

The next two days Blaine was torn on the inside. He felt like he was leading a double life and he nearly couldn't look himself in the mirror to fix his hair. The reflection that met him wasn't the one he thought he was.

He kept up his usual conversations with Sebastian where he called Blaine, or sent him texts, to tell him that he missed him and couldn't wait to see him again. Each time Blaine didn't know what else to do than to go with it. He wasn't lying; he did miss him, and he did want to see him and be with him.

On the side the same texts were, more casually, flowing between him and Kurt. Sometimes Kurt would text him out of nowhere that he missed him, or that kissing the girl for the play he was rehearsing didn't feel anywhere near as good as kissing Blaine.

Blaine slowly started feeling confident enough to text Kurt himself as well. He didn't suggest any time for them to meet, but sent him texts to tell him that he missed holding him close or that he wanted to forget the world with him.

He felt horrible knowing that Sebastian was continuing his life happily without knowing what Blaine had done. Just like he felt horrible about himself for texting with Kurt the way he did, and even worse whenever he received a text from Kurt his insides were bubbling.

When Blaine was working at the pub he kept his phone in his pocket even though he usually kept it in the back room, because this way he could easier keep up conversations with both Kurt and Sebastian. Everything seemed to have changed even though he went through his normal routines as usual.

Fortunately Tina had promised not to tell Mike anything about Blaine's nightly escapade with Kurt so Blaine didn't have to worry about that as well which made it a bit easier for Blaine to deal with.

He couldn't avoid Tina's eyes at home or the pub, so he was happy that he at least knew that Mike didn't look at him with the thoughts of what he had done to one of his best friends.

**xXx**

Saturday morning Blaine woke up from his phone ringing. He rushed to grab it from his nightstand and wanted to kick himself when he realized how sad he had got when he saw that it was Sebastian and not Kurt calling.

"_Goodmorning. How's my favorite man?_" Sebastian asked from the other end of the phone. He sounded like he had just woke up himself and Blaine hoped that it meant that the conversation would be brief so he wouldn't end up breaking down and confessing to him over the phone. It was getting harder and harder to keep it up.

"Morning. I would tell you, but I'm not sure I'm awake yet," Blaine muttered and buried his face in the pillow. _Yes, good idea to make him feel bad for waking me up, _Blaine thought sourly at his own words.

"_Aww, I'm sorry, babe. If I knew you were still asleep I would have called you in my break instead. I just…miss waking up with you next to me, and I wanna kiss you and feel you again," _Sebastian whined and made Blaine curl his toes and his heart cramp.

Why couldn't he just have found a stupid, psychotic, abusive boyfriend like some of the girls from Silverlake? Not this amazing, sweet guy who would do anything for him, and who actually meant it when he said those things.

"I miss you too," Blaine said thickly with his throat clogging up.

"_I will let you go back to sleep, and then tomorrow I will spend the entire night on showing you how much I miss you right now. I can't wait to see you, babe_."

Blaine thanked him and said that he was looking forward to seeing him as well before they hung up and Blaine screamed into the pillow.

He knew he had to go to work but he felt sick and repulsed by himself. He forced himself out of the bed and spent thirty minutes in the shower before getting ready to play in the restaurant where Kurt had first seen him perform.

He hadn't heard from Kurt all day, even though he had sent him a morning-text, so before he was to go out to sit by the piano he sent him a rushed message.

"_I wanna see you again soon. I miss you so much_."

He turned off his phone and let it drop to the bottom of the pocket in his blazer.

He played a mix of sad lovesongs and songs about forbidden love, before he guessed that he had to move away from songs about love at all to not put the wrong mood in the restaurant.

He was on a break around 3 where he turned on his phone while having a glass of water and chatting mindlessly with the waiters and one of the bartenders.

Kurt hadn't replied, but Tina had asked if he wanted to keep her company in the evening as Mike was going out with some friends from school.

He told her to meet him at the video store and turned to the piano where he played a bit more happy and upbeat songs for his second set.

When he was finished around 6.30 he still hadn't heard anything from Kurt so he figured that he was working hard in rehearsal and guessed that it couldn't do any harm to send him one more text.

"_I wanna see your play when it opens. So I can be proud when I see you on stage_."

He imagined himself at front row clapping and cheering for Kurt on his opening night and he wished that he could proudly tell people that this was his boyfriend. He only let the thought briefly enter his brain before pushing it away, though. He had to remind himself that boyfriend-wise he was in no-mans-land and wasn't in a position to think like that.

He and Tina found a few movies and bought way more candy than they should have. They put on pajamas and snuggled up under a blanket on the couch so they could watch as many of their movies as possible.

Blaine kept checking his phone every fifteen minutes, but not so much as one, single text from Kurt. Sebastian on the other hand texted him every now and then to tell him about some new restaurant he wanted to take him to or a play he had tickets for.

When Blaine went to bed he had an uneasy feeling in his entire body. He couldn't understand why Kurt hadn't replied to his messages. He felt sick that Sebastian kept being so sweet to him and he simply took it all without even hinting him that something was wrong.

**xXx**

This night his classic nightmare had transformed into his worst yet. He was standing in front of two burning houses with a fireman suit on. Kurt was in one house, Sebastian in the other - but he only had enough oxygen to save one of them so he had to choose.

He woke up drenched in sweat and tears. He was shaking and disoriented, but instinctively fumbled for his phone to call Kurt and Sebastian to ask them if them if they were okay when it hit him that he would have to choose who to call first and the nightmare welled back in over him.

It was 5.30 and he didn't sleep for the rest of the morning. He still had no messages from Kurt, and he was stressed out over it even though he kept telling himself that he was busy. Still, he couldn't push away the feeling of something being off by the rock-hard silence.

He was tired and worn out. His nightmare had drained him of all energy so he felt even more spent than he had done when he went to bed the previous night. Fortunately he didn't have any work Sunday so he dedicated his day to lie lazy on he couch to watch TV he didn't pay any attention to.

It wasn't until around 3 he even bothered to get out of his pajamas. Tina was at work in the pub and she had called him panic. She needed her purse that she had forgot on her nightstand and as Mike was meeting with his brothers he couldn't save her. Thank God for her best friend slash roommate.

Blaine pulled on a pair of jeans and a polo before he left the apartment. He wasn't going to Sebastian's until 9.30 so he still had plenty of time to go home for showering and packing a bag for staying over - depending on how their talk about Kurt would evolve.

Blaine grabbed her purse and plugged in his earphones. He turned the volume up on his The Shins play list and headed for the train station. He decided to get off a station earlier than usual so he could get some fresh air and enjoy the sunshine after having spent the day inside.

He walked past a small street crowded with clubs, bars and theaters. Even though it was only afternoon the street was buzzing with life. Crowds of people were dancing around the sidewalk, talking, laughing and hugging.

Suddenly there was a familiar face in the crowd. A group of young people were standing in front of an old theater. Some of them were smoking cigarettes, others were embracing each other while everyone was talking loudly and laughing heartedly.

In the middle of the group was Kurt's dark haired friend standing. Her hand was locked with a tall guy's and she looked like she was waiting for people to finish what they were doing. She was shifting between tapping her foot and bouncing impatiently where she was standing.

And there was Kurt.

Kurt was standing next to her, and Blaine felt a suction growing from his stomach throughout his chest and up his throat. His insides were dancing and his heart was doing somersaults in his chest, so he decided to go over there to say hi. He wasn't planning on doing anything, he just wanted to say hello.

He worked himself up to start crossing the street. He could feel the excitement rush through his veins, and he knew that he had to restrain himself to not kiss him full on right in front of his friends, because his lips and tongue were aching to feel and taste Kurt.

Before he knew it the sun had turned to ice over him. It was covering his skin, digging through his nerves, muscles and bones to fill up every cell of his body.

Kurt's fingers were entwined with another guy's. A blonde stranger was holding around him to press their bodies close as their lips met, and their jaws started working in unison. In the middle of the street, in the crowd of Kurt's friends who all seemed like this was nothing out of the ordinary.

Blaine couldn't move. He was paralyzed in pain. Shooting through him like lightning. His eyes had turned dry and it was like sandpaper was dragged through his throat and lungs with every breath he drew. He wished that he didn't have to breathe anymore.

He wanted to look away from the painful sight but he couldn't draw his eyes off the way Kurt squeezed around the blonde's neck and smiled warmly at him as he pulled away, before they walked hand-in-hand into the theater followed by the rest of the group.

And the door was closed. Nothing but blackness was left for Blaine to see.

He wanted to run. Sprint until his legs would sting and eventually fall off and apart, but his feet felt like concrete when he tried to move. His phone vibrated in his pocket. A call, but he didn't know how to dig down to grab it. Instead he started walking - towards the pub.

He wanted to give Tina her purse and then get out. Away. Go home to swallow a bunch of painkillers that hopefully would knock him out long enough to sleep for a month. Or two. He just wanted the burning in his heart to go away.

**xXx**

"Dude, what happened? You look like you just saw a box of kittens being run over by a truck," Martin exclaimed as Blaine entered the pub.

Blaine didn't as much as look at him. He walked around the bar to go to the backroom where he knew that Tina was on her break. He pushed the door open with a little more force than planned but without caring that the handle slammed into the wall. He put her purse on the table in front of Tina without meeting her eyes and then he turned to leave.

He didn't get far because Tina locked her hand around his wrist and he knew that he had to come clean - so he did. He sat down and told her what he had seen, where he had seen it and when he had seen it. Everything.

He didn't cry. He didn't shed as much as a tear as he told her about it. How he had got off at the station, how he had been on his way to say hi to Kurt, how a movie-star-looking, blonde guy had kissed him, and how Kurt had returned the kiss only to look a him with gooey, love eyes.

Tina listened with Blaine's hand clenched between both of hers. She was upset for him and worried. She didn't say anything and Blaine didn't blame her - how was anyone ever supposed to have words after hearing his story?

"What are you gonna do now, then?" Tina asked carefully like she was afraid to hear the answer. Blaine knew that her biggest fear had been that Kurt would hurt him - and now he had kicked him apart piece by piece, making her fear a reality.

"I think I need a beer," Blaine muttered hopelessly and got to his feet.

He sat down at the bar and asked Martin to bring him a beer. The girls next to him kept sending him flirtatious looks and giggling at each other. He felt like screaming at them to look the other way, to leave him alone and throw his bottle after them, but he ignored them. He wasn't in the mood for playing around and he didn't care about anything. For a second he considered to just make out with one of them because the feeling of being with a girl could only be so much unlike being with Kurt that it would take his mind off him, but he simply swallowed down the rest of the beverage in his bottle and asked for another.

He had one more beer. And another. And one more. He kept drinking even though Tina asked him to go home and get some sleep instead. Martin said that she could leave her shift so she could help him home but he refused and they knew that pushing him would only make it worse, so there was nothing either of them could do.

The clock stroke 11.30 and he knew that he should have kept track of time. It was hours ago he should have been at Sebastian's place but he couldn't face him. Sebastian had called and texted him several times but he didn't want to answer him because he didn't want to let it all out on him - he had already treated him horribly enough as it was.

"Call a cab for me, would you?" Blaine declared abruptly. His eyes were swimming and his senses were out of control. He got off the barstool a little more clumsy than he had expected and Tina hurried around the bar to help him safely outside to wait for the cab to arrive.

"I can go with you. I'm gonna call Martin and say that I'm leaving too so you don't have to be alone," she offered softly.

"No. Stay. I can take care of myself. I'm a big boy, you know," Blaine objected and the cab pulled up in front of them. Tina stared worried at him for over a minute before she dragged him into a tight hug.

"I love you, Blaine. Call me if there's anything. I get off work soon," she said and helped him into the cab without too much fumbling around.

**xXx**

But Blaine didn't go home.

He was banging mindlessly at the door in front of him while swearing harshly under his breath. He knew that he was being way too loud for that time of the night, but he didn't have the self-control to be quiet.

"What the hell -" Sebastian snapped as he rushed the door open.

Before he could get another word out Blaine had flung himself to Sebastian's body with his fingers digging hard into his back as he started sobbing.

"Baby, what's going on? What happened?" Sebastian asked in a panicky voice. He pushed the door closed and folded both of his arms around Blaine's shaking frame.

"Are you drunk? How much did you drink? Blaine, talk to me," Sebastian tried again. His voice started shaking as he began to lead Blaine towards the living room, but Blaine nearly couldn't move.

"Do you love me? Tell me that you love me, please!" Blaine sobbed into his collarbone, his fingers now working their way under Sebastian's shirt. He needed to feel his skin, feel him closer.

"Yes. Yes, Blaine - I love you more than anything in the world. Baby, you are my everything," Sebastian assured him, but it only turned his sobs into hysterics because there was no doubt that he meant it - and Blaine didn't feel it back. He felt his tears and spit soak through the fabric of Sebastian's shirt and started pushing him towards the bedroom instead.

His mind was clogged up and without realizing it he had pressed his body against Sebastian's against the wall so he could force his tongue into his mouth while letting his palms forcefully up his chest under his shirt.

"Blaine, you're drunk. I don't think -" Sebastian started to nervously object, and Blaine knew that he was worried, but it was too much and he didn't care.

"Just fuck me and tell me that you love me. Please, just do it," he whined and bit hard down in Sebastian's lower lip before letting go so he could walk towards the bedroom with hasty steps.

There was silence behind him before he could hear Sebastian run after him in the hall. Blaine hurried under the covers and started to clumsily pull off his clothes, the faster the better.

When Sebastian entered the bedroom he stopped in the door, watching Blaine fumble his way around under the sheets. He slowly walked over to carefully sit down on the bed and put a soft hand on the fabric covering Blaine's naked knee.

"Blaine. I don't know what happened, but you're really drunk, and I don't -"

Blaine sat up on his knees in front of Sebastian. He was completely naked now, something Sebastian had never seen and he couldn't stop his eyes from hungrily eating up the sight of his boyfriend's body exposed to him so openly and welcoming.

He was done with waiting. Blaine let himself fall down forwards so Sebastian didn't have any other choice than to let him fall on top of him. Blaine's one hand were back under his shirt as he dragged it up so he could lick and suck his way over his nipple while he was working to get his pants open.

Sebastian gave into it and clasped his hands onto the sides of Blaine's face so he could kiss him forcefully with his tongue mapping out his mouth.

It only took Blaine a brief moment to have Sebastian's pants open. While he watched him getting rid off all of his clothes Blaine fell to lie on his back on the bedspread where he started pumping his hand around his hard cock while waiting for Sebastian's body to press close down on him.

"Fuck, you're amazing -" Sebastian moaned as he observed Blaine jerking himself off, and he let his hand down to grasp around his own shaft.

Blaine couldn't stand it any longer. This wasn't what he wanted, it wasn't what he needed - he just needed to feel Kurt.

No. Sebastian! Not Kurt!

He put both of his hands on Sebastian's hips and dragged him down to lie on top of him.

Blaine let his hands run wildly around his back and ass. He could still feel the alcohol pumping around his veins and brain but he had no time to be bothered about that.

"Just fuck me and tell me that you love. Show me, make me feel how hard you love," Blaine begged and didn't care how needy and pathetic he sounded. He had no self-respect left.

Sebastian looked worried down on him before he tried ducking down to kiss Blaine gently under him, but Blaine turned it powerful and Sebastian moved to make room for his hand to go between Blaine's legs.

"No. I just want you in me. I don't care about stretching or lube or anything, would you please just put your cock in me?" Blaine nearly demanded and his voice was shaking.

It was like a flame ignited inside Sebastian. Like he had been waiting for this moment but given up the hope that it would ever come, and now that it finally had anyway he was more ready than he had ever been for anything his entire life.

He crashed his lips against Blaine's so hard that their teeth collided. He let a hand flat down his chest where he angrily twisted one of Blaine's nipples, making him twitch and groan on the mattress, but he welcomed the pain. Physical pain was much better than the excruciating pain inside him.

Sebastian was pressing his head in Blaine's crack, but it wasn't enough so he sat up on his knees between Blaine's legs. He grabbed around Blaine's thighs and pulled him into his lap where he let his left hand down to separate Blaine's cheeks. He was jerking himself off against Blaine's entrance to lube him up with pre-come and Blaine wanted to scream at him to just do it, but he couldn't get a word out between his heavy breathing.

Sebastian started pushing into him. It was stinging and burning, making Blaine's fingers and toes curl up and disappear into the mattress under him. Sebastian was hard and his hole felt like it was about to explode from the lack of stretching, but when Sebastian didn't move it only pissed him off.

He fumbled around and got a hold of Sebastian's wrist. He dragged him forward so he could fall to lie down on top of Blaine instead. Blaine grabbed his face with both of his hands and stared firmly into his eyes.

"Just do it. I know you want," he panted, his voice like acid as it left his tongue.

Sebastian searched his eyes before he nodded insecurely and threw one hard thrust into him and tears started forming in Blaine's eyes. He let his hands down to lock around Sebastian's arms as he spread his legs wider, curling them around Sebastian's thighs.

"Fuck me hard," Blaine begged and Sebastian answered with one more thrust.

He slowly started thrusting faster but still harder and Blaine felt every muscle in his body tighten under him. He was moaning and groaning without giving a fuck about how looked or sounded. He just needed the pain.

He clasped his hands onto Sebastian's back so he fell down to crash onto Blaine's chest. He let his arms under Blaine's upper arms so he could lock his hands around his shoulders to press Blaine's ass down onto his bucking hips, making his dick go deeper into him.

"Yes. Harder. Tell me that you love me," Blaine pleaded and sobbed with his teeth boring into Sebastian's shoulders and tears down his cheeks.

"Shit Blaine - I love you. I… love you so much," Sebastian groaned while he pumped aggressively into his ass, the sound of flesh clasping against flesh nearly louder than the sound of their heavy breathing and groaning voices.

Blaine couldn't take it anymore. He knew that he would come any second from the way Sebastian kept hitting his prostate perfectly.

The more he tightened around Sebastian's cock, and the more Sebastian kept moaning how much he loved him, the more Blaine squeezed his eyes harder because all he could see was Kurt lying on top of him with his gentle hands on his body, and all he could hear echoing in his head was Kurt's silk voice weakly moaning in his ear as he was about to come inside of him and he didn't want that - he needed Kurt to leave his body!

"Harder! Just fuck me harder, dammit!" Blaine bellowed and his voice was rasp and deeper than he knew it could be.

"You're so fucking sexy. I love you so fucking much," Sebastian moaned heavily into his ear and that was all.

Blaine's muscles cramped up. His hole tightened faster around Sebastian's dick than he had ever tightened before, and he was afraid that he would make Sebastian's shoulder bleed from biting hard into his skin.

His hips were moving in heir own short spasms between them and come was spurting out to paint them both in white fluids while Sebastian let in his one last deep thrust and Blaine knew that he was done as well.

Sebastian flatted out on him. He didn't move, but stayed still with his cock in Blaine's ass and his hands locked around his shoulders.

Blaine turned his head away from him and let his sobbing reduce to quiet crying while silent tears kept streaming down his face.

Sebastian moved up to kiss his cheek, but Blaine didn't so much as move so he carefully pulled himself out of Blaine before lying down next to him.

"What was that? I mean don't get me wrong - I think that was the best ever, but…" Sebastian's voice was a little harsh when he tried to catch Blaine's eyes, but he only turned to lie on his side with his back on Sebastian.

He could feel his come uncomfortably bleeding out of his hole and his own sperm was drying up to a sticky paste on his abs and hip, but instead of cleaning himself off he curled up to cry into his pillow with his arms locked around his chest.

Sebastian put an arm around him from behind and laid so close that Blaine could feel his wet head on his sac but he didn't even flinch.

"Do you really think I don't love you? The only reason I never said it was because I thought you weren't ready for that, and I didn't want to make you feel that I pushed you. But I do - I love you so, so much," Sebastian cooed into his ear while placing kisses over his shoulder, his neck and into his hair.

"Please just hold me. I am so sorry," Blaine cried into his pillow and moved his back a little closer to Sebastian's chest.

"Alright," Sebastian sighed defeated and locked his arm around Blaine's waist where he let it drift up his torso to press flatly onto his chest.

"I just wish you would tell me what's wrong. Let me help you. Please just talk to me, love," Sebastian whispered and Blaine knew that he was crying as well - but Sebastian never cried. Blaine didn't think he had ever seen him cry.

All of his hate and self-loathing welled up inside of him and he felt a need to throw up. It was terrible what he had done out of his own egoistical reasons and there was no way he would ever be able to heal Sebastian when he found out the truth - because he would find out, because there was no way Blaine could live with it forever.


	20. Choices

When Blaine woke up the next morning he didn't even get to open his eyes before he realized why he had woke up and ran out of the bed and directly to the bathroom.

He fell painfully hard to his knees in front of the toilet and let all of the fluids from the night before spill into the porcelain until nothing but excruciating thrusts were left from his stomach through his throat and yellow gush was all that would leave his body.

He was sweating and the cold of the toilet was soothing against his naked skin. His hair was clinging to his forehead and his head was throbbing. This was the only time he had ever wished that the alcohol would have taken away his memory of the previous night.

As soon as he was confident enough that no more would come up he shakily got to his feet and drank three glasses of water without pausing for anything but refilling.

He didn't even close the bathroom door before he stumbled into the shower. He turned on the water and found a comforting, cooling temperature before he slid down to sit curled up under the water streaming down over him.

_How did I make this mess?_

It wasn't hangovers. He didn't get hung over. He never had. This was a cocktail of guilt, self-hatred, loss, pain and punishment from higher powers because he had screwed so much up when his life was on the right track.

He washed himself over and over again to the point of OCD like behavior but it didn't help. He still felt dirty and unworthy of ever being clean again.

Unworthy of this great love Sebastian felt for him.

He gave up. Knew it didn't mater how long he stayed there so he might as well get out. He could just as well cry over his misery anywhere else than in the shower.

He barely dried himself off before remembering that his only boxers were in the bedroom where he had drunkenly ripped them off the night before because he hadn't even brought a bag for changing.

When he returned to the room he looked around in an attempt to remember where he had aimed for when taking off his clothes but the room seemed just a clean as always.

That was when he saw it. His clothes were folded neatly on the chair like he always did himself and a note was lying on top. But he knew that there was no chance he had done it himself so it had to be Sebastian.

"_We will discuss this. This doesn't go. I do love you though -Your S_"

Everything turned around inside of him and for a moment he feared that the water would seek for the exit too. It stayed down though and Blaine hurried to let the towel drop so he could pull on his underwear.

He rushed into his clothes and headed for the door. For a moment he considered putting his key to Sebastian's apartment in the mailbox but he didn't. He had already screwed him over enough; the least he could do at this point was to be honest and leave him with some dignity.

He hurried down the stairs and felt the sun hit his face when he left the building. The bright, beautiful day seemed out of place for the chaos and dark shadows roaming around Blaine's head and he wished that he didn't have to be outside.

_I don't. I can just go back there and wait for Sebastian, so I can let this amazing man love me and let him teach me how to love him back!_

He wanted to cry, but his eyes stayed dry and he figured that he didn't have anymore tears left to give. He kept his eyes locked on the street where he walked and didn't care when people bumped into him.

He felt like he wasn't in his own body, as if the feeling of people's shoulders bumping into him, the sun baking down on his hair and skin, and the way his clothes smoothed around his muscles only was an echo of the actual feeling.

He didn't know what to do with himself. He knew that he had to go to work at the pub later and the feeling made him sick. That was where he had first seen Kurt after they grew up, where Kurt had waited for him for hours - where he had got drunk to forget the fact that Kurt had a boyfriend even though he had let Blaine think that they had something special together.

_I did the same though. I didn't tell him about Sebastian._

When he entered the apartment Mike was in the kitchen eating. Blaine panicked - Mike didn't know anything. Mike was friends with Sebastian and Mike had been the one to keep asking Blaine to see him again whenever he and Sebastian had talked before they got together. He adored Sebastian and Blaine as a couple and he would be devastated if he heard what had happened.

"Hey man. Rough night? Stayed at Sebastian's?" Mike said with a smirk emphasizing exactly what he guessed was the reason for Blaine's hot mess.

"I don't feel so good. I'm just gonna go lie down for a few hours," Blaine excused himself without looking Mike in the eyes. In some way he felt like he had cheated just as much on Mike as he had on Sebastian.

Mike looked worried, but nodded and said that if he needed anything he should just call him. Blaine simply thanked him and hurried to his room. He got rid off his clothes and threw it in the hamper. He couldn't take the smell of Sebastian reminding him of everything. As soon as he was only in his underwear he duck under the covers. He hid his face like when he was little and hoped for the world to slowly disappear around him.

He couldn't fall asleep. Every time he closed his eyes he saw a blurry mix of Kurt and Sebastian. He was afraid to even blink and wished that he somehow could sink into nothingness.

**xXx**

It didn't take long until his door was opened, but he didn't even bother to look who it was. He already knew.

Tina forced him out of bed. She made him get dressed and get some food. Mike wasn't home anymore so they didn't have to hold back, even though Blaine secretly wished that they did so he didn't have to talk about it. He hoped that if he suppressed it long enough he would turn numb instead.

They went to he bar where they nearly didn't have any customers. Blaine moped around behind the bar and did his best to not think too much or seem too depressed on the outside. He had to put a great effort into not listening to the music and Tina did her best to pick songs that were strictly non-love-related which turned out to be more of a challenge than expected.

As soon as they got off work and back home Blaine repeated his act from earlier; he pulled off his clothes and went straight to bed. Only now he didn't even fold his clothes as usual because he simply didn't care.

The next few days continued in the same way. He politely declined offers of singing jobs around town using the excuse that he wasn't feeling well - which technically wasn't a lie. Tina still forced him to work at the pub though and Blaine knew that she was worried that if he didn't do it he would sink into a black hole.

Sebastian had called him Monday night and insisted that they had a talk. He had to go out of town for a week for work, but when he returned he wanted them to talk. He didn't mention the incident Sunday night in calls or texts after.

"_Will you come over tonight? I leave early in the morning_," Sebastian had asked into the phone when he called Tuesday afternoon.

Blaine felt sick. He didn't know what to do - he knew that he shouldn't keep up with Sebastian like that because of what he had done, but he missed him, his closeness and his kisses.

Blaine said that he needed to check with Tina if she was okay with it as they had plans. That was only half a truth, though. He did need to check with Tina, but in reality he needed her opinion about what he should do.

"Go! Then you can tell him about Kurt. Everything - beginning to end. Then you can figure out together what you are going to do," she said and Blaine knew that she was right. He promised Sebastian to come over after work so he did.

**xXx**

Blaine spent the entire day trying to figure out what to say, how to say it and when to say it - but he couldn't. It was impossible. Whatever he thought to say seemed childish and ignorant; as if he hadn't ever cared about Sebastian at all.

When he reached Sebastian's door he walked away and returned three times before he finally knocked lightly and entered the apartment.

Sebastian was asleep on the couch when he entered the living room. He could see that he had spent the evening packing because his suitcase was on the floor next to the sofa, his laptop wasn't on the table as usual and his glasses had started to fall off.

Blaine kneeled down in front of him to carefully take off his glasses and put them on the table. He took his mug of cold tea and put in the kitchen sink before he packed away the pieces of clothing he had decided not to bring anyway. He turned off the TV and decided he'd better get him to bed.

Blaine sat back down in front of Sebastian and watched him sleep. He looked peaceful and his breathing was a light humming throughout the quiet apartment, and Blaine couldn't help but smile from the sight.

_Just love him! Why can't I just love him? It's not fair when he's so cute and amazing and - lovable. Please let me love him._

He bent down to place a soft kiss on Sebastian's forehead before he turned to silently whisper into his ear with a caressing hand down his cheek.

"I am so sorry. I wish I could."

Sebastian turned his head and muttered something incoherent, making Blaine nearly fall to his ass from the startle. He was not prepared for this conversation now that Sebastian had been sweetly asleep when he arrived.

"Hey you. Did you see my boyfriend? He's dark and handsome - slightly taller than you," Sebastian mumbled as he opened his eyes and saw Blaine on the floor in front of him.

So he hadn't heard. He couldn't have, or he would have asked. Wouldn't he?

Blaine smiled warmly at him and stroke his thumb over Sebastian's cheekbone as Sebastian let a hand softly up to cover Blaine's.

"I think we should go to bed, gorgeous," Blaine crooned softly and he hoped that this meant that they could snuggle up in bed without having to address anything serious. It would be the perfect excuse to bring home to Tina and he would have another week to prepare himself.

Sebastian yawned his agreement and awkwardly sat up. They brushed their teeth in silence and Blaine closed the door to change his clothes in solitude.

When he came back from the bathroom the bedroom was dark and Sebastian was already in bed. Blaine watched him for a brief moment with a sting in his heart before he took a deep breath and joined him.

Blaine didn't turn his back around this night. Instead he snuck himself to rest his head on Sebastian's chest and led Sebastian's hand under his shirt to rest on his hip. He clinched his own grip as hard as possible around Sebastian's waist as he put a gentle kiss to his bare chest.

"Mhm, this is nice, babe -" Sebastian mumbled with a kiss on Blaine's hair, and Blaine squeezed his arm even harder around him.

If he was to tell Sebastian everything about Kurt as soon as he got home this could very well be his last night in his bed, his last night in his arms with cuddles - his last night with Sebastian. So he wanted to make it a good one.

He stretched his neck to kiss Sebastian as deep, passionate and affectionate as he possibly could to do his best to show him how much he cared for him.

"I love you, Blaine. More than anything in the world," Sebastian whispered and stroke his thumb gingerly over Blaine's hipbone. Blaine didn't know what to do about himself, so he pretended to already be asleep, but really he was feeling self-hate back to filling every fiber of his body.

**xXx**

"Baby, I'm sorry to wake you up, I just couldn't leave without saying goodbye," Sebastian's voice cooed Blaine awake. He was lying fully dressed next to him in the bed while stroking Blaine's hair lightly. When Blaine met his eyes he smiled softly.

"I'm glad you did. I would be sad if you had left without kissing me."

_But it would have been so much easier if you did._

"You're beautiful. I'm gonna miss you so much," Sebastian said and Blaine's heart cramped up. He would miss him too, probably even more because he knew that this could be their last tender moment together.

"You were crying in your sleep. Are you okay, honey? I have a little bit of extra time if you wanna tell me about it."

_No._

He didn't. Gosh, he didn't. He wished that Sebastian hadn't discovered that he cried in his sleep.

"Just a bad dream, but I'm better now. Come here to cuddle me before you go," Blaine mumbled and kissed Sebastian's shoulder before he shuffled closer to hide against Sebastian's warm body.

Sebastian folded his arm around Blaine. He kissed his hair and ear without a word. Of course he didn't dig deeper into the nightmare.

"I'm gonna miss you so much, I can't even explain it," Blaine whispered against his neck and he felt his throat tie up. He didn't want him to go because then his warmth and safe arms would disappear, but he didn't want him to stay either because that would mean serious business and everything falling to the floor - Blaine would have to crush him.

"I'll miss you too, but I will call and text you all the time. I promise. I can't live without my best boy, can I?" Sebastian smiled and brushed his hand over Blaine's cheek, leaving a burning print on his skin.

"I need to go. I love you, beautiful. Please believe me. I love you so much."

"I believe you," Blaine mumbled thickly with a hand strongly covering Sebastian's.

They kissed. Deep, long and powerful before Sebastian was gone. Blaine left to himself with throbbing guilt pulsing through his veins and aching pumping in his heart.

He didn't go back to sleep. He couldn't. He curled up around Sebastian's pillow and took in the scent, let it fill every cell of him to be sure that he would never forget it, even if he would never be close to him this way again.

Around 8.30 he decided that there wasn't any reason for him to stay in bed. He fumbled to his feet and took in the sight of Sebastian's bedroom. He wanted to remember everything; the dusty blue wallpaper, the chair in the corner, the black curtains, the picture of Sebastian with his little sister - and the picture of Sebastian and Blaine with their arms wrapped around each other on a blanket in the park a sunny afternoon with Tina and Mike.

It felt like he was about to say goodbye to his entire life and move across the globe, or like he knew that he was dying and it was time to take care of all unfinished business. Nearly two years with Sebastian - and now he had thrown it all away, and was about to lose it all because of his own stupidity, and his egoistic heart wanting other ways.

On the train home he couldn't help but wonder if he would have done anything different if he had known how everything had turned out.

_Would I have stayed with Sebastian if I knew that I could never love him? Would I have stayed with Sebastian if I knew that I am in love with Kurt and always have been? Would I still have kissed, slept with, Kurt if I knew that he would mess me up this badly?_

He turned it around in his head over and over again. He considered what he had gained and lost from the choices and relationships throughout his life, and he came to the conclusion that he didn't know what he would have done.

He had been sure that what he felt for Sebastian was the closest thing to loving someone he would ever get and that he would stay with him for the rest of his life - maybe even get married and have kids some day.

Until Kurt had walked back into his life and swept him off his feet. Whenever he had looked at Kurt it was like he had been blinded as a kid and only now was seeing the sun and the colors of the world again. When Kurt had touched him, a single touch by his fingers on his wrist or a gentle hug had made him feel like summer was finally returning after having been covered in snow for centuries.

Kiss.

When he had kissed Kurt he knew that it was right. He loved Sebastian's kisses - but Kurt had made him feel like a volcano was bursting inside of him. Kurt had made all of his fears wash away, and when he had been lying in his arms he felt home. Like this was the only place he could ever truly belong.

Love.

**xXx**

When Blaine came home he showered and got dressed. He didn't know what to do, because usually when he was feeling down he would go to Sebastian's place and he would cheer him up, or he would go see a show by himself - but Sebastian's was clearly no-go and theaters would only make him think of both Sebastian and Kurt.

So he stayed in. He was trapped by his own thoughts.

Tina came home early so they cooked and ate lunch together. She tried making him smile by trying to get him sing or dance with her, but she quickly gave up. When they were done eating they started doing the dishes together and he slowly started to tell her about the previous night and she was understanding.

"Maybe it's for the best - this way you'll have some distance to get a hold of your thoughts and feelings so you will know what to say when he gets back," she tried to rationalize - but he doubted it.

"I guess. I wish I didn't have to think about I," Blaine shrugged and sighed.

He was happy that he had Tina. She was his rock, his safe harbor, no matter how much his life fell apart she was always there. Maybe that was all he really needed - to just have Tina in his life.

They went to work, and by the end of the night he actually had started to feel a little better. He hadn't paid neither Kurt nor Sebastian a thought throughout the night and he had caught himself laughing on more than one occasion.

When he and Tina was on the train home he even burst into singing with her after having a heated debate about rock musicals. It wasn't until he came home and was alone in his room getting ready for bed it hit him that pushing the pain away only made it ten times worse when he finally let it hit him again.

As he laid in bed he found it impossible to fall asleep. He tossed and turned and tried hiding his face under the covers. He switched between crying into his pillow and cursing at himself.

He sat up in the bed and turned on the light. He grabbed out his phone that he had let stay in the pocket of his jeans and unlocked it. He saw a goodnight message from Sebastian and he felt horrible that he hadn't noticed it before.

**Sebastian: **"I miss your voice. I'll call you tomorrow so I can tell you how much I love you. Goodnight, babe."

_Ugh. Boyfriend of the year. Of course. He doesn't deserve an asshole like me._

Blaine didn't know what to do about the text. He stared at it for two minutes before he closed it and went to his contacts. He flipped aggressively through them and ended on Kurt.

Kurt.

He looked at the display for a brief moment, chewed on the inside of his lower lip and hid his face in his hands. He cried. Loudly, with snot, spit and tears covering everything.

Then he drew a heavy breath and forced his tears to stop. It had to end. It all had to end and he needed to get a grip on himself so he could get control back over his life instead of this crossfire he had stumbled into by mistake and now didn't see a way out of.

So he deleted Kurt from his contacts. Deleted their texts. Deleted him from his life.

Kurt was officially out of his life and there was no chance of Blaine dragging him back in. He didn't know where Kurt lived and he was happy that he didn't because this way he didn't have any way of contacting him even if he wanted to.

It was a relief. Ever since he had seen Kurt with his boyfriend, or whoever that guy was, he had felt a strong urge to call or text Kurt to ask what was going on. But Kurt hadn't even replied to the texts he had sent him over the weekend, so why would he reply if he sent him anything at this point - and it didn't matter.

Kurt wasn't interested in being a part of his life, and if this was who Kurt was and the way Kurt had wanted to be a part of his life he didn't want him.

At least that was the lie he kept telling himself; he was afraid that if the circumstances had been different he might not have reacted as strongly.


	21. Honesty Hour

Thursday Blaine called Sebastian in the morning. He apologized for not having texted him back and Sebastian said that it was fine. The conversation went from sweet and innocent to dirty, heated phonesex.

Blaine was surprised. They had never done that before, and he had thought he never would. He wasn't even one to masturbate - not even in the shower.

He had promised himself to not have sex with Sebastian again - at least until he had told him everything about Kurt. But Sebastian had been sweet and talked about how much he missed touching him and before Blaine knew it he had his pants down around his thighs and his hand locked around his cock with Sebastian moaning and telling him what he missed doing to him.

When Blaine was relaxed with come down his thigh and over his hand he cleaned himself off and pulled his pants back on. He slid down under his covers and turned to lie on the side with his phone still glued to his ear.

"_I love you_," Sebastian said, still orgasm-dozy and Blaine stiffened in the bed.

_No, no, no, no, not now! He can't say that! _

Blaine didn't know what to say. He had done his best to avoid saying anything back for close to a week now, but he couldn't keep doing it. At some point Sebastian would start wondering why he didn't say it back - especially because Blaine had been the one to push him into saying it.

"I love it when you say that," Blaine mumbled back and squeezed his eyes shut. This was terrible. He was terrible. If he wasn't going to hell for being gay, drinking and having sex before marriage he sure was for this.

"_I love saying it. I don't think I ever will stop saying it_," Sebastian returned and Blaine could hear him yawn.

Fortunately Sebastian excused himself that he had to leave to get ready to go to a breakfast meeting and Blaine thanked the higher powers.

They said goodbye and Blaine rushed to the shower. He felt cheap and dirty. He wished badly that he could end this charade soon.

He needed something to keep his mind occupied so he turned up the music as loud as he could without disturbing the neighbors and spent the entire day on cleaning his room.

Around mid-afternoon he met Tina in town and they had lunch together before shopping.

It was nice to get out of the apartment and away from the pub where nothing was connected to memories. It was liberating and a welcomed change.

By the end of the afternoon Blaine was back to being chipper and couldn't stop feeling how much he felt the need to find a way to show Tina how much he appreciated her being in his life. He promised himself to find a way as soon as possible. She deserved to be shown how much he loved her.

They went to the pub where they were set to work from 6 to midnight. Customers were buzzing around them and Martin was already behind the bar when they arrived.

They quickly got into their working clothes in the backroom and hurried out to get working. It felt nice to let loose at work and after an hour Blaine was back to chatting and flirting with the customers and he had several dance/sing-offs with Tina over the night.

After a few hours he went to the backroom to make sure he didn't neglect Sebastian's texts too much. As expected he had a few and he decided to call him instead. They talked for a few minutes before Blaine figured that he had to return to work so he hung up and promised to text him before bed.

"I'll handle this, Martin," Blaine heard Tina say when he returned to the bar.

Tina rushed by him and she looked as if she was extremely upset. Upset in a way he hadn't seen her before.

That's when he saw it. Kurt was sitting by the end of the bar and said that he just wanted to talk to Blaine, so he kept behind Martin and Tina to figure out what was going on. He could feel that his face was red and his stomach had turned upside down.

"Kurt, just leave Blaine alone. He doesn't want to talk to you so just get out," Tina spat at him.

Martin rushed to handle the customers at the other end and Kurt caught Blaine's eyes so he ran around the bar to talk to him instead of Tina. Blaine was paralyzed and didn't know what to do.

"Blaine, please listen to me. I am so sorry I didn't respond to your texts. I was so busy in the theater and…"

"Kurt, just stop, okay?! I saw you with that guy, and just… get out okay. I deleted your number, I don't wanna see you again," Blaine snapped at him, with a feeling that he was standing next to himself seeing him having this bizarre conversation with Kurt.

Kurt looked like he had been slapped in the face. He was shocked and tears started brimming his eyes.

"Blaine, please, just give me a chance to explain. I'll wait until you get off, just give me a chance to explain, please. Please, Blaine," Kurt kept begging but Blaine turned on his heel and hurried to the backroom.

He could hear Martin telling Kurt to leave, and Kurt's crying voice begging Blaine to give him another chance, but the sound died out between voices from customers and the music from the speakers.

He dropped down on a chair and hid his face in his hands where he screamed. Loud and growling until his lungs hurt and his voice was rasp. He bit his own hand in a desperate attempt to make his pain go away.

After having sat for a few minutes he got back to his feet. He couldn't let it take over his life again. He still had three hours of work left and he had a pub full of happy people waiting for him to bring them drinks.

"Are you okay?" Tina asked as he returned to the bar. She was filling glasses with ice and clearly stressed out over the high level of the orders of the night.

"Yeah. Screw him. I'll be fine," Blaine choked out, hoping that if he said it often enough he would start believing it himself.

For the rest of the night Blaine wandered around forcing himself to keep his mood up. He knew that Tina was sending him worried looks whenever she saw a chance, but he simply pretended that he didn't notice.

He was sick of being pitied and worried over, and he was sick of not being in charge of his own life - so he kept singing along to the music, flirted with anyone who made a move for it and engaged in different conversations with the eager customers.

When their shift ended he already knew that Tina was meeting Mike for a late-night dance job in town. They were supposed to dance in the background of a shoot of some sort of indie music video and apparently it was badly paid but a good way to be seen as dancers.

She offered him to drop it so he didn't have to be alone, but he said that he would go straight to bed when he came home. She appreciated it and assured him that he should call if he needed anything. He thanked her and hurried to say goodnight so he could get some time alone.

On the way to the station he called Sebastian. For a second he considered to tell him that he loved him, but couldn't get the words over his lips - not when it wasn't true. He just wanted to know what it felt like to say it and to hear Sebastian's reaction. If he couldn't give Sebastian the reality of loving him, and when he loved Blaine so deeply, maybe it would be okay with a hallucination of his love being returned?

They talked a bit about Sebastian's day and Blaine's shopping spree with Tina. When he got off at the station they said goodnight and hung up.

Blaine was miserable. Everything seemed darker and colder around him even though it was blooming summer in New York. He was afraid that as soon as he hit his pillow all of his despair and anguish would take over again, making him squirm in the bed from his internal pain.

He found out his keys and started to heavily climb the stairs to the apartment. He nearly stopped halfway there so he could turn around to go sleep in Sebastian's bed for the night, but he told himself that it wouldn't go.

When he reached his floor he nearly fell down the stairs from surprise. He was shocked and didn't know what to do about himself.

_I should have gone to Sebastian's place instead_, he thought panicky.

All feelings he possessed were fighting to be paid attention to as the first; anger, shock, sadness, pain - all of them, and he didn't know what to say or do as a possible reaction.

Kurt was sitting on the stairs with his face hidden in his hands. When Blaine stopped noisily in front of him wit his keys rustling in his hand Kurt was startled and looked up. Even through the dimmed light of the hallway Blaine didn't doubt that he was crying and had been for a long time, judging by his red eyes and flushed nose and cheeks.

"Kurt, get away. Would you just leave me alone? Haven't you done enough?" Blaine snapped and walked around him to get to the door, but Kurt jumped to his feet in a way that reminded Blaine of a person coming out of trance.

"Please listen to me. I know I have been horrible to you, but give me a chance to explain. I am so sorry, I miss you so much - please come back to me," Kurt cried and let his hands fall defeated to his sides.

"I don't see why I should give you another chance - and we were never together, I was just a quick fuck for you, remember? I hope you'll be happy with what's-his-face. Now get away, I just wanna go to bed and forget you," Blaine spat out as he took a step around Kurt so he could turn his back on him. He couldn't look at him - not when he was crying and begging him that way.

"No, Blaine. That's not how it is. I don't want him, I just want you. I can't let you go now that you're back in my life. I only want you. It was always you. Please. Please - I love you, Blaine," he whimpered desperately.

Kurt slid down to sit back on the stairs. His crying quickly turned into sobbing, to nearly hyperventilating and Blaine couldn't help himself; he turned around and found Kurt curled up with his arms locked around his chest and his face wet from tears. He was a complete mess - the embodiment of how Blaine was feeling.

He shook his head at himself and what he was about to do before he sat down next to Kurt. He didn't know what to do or how to make him stop crying, but as Kurt's sobs turned heavier he put an arm around him.

"Come on. That's not fair. How am I supposed to ignore you and be mad at you when you're crying like that?" Blaine crooned, and hoped that Kurt's crying would end soon because regardless of how angry he was with him it was heartbreaking to witness. However, Kurt kept on sobbing while rocking back and forth so there was no way that Blaine could leave him like that.

"Listen, you can come in and get a glass of water or some tea or something so you can calm down before going home, but… I can't do this anymore. You've messed me up so bad, Kurt -" Blaine sighed.

He squeezed his hand around Kurt's arm lightly before he stood up to unlock the door. When he had it open he leaned down to grab Kurt's hand so he could help him up and lead him to the kitchen.

The feeling of Kurt's hand back in his was electrifying but he tried to ignore it. He couldn't let himself slide back to his addiction to Kurt because he knew that it wouldn't do anything but make him even more hurt and shattered than he already was.

Blaine helped him to sit down on a chair, but he simply bent together in his seat and resumed crying into his hands. At least he was crying silently now, but it was still unbearable for Blaine to witness, so he hurried to fix some water for tea before he got over to kneel in front of Kurt. He put his arms around him and stroke a hand up and down his back as soothing as he could muster while still reminding himself that he was mad at him.

"If I agree to listen to you will you please stop crying? I can't stand that - you're breaking my heart. Again!" Blaine exclaimed in a broken voice. He was on the edge of tears himself. The entire situation was warped up and seemed like an endless sea during a storm.

He hurried over to make their tea and hoped for Kurt to have relaxed a little when he returned. He was still crying and shaking as well. Blaine had no idea what to make of it so he moved a chair next to Kurt so he could sit down and hold his hand around Kurt's on the table.

"Kurt, listen - when you moved away when we were kids I lost my entire basis for existing. You were my whole world and suddenly you were just gone. I had to go through life without you and it was a nightmare. If I hadn't had Tina by my side I don't know where I'd be right now - or if I even would be," Blaine started heavily and Kurt had turned his attention to him. He looked pained and scared from what he was hearing.

"When you walked into the pub I didn't dare believe it. That out of all the pubs and bars in New York you would come waltzing into my workplace like that. To me it was like I was being brought back to life."

He paused and searched for words. Kurt hadn't so much as made a sound but was listening carefully with regret flickering over his face.

Blaine knew that there was something he needed to say, though, but he couldn't figure out how to. It was crucial to the entire puzzle, but it was too heavy and thick to run from his brain through his mouth.

"When you came back into my life it was a miracle to me - but I was already with someone at that point."

Shock showed in Kurt's face and his hands started twitching under Blaine's like he was about to pull away. Blaine hoped that he wasn't about to up and leave before he got to finish his part of the story. They were doing this, and they would be doing this now and fully. There could be no way out for neither of them now that things had turned so real. Regardless of the way Kurt mostly resembled a tortured bird.

"He's the only guy I've ever been with. I've been with him for two years and he loves me. So, so much - but I was planning on leaving him for you. I don't love him because… I have tried _so hard _to love him, but I can't. It's terrible, and I hate myself for it, but I just don't feel that for him."

Now there was only the last thing - Kurt needed to know how deeply his actions had hurt him.

"When I saw you with that guy I felt like my world fell apart. Right after it had started to heal. It was like… like having broken my leg and it was getting back to normal, just to break it again in a much more painful place. I can't explain it - it was like you just stomped on my heart. I've never felt like this, Kurt. This pain is… flames. Fire."

There. He said it. That was all he had to give. His side of the story.

"I cried for so long when you didn't write me back anymore. My dad was so scared and worried. He had me seeing the school nurse and eventually a therapist. I refused to make friends with anyone, but when my dad married again I got a brother and he helped me get out and meet people - but I was still looking for you. I was terrified because I was convinced that you hated me for having left you."

Kurt's voice was weak and he sniffed a little as he paused to take a breath. It was like he had prepared this speech for his whole life, and had only been waiting for Blaine to return to his life so he could hear it.

"I never believed in God, but I still prayed every night for some way to get you back. When I got older I always looked for you whenever I was a place with new people - it was my first instinct even though I never dared hoping for it to happen. Whenever I was kissing a boy or, you know, had sex with a boy I closed my eyes and pretended it was you. I wanted it to be you so bad, Blaine."

Blaine's mouth had turned dry and his throat was rasp. He was shocked. He could feel Kurt squeeze around his hand on the table, but he had no words or reaction to offer him in return for his revelation.

"When I saw you in that pub I was sure I had gone crazy. That I had finally snapped - probably from the stress of my newly signed contract or something. Then when you didn't even look at me I panicked - I needed to see your face, your eyes, to determine if it really was you. When I saw you at the bar I instantly knew that it was true, and I was prepared to propose to you or something right then and there to make sure we would never part again. I couldn't let you go."

He lifted his chin a little and stared directly into Blaine's eyes. Nothing but naked truth, despair and guilt was to be found in Kurt's blue orbs.

"I am in love with you, Blaine. I always have been. When we held hands, when we were close in our beds or something - those few kisses when we were kids were so innocent and might have seemed insignificant and childish, but they're some of my most precious memories. I couldn't wait to grow up so I could kiss you like I had seen the older girls kiss their boyfriends. The other boys always talked about girls, and when I heard the older girls talk about the boys they liked I realized that… that was the way I felt about you. My worst fear was that you would never feel that way about me, and one day you would tell me to not come to your bed, or stop holding your hand or not let me kiss you anymore. Even after I moved away, and when I grew up and boys and girls showed interest in me I only thought of you. I always compared them to you, but when they weren't you and never could be they just weren't good enough for me," Kurt blabbered out like he was afraid that Blaine would stop him if he so much as breathed.

"I was with a few guys here and there. Made out with them at parties when I was drunk and just closed my eyes and imagined you instead. One day I was having the lead in a school musical, and it was opening night - and I thought I saw you in the audience. I didn't even get out of my makeup and costume before I started searching through everyone to find you. I was devastated when you weren't there - so I got drunk and lost my virginity to some creep who had been hitting on me forever. He didn't even care that I kept crying your name."

Kurt took a moment to catch his breath and squeeze his eyes together. He wiped his tears off his cheeks before he regained his ability to speak.

"After that I resigned from the musical. I took a little time off school and welled in my own misery. One night my brother had enough so he and his friend forced me out to see them play a football game and - there was this guy. A football player. He was really sweet to me and we ended up being together at the victory party."

He looked into the table. He was clearly avoiding Blaine's eyes and Blaine felt a chill run down his spine. Whatever was about to come he already knew that he wasn't going to like it.

"We've been together for three and a half year now, and… a little over a month before I met you at the pub he proposed to me. I'm engaged. I love Sam, but - it's only a fraction of how much I love you. He's amazing and basically perfect, but you're everything; my other half. When I saw you I was ready to give him up right then and there so I could jump right into your arms -"

Kurt silenced and embarrassment filled his face. Blaine knew how he felt; that was exactly how he felt about Sebastian - except for the part about loving him.

"Then why didn't you?" Blaine burst out and he didn't care how accusing or demanding he sounded. Suddenly it hit him that there was a beautiful, silver ring on Kurt's finger. He didn't understand why he hadn't noticed it before. He could swear that he hadn't been wearing it during their prior meetings.

"Blaine - I hadn't seen you for twelve years. I needed to make sure that you were still the person I had been in love with for the past fifteen years. We had both grown from kids to adults since I saw you last. How could I break Sam's heart for someone who might only exist in my head?" Kurt explained, his voice pleading Blaine to understand his point of view.

Blaine was ashamed. All of the accusations and anger he had been feeling towards Kurt he should have had pointed towards himself because Kurt hadn't done anything different than he had; tried figuring out where they stood before he threw his entire life away to be with someone he might not know anymore.

"In my head I had built you up to having evolved into being this perfect creature who was the complete man of my dreams - but then when I met you and we talked and joked and laughed you weren't. You were much better than what I had dreamed of you. You were real, and still the shy, clumsy boy with combed hair and bowties that I remembered from Silverlake. Don't think I didn't know that you kept combing your hair and wearing those outfits because I liked it."

Kurt let out a heavy breath in a thrust that sounded painful and emptied his mug in one mouthful. He was done. Now Blaine was left to feeling like his face was on fire - his entire body, actually. What was he supposed to do after this long, honest tale of how deep of an impact of losing Blaine had done to Kurt?

"Come here. I wanna show you something," he said and did his best to face what he was about to do. He wasn't sure that he was ready, but he knew that it was now or never.

He let his fingers fall into place with Kurt's and led him towards his room. He gestured for Kurt to sit down on the bed and he did without asking any questions. He looked confused, but also intrigued and curious about what was about to happen.

Blaine turned around and opened his closet. He pulled over a chair so he could stand on it and find out a big box from the back of the top shelf. He put it carefully under his arm and closed the closet after him. Then he walked over to sit down on the bed in front of Kurt and placed the box between them.

Kurt kept switching his gaze between the box and Blaine's face. He was clearly tingling to be allowed to remove the lid and see what it was hiding, but he also seemed scared of what it could be.

Blaine closed his eyes, drew a heavy breath and opened. His eyes and the box - revealing its secret, _his_ secret.

Kurt tried hiding a gasp when he saw the contents. He obviously hadn't expected that. His cheeks flushed and a heartfelt smile took over his face. If the box hadn't been separating them he probably would have thrown his arms around Blaine's neck.

Pictures of Kurt and Blaine together as kids, pictures of just Kurt in Silverlake or from the letters he had sent Blaine, all of Kurt's letters, drawings Kurt had made him and other memories such as a ticket from they had been to the zoo with Kurt's dad or to a museum with the orphanage - and on top of it all was Kurt's penguin plush. It was looking old and wore signs of Blaine having slept with it, but it was still in perfect shape. It was very clear that Blaine had taken good care of it.

"You kept all of this - you actually kept everything. This is… unbelievable," Kurt said astounded and couldn't tear his eyes off the box that was filled with their childhood. His crying had stopped long ago and now it seemed like a spark had ignited in his eyes instead of tears.

"I never told anyone. Not even Tina knows about this. I had promised myself that I would never tell anyone but you, and as I thought that I would never see you again I had decided that I would throw it out if I ever was to move in with Sebastian. My… boyfriend."

Kurt flinched by the mention of his boyfriend, but other than that he looked like he was lost for words. He had been caught completely off guard and Blaine enjoyed the sight of his surprise.

He took the penguin out of the box to show that it had been covering up the bowtie Kurt had sent him for his first birthday after he had moved out of Silverlake. Purple. It was his favorite, and he had worn it every day until he grew out of it.

"This is incredible. I don't know what to say. You're so amazing," Kurt stammered in awe.

Blaine didn't even realize it but suddenly he had pushed his hand over the bedspread to close it around Kurt's. To his relief Kurt squeezed strongly back.

"This penguin - this was my best friend for so long. When you stopped writing I waited and waited, but after a while I collected everything in this box. The penguin too, but no one knew that I found it out at night. I cried into it. When I realized it didn't smell of you anymore I was crushed," Blaine told and knew that he sounded ridiculous.

A little boy clinging to a penguin plush like it had been his only string to life.

"Last Christmas Sam gave me a puppy. This cute, adorable, golden, little pup. He was so lively and playful - and I just knew that his name was Simba. I love that dog - his playful spirit reminded me of you and when we played together when we were little," Kurt chuckled and the atmosphere had turned light. Like a fog melting away from the sun, even though it was in the middle of the night.

"Blaine, I wanna be with you. More than anything. I - just want you back in my life. I want you to be my world again. If you could ever want me after everything I've put you through," Kurt said with his voice back to trembling. Blaine could even feel the shaking of his nerves in his own hand.

"I don't know what to tell Sebastian. I can't break his heart. He is such a great guy and I am such an idiot for not being able to love him like he loves me - I would be lucky to have him. It has been torture to keep all of this from him," Blaine said with a knot in his throat.

It was hard to look Kurt in the eyes when talking about Sebastian. It seemed so wrong, but he knew that it was the only right thing to do, so he forced himself to keep it up. If they were to figure anything out they needed to be open and honest about how to handle their current relationships.

"I don't know what to tell Sam either. He's been the best part of my life for so long. He's a part of my family, and a part of my closest circle of friends. He even knows everyone in the theater I am signed at. He loves me more than anything in the world and… I don't know," Kurt groaned defeated and fell back to lie on the pillows.

Blaine grabbed the box and put it on the floor so he could crawl up to lie next to Kurt. He didn't snuggle into him because he wasn't sure that they were at that place yet, so instead he put the penguin between them. He laid on his side with his head resting on his hand while he watched Kurt.

"So - what are we saying here? Do we want to like… be together for real? Break up with our - guys, so we can be together?" Blaine asked insecure and Kurt turned to mirror his position so their eyes were locked.

"That's what I've always wanted. I hate to do this to Sam, but it wouldn't be right for me to stay with him either. Lately - after we started seeing each other frequently, I have felt that in time with me falling more and more in love with you, my love for Sam has turned into more… friend-like feelings."

Kurt had a hard time saying the words. He truly cared about his fiancé - only not the way a man was supposed to love the man he was engaged to.

"Sebastian is out of town right now. He's coming back on Monday. I guess I should talk to him then. Just… tell him the truth." Blaine dug his fingers of his free hand into the bedspread under him. The thought of how Sebastian would react was unbearable. He wished so bad that he could find a way to do it without hurting him.

Kurt smiled empathetically at him. He understood his pain and worry about the horrible task lying ahead of him, and it was a comfort to Blaine that he wasn't alone.

"Sam has a big game by the end of this month. Some scouts are coming out to see him and such. I can't do this to him before the game. It could ruin everything for him. You understand that, right?" He asked carefully and started running his fingers mindlessly over the plush of the penguin separating them.

Blaine understood, so he smiled at him and let his free hand up to close around Kurt's on the plush.

"But I will do it right after. My dad and his wife are already negotiating wedding plans with Sam's parents and…"

Blaine stopped him by putting his lips to Kurt's. He didn't want to hear about it. His head was about to explode and the last thing he needed to hear Kurt talk about was how his family was busy arranging his wedding with Mr. Movie Star.

The feeling of Kurt's lips back on his own made all the ice in his veins and stomach melt from the burning hot water Kurt's kiss shot into him. Like a junkie finally having his fix after craving it for too long.

"This - this is where I belong," Kurt smiled with his forehead resting against Blaine's as he started twisting their fingers together.

"Home," Blaine whispered and decided that they had worried enough for one night.

He didn't know what was going to happen next; if they were truly together now or if Kurt wanted to wait until Blaine had talked to Sebastian and he had talked to his fiancé, if he was supposed to tell Tina about it or even if Kurt was planning on going home now that they were done talking.

Kurt moved closer to lie with his head on Blaine's collarbone. He kept their hands locked together on Blaine's abdomens and curled his other arm around the penguin against his chest as he sighed, giving Blaine a feeling of it coming from a place of relief.

Blaine kissed Kurt's hair and Kurt kissed his fingertips in return before tightening his grip on his hand.


	22. Knowing Me, Knowing You

The next morning Blaine woke up from fingers brushing lightly over his back and lips pressed against his jaw.

"Baby - you're phone is ringing," Kurt's voice mumbled against his Adams Apple and Blaine slowly came to his senses from the realization that Beyoncé was singing somewhere in the pocket of the jeans he was still wearing.

He fumbled around for it with a hope that it would stop before he got to it so he wouldn't have to deal with it, but he hoped even more for it to not be Sebastian. It was one thing to talk to Kurt about Sebastian, but it was a completely different matter if he was to have a couple-y morning conversation with him while Kurt was lying wrapped around his body in his bed.

It was Tina.

"_Blaine, would you come into the kitchen now_!" She hissed into the phone and he was suddenly wide awake. She had been in his room while they were folded into each others arms without as much as a sheet over them. She had to have seen them - it was the only explanation.

It was only around 9 in the morning and sunlight was streaming into the room. It suddenly occurred to him that they had fallen asleep right after their talk and Kurt hadn't even taken off his boots. No wonder he was shaking from being cold everywhere on his body where Kurt wasn't clasped against him.

"Shit!" He whispered into the phone, more directed to himself than to Tina or Kurt.

Kurt raised his head to look up at him with weary eyes. He started biting his lower lip and seemed like he was debating whether or not he should move away from Blaine to give him space for a private conversation.

Blaine didn't even wait; he hung up the phone and rubbed his palms roughly against his face to try getting some circulation to his brain. How was he supposed to tackle this?

"Are you okay? Should I leave?" Kurt asked nervously and was already on his way out of the bed when Blaine grabbed softly around his arms and dragged him back to the mattress.

"No. Please stay if you want to. I just have to go and sort it all out with Tina. I think she was in here while we were asleep, and then she saw us, and with everything that has happened - and yeah, you can imagine."

Kurt sunk back on the pillows and looked like he was holding his breath. He was openly nervous and if the situation hadn't been so scary to himself Blaine would have buried Kurt in cuddles over the adorable way he instinctively clenched his arm around the penguin plush that had stayed in his grip throughout the night.

"I don't wanna come between you two. I don't - I don't wanna cause anymore problems for you than I already have," Kurt said apologetically and Blaine let a hand to his cheek.

"It's gonna be fine. I'll just try and explain it all to her. If you want you can sleep a little more and then I will hurry back to be with you as soon as I'm done. I promise you it will be alright," Blaine assured him.

Sure, the truth was that ever since Kurt had returned to his life everything had turned upside down and he had been having a few more controversies with Tina than usual, but he didn't want Kurt to feel like it was all his fault, because he had been jus as big a part of the chaos himself. Besides, he was convinced that as soon as Tina knew the full story she would calm down and be understanding to their… situation.

Kurt smiled and looked less worried, so Blaine leaned down to kiss his nose before he pushed off his own shoes, closed the curtains to shut out the sharp sunlight and headed for the door.

"I'll wait for you," Kurt said right as he was about to turn the doorknob and an urge to go back to the bed tried taking over Blaine, but instead he forced himself to smile and leave the room.

"What is going on here?" Tina demanded to know the second he stepped into the kitchen. She looked like she had witnessed The White House being beamed up by a UFO.

Tina was leaning against the kitchen table with her arms crossed over her chest and fully dressed for going to class. Blaine knew that she wasn't angry even though she sounded like it. She was confused and frustrated that her best friend had run straight back into the arms of the guy who had taken him apart - while he still kept up having heated phonesex and loving conversations with his boyfriend.

Blaine shyly crossed the floor and sat down on a kitchen chair. He waited for Tina to sit down across the table and apparently his saying gaze was enough because she quickly rolled her eyes and came over to sit down.

The morning was over him like he had run straight into a wall. All of his muscles were tensed and aching, his head was spinning, he was cold and his eyes were itching. He simply needed a day without worrying.

It was nearly impossible to find out where to begin, and the way Tina's eyes were hawking on him didn't make it any easier. He had to explain it to her in a way that would make her see that this was the way things were supposed to be.

After turning it over in his head a few times he decided that there was nothing to do but start with the beginning, so he did.

He started out by telling her how he had come home in the middle of the night after work and a few closing drinks with Martin, and he had found Kurt crying on the stairs where he had to have been waiting for around five hours.

He continued to tell her everything Kurt had told him; about his feelings for Blaine, how he had been looking for him everywhere and in everyone. He told her about their discussion about their boyfriends and how to tackle them - because they wanted to break up with them so they could be with each other instead. The only thing he left out was about the box with their childhood memories - it was too personal and a thing he could only ever share with Kurt.

When he was done Tina had released her arms and let her hands drop to her lap. She was staring at him with big, aware eyes and her mouth slightly ajar. She was just as stunned about the story as Blaine had been all along.

"What does that mean, then? What are you going to do now?" She asked after a moment of silence where she had let everything slowly sink into place.

Blaine flinched. He had to say it - but this time it wouldn't be enough to say that he was going to do it; this time he had to. There was no way around it. It was now or never.

"Sebastian gets home Monday night. I'll talk to him Tuesday. I know he will ask me to come spend the night at his place when he comes home, but I'll tell him that I can't. I'll figure something out. This time I'll really… talk to him," Blaine assured her. The words were stinging in his mouth and felt like acid in his brain. Break Sebastian's heart.

That was what he and Kurt had agreed on - that was the only right thing to do.

"I don't know what to say. This is… I didn't think you would have anything to do with him, but I see your point; you weren't exactly much better yourself," she sighed before she leaned a little forward over the table to make her fingertips lightly meet Blaine's.

"Blaine, you know that I love Sebastian, but you're my best friend. I love you more and I just want you to be happy. If you really trust that he won't screw you over this time - then I will look forward to see you happy with him."

Blaine knew that she still had her precautions about Kurt and he didn't blame her. On the other hand he also knew that she meant what she had said. Now he only needed to figure out what to do about Mike in the midst of it all.

He didn't get to talk it over with her though because she abruptly jumped to her feet when she remembered that she had been on her way to class and now was extremely late. Blaine got to his feet and she dragged him in to a tight hug.

"Just… take care of yourself. I hate seeing you as screwed up as you have been lately. I don't want that - I miss your pretty smile," she cooed before she kissed his cheek and hurried out of the kitchen and Blaine could hear the door slamming stressful after her.

"Is everything okay?" Kurt asked from the bedroom door and Blaine nearly jumped from the startle. He hadn't seen Kurt showing up.

Kurt walked past the living room and through the kitchen to take Blaine's hands. He smiled nervously at him before he leaned in to bury his face against Blaine's with his nose hidden against his cheek, his eyelashes tickling over Blaine's temple and his lips ghosting over his cheek.

"It's fine. She's… cool," Blaine mumbled with fatigue washing back over him.

Kurt pressed his lips to his cheek and let his thumbs brush over Blaine's fingers before he let his one hand close around Blaine's and led him back to the bedroom.

Kurt closed the door after them leaving the room in nearly complete darkness, then he started peeling off Blaine's clothes until he was only wearing his t-shirt and underwear. He realized that Kurt had taken off his boots and was working on getting his own clothes off now. As soon as Kurt was only wearing a tank top and his own underwear he pushed the bedspread to the floor and led Blaine to lie down with him.

When they were under the covers and were facing each other on the pillows Kurt let his fingers slide in between Blaine's, like they had been sculptured to fit each other. The stars that had always fascinated Blaine when they were kids were still dancing around Kurt's corneas and he felt like they were promising him that he was on the right way.

"We're together now. Boyfriends. You're mine. After all these years," Kurt whispered and even if Blaine hadn't seen it he would have known that he was smiling. It was oozing through his voice and words nearly making a chill run down Blaine's spine.

"I love you," Blaine said and surprised himself.

It was just words - but saying it out loud to another person in a way like this was much more than saying a regular sentence. Butterflies were twirling in his veins and his heart was playing hula-hoops in his chest. He could feel his cheeks growing red, but he didn't care because he had told someone, Kurt, that he loved him and it was the truth.

"I love you too," Kurt grinned and moved a little closer over the mattress.

And Kurt said it back, and he meant it, and they were together now. If there ever was anything that was faith this surely had to be it.

**xXx**

They woke up again around noon. They took turns on showering and Kurt borrowed a clean, casual shirt from Blaine before they went to the store a block from Blaine's apartment where they found fruits and chocolate. Then they hurried back where they curled up on the couch together.

The afternoon was spent on discussing events they had missed in each other's lives. Kurt told a vivid tale about his dad's wedding, including all details about his dad's new wife, Carole, and her son, Finn, who hadn't been too excited about the marriage but in the end he hadn't been able to resist and ended up as one of Kurt's closest friends.

They told each other about their high school graduations and first jobs. Blaine told Kurt how a girl Kurt had talked a lot to in Silverlake had been picked up by the police one night when Blaine was 14. She was 17 at the time and she had been selling drugs to younger girls in school.

Kurt was shocked to hear about how messed up some of the others were. When they were kids they didn't pay attention to that, especially not to the teenagers. Their dormitories were in the other end of the building so they never really saw each other except for parties or when they all were in the backyard.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea it was like that. It's awful," Kurt said with guilt washing over his face. His eyebrows nearly met over his nose and his eyes were glasslike from listening to the dramatic story.

He moved from his end of the couch to the middle so he could grab Blaine's hand that had been lying in his lap. Kurt's skin against his own nearly made him forget what they had been talking about, but he reminded himself to stick to the conversation.

"It's cool. I mean, when we got older we weren't that many left - at least not of us who was there from we were little. Most couldn't take being rejected constantly by people looking to adopt and they got sidetracked. Remember Kyra? Yeah, when we were 13 she got into this gang, and she started carrying a knife everywhere and stuff. The last time I was… back, was last year for her funeral," Blaine shrugged.

He didn't really like talking about it, but he felt that Kurt deserved to know. Kyra had been in Silverlake longer than Blaine had, so Kurt had known her his entire life before he moved. Besides, there was no reason to sugarcoat how Silverlake was for teenagers - he wanted Kurt to know everything about him, and this was a part of him.

Kurt was mortified. He kept staring at Blaine like he was surprised that he was even alive anymore after having lived through that.

"It's not cool. It sucks. It's horrible. I wish I could have come back to save you," Kurt said thickly. His eyes were avoiding Blaine's now, so Blaine grabbed his chin between two fingers to force their eye contact back.

"You did save me. You just didn't do it until now. But you did," Blaine said firmly. He couldn't let Kurt feel guilt over not having been there when it wasn't his fault.

Kurt's cheeks turned red and the corners of his mouth started to twitch.

"I'm still alive, and I'm fine. I don't even have allergies," he grinned, and Kurt couldn't stop himself from chuckling and falling forwards to coil up in Blaine's arms.

"I'm glad you didn't end up in a gang, or doing drugs - or in a cult where you would have to perform bizarre rituals or anything like that -" Kurt said with a chill running through him and let his fingers play with the hem of Blaine's t-shirt.

"Pretty colorful suggestions you have for my alternative self there," Blaine exclaimed, pretending to consider it.

"At least you don't have allergies. Then I would have to leave you," Kurt laughed and turned around so he could straddle Blaine as he was casually sitting in the corner of the couch.

He couldn't help letting his hands run from Kurt's hips to the lower of his back and under his shirt so he could sneak his fingertips down the hem of his jeans. His skin was warm and smooth, making Blaine fear that his fingers were too cold or rough for the connection.

"But for real - I am so happy that you didn't get… completely sidetracked like that. I don't know what I would have done if, when I found you again, you had been one of those creepy guys on the subway with tattoos everywhere and skin yellow from doing drugs," Kurt said seriously with his eyes piercing into Blaine's and his thumbs brushing over his hipbones under his t-shirt.

He hadn't expected Kurt to take it so heavily. To him it was simply how life growing up had been. He was used to the others running away only to return in the backseat of a police car, or waking up in the middle of the night from teenagers having loud sex in the bed next to him, or people younger than him hiding their drugs in his mattress to not get caught even though everyone knew Blaine stayed away from that. That was the standard.

"Really, I'm fine. I don't even have weird diseases or anything - I was checked, so there's nothing to worry about," Blaine assured him and put his hand on his neck so he could pull his face closer to kiss him.

Blaine continued telling him about what had been going on. How one of the workers had been fired and put in jail for having slept with one of the girls a few years older than Blaine, how Tina had helped him come out to Miss Pillsbury only for her to say that she already knew and was only waiting for him to tell her so she could set him up with her nephew.

He asked Kurt about what plays he had been in and what roles he had played. They ended up discussing musicals and plays, and Kurt revealed that he had been with Sam at a party and an agent had seen him - and after a week of Sam and Rachel talking him into doing it he had signed a contract for doing a photoshoot with some photographer Blaine had never heard the name of.

Apparently Kurt's fiancé and brother weren't just any football players but favorites of scouts from Giants, and they could take Kurt places and introduce him to people Blaine would never have the chance of doing.

"You do have a lovely face… and body," Blaine said thickly, unsure what to say and the feeling of not being able to ever have anything to offer Kurt next to Sam was roaring in the back of his head.

"He's not that kind of photographer, silly. It's art, okay. Nothing dirty here," Kurt said and rolled his eyes while letting his hands run up Blaine's ribs before he moved down so Blaine could feel his breath on his ear.

"But you can take dirty photos of me if you want," he whispered and Blaine felt all blood disappear from his face - very possibly rushing to his crotch. His hands clasped against Kurt's skin and he was suddenly very aware that Kurt's zipper was crashed against his own.

This was new. If Sebastian had ever said anything like that to him he would have hurried to hide his face, or laugh at it to pretend that he was joking. It was too bold, too different - too intimidating.

Now he found himself considering playing along. His throat was tied up, so he had no idea how he should play along, but he wanted to - only thing was that he didn't know how to, and he was afraid that if he opened his mouth only gobbling sounds would come out.

He let his fingers run a little further down Kurt's jeans, down his underwear, to buy some time for his brain to defreeze. Kurt wasn't helping as he moved a little forward from Blaine's touch, making his crotch crash closer against Blaine's.

"I could do that. Some day. Maybe," Blaine stammered and he was sure that his face went from white directly to red. He couldn't believe that he had just said that - was Kurt expecting this to be reality soon? Or ever? Or was he just playing around?

_Fuck. What have I gotten myself into?_

Kurt kissed his neck and sucked a little on the tender skin as he rolled his hips one last, slow time that made Blaine's heart beat so fast that he felt that it was only running on damp after a nanosecond - and Kurt fell down to lie on the couch next to him, his legs still twisted across Blaine's lap.

"I need to go home to change before going to the theater. It's opening night next weekend and everyone is going crazy," Kurt sighed and his eyes turned apologetic.

_No. Don't go now, _Blaine begged in his head but he knew that he had work as well so it would be pointless for Kurt to drop something so important.

"When are you playing somewhere again? I wanna be there. I miss hearing you sing," Kurt pouted and he reminded Blaine of when they were kids and Kurt had tried to beg Blaine to do anything - he would always pout with begging eyes the same way and Blaine was already on his way for whatever it was Kurt wanted.

Blaine explained how he had said no to playing jobs lately, but assured him that he was going to do his best to get something soon, and as soon as he did Kurt could come see him as often as he would.

"Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?" Kurt asked and stroke his one foot up Blaine's shoulder, and his grin turned to a nervous waiting instead.

"I would love to have dinner with you," Blaine smiled softly and kissed Kurt's foot before he let himself fall down on top of him between Kurt's legs.

"You should go. So I can get ready for work myself. Not that I want you to leave or anything. There's just one problem - I'm not letting you go before you have kissed me," Blaine grinned down at him and Kurt laughed so hard that the vibrations from his chest made Blaine nearly fall to the floor.

Kurt grabbed around his neck and pulled his face down to an aggressive kiss as he twisted his legs around Blaine's calves while their tongues danced playfully together.

"I can come back. Tonight. If you want -" Kurt suggested, his voice nearly a whisper.

Blaine's heart skipped a beat. Or raced away. He wasn't sure. All he knew was that it wasn't acting the way it usually did.

"Please. That would be amazing," he responded with his brain feeling foggy.

"I can come to the pub when we're done with rehearsals. With a little luck I won't have to stay for more than a couple of hours tonight, because they'll mostly focus on the girls for the next few days," Kurt explained and Blaine was sure that if his blood could scream from happiness it would.

"Sure, just text me. I get off at 1 tonight," Blaine agreed.

Kurt lifted his head a little to place a peck on his lips before he twisted himself out of Blaine's grip so he could change into his own clothes before Blaine walked him to the door.

Standing in the hall like that was the hardest. He had to let go off Kurt and knew that it would be hours before he would see him, feel him, again - but Kurt folded his arms around Blaine's neck and kissed him eagerly.

"I'll see you tonight. Then you can kiss me all you want," he smiled and Blaine grinned at him.

"And take some pictures if you want," he said without a trace of a joke in his voice or on his face.

Blaine panicked. Did that mean that he meant it? Did he really want to do that? Was he some sort of exhibitionist or something? Blaine's face was undoubtedly red and he couldn't hold Kurt's eyes.

"You are still so shy and innocent. It's cute and adorable. I love you. So much," Kurt cooed and tugged Blaine a little closer in his arms.

_Great. Cute and adorable - exactly what a man wants to be for his boyfriend… Or whatever we are, _Blaine thought with panic still rushing through him. He needed to figure out exactly how to keep up with Kurt's excitement over everything.

"Then teach me how to not be," Blaine burst out and wished that he could take it back. That had to be the most ridiculous, awkward, idiotic thing to ever cross his lips.

"Challenge accepted," Kurt beamed.

"But I have to leave now. I'll text you and then I'll see you toni -" Kurt started saying but Blaine pressed him against the wall and pressed his lips against Kurt's with a force he didn't know he had.

"Go. Now. Before I change my mind about letting you go. I love you. Okay? I love you!" Blaine exclaimed breathlessly.

Kurt brushed a hand over his cheek before he pecked his nose and disappeared out the door, and Blaine was left to watch him disappear down the stairs and hear him close the door behind him.

**xXx**

Work at the pub was free and fun that night. There were more customers than Blaine could remember ever having seen and they had to be four bartenders to cover them all but he didn't mind the slightest. He was singing and dancing around behind the bar and a smile was permanently plastered on his face.

"Who does a guy have to sleep with to get a beer in here?" A voice sounded behind Blaine and he turned to find Kurt leaning across the bar. His hair was perfectly groomed and his clothes looked like something out of a magazine. He was smiling and looked very tired.

_Maybe I could just leave now? To be with Kurt, and we could run away together_, Blaine thought but reminded himself that he still had two hours of work left for the night.

He gave two girls their drinks, accepted their tips with a flirtatious wink and turned around to Kurt instead. With a little luck no one would need his assistance in the next few minutes and he could put full attention on Kurt.

"That depends - do you see anything you like?" Blaine asked teasingly as he leaned closer to Kurt over the counter that was so painfully separating them. He wanted to feel Kurt closer to him, it was torture to see him but not be able to hold him.

"I do. I was thinking that maybe I could go on credit and get a few beers so I can really pay to you thoroughly later - but it seems like I've got some competition around here," Kurt grinned, making the temperature in Blaine's face skyrocket even though he had said it so low that there was no chance of anyone but them having heard.

It would be so easy. It would only take him to tiptoe, stretch his torso a little further and he could reach out to kiss Kurt on those delicious, pink lips that were just screaming for him to taste them on his own.

He couldn't, though. It was too risky in the pub where Sebastian's friends hung out every now and then, and Martin talked to Sebastian frequently as well. He could even risk Mike coming in to pick up Tina for their party later so to kiss Kurt there wouldn't go.

"Sounds like a plan," Blaine choked out and settled for letting his fingers caress lightly over Kurt's wrist before he had to go service a couple of big guys right next to Kurt.

Kurt was observing him while he was working. Blaine could feel his gaze following him around the room, and whenever their eyes met Kurt grinned at him in a way that made Blaine's insides feel like hot liquid.

When the clock finally hit 1 Kurt was still sitting on the stool he had occupied when he had come in. Blaine hurried around to the backroom where he washed his hands, found his jacket and collected his things so he could leave.

They walked to the train in silence. They didn't even dare to hold hands on the way back to Blaine's apartment because they couldn't know if anyone they, or their boyfriends, knew would see them.

They didn't even make it to close the door before Blaine was over Kurt, though. He missed feeling and kissing him too much to just ignore that he was by his side and they were completely alone now. Luckily Kurt was engaging heatedly into the kiss as he let his bag drop to the floor to make it easier for him to pull Blaine closer.

They stayed in the hall entangled in each other with hands and lips covering as much of one another as possible. It felt like the night drifted past them but it didn't matter, Blaine was just hungry for Kurt and he couldn't care less where they were.

"Are you tired?" Blaine asked when they finally mentally agreed that they needed oxygen. Now that he saw Kurt in the dimmed, artificial light of the hall he looked exhausted.

"Yeah. A bit. But I'd much rather spend time with you than sleep," Kurt said with a grimace to show just how much the thought of sleep didn't appeal to him.

Blaine was drained of energy and he needed rest badly - but he felt just like Kurt. He could always sleep, and he knew that Kurt had to leave early the next day so they wouldn't get to spend much time together by then.

"Let's just go to bed and we see what happens. I just think you need some sleep when you have so many hours of work tomorrow. You'll probably fall right asleep once you're in bed," Blaine cooed with a caring stroke over Kurt's cheek.

A wide smile crept over Kurt's face and his eyes went from lustful with a hint of tired to overwhelmed and affectionate.

He bent down to grab his bag off the floor and they walked hand-in-hand to Blaine's bedroom. They brushed their teeth together and Kurt stripped off his clothes to his underwear before he crawled to lie down.

Blaine realized that he didn't know what to do next. He was standing in the middle of his room looking awkwardly around himself, insecure and feeling extremely dumb.

_What should I do now? Would it be too weird if I sleep in a t-shirt like when I sleep at Sebastian's place? Or maybe I should just put on my pajamas? _Blaine debated with himself while brushing his hand shyly up and down his arm.

Kurt was lying comfortably on the pillows curled up under the covers while looking at him. He was clearly waiting with sparkling eyes and it made shivers run down Blaine's spine. He didn't want Kurt to think that he didn't like being close to him and feeling him.

"Baby, it's okay if you wanna sleep with your shirt on or something. I don't expect you to go naked for me," Kurt said softly. There wasn't a hint of a joke in his voice; he knew how it made Blaine feel and he was okay with it.

It was in one time embarrassing and nice to hear him say it. It was nice to know that Kurt understood how he felt and didn't have a problem with it, but Blaine was still embarrassed that it was even an issue for him.

_I'm a grown man, dammit. I should be able to sleep next to my boyfriend without being wrapped up._

He squeezed his eyes shut with his lips forming a thin line before he drew a heavy breath and started opening his jeans. He took them off and folded them neatly as always - and pulled off his polo shirt as well. He didn't fold it, simply swung it over the back of the chair before he hurried under the covers next to Kurt.

"You didn't have to do that, sweetie," Kurt cooed as he stroke a hand over Blaine's hair.

Blaine shifted a little on the pillow to have a better view to Kurt's eyes. They were shining strong and blue through the dark of the room and he nearly didn't want to say anything to change the atmosphere between them.

"I know. But I wanted to. It's… it's strange, but - it's easier with you," he mumbled and knew that he was being ridiculous.

He let his arm stretch out between them so he could let a finger run up Kurt's arm. He let it stroll from his wrist up his arm, over his collarbone and down his chest where he let it end on his ribs to let his palm lie flat.

"I like being with you like this. Like… I don't feel like you would get mad or hurt - or disappointed if I didn't do it for you. The things you want and you like," Blaine mumbled and observed Kurt taking his words in.

"I would never _ever_ make you feel bad if you didn't want the same things as me. If you didn't do like I wanted you to because it would make you feel uncomfortable," Kurt assured him firmly and put his own hand flat onto Blaine's on his ribs.

"Did… Sebastian - do that? Get mad when you didn't agree with what he wanted you to do?" Kurt asked in a thick voice. He didn't like to mention Sebastian; he didn't like the thought that Blaine actually had a boyfriend that wasn't him. So he really wanted to know, he had to find it important for him to know, otherwise he wouldn't have brought it up.

"Sebastian is sweet. He's really noble and caring. He's been really great, and patient with me - but I can't help feeling that he gets upset, like disappointed or irritated with me when I put my clothes on after… sex. Or when I turn my back on him before I go to sleep. Those kind of things, you know. He always try to - pull my shirt off when we have - _had _- sex or make me say stuff, but he knows I don't like it, so when I stop him he seems hurt or disappointed. Kurt, I'm a horrible boyfriend."

Blaine closed his eyes and removed his hand to let it curl up against his own chest. He was ashamed that he had just spilled that to Kurt, that he had just spilled all of his pain from being with exhibitionistic, super-cuddly Sebastian. He was scared because now Kurt knew that he was an egoistic, childish jerk who didn't know how to be anyone's boyfriend, and why would Kurt want someone like that?

Against everything he had expected to happen Kurt looked sad and confused instead of offended. His eyes were flickering concerned between Blaine's and his forehead had worried lines.

"You didn't - but, Blaine, you didn't do those things with me. You didn't have to - I never… I am so sorry if you felt like I pushed you to do any of those things that you don't like. I don't mind if you wanna turn your back on me to help you sleep better, or if you don't want to sleep naked, or even like this. It's fine. And… if you want to keep your shirt on when we have sex, if you ever want to have sex with me again, of course you can do that, I… I won't lie - you sounded so incredibly sexy, but if you don't like that it's fine by me. Just please don't ever feel like you have to cross your own boundaries to be with me. I love you just as much no matter what," Kurt blabbered out, his voice shaky and nervous. Sad and scared.

Blaine smiled, let his lips part in a grin and moved a little closer to Kurt who was starting to seem confused. Blaine grabbed his hand and clenched it hard in his own against his chest.

"That's exactly my point - I don't feel like that with you. I'm not self-conscious or embarrassed about my body when I'm with you. I wanna sleep in your arms while I can hear your heartbeat. I… I wanna let you kiss me all over my body where no one has kissed or seen me before. I wanna have wild, crazy, dirty, _loud_ sex with you and fall asleep hot and sweaty and happy while we're both naked and tired. I wanna do things with you I have never dared doing before," Blaine said eagerly and realized how suddenly excited he was about all those things he had been scared to do, but now he was starting a new chapter of his life with Kurt and was burning to do all of those things with him.

He hadn't thought it over like that before. Out of nowhere it welled in over him how scared of life he had been, but when he was with Kurt he had a newfound courage that made him want to try everything - he wanted as much out of his life with Kurt as possible.

"I'm flattered - and intrigued. I'm sorry you felt like that before, but it's okay if there are some things you don't want to do and I just act like it's a given, you can just tell me," Kurt assured him one last time before a smirk crept over his face.

"And on a completely different note - if there are some things you wanna try I will encourage you to tell me. I wanna try everything with you. And I should probably say; you should _never _feel embarrassed about your body. Your body is… gorgeous, amazing. I will look forward to be kissing all over it," Kurt smiled, his voice flirty and sensual.

Blaine relaxed. He could feel all of his muscles relax and he tried to suppress the heat rolling around his body.

He had never talked so openly about anything with anyone but Tina. Whenever there had been anything serious he needed to discuss with Sebastian it had either been Blaine awkwardly saying it randomly in a conversation where he could quickly get out, or he had said it over his shoulder before going to sleep. When it had been about sex he had just waited for Sebastian to try doing it and stopped him when he was about to.

To talk open and honest like this was groundbreaking and liberating to him. This way he was sure that Kurt understood him and he was sure that he understood Kurt. He was happy and relieved that they could start off with such good communication that he had always wanted with Sebastian but had been too nervous to try.

"Why do I feel like we should make a list? If you have been so… shy there's gotta be so much you haven't tried," Kurt said with eyes flaming from ideas and thoughts undoubtedly rushing around his head.

Now Blaine was afraid that the things he had in mind weren't as kinky and daring as what Kurt was imagining it to be. That could quickly be a flat experience for Kurt when he heard how it really was.

Suddenly Kurt yawned and Blaine saw how late it was. Kurt had to be at the theater at 10.30 so he couldn't keep him awake like that.

"What's first on your list then?" Kurt asked curiously with a playful tone rolling over his tongue.

Blaine rolled his eyes and leaned in to kiss his nose.

"We can talk about it tomorrow - now you have to sleep. It's way too late for you to be awake when you have work tomorrow," Blaine cooed and laid down on his back, gesturing for Kurt to join him, so Kurt put his head to Blaine's collarbone and folded his arm around his waist with a sigh.

"You treat me so good. Worrying about me getting my sleep and stuff. And Blaine?"

He fell silent and waited for Blaine to react. The dark was peaceful over them and Blaine knew that he would fall asleep quickly so he hummed quietly in response while brushing his fingertips lightly up and down Kurt's back.

"You are _not_ a bad boyfriend. You're fantastic. It's not your fault he wanted you to do something you don't feel comfortable about," Kurt crooned and kissed his chest.


	23. The First Step

The alarm clock went off at 8.15 and Blaine groaned into the pillow before killing the noise. Kurt twisted his leg between Blaine's and fumbled his hand around the mattress to find Blaine's.

"Kurt. You should wake up, darling -" Blaine yawned before placing a kiss on his hair.

Kurt hummed and looked up at him from under long eyelashes. He kissed Blaine's chin and smiled at him while rubbing his naked thigh over Blaine's, sending electric waves through his body.

"I am awake. I am just lying here enjoying you," Kurt mumbled dozy, his eyes looking like they were still struggling to see. Blaine grinned and slid a little further down in the bed. He sure was enjoying Kurt himself.

They stayed close - kissing and caressing each other lightly under the covers. It was steaming hot and Blaine couldn't help feeling that he was smelling really bad from working the night before, but the feeling of hiding from the world with Kurt made everything else seem unimportant.

Around 9 they forced themselves out of bed. They put on their t-shirts to go have breakfast in the kitchen where Tina came from her and Mike's bedroom. She was a little late for dance rehearsal with some friends from school so she was slightly stressed out, but clearly surprised finding Kurt in her kitchen so she had to take a moment to get over it.

She sat down and had a cup of coffee with them. She was nice and polite to Kurt, yet Blaine could feel that she was still a little withdrawn about him. After she had gulped down her coffee she excused herself and left in a hurry.

Blaine got up and started to clean off the table. Kurt stayed to finish his coffee and when Blaine was done cleaning after them they went to his room together. Blaine opened the window and didn't really know what their next move was so he fell to the bed where Kurt fell down next to him.

"I think I should shower before leaving. Or my sweet lady at the theater will probably get sad when I come in smelling like a locker room," Kurt grinned and watched Blaine.

Something struck Blaine. He was nervous and not at all sure that this was the right thing to do, but somehow he didn't want to stop himself, so he turned to lie on his side to have a better look at Kurt.

"Can I come with you?" He asked, uncertain that this was the right time for him to be doing this.

"Baby, people at the theater know Sam. They would think it weird and a bit suspicious if I dragged another guy to rehearsal with me. Besides, it would be…" Kurt started explaining apologetically, sadness oozing through his voice.

Blaine chuckled and folded his hand around Kurt's that was resting on his stomach, and Blaine cut him off mid-explanation.

"I didn't mean to the theater. I meant… in the shower? I - never showered with anyone before. Sebastian kept trying to get me to do it, but it didn't feel right, but…"

He didn't get to finish. Kurt had rolled over to lie on top of him with a devious smile over his face and Blaine let his hands down to the lower of his back, but didn't get to say or do anything, because Kurt kissed him and quickly jumped to his feet so he could drag him to the bathroom.

In the bathroom Kurt turned on the water before he rushed his clothes off and then started to pull Blaine's shirt over his head. Blaine got his own underwear off with clumsy movements before Kurt led him under the water stream where he put his arms around him.

The feeling of Kurt's naked, wet body pressed against Blaine's was incredible. Even though the water was soothing and cooling, his skin and blood felt like it was boiling. His head started spinning and he was afraid that if he let go of his arms around Kurt he would be dizzy and possibly fall down.

"You really need to tell me what other things you never tried. Showering with someone is so cozy and lovely. Now I'm scared of what other things you have missed out on," Kurt said with lips ghosting down Blaine's neck and over his shoulder.

Blaine hadn't known that it was such a big deal so he felt a little awkward that he apparently had missed out on something this important. He couldn't avoid admitting that this was amazing - but to him it was the intense feeling of Kurt that made the experience great for him.

The way Kurt was caressing his fingertips lightly up and down his back, and the feeling of his lips pressing against his naked skin made shivers run down his spine. When Kurt's arms moved slippery over Blaine's, or their nipples brushed together he felt unsure that it was a good idea of them to be doing this because electricity and water shouldn't be mixed, and when he felt an erection creeping up on him he wished that he could stop it because he didn't want to ruin the moment, but it didn't matter because Kurt was turning hard against his pelvis as well.

"I've never been sucked off," Blaine abruptly burst out and was ready to bang his head against the tiles on the wall.

Kurt stopped placing trails of gentle kisses over Blaine's shoulder and stood straight to look at him with shock painting his face.

"You… what? You - are you serious?" He stammered and Blaine wished that he could dissolve into nothing and wash down the drain with the water.

"Not really. No… I just - no," he said and felt stupid. How could he be teenage-awkward again in a matter of seconds?

"Did you ever blow anyone?" Kurt asked and raised an eyebrow, his eyes big in wonder.

Blaine opened his mouth to answer, but no sounds would come out, so when the water started filling he closed again and shook his head ashamedly.

"Wow… but the way you move your tongue, you… Gosh, Blaine," Kurt exclaimed. He was smiling and Blaine couldn't decipher the meaning of his smile.

It was hard for Blaine to figure out what to focus on. The way the water made Kurt's hair turn darker and clasp against his forehead, the way his eyes were filled with stars, the way the pattern of the shower curtain made colors dance around his milky skin was all hypnotizing and breathtaking. He was beautiful and his smile only made Blaine's heart throb stronger.

"Why? Don't you… did you never… why?" Kurt asked completely confounded by the revelation.

"I guess I just… didn't feel comfortable about Sebastian like… down there or… in my mouth or - but," Blaine tried explaining but felt like he was stumbling over the words when he surprised himself by strengthening his clasp on the lower of Kurt's back to pull him closer so their lips were nearly touching and there was no other place for their eyes to look than meet one another.

"But I like the idea when it's you -" he whispered and clearly caught Kurt just as much off guard as himself, because Kurt smiled breathlessly at him with eyes searching between Blaine's.

"All of this being-new-to-it is really, really sexy," he said under his breath and bit his lower lip while letting his eyes rush to Blaine's lips before back to his eyes and let his hands down so his hands rested lightly on Blaine's ass.

He could feel that Kurt was fully hard against him and for a second he considered to reach his hand down to grab around him, but he was afraid to move. Instead he swallowed hard and waited for Kurt to move.

Kurt stretched his neck and let his lips meet Blaine's. He had expected a heated and hungry kiss, but on the contrary it was soft and deep without Kurt even presenting his tongue so Blaine let himself into the feeling and enjoyed the silk of Kurt's lips massaging against his.

When they parted Kurt let his hand up to brush a wet curl away from Blaine's temple with his thumb, and let his hand stroke gently over his cheekbone with a caring smile.

"Tonight I will take you out to dinner, and we will have a lovely night together, and you will tell me everything you wanna try that you haven't tried - and we will do it. I'm not going to the theater tomorrow because they will be doing all the last checks on the props and stuff. So we have the night and all of tomorrow together - you can do whatever you want with me, and you can make me do whatever you want with you. But most of all I just wanna spend a normal night with you without us having to think about anything," Kurt exclaimed and Blaine's mouth turned to a grin.

"I don't think we should go all crazy, I just wanna take things your way, do it all your speed. I'm up for it all for you whenever you want. But for now let's just…" he pecked Blaine's lips innocently and let his fingers run through Blaine's hair.

Kurt started washing Blaine's hair slowly before he let his soaped up hands run down his back and chest, and Blaine mirrored his actions. Showering together was much more relaxing and intimate than he had feared - he knew that to Sebastian it had been all about sex, and he was willing to swear that Kurt had guessed that and that was why he hadn't tried anything and wanted to wait, and Blaine was grateful. Right now he would much rather be close with Kurt and feel him. Get to know Kurt's body, and his own, so he could be confident about the new feeling of honesty and openness - physically and verbally.

They finished and dried up together. Kurt spent some time in the bathroom to get ready to leave, and around 9.45 he had to go.

Blaine was leaning against the wall in the hall while Kurt put on his jacket. It sucked, and he wasn't ready to let him go yet. He had saved himself a playing job in a restaurant at noon, but that could easily be canceled if only Kurt had been able to cancel going to the theater.

Reality was that they were adults who had jobs to go to and responsibilities to take care of. Not only had Blaine missed out on being a part of all the things that had happened in Kurt's life, good and bad, but he had also missed out on being with him when they were kids and teenagers, and didn't have to worry about jobs or being adults. He wanted that.

"I think I'm done around 7 - then we have the whole night to be together. I just have to go home to get some things first and ask Rachel to take care of Simba. I'll just tell Sam that I'm tired and wanna have a night off to myself without worrying about anything, okay?" Kurt crooned as he pressed his body against Blaine's.

He let his hands up and down Blaine's arms and his eyes kept running to Blaine's lips only to rush back to his eyes.

"Sounds good. I'll look forward to that," Blaine agreed and hurried to kiss Kurt before he rushed him out of the door so he was sure to catch the train in time.

**xXx**

At the restaurant Blaine played a nice mix of pop love songs fitted for the acquired mood setting. He was smiling broadly all day and chatting lively with both customers and staff who all quickly noticed his good mood.

He was dying to tell his friends among the staff about Kurt but he wasn't too sure it would be a wise move. He ended up deciding that as long as he was still officially with Sebastian he shouldn't tell anyone. No one in the restaurant knew Sebastian, but he was afraid that if he started telling some people he would be so excited that he couldn't stop himself and it would escalate into telling one too many.

So he stayed shut and had to wait until he came home. He had decided to tell Mike before Kurt was coming over to avoid any complications. He was actually surprised that he hadn't noticed anything yet after Kurt having spent three nights in his room already.

Blaine was home around 7. Good enough to leave him time to talk to Mike before Kurt would come over. Unfortunately it didn't seem like Mike was home so he cursed himself away and neither was Tina; so he cursed Mike away, cursed Tina away, cursed Sebastian away - and then he cursed himself away some more.

He took a shower to pass the time. He needed to calm down after the frustration of Mike not being home when it had been so damn important that he was, and he might shower to make sure he looked decent for his dinner with Kurt.

When he was done the clock only showed 7.23 so he pulled on a pair of black chinos, white shirt with a white sweater and a red bowtie with green stripes - now he only hoped that was good enough for wherever Kurt was planning on taking him.

When he entered the living room Mike was on the couch absorbed in a crazy videogame. He couldn't have been home for long, but Blaine knew Mike well enough to know that it only took him five minutes to be so invested in a game that most people would think he was paid to do it.

Blaine closed his eyes and drew a heavy breath. This was it. He had to tell him. He was going to explain how he had completely screwed over his friend - more or less for the entirety of their two years long relationship.

He cleared his throat without Mike looking at him, but Blaine knew that he was aware of his presence because he did the nod with his head that he did when it was "impossible" for his eyes to leave the screen.

"Mike, can we like… talk?" Blaine asked and took a trying step into the living room with his heart pumping like crazy in his chest.

"Sure. But can we do it later? I'm home all night, and I'm in the middle of this sick level I've been struggling with - but I should be there in an hour or something. Then I'm all yours, man." Mike nodded again and did a move as if he thought he could show the man on the screen how to act.

"I uhm - I sort of hoped it could be now. I'm going out soon, and it's pretty… important," Blaine tried again, determined to not give up before curtain call. He walked over to sit in the chair by the coffee table and observed Mike's face turn white and his fingers fumble to find the pause button.

"Are you okay? You're not sick or something?" He asked with panic starting to flow over his face, and the suggestion seemed comical compared to what Blaine was there to tell him. Mike knew that Blaine never took up any important, life changing subjects with anyone but Tina, so now that he was there and tried to open up to Mike it had to be serious.

"No. I'm not sick," Blaine mumbled and remembered his allergy-joke with Kurt the previous day and nearly chuckled, so he shook his head to brush it off. He started thinking over what he had planned to tell Mike. He let the words linger on his tongue, letting him taste the seriousness of the situation.

"It's about Sebastian. Sort of…" He started out and Mike looked like he didn't know whether to cheer or cry, so he fell back on a pokerface and waited without a word.

"I… I have to break up with him," Blaine rushed out. He didn't like the feeling of the sentence in his mouth. It felt like acid - toxic and painful. Until now he had avoided saying it so directly, and now that he had he wanted to cry from how brutal it sounded.

"What… wait, why? What happened? Did he do something? Why?" Mike panicked and actually let the controller fall to the table in front of him. This was exactly the reaction Blaine had foreseen would come.

"No, he didn't. Sebastian is amazing. The best, actually - which is why I have to stop it. He deserves someo -"

"No, man. No. You guys are so great together. He loves you and he wants to stay with you - I think he's even planning on proposing to you! No, dude, you are so good for him," Mike blabbered out and Blaine was prepared to punch him if he didn't shut up. He could see on Mike's face that he wasn't supposed to tell him that; it had been a secret, which meant that it had to be true.

_What if Sebastian really have been planning on proposing to me? Jesus, I'm gonna crush him so bad_, Blaine thought and had to dig his nails into the palms of his hands to make sure he didn't break down in sobs.

"But I don't love him!" Blaine shouted frustrated.

He had said it. It was out to someone that wasn't Tina or Kurt. It felt like the weight of a house had been removed from his chest, but the sight of Mike's confused and shocked expression killed him.

"I have tried. So hard. I want to, but I just couldn't…" He said apologetically, his voice back to soft and trying.

_If this is how it feels like to tell Mike then I can't even imagine how it's gonna be to tell Sebastian. Oh no. Oh God. I am headed directly for the inner VIP zone of Hell where only Hitler and Attila The Hun has access._

"I don't really know what to say here, dude. This is really a shock for me. You guys seemed so happy, like everything was perfect for you," Mike murmured as if he was in a haze.

"We were. I mean… I don't know if we were. I don't know anything. I was -"

Then he realized that he hadn't been happy with Sebastian, but happy to be with someone who cared for him. That someone even wanted him. He had been comfortable with Sebastian - as long as it was platonic, everything else had been emotional torture. It had felt good to know that no matter how much he didn't like himself and never thought he could be with anyone and thought he was incapable of loving someone there would still be someone who loved him.

"I think Sebastian has been happy with me but… I don't know how to explain it. He has made me happy and he had made me feel loved but I was never… happy-happy," Blaine mumbled and wanted to kick himself or throw himself off a building for the completely watery explanation.

"The thing is… you heard about Kurt. My friend in Silverlake when I was little. He abandoned me because he got a family, my family abandoned me because they died - these are things I haven't even told Sebastian about because I haven't felt comfortable about talking to him about it. And… a couple of weeks ago, more like two months or something, Kurt was back - he came into the pub one night. He saw me and… we hit it of right away. It was like we only had been separated for a few hours rather than over ten years. And we have been talking regularly since."

Blaine sighed and could feel his lower lip trembling. He remembered Kurt's thing in a stressful situation with twisting his fingers around and Blaine had to suppress a smile from the image in his head.

"So what you're saying here is…"

"I couldn't love Sebastian because I have been in love with Kurt all along. Even though I had no idea where in the world he was. I'm so sorry," Blaine concluded and wasn't sure why he was apologizing to Mike but it felt like the most right thing to do at the moment.

Mike didn't say anything. He stayed shut and Blaine observed the shock fasten itself in his mind. He could see how the information was running around hid head and making him look like he was about to get sick.

"So Kurt… this guy - does he like… love you too? Are you going to be like - a thing? An item?" Mike asked without even looking at Blaine, so he had no chance of guessing what he was thinking or feeling about it all.

"Well, Kurt's sort of… engaged, so -"

"But if he's taken don't you think you can just -" Mike started to interrupt but he seemed like he didn't even know what he was going to suggest.

"Kurt is engaged to this super awesome, badass football player guy - he's going to break up with him as well, but he wants to wait until after this huge game he has at the end of the month. So he doesn't get distracted, you know. But he loves me. He's felt the same way about me since forever," Blaine hoped that the fact that Kurt loved him too at least would be a softening from the punch though he doubted it.

Mike got to his feet and looked frantically around the room. Like he had just woken from a long coma and had no idea where he was.

"I think I need some time to take this in," he muttered slowly.

"I am so sorry, man. It's just - I'm gonna talk to Sebastian as soon as he comes home and I just wanted to give you sort of a heads up before I do it," Blaine tried rationalizing but he already knew that it wouldn't do any good.

"Alright. I uhm - I think I need some fresh air," Mike said and headed for the door.

The door slammed and Blaine sunk back in the chair with his face hidden in his hands. He could definitely need some counseling. This couldn't be normal behavior - he had to suffer from some sort of psychological disorder that made him impulsively deeply hurt people he cared about.

His phone rang in his room so he rushed to answer, nearly afraid to do so because he couldn't know who it was and who he would have to talk right when he was so torn. It was Kurt, though. He told him that he was on his way so he should get ready.

Kurt was at the apartment within ten minutes where he dropped his bag off in Blaine's room. When Kurt pulled him into a welcoming embrace and kissed him with warm lips it was like his worries magically got pushed in the background. They didn't disappear, but they seemed small and without importance, and Blaine had a hard time figuring out why they had weighed so heavily only minutes before.


	24. Letting Go

**A/N: I am so, so, so sorry for the delay. What shouldn't happen happened. My old laptop died, so I had to get a new one - then I lost my entire file of fics and are now working on finding a way to go back and restore the folder. Meanwhile, I was lucky enough for one of my friends to have the Silverlake Boys doc on her computer after she read through it for backfeed. However, this is not the full doc of what I had already written, so I had to write out the plot for the chapters missing and I am now in the middle of re-writing it all. I hope a long chapter (and the content of this) makes up for the waiting. I am doing my best. So, so sorry!**

* * *

They walked to the train station as soon as Blaine had locked off. Kurt said that he had a place he wanted to take him, and to Blaine's surprise they took the train in the opposite direction of what they usually did. Kurt didn't want to tell him where exactly they were going, but suddenly he found himself in New Jersey.

Kurt got them a cab and they ended up in front of a fancy restaurant that didn't seem too small or too big. It was clearly new, but very popular and Blaine had a hard time figuring out how they would be able to get a table as everything appeared to be occupied. Kurt on the other hand went directly in, dropped his name to the host and they were led towards a table in a quiet part of the room.

Blaine was impressed, but he completely forgot about their current location when Kurt took off his coat.

He was wearing tight, black jeans with a tint of silver shining in the fabric, a black waistcoat with silver satin-back and a tight, white shirt with crooked button lining - that was open down to his chest, revealing his collarbone and the working of his muscles when he moved.

"Wow - you look… wow," Blaine gasped and wished he could have stopped himself. He felt like a stupid teenager facing his celebrity crush - because that was exactly what Kurt made him feel; like he was a teenager who had got a date with the celebrity he had been crushing on forever. Kurt made him starstruck and speechless. He was too good to be real, too out of this world for it to be realistic that he would ever be with someone like Blaine.

They sat down and Blaine felt underdressed. Suddenly the bowtie that had seemed cute and fun at home had turned ridiculous and immature, and he wished that he could keep his coat on instead. However, when he let his coat drop to reveal his outfit Kurt smiled broadly and made his face flush.

It was fascinating how Kurt fell in like he was used to places like these and Blaine felt misplaced like he should be in the back with the staff instead of sitting at a table. One of the things Sebastian never understood about him, and he had a hard time adjusting to the way Blaine always asked for water instead of wine, and ordered something light and simple instead of something extravagant like Sebastian did.

"Are you okay? You seem nervous," Kurt noticed after they had ordered their drinks. As always Blaine ordered water and Kurt ordered white wine with water on the side.

Blaine couldn't stop letting his eyes wander around the room and take in the surroundings. The people at the other tables seemed like the people Blaine only ever encountered when he was playing in restaurants or when he was at fancy family or company dinners with Sebastian.

"No, I'm fine. I'm just… not used to this," he murmured a little shy from his reaction to the place. He wanted their night to be good together, and he didn't want to kill the mood by being lame because he never went out other places than pubs or theaters with his friends.

Kurt searched his eyes for a second, took in his face to decipher his expression and see how much he was saying it because it was true or because he really meant it.

"We can go somewhere else if you want. I don't mind. Rachel just told me about this place and the places I usually go I go to with Sam, so I thought I would sort of… it's silly, I know - but I figured if we liked it we could sort of make it our place. But honestly… I just wanna be with you, and I really don't care where we are," Kurt said and dared his hand over the table to hold around Blaine's with a light grip.

Blaine looked down on their hands together on the table. He let his eyes run around the restaurant one more time and back to Kurt's eyes.

"No. It's just… whenever I'm places like this it's because I'm working, but - let's do it. I wanna… have a place with you," he smiled and when Kurt grinned back at him his heart started playing with jump ropes.

As soon as they started talking Blaine more or less forgot where they were. They laughed loudly at a story Kurt told about once he and Rachel had auditioned for Peter Pan, and as the part is traditionally portrayed by a girl Rachel didn't speak to him in three weeks when he got it. The fun part being the way she emphasized how much she wouldn't talk to him even though they shared an apartment, like putting a sign on the door of her bedroom saying "GO AWAY KURT!" or marching out of a room whenever Kurt entered.

Blaine told stories from when he, Tina and Mike had just moved to New York and about he different kind of drunk people coming at the pub. Kurt especially found the part about girls flirting with Blaine and giving him their phone numbers particularly entertaining.

They ate and Blaine even ended up getting himself some wine. They shared dessert and held hands on the table, the sensation of being with Kurt in public without fearing someone they knew saw them made everything all the more better.

While they were waiting for the bill, and giggling over a silly old couple who wrinkled their noses at them Blaine couldn't stop looking down on their fingers tangled together on the table and what he saw made lightning run through his heart.

"I gotta… I don't know what - when we first like went out, after you came into the pub… you weren't wearing the - ring. Why are you wearing it now?" Blaine asked and avoided Kurt's eyes. He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer, and even less did he think he wanted to look Kurt in the eyes when he told him.

Kurt was clearly taken aback by the sudden reference to his ring. He drew his hand back and hid both under the table. His shoulders hunched and he looked like a deer caught in headlights. He had wanted to avoid this subject very much.

"Well, it was… when Sam proposed to me he already had rings and such, but mine was too big so we had to take it to the jeweler to have it fit. So I didn't wear it for some time, but - yeah, I can't really take it off until I've told him," Kurt said with wet eyes. He wasn't teary, but he seemed like his world was about to shatter under his feet.

Blaine realized that he had to be looking hurt, and his hand started feeling heavy and awkward on the table where Kurt had left it to lie alone.

A waiter came over with their check and Blaine started to find out his wallet, but Kurt snatched the check to pay before Blaine even had a chance to react.

They put on their coats in silence and walked out into the night where it had turned completely dark while they were inside. Kurt had asked the waiter to get them a cab and it was already waiting when they got out.

Blaine opened the door for Kurt, but he didn't get in. He stopped to look at Blaine, his eyes still seeming wet and weary.

"I'm gonna take it off as soon as I've talked to him. I can… I can take it off tonight, if you want. Just - Blaine, please don't think it means anything, because it doesn't. I was just afraid that if I take it off when I'm with you I'll forget to put it back on and he will be suspicious and it won't really matter whether I wait until after his game or not, because he will know something is up," Kurt rushed out, like he was afraid Blaine was going to leave before he got to finish.

Kurt looked down and started to fumble with his fingers, and before Blaine knew it he had taken his ring off and shoved it into the inner pocket of his coat, and Blaine had to hold in a slight gasp.

"There. It's off. No distraction, alright? I just - it doesn't mean anything. I love _you_, okay?" Kurt said and his voice was shaking as he grabbed lightly around Blaine's arm.

"It's okay. It's fine, baby. I was just wondering. You don't… you don't have to take it off. I'm fine. I know why you keep it on," Blaine assured him and kissed his nose, making relief splash over Kurt's face and he could feel him relax in front of him.

He gestured for Kurt to get in as the driver seemed to be getting impatient. As soon as Kurt was seated he got in himself and felt Kurt immediately find his hand on the seat between them. He looked over to see Kurt's head tilted against the neck rest wearing a warm smile as he was watching Blaine.

They took the train back to New York, and Blaine expected them to return to his apartment where they would end the night on the couch or in his room, but Kurt made them get off at another station without a word about where they were going.

He led Blaine down the street and stopped at a corner of a block filled with clubs, bars and pubs. He turned to face Blaine and let his index finger crook around Blaine's.

"I know we talked a lot about… sex and stuff. But I don't want it to be all about sex. And as you are still shy about yourself and that lovely body of yours I thought we could do something that involves our bodies being close, but we can still keep our clothes on," he said mysteriously and Blaine was perplexed. He couldn't quite see through what Kurt had in mind and he didn't really know if he was scared or intrigued - but he was definitely curious.

"And what would that be?" He stammered insecurely.

He didn't want to seem too eager, or like he had already brushed it off before he even knew what it was, so he guessed it best to keep it simple and hope that Kurt was planning on revealing his plan.

"I thought we could go dancing. It's fun, it's free and it's sensual. We can be close and get confident in each other without it being too much," Kurt smiled softly and let all of his fingers fall into place with Blaine's.

Dancing. He didn't dance. He had never danced. He couldn't dance. He knew nothing about dancing. All he knew about it was that he had seen Tina and Mike dance together or at performances. He was always the one to look, not move.

He wanted to say no. He was scared. What if he was terrible at dancing and Kurt would laugh at him? He would probably keep stepping on his toes and make a big fool of himself so Kurt would be embarrassed to be with him.

But when he pulled his focus back Kurt was looking at him with those eyes again. The cute, pouting lips and the big, begging eyes with eyelashes as long as The Chinese Wall. He remembered what he had said; he wanted to try everything and stop being scared of everything. He wanted to live his life with Kurt to the fullest.

"Alright. Take me dancing. But I warn you; I've never danced before," he said and squeezed Kurt's hand, chuckled to cover up his insecurity about doing this.

"I'm sure you're great. You've got rhythm and music in your blood - just use that," Kurt beamed and did a little jump before he led Blaine down the crowded street towards the bright neon signs and pumping music.

The club was loud and dark. People were close and everyone were touching everyone. It was intimidating and Blaine felt like he had walked into a parallel universe. Most women were wearing practically nothing and most of the men were wearing jeans and t-shirt, and suddenly Blaine felt overdressed. He couldn't win when it came to his outfit.

Kurt went straight to the bar where he ordered two drinks that Blaine couldn't hear what was called, but they came back in fancy colors with cute umbrellas.

"Drink. You need to loosen up. Just relax. No one is going to eat you. If they try I will eat them first," Kurt said just loud enough for Blaine to hear, and nudged him with his shoulder as he took out the straw from his drink and nearly downed all of it in one mouthful.

Blaine sipped a little at his drink and tried to leave his bartender-self behind and enjoy it instead of trying to decode the different booze and what else could be in it. He could feel Kurt watching him, observing him being out of his element and how he tried adjusting to this colorful, new world he had been dragged into.

Kurt gulped down the rest of his drink and didn't give Blaine a chance to finish his own before he grabbed his hand and pulled him out on the dance floor in the middle of close, sweaty bodies not watching who they were dancing into, or who they were dancing with.

The music was loud, so loud that Blaine couldn't even make out the words of whatever song was playing - if there even were words, but it didn't seem like anyone minded. Kurt started shaking his hips and moving his arms in time to the bass and didn't seem to notice that Blaine was awkwardly looking around on the dancing people without knowing what to do about himself.

He felt stupid. He wanted to move, to do something other than just standing in the middle of everything with people having fun around him, so he tried remembering what he had seen Tina and Mike do when they were dancing together but he was completely blank.

Out of nowhere he felt a couple of hands on his hips. He was about to panic and push whoever it was away when he realized that it was Kurt. He had pressed his body against Blaine's and his hands had locked themselves on his hips as he kept moving. He leaned in to make it easier for Blaine to hear what he was saying, but it was hard for him to focus because the scent of Kurt was running directly to his head.

"Try to relax. Let yourself have fun. Stop worrying so much," Kurt said, his breath ghosting lightly over Blaine's ear.

He turned around, and for a second Blaine feared that he was about to leave him to himself and the wolf pack of eager dancers surrounding him.

He didn't. He pressed his back against Blaine's torso and his ass against his pelvis. He grabbed Blaine's hands and folded them around his waist so he could let his own arms through Blaine's and his hands onto his hips. He turned his head so his mouth was at the spot between his cheek and ear to make sure they could still communicate.

"You are so great with music, let yourself be that. Listen to the music, let it be more of you than just your voice and fingers -" Kurt encouraged and started moving his hips again, forcing Blaine to move with him

Kurt hooked his fingers in Blaine's belt straps and placed a kiss on his jaw while he continued dancing. Blaine closed his eyes to lock out his sight, trying to let the music in. It was hard to filtrate the sound of voices around them from the beats but after some time he could feel it in his pulse.

He let himself move with Kurt, constantly mirroring his actions to make sure he didn't do anything wrong. He insecurely let a hand up Kurt's torso, and he could feel Kurt's heart racing as he was smiling against Blaine's jaw from the touch.

The club was hot and Kurt being so close to him didn't help much. As the song ended a new, more upbeat tune started and Kurt turned around to press his chest against Blaine's. He let his hands run to the lower of Blaine's back and made them move further into the crowd of people on the dance floor.

Kurt was lightly grinding his crotch against Blaine's with his hands running around his torso. He twirled around and moved his feet skillfully, not letting go of Blaine for one second. He didn't miss a chance to nudge his nose against Blaine's neck or let his lips brush over his skin - each time Blaine expected burnmarks to appear from the contact.

The more they danced, the more Blaine wanted to participate himself. He started working his shoulders and rolling his hips against Kurt. His hands ran to the lower portion of Kurt's back just above his ass where he pressed him closer to feel the rhythm he was dancing with.

He was having fun. He was actually dancing in public in a way that wasn't goofy steps behind the bar - and he hadn't stepped on Kurt's toes once. Besides, it didn't even seem like Kurt was embarrassed about being with him so he saw that as a true victory.

"Now we've got two down and one to go - what else do you have on that exciting list?" Kurt asked as he put his hands on Blaine's and slid them up his ribs, onto his back and down to his ass.

Blaine's pulse was sprinting. He felt like everyone was staring at them, but the feeling of Kurt leading his hands that way was sensational, and it occurred to him that he didn't care if people were staring because if they were all they would see would be that Kurt was with him, wanted him and kissed him.

"I uhm… I've never topped," Blaine stammered and he was happy that there was no chance of Kurt being able to properly see his face through the dark of the club.

A smirk filled Kurt's face and Blaine was nervous about what he had gotten himself into, when he felt Kurt's palm slide up his inner thigh to cup around his dick, making him burst out a surprised mouthful of air.

"So - you're saying that you want to let your big cock into my ass?" He asked teasingly with a firm grip.

Blaine gulped and his head fell forward on its own accord. He couldn't help himself anymore. He grabbed Kurt's hips harshly to pull him closer so their chests clasped against one another. He made sure their pelvises were still working in unison and let his mouth crash onto Kurt's.

They hadn't dared to share a kiss since they had left Blaine's apartment. They had been too concerned about people seeing them and telling their boyfriends, or how awkward it would have been in the cab, and in the restaurant it would have been way too complicated with the table separating them - but here in the club they were protected by a sea of people only focusing on themselves or their dance partner. With the way they were rubbing against each other, feeling every movement of the other's body closely made it allowed, it was okay.

Kurt immediately let himself fall into it. He let his hands onto the back of Blaine's head to press his face closer. He opened his mouth and twirled his tongue with Blaine's, now his hips the only part of him to move to the music, pushing his crotch stronger against Blaine's, and Blaine could feel him humming and moaning around their tongues.

They kept their mouths locked together. Only their feet were working themselves clumsily around and their hips were following each other around while their hands were locked on the other's back. Blaine dared his fingers lightly into Kurt's hair instead, making Kurt move his lips a little stronger.

The heavy beat faded into a slow rhythm and they released each other's mouth. Kurt let his arms slide around Blaine's neck, and Blaine let his hands onto Kurt's back so they could rest cheek against cheek.

Now it was only their feet moving in nothing more than dozy movements, one slow step at a time, and their bodies swayed hazily together.

It was incredibly hard for Blaine not to let himself be completely taken over by the feeling and ask Kurt to run away with him. He clasped his hands harder to Kurt's back on his shoulder blades and had to remind himself to keep breathing.

There was no way he could survive this night. He didn't know if he was about to laugh or cry, he just knew that the touch and closeness from Kurt's embrace was overwhelming.

"You uhm… you look really beautiful tonight. Not just tonight, though! But especially tonight. I don't - you just look really gorgeous," Blaine stammered and gushed at how awful he had tackled something as simple as giving him a compliment. How could he be so awkward around Kurt when he had been in a relationship for two years? It wasn't exactly like he had never been on a date before.

Kurt strengthened his grip a little tighter around his neck and kissed his ear. It felt like he was holding onto him out of fear that if they let go of each other they would float away from one another forever. It felt safe and comforting.

Kurt pulled away and Blaine panicked. He felt cold where Kurt was missing in his arms and the tickling over his skin that was caused by Kurt's cheek against his turned into prickling from needles.

However, Kurt smiled comforting at him and took his hand. He started slowly walking through the crowd of swaying bodies around them. No one seemed to notice them and Blaine got the feeling that they were invisible to the rest of the world.

Kurt led them back outside and down the street. He stopped in front of a small café where he asked Blaine to wait while he went in. After about ten minutes Kurt reappeared with a paper bag and smile. He leaned in to kiss Blaine's cheek before they headed for the station.

"Why did you want us to leave? I thought you wanted to dance," Blaine asked confused. He didn't even dare ask where they were headed for now because apparently Kurt liked to surprise him so much that he wasn't going to tell him anything in advance.

"I did. And you were really good. You really know how to use your hips and hands -" He grinned and Blaine looked to the floor of the train with flushed cheeks.

"I just figured I wanted you to myself now," Kurt exclaimed and let his index finger brush over Blaine's thigh.

They got off the train and Blaine knew exactly where they were. He loved that place, it made him dream of running away. The harbor.

They found a bench on a small patch of grass where they had a clear view over the dark water. The town was roaring behind them but here they could hear the water and see the bright lights of ships and boats.

Kurt pulled out two cups of coffee and a white plastic bowl from the paper bag he had picked up at the café. The bowl contained chocolate covered strawberries and Blaine couldn't keep in a light chuckle. It was too much, too perfect.

They sat in silence and drank their coffee. When the bowl and cups were empty Kurt threw it in a garbage bin nearby before he moved closer to Blaine and rested his head on his shoulder. Blaine put his arm around Kurt and felt a shot run through him as he felt Kurt's hand lightly on his thigh.

"This was perfect," Blaine mumbled and placed a kiss on Kurt's hair. Kurt turned his head slightly and kissed Blaine's jaw before he wrapped his arm around him with a yawn.

"You deserve good things," Kurt murmured against his neck, making shivers run thought Blaine from his cold skin. It was one of those moments that aren't much but he still wanted it to last forever because it was precious.

Kurt yawned again and it hit Blaine that he didn't even know what time it was so he figured he'd better check his clock. They had been out for hours and the clock had turned 01.03.

"Are you tired?" Blaine asked and stroke a hand carefully over Kurt's hair. He didn't want the night to end, but if Kurt was tired he would be fine by just snuggling up in bed to hold him while he was sleeping.

"I… want you to take me to bed. I wanna hide from the world with you and just feel you close to me," Kurt said, his voice nearly a whisper as he slowly sat up to let his eyes meet Blaine's through the darkness surrounding them.

**xXx**

The trip back to Blaine's apartment was hazy and silent. They snuck their hands together on the train and Blaine wished that he could have put his arm around Kurt, but he didn't want to take that chance.

It was past 2 when they were back and they did their best to be quiet so they wouldn't wake up Tina and Mike, so they hurried on tiptoes through the dark apartment to disappear into Blaine's room.

When they were behind the closed door Blaine shut the curtains to let the light from the streetlamps die. The second he turned around he was met by Kurt's hand on his face and his lips softly pressed against his own.

Kurt backed away with a smile and headed for the bathroom with his toothbrush in his backpocket, Blaine surprised that he had been able to fit anything down there.

When Kurt returned Blaine went to the bathroom. He washed his face and brushed his teeth. He didn't know what to expect from the rest of the night, but he didn't think it would be too much as Kurt seemed really tired, so he wasn't nervous - he just wanted to hide in the dark and let the wonderful night they had shared wash in over him.

When he walked back into the room Kurt was sitting on the bed. He was still fully dressed, only his boots and socks were off and he looked like he was waiting for something. When Blaine took off his bowtie and pulled off his sweater Kurt stood up and crossed the floor. He kissed him lightly, innocently, and before he could do anything about it he had started opening Blaine's shirt.

When his shirt was open all the way down Kurt led them towards the bed, mouths still locked in movement. He started opening his jeans and slowly, carefully, took off Blaine's shirt. As soon as it was off Kurt left his mouth and let his shirt carefully over the back of the chair.

"The pants too," he said with a spark in his eyes.

Blaine was stunned by his appearance and the way he kept his head cold. He couldn't stop wishing for Kurt's body to be back against his, so he simply nodded and did as he was told.

He took off his pants as gracefully as possible, but in reality he was clumsy an fumbling around, almost falling face-forward onto the rug. However, when he was done he saw that Kurt had gotten rid off his pants as well and his eyes were now flickering between Blaine and the bed.

"Sit down. I figured that with all the new stuff we're introducing you to I should try something new myself - and I'm pretty sure you've never tried this either," Kurt said softly and let a finger run down the middle of his torso and Blaine had a feeling that his nipples were rock hard.

Once again he did as told. He had no idea what else to do. Who was he to question Kurt? And if he had something he wanted to try that he had never done before, Blaine surely wasn't going to pass on that. He already felt like he was getting way too much attention, so he sat on the bed and hoped that whatever Kurt wanted to try wasn't something that hurt.

When he was in place Kurt let his eyes wander down his frame and Blaine couldn't help a need to cover himself up crawl over his skin and up his spine. He felt exposed and too open, and was slowly starting to consider asking Kurt to turn the lights off.

However, he was caught by surprise when Kurt had closed the distance between them - so much that he was now standing right in front of Blaine, their toes nearly meeting.

"I've always wanted to do something - a little extra you could say. I just never felt ready to do it. But you… Blaine, you make me ready for… pretty much anything," Kurt explained and his voice had turned low and in the same time innocent and sensual - the way only Kurt knew how to.

He took a few steps closer and suddenly he was straddling Blaine, sitting on top of him and there was nothing else for Blaine to do than put his hands on his thighs.

"_I wanna be loved by you_," he started slowly singing and opened the top button of his waistcoat.

"_Just you_" he breathed into Blaine's ear.

"_And nobody else but you_" he continued as he worked down his buttons.

"_I wanna be loved by you_"

He got his waistcoat completely open and placed his hands on Blaine's, forcing his fingers under the lines of his boxers while he was smiling down at him, as Kurt slowly opened his shirt as well. One button at a time.

Kurt let his fingers work up and down the opening of his shirt before he moved his face so close to Blaine's that they shared each other's breathing and the scent of Kurt was trying to talk Blaine into being reckless.

"…_and you alone_."

He ended the short song and pressed his lips onto Blaine's with a force and intimacy that Blaine hadn't felt from him before. He couldn't stop his hands from wander up Kurt's thighs and onto his hips where Kurt took a chance and rolled his hips against Blaine's.

He was giving him a show. Here Blaine was; sitting on his bed with his boyfriend, _lover_, straddling him, stripping for him - giving him a personal show. Just for him. Something no one had ever been lucky enough to be treated with.

Kurt pulled away and let his hands back onto Blaine's. He kept humming the melody lowly and rolling it over his tongue as he led his hands up Blaine's arms and to his collar where he made Blaine take his waistcoat and shirt off. As soon as they were off Kurt threw them to lie on the chair and quickly grabbed back on Blaine's hands.

He let his fingers slide in between Blaine's on the back of his hands so he could lead Blaine's palms from his shoulders down over his chest, Kurt's nipples hard against his palms and fingertips. He continued down his ribs, over his abdomens and down to his hard cock resting, pounding, against his hip.

Without breaking eye contact Kurt made Blaine's hand cup around his head, feeling how he was stanching his underwear with pre-come as he licked his lips teasingly. After letting him linger there for a bit with their eyes locked he led Blaine's hands to his hips. He made his fingers crook at the hem of his shorts so he could slowly stand up while they were taking his underwear off him together.

Blaine's head was spinning. He didn't know where to look, where to hold his hands or what to do about any of his body parts. He was sure that his own underwear was pretty much soaked in pre-come already and he couldn't stand the thought that he might come before anything had actually happened - that would be painfully embarrassing.

Kurt sat back down on him, his erection now pressed against his ribs and Blaine was possibly just as scared as he was aroused. He didn't know where to place his hands or what to do about himself.

He didn't get to collect his thoughts because Kurt stared him intensely in the eyes as he pushed forward and let his dick rub up against Blaine's ribs, pre-come smearing below his chest.

He continued the motion a few times, each time moaning more tender than the first, and Blaine was certain that Kurt could feel him be wet through the thin fabric of his own boxers. He let his hands run from Kurt's knees, over his thighs and down to grab around his ass cheeks where he dared himself to let a finger ghost over Kurt's hole.

The contact clearly surprised him as he almost fell forwards onto Blaine with a whimper and his hips working forwards, but Blaine could feel him smile as he pressed a kiss onto his lips, more tender than the moment would have expected.

He let them fall down on the mattress, Kurt still grinding his crotch against Blaine's abdomens as Blaine had let his hands slide onto his shoulder blades to press his torso down so he could feel his chest on him, feel his heart pounding against his.

Out of nowhere Blaine could feel that Kurt opened his eyes, so he opened his own to meet him. Kurt sucked on his lower lip for a brief moment with a smile creeping over his lips before he started kissing his way down - his jaw, his neck, biting his earlobe, more neck, over his chest with licking, sucking and biting on nipples before he continued down his ribs and abdomens where he started pulling down Blaine's underwear.

Blaine lifted his hips to make it easier for Kurt to get rid of his boxers, and he was suddenly extremely naked with Kurt between his legs taking in the entirety of his body. Blaine tried keeping his eyes locked but it was impossible; Kurt was looking at him like he tried remembering every detail of his body.

"Are you ready?" Kurt asked quietly and licked his lips.

This was now or never. He was about to do it, and Blaine knew that he could say no if he wanted to, but the question was - did he want to say no or did he want him to do it?

Blaine felt exposed and observed. He stared into the ceiling and he could feel Kurt watching him, but now only his face. He appreciated very much that Kurt wasn't touching him. He was certain that if he had tried touching him in that moment he would have panicked, but Kurt simply sat waiting for him to make a decision.

He dared to catch Kurt's eyes and he was met by a strong green that was mixed with blue. It made his heart race, but the unease and nerves seemed to completely melt away, helping him make his final decision.

He raised himself to rest on his one elbow so he could use his free hand to clasp against Kurt and pull him close in a powerful kiss. His pulse was out of control and Kurt's gentle hand on his chest made him doubt that he could be real, because how could anyone be so calm and considerate in a moment such as that one?

"Do it. Suck me!" He dared breathily against Kurt's lips and he watched Kurt's face transform from awaiting into smiling and determined.

"I can't wait to have your dick in my mouth," Kurt whispered in his ear and Blaine feared that this simple sentence alone could make sure that he wouldn't get that far before it was too late.

Blaine grinned insecurely and let his fingers into Kurt's hair as he felt him work his way back down over his splayed out body. However, this time he didn't waste any time on playing games - he had a goal and Blaine wasn't sure he thought that to be a good or a bad thing.

Without warning Kurt's tongue was on his sac. He licked around, kissed and nipped lightly before he let his full-length, wet tongue travel its way up and Blaine couldn't stop himself from clenching hard around a handful of Kurt's hair.

"Ohohhhh shit!" He burst out harder than he could stop it and he could feel Kurt smile as he licked from his balls and up his shaft.

He stopped and lapped at his head, tip running over the slit and over the frenulum right under the head. He made his lips carefully wet in pre-come and as he made his lips slowly take in his head Blaine made his hands drop to the mattress out of fear that he might hurt Kurt unintentionally.

It was too good, and as Kurt worked his way down around his erection Blaine felt his balls size up. The feeling of Kurt's tongue against the vein at the underside of his shaft, his head bopping up and down with lips strongly locked around made Blaine's brain fog up.

Kurt kept his hands on Blaine's thighs, his thumb every now and then stroking lightly at the gentle skin, his touch feeling like electricity between silk fabrics.

He couldn't help it. He had to look - he needed to see that it was true. However, he wasn't prepared for Kurt's eyes staring back at him, but when their eyes met, his hand was suddenly running from Kurt's temple, down his cheek to rest on his cheekbone while Kurt let his pink, glistening lips off Blaine's cock so he could show him how his tongue licked over his head, around his head, with a hand firmly closed around his root, his palm cupping up his sac lightly.

Their eyes didn't leave each other for a second. Blaine was panting and the well-known ball of fire was starting to flame in his stomach. He couldn't let it happen now - he needed more of Kurt, even though he couldn't stop wishing for the sight of his come spread on Kurt's lips now that he was back to moving his mouth up and down around him.

Kurt continued licking up and down while moaning and his eyes were filled with lust. He hummed at the back of his throat and the vibrations nearly pushed Blaine over the edge.

"Fuck. Good God, Kurt. Stop. Stop!" Blaine groaned with his head dropping to the bed. He doubted that he was convincing at all because he truly didn't want the ecstasy to go away. He wanted Kurt's lip to stay on his throbbing dick and Kurt's tongue toying with his head forever - but if he continued the night would end much too quickly.

"I'm sorry! Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Kurt blabbered breathlessly out as he released his mouth and hand so he could hurry up Blaine's frame to lie next to him to see his face-

Blaine chuckled and heaved for air with Kurt panicky waiting for him to say something, staring into his eyes with concern filling his entire face.

"Hurt me? Jesus, you… holy shit, quite the opposite - God _Kurt_!" Blaine chuckled and let his hand up Kurt's arm, folding it over his waist. He couldn't stop looking at how wet and full his lips looked. He wanted to feel them, feel if they were just as soft and delicious as they seemed.

"Dammit, you scared me. I -" Kurt burst out but he was stopped by Blaine pulling him down so he could feel his lips. His mouth was warm and his lips were swollen and wet. His tongue tasted of salt and flesh, and the thought that Kurt tasted of him nearly pushed him back to the point of no return.

"I just didn't want to die yet," he said heaving and smiled against Kurt's mouth.

Kurt grinned broadly and let his mouth crash back onto Blaine's and Blaine needed to clasp his tongue against Kurt's to make sure he got the last taste, the last physical proof (besides his aching sac) that Kurt had just sucked him off.

Kurt pulled away to let their eyes meet. He was only about to get his breathing back to normal, but his eyes were still wet and sparkly as he let his fingertips run up Blaine's torso, making shivers run down his spine from the tingling.

"So you liked it?" Kurt asked teasingly and licked his lips, Blaine suspecting that it wasn't even intentional. Blaine just couldn't stop staring at his mouth with the knowledge of what he had just used it for.

"Are you crazy? It was… your mouth is - freaking divine!" Blaine laughed and made a fingertip run over Kurt's lower lip, Kurt smiling crookedly from the sight of Blaine's joy.

"I'll take that as a yes. I really like doing that to you. I love the way you taste and sound - it was so good," Kurt said, his voice so low that it was nearly a moaning, and it made everything in Blaine twist and turn.

Kurt's hand was brushing fingertips lightly up his thigh and over his waist, making his wrist ghost over Blaine's head, his cock aching for more attention.

Abruptly he was on top of Blaine, straddling him on his hips and leaning down to kiss him. He grabbed both of his hands and led them from his own collarbones down his chest, teasing his nipples with both of his hands and further down his ribs and abdomens. Blaine expected him to end on his hips, but he didn't; he led Blaine's hands around so he could make him grasp firmly around his ass with his fingers digging into his crack.

"Open me for you," Kurt whispered, and if Blaine's face had possessed any blood he was sure it had left to seek to his cock instead.

"Kurt. I can't. I -" he started insecurely, surprised that he was even able to speak. He had been sure that his brain had closed off all normal behavior at the moment.

"Sure you can. You said that you wanted your dick in me, and I wanna feel you in me… but you're so big that you need to open me for you," Kurt panted with his mouth still locked on Blaine's, his words coming out in thrusts between his kisses.

_Fuck. He's gonna kill me. Or make me explode. He thinks my dick is big. He needs to stop talking - or never stop talking. He's so damn sexy. And mine._

Blaine sucked Kurt closer. He raised the speed of their moving lips along with the speed of his pulse racing out of control. He could almost he the blood roaming in his ears and he was afraid that his eardrum would burst from the pressure.

He had no idea what he was doing, but he freed a hand from Kurt's ass the other still having a tight grip. He let his arm around to be caught between them before he carefully swiped around Kurt's erection a few times with Kurt surprised clasping his hands onto Blaine's biceps.

Blaine released his hand once more and let his palm flatly slide down Kurt's shaft and over his balls, fingers over his scrotum before he found his destination.

With the tip of his index finger he started to carefully massage Kurt's hole. He slid it around the rim before he let his finger dive in. He insecurely let his finger push its way in through the first ring of muscle to the first knuckle, Kurt gasping into his mouth. He worked his fingertip around a little, feeling the warmth and inside of Kurt.

"More," Kurt begged into his mouth, Blaine figuring that he wanted to guide him to make it as easy as possible for him, so he started to let his finger go deeper, making Kurt moan against his face.

He circled his finger, adjusted himself to the fact that his finger was currently buried in Kurt's ass. He sucked on Kurt's lower lip, grinned at himself and slowly dared himself to drag his finger a little out before sliding it back in.

Again. And again. Each time Kurt groaning a little more than before, so he got eager and even more turned on than he had thought it to be possible, but slowly worked up a pace with Kurt silently moaning "_yes_" through their locked lips.

"One more, baby," Kurt pleaded weakly.

_One more. He needs one more finger. He wants me to give him one more finger._

This time he didn't tease. He let his index finger slide out so only the tip was inside Kurt before he made his middle finger join so he could make both of them push into his hole. He groaned and Blaine couldn't stop himself from sighing lightly by the feel.

He returned to his prior speed, both of his fingers pumping into Kurt's hole as he tightened around Blaine's fingers. He was scared to do something wrong, scared of hurting Kurt in some way by a wrong move, so he tried remembering the single time Kurt had done this for him - what he had done, how it had felt, what had been best.

"One more. Blaine, please," Kurt needed and Blaine wasn't sure he could do it.

His arm and wrist felt like acid. His muscles were screaming at him to stop, and every movement was aching like he was about to go into cramping - but he did it.

He forced one more finger in. He nearly couldn't move anymore from his muscles protesting and Kurt tightening, so he settled for crooking his fingers, trying to spread them without much result, hoping he could hit the right spot - and hoping for it to be enough for Kurt, his moaning and panting somewhat an indication that he liked it.

"I… I wanna be in you," Blaine stammered weakly, embarrassed that the words had come out of his mouth, but there had never been a chance of stopping them because it was all he could think about.

"Yes. Please. Yes, _Blaine_," Kurt hummed, his hole clenching around Blaine's fingers so hard that Blaine feared he might never be able to move them again.

Kurt planted his palms firmly in the bed and sat straight up, making Blaine's fingers go deeper in him and his knuckles boring themselves into the flesh of Kurt's cheeks. He stretched out his arm and Blaine realized that he had put a condom on the nightstand making Blaine feel relief wash in over him - he didn't have any plans on running naked through the apartment to wake up Tina and Mike to ask them help him out with having sex.

Kurt bent down to kiss him heatedly before he started to raise himself off Blaine's fingers with a mouthful of air thrust hard out, Blaine's fingers nearly unable to stretch from the pressure they had been through. It was freezing and he wanted to press them back, but the thought of what was to come was much more promising.

Kurt started to move down Blaine's body and he panicked. He couldn't leave, he couldn't let him lie there alone, or even worse; he would need to be on top, to look down on Kurt and be in control of everything.

Sweat broke out on his forehead and everywhere else. The thought was frightening, terrifying.

_What if I do something wrong? What if I hurt him? What if I'm horrible at it and he doesn't like? Or I don't like it? Shit._

His hands clasped onto Kurt's arms, fingers digging into flesh in a desperate attempt to stop him moving, and Kurt looked at him with nervous eyes, all lust put on complete hold.

"You don't wanna do it anyway? I can be on top if you like? It's okay if you aren't ready. I just wanna be with you. Sex or no sex," he assured him, his hand placed on his thigh with a thumb caressing soothingly.

"No I was just… thinking that - could you stay on me? I know I technically wouldn't be on top but I'm just…" Blaine started to nervously blabber out and he just knew that he had killed the spark and he was ready to just put his clothes back on so he could roll over and never have sex again.

_I'm just not made for sex,_ he thought and closed his eyes. He felt like he couldn't breath and was afraid that he was about to have some sort of fit when Kurt stretched his hand up to stroke his cheek.

"You want me to ride you? That is… so incredibly sexy," Kurt breathed and his erection rubbed involuntarily against Blaine's leg.

Blaine's face heated up and he could breath again. Kurt thought that something he had suggested was sexy. No, incredibly sex. He smiled, grinned, wanted kiss Kurt all over his body - but instead he released his grip on his arms and let his hands slide down to lie loosely on his sides.

"I'm just gonna…" Kurt smiled and flashed the dark foil package between two fingers.

_Oh. Oh! He's gonna put it on me, _Blaine realized and gulped.

Kurt took up his journey back down Blaine's body where he placed light kisses on his thighs before he let his tongue slowly trail up the backside of his dick. He licked over his head before letting his lips close around so he could suck hard, making Blaine gasp out harshly.

Kurt let his lips slide off and Blaine heard the breaking of the foil before feeling the slick latex hit his head. Kurt's fingers rolling it down around him made him miss Kurt's lips on his tender skin. He felt trapped inside the condom and wanted to ask to do it without but he knew that they couldn't. That was a conversation he didn't want to go into now.

When he was done rolling the condom on him Kurt let his palm run from Blaine's sac, over his shaft and took a few swipes before crawling back up over Blaine, their dicks clasping against each other on the way.

As soon as he was back in place Kurt smiled down on him. He tilted his head and slowly let his ass sink down so his hole hit Blaine's head. He stopped and bent down to kiss Blaine's lips before breaking away just enough for their eyes to meet.

"Are you ready? Just - stop me if you're uncomfortable," Kurt said with an assuring smile, making Blaine nod in a mix of gratitude and nerves taking over his brain.

And that was it. Kurt reached down between his legs to take a careful, but firm, grip around Blaine before he started sitting all down, lowering himself onto Blaine's cock, making his ass take in his head as Kurt flexed his abs and bit his lower lip in the most sensual way Blaine had ever seen.

He let go, put his hands back to the mattress on each side of Blaine's shoulders and looked down on him. Everything was hot and Blaine regretted deeply that he hadn't opened a window because he was going to melt. Kurt didn't seem to feel too hot though. He simply stared into Blaine's eyes, his torso bent in over Blaine's with all of his muscles tensed.

"Do it. Fuck me!" He ordered, his voice dark and rasp in a way Blaine had never heard it before. He couldn't decide if it was mostly scary or hot, but he instinctively grabbed Kurt's ass so he could let his hips buck up, thrusting his full length possibly a little too hard into Kurt, making Kurt arch his neck, throwing his head backwards with a groan.

"Shit, just like that," he moaned and nearly dropped his forehead against Blaine's.

He bucked his hips back up while watching surprise swim in over Kurt's eyes with pupils dilating when he hit him right. He repeated the motion again and again with Kurt leaning to rest his forehead against Blaine's, weak whimpers streaming from his mouth with every thrust.

Blaine squeezed his eyes shot with his hands locked on Kurt's hips. He had no idea what else to do than keep jerking his hips upwards. He tried remembering all of the time in his life he had had sex. He had never been riding Sebastian but it shouldn't be that much different.

He didn't want to think of Sebastian but he needed to remember the way he had moved, the way he had touched him and what had felt good or not - but now Sebastian's face was haunting him, burning into his inner eye. His smile, his eyes, the feeling of his kiss, hands tongue and cock.

But all he wanted, needed, was Kurt.

"Kiss me. _Please_, kiss me!" Blaine pleaded desperately, needing to feel Kurt's lips. He couldn't let Sebastian take over - this was about Kurt, he had to let Kurt be his body and mind.

"Don't close your eyes. Please look me in the eyes," he begged as Kurt started to lean down to let their lips crash, but with closed eyes. He rushed them open from Blaine's request - strong azure filling Blaine's nervous system and taking him back to the reality that he was in bed with Kurt on top of him, Kurt riding him, his dick inside of Kurt.

When their mouths collided Kurt pushed his ass down and started rocking back and forth. He rolled his hips forward, moved himself up and down, and tightened around Blaine's shaft.

He couldn't hold it back anymore. It was like it came out of nowhere even though he had known that it was only a matter of time. Heat had pulsed through him for a long time and now it was starting to coil up to a ball of fire in his stomach. He strengthened his grip on Kurt's hips, afraid that he was going to bruise his delicate skin, yet unable to stop it.

"Fuck you're so good in me, baby," Kurt moaned into his mouth and it was over.

Blaine's hips jerked upward, his balls and shaft pulsating to let himself spurt into Kurt's hole with a loud cursing. The feeling of Kurt clenching going harder around him made it unbearable and he feared that he was going to pass out from the euphoria shot directly into his veins.

"God it feels good - _Blaine_!" Kurt whined and somehow Blaine felt like it emphasized Kurt's trust in him.

_Please never stop saying my name like that, _Blaine thought while heaving for air.

He fell flat. He couldn't move. All senses were running overload and his lungs were about to blow up from the need for air. Even his hands dropped lifeless to the bed from their grip on Kurt's hips and he wanted to apologize but even though his mouth was open nothing but panting came out.

"I'm sorry," he finally fought out and closed his eyes. He couldn't face Kurt now. Not only had he come super fast without even knowing what he was doing, he hadn't even helped Kurt close to coming at all. It was embarrassing and terrible.

"What? Sorry about what?" Kurt asked confounded with a light voice, heaving for air. Blaine felt him force himself to rise on his one elbow and hold gently on Blaine's chin.

"Look at me, Blaine," Kurt said softly, his thumb taking a few caring strokes over his jaw line as Blaine opened without knowing what to expect to meet him. Kurt was still struggling to gain breath, but apparently that wasn't going to stop him from having a conversation.

"That was - you are skilled, boy!" He grinned and let his thumb trace over Blaine's lower lip, and Blaine saw it as a chance to kiss the tip of his finger.

"But you didn't even come and I -" Blaine started frantically apologizing again, but Kurt stopped him by pressing his fingers over his mouth.

"Blaine. Honey. It wasn't perfect. I never expected it to be - since you've never done it before, I mean. But it was good, you are _so_ good," Kurt assured him firmly with wide eyes before he rolled his hips forward one more time, making Blaine shock himself with a whimper. Electric waves shot through him and he was almost certain that he was about to go hard again.

"But baby - _practice_ makes perfect. So we can just practice. Besides, just because we didn't come at the same time doesn't mean it's too late for me," Kurt smirked and he felt Kurt place his Blaine's on his shaft before he locked their fingers around him and started fisting up and down.

Blaine was hard again. He definitely was, so he pushed back up, taking Kurt by surprise so he whined and squeezed their hands a little harder around his cock.

He arched his back to press his ass down so it was nearly impossible for Blaine to thrust into him, but he kept moving as he watched Kurt's eyes starting to swim.

"Yes. Right there. Blaine, don't stop," he heaved while fisting their hands faster around him, his head bopping forward to make his lips clasp onto Blaine's, a constant cascade of whimpering "_yes_" and incoherent sounds streaming from his mouth.

"Fuck! Kurt!" Blaine groaned into his mouth.

Kurt's free hand clasped onto his shoulder, his nails digging into his skin as his abs flexed. Blaine felt his hips pushing forward and his dick pulse against his palms while their hands turned warm and wet.

The feeling of Kurt coming on his hand, spurts on his chest, made Blaine lose it. He was off again, falling straight into it with Kurt's hole tightening stronger than he had imagined it possible and his fingers gripping so hard they would positively leave marks.

He came harder than ever, nearly biting down in Kurt's wrist, but instead bit his lower lip with a scream of "_holy God Kurt_" muffled by being caught in his throat and Kurt's chest clasped against his with all muscles in both of their bodies unbelievably tensed to the point of exploding.

Kurt was clasped motionless on to of him. Their hands were cramped together around Kurt's cock slowly going limp in their hands, both of them painfully gasping for air with their chest working against each other.

A slow chuckle spread from the back of Kurt's throat as he let his head drop to Blaine's shoulder where he nuzzled his nose against his ear to kiss his neck. He let his unsoiled hand free from Blaine's shoulder to find his hand and entwine their fingers.

Usually Blaine would have panicked over him laughing in such an intimate moment, but he didn't - he turned his head and grinned against him while catching his mouth in a lazy kiss.

After having pushed off the moment for as long as possible there was no way out: they would have to clean up. It was terrible, but Kurt fought his way to sit up so he could clean both of them off as good as he possibly could with the Kleenex he found on the nightstand.

"How about a shower and clean sheets in the morning?" Blaine mumbled dozy as he watched Kurt do his best to avoid soiling the sheets.

Kurt met his eyes with a grin and brushed his thumb over Blaine's ribs where his hand was lazily resting.

"That sounds perfect, darling" he smiled and threw the crumpled up paper towel on the nightstand before he realized that it was time.

It was horrible and nerving. Blaine hated the feeling of the condom on him, but he didn't want Kurt to move. He wanted him to stay on him so they could be joined forever. He wanted Kurt to always be a part of him.

Nonetheless Kurt bent down to place a light kiss on his lips before he reached down to take a gentle grip so he could lift himself off Blaine and save the condom without it ending on the mattress to paint everything in pearly white semen.

He tied it up and wrapped it in Kleenex so he could drop it on the nightstand before cleaning the rest of them off, Blaine feeling it strange to have Kurt clean off his genitals. It was an unfamiliar and odd feeling, but he was so gentle and respectful about it that Blaine couldn't help feel safe and loved from the way he was taking care of him.

Kurt carried it all to the trashcan and dropped Blaine's t-shirt and underwear in front of him with a smile before he started fumbling around for his own.

"Do you wanna sleep with clothes on tonight?" Blaine asked confounded, not really sure why, but Kurt stopped in motion to look at him.

"I just guessed that was what you wanted. We don't have to if you don't want to - I love sleeping naked with you," he said and his tired eyes lit up.

"I think - I just wanna fall asleep while feeling you. Really feeling you," Blaine murmured and hoped it was in his place to make such a request.

Kurt dropped his own clothes back on the chair and made one quick movement to push Blaine's clothes to the floor next to the bed. He turned off the light and opened the window before he crawled back to lie next to Blaine under the covers.

He curled up against him with Blaine's arm around him and the room suddenly seemed quiet in a way that should have been impossible for somewhere in the middle of New York City.

"So - that was new. For me," Kurt mumbled with fingertips strolling up and down Blaine's naked chest.

"The stripping thing? That was… wow. That was hot," Blaine said and couldn't stop grinning from the memory of Kurt singing and taking his clothes off for him. He had never been into stripping, he had found it vulgar and too explicit to his taste - but when Kurt had done it he had got incredibly hard incredibly fast.

"Yeah that too, but - I've never ridden anyone before. That was really something," he said, Blaine curling his toes and strengthening his grip around Kurt a little more.

So Kurt had been new to this as well.

Out of nowhere Kurt rose to look Blaine in the eyes, his blue a piercing beacon through the dark of the room.

"Don't ever apologize to me like that. We need to do something about your self-esteem because you keep bringing yourself down without reason. You are good, Blaine - _you are such a good fuck_. You are still insecure and I understand that, but _damn_ can you… fuck me like I've never been fucked before. You fuck me like I need. I don't think I've ever come this hard before," he said, voice soft but firm and his fist lightly banging onto his chest to punctuate his words.

Blaine didn't know what to say or do about himself. That was pretty straightforward and he felt awkward, but also relieved and happy that Kurt didn't find him hopeless and worthless to have sex with. The fact that he found him so good made his brain swim and a need to kiss Kurt without ever stopping take over, so he had to force himself to stick to the conversation.

"I just wanna be good for you," he responded out of lack for words, so he found the most truthful he had.

"You _are_. The best sex I ever had. The only sex I will ever want," he assured him and pecked his lips before lying back down on Blaine's shoulder.

Fatigue washed in over Blaine as they returned to silence. His first impulse was to fight it off, but then he remembered that Kurt wouldn't be leaving in the morning so he felt relieved and his entire body turned heavy on the bed.

He was filled with happiness heating him up and if he hadn't been completely drained of energy he was pretty certain he would have run singing through town to express his happiness.


	25. Heartache And Unicorns

Beyoncé was singing loudly on the nightstand and Blaine woke up in panic. He fumbled around, afraid it would wake up Kurt wrapped around him, but he felt ice fill him when he saw the display.

Sebastian was grinning at him with morning hair and the picture that once seemed so comforting and safe suddenly made all of his insides squirm around themselves.

He had to answer it. He hadn't paid attention to his phone during his night out with Kurt, and he realized that he had to have a bunch of texts and possibly unanswered calls from Sebastian and it wasn't fair to him. He had to answer it to calm his mind.

"_Hey gorgeous_," Sebastian's voice sounded and he prepared himself to go kill himself with a plastic spoon as soon as he got out of bed.

"Hey. What's up?" He replied and wanted to kick himself. That was definitely not the way to go if he wanted to avoid Sebastian thinking something was up.

_How am I ever going to get through this call with Kurt lying there?_

"_I just wanted to check if you are alright. I didn't hear from you last night. At all. So I got worried. Are you okay, babe_?" Sebastian asked, concern oozing through his voice.

"Yeah. I'm… fine. I just had a headache last night, so I went to bed early. No big deal," Blaine assured him weakly, but self-loathing was coating his tongue from the lie.

"_Oh. Are you better now? I hate when you're feeling bad, babe_."

_Gosh, just kill me now!_

"_Also - I missed your voice. I miss it when you sing. You haven't sung around me in a really long time. Will you sing to me soon_?" He asked and Blaine started to consider if he should go to the bathroom to finish the conversation, but he had no idea how he should twist himself out of Kurt's arms without waking him up.

"Sure. We could… I could… yeah," he stammered and realized Kurt was tightening around him. The entire situation was a perfect, painful metaphor for his life and how much he didn't know how to twist himself out of this distorted chaos he had created for himself.

"_Mhm, sounds good. I'll be back around 9.30 tomorrow night, so I was hoping that maybe you would come sleep at my place so we can catch up on what we've missed? I miss you so much_."

"Stop pressuring me, okay? I can't do this! Just… this is too much," Blaine whined and didn't know how he had let himself down enough to lose his head like that.

He pushed Kurt away as gently as he possibly could and jumped to his feet, headed for the bathroom while doing his best to wrap the bedspread around him on the way.

"Baby, what's going on?" Kurt groaned dissatisfied and sat up, going pale as he realized Blaine was on the phone.

Blaine stared at him and watched stress fill his face, with Sebastian filling his ear with booming, shocked silence.

"_Blaine, what is - what the hell is wrong with you? You've been acting so freaking weird lately. Whatever it is that's going on you need to tell me so we can fix this. I'm so sick of you always pushing me away_!" Sebastian snapped into the phone.

Guilt piled up inside of him. Two years of burning, acidy, painful, bitter guilt. For all of the shit he had put Sebastian through. He wanted to yell at him to back off and stay out of it, tell him that it didn't concern him, but he knew that he had absolutely no right to do that.

"_All I do is love you, and flip the world upside down to make you want me too - I would do anything for you, __but the more I try the more you push me away. Baby, please. Let me love you_." His voice had transformed from shocked and outraged to begging and pleading in the most painful way.

"I'm sorry. I just - it's just a bad couple of days for me. Can we talk about it when you get back?" Blaine said and wanted to vomit all over himself for only lying even more.

_Great. That way he thinks we're going to talk about this to save us, when in reality I'm going there to tell him we never stood a chance in the first place._

"_I just want to hear you say that you love me_," Sebastian said silently into the phone, the need and pleading filling his voice and Blaine wasn't sure whether he should cry or scratch his eyes out.

"I -"

_I can't say it. Not when it's not true. Besides, I'm going to break his heart in a few days._

"I'm not working until Tuesday evening, so I can come to your place around noon," he said, knowing that it was the worst averse strategy in the history of love-battles.

Sebastian turned silent. Not even his breathing was audible and Blaine started to wonder if he had simply put down his phone and walked away. He couldn't breath and he wanted to ask Sebastian to say something - but that would take him to be able to get a word out.

"_See you Tuesday then. But don't think… Blaine, this doesn't work out. We need to discuss this. I - you're breaking my heart_."

_Don't say that. If only you knew what is waiting for you when you come back._

"Sebastian. I am so sorry. Please don't hate me." Blaine cried into the phone.

"_I don't hate you, baby - I just wish that you would talk to me. I love you_," Sebastian said softly, assuringly - and he hung up.

Blaine was sitting on the toilet with the blanket draped around himself and the phone glued between his face and palm like it had been a bomb ready to go off the second he moved the tiniest bit.

Tears were streaming down his face and he wished that they weren't because he didn't have a right to be upset. He was the cheater, he was the bad boyfriend, he was the heartbreaker - he was the one who had irrationally flipped out on the guy who loved him and just wanted to spend time with him after having been away from him for a week.

"Blaine, I thought I heard - holy _darling_," Kurt said and nearly tripped over his own feet as he dropped to his knees in front of Blaine. He had wrapped himself in a sheet and for some reason his hair managed to look just as perfect as it had done the night before, only a few locks escaping here and there.

Blaine hurried to hide his face in his hands. He couldn't have Kurt seeing him like that. How could he sit there crying to Kurt over a conversation he had just had with his boyfriend?

"What happened, sweetie?" Kurt asked and stroke a hand over Blaine's hair.

His phone vibrated where it had fallen to the floor and a text showed on the display. From Sebastian.

"_I'm sorry. I just love you so much. I want us to be okay."_

Blaine kicked it with a forced that made it crash directly into the wall and Kurt stared at him in horror.

He stood up with a hand tightly holding the knot of the sheet around him. He stared down on Blaine, he could feel it, but he was afraid to look - afraid to see what would meet him. What Kurt could be thinking, feeling.

Kurt forced Blaine's hand away from his face so he could fold it in his own. He kept looking down on him, waiting perhaps.

"Come on. Let's go back to bed and then you'll tell me what happened." Kurt dragged a little in Blaine's hand before he finally got himself to stand up and followed him back to his room where Kurt made him lie down and pulled the covers up to hide their faces.

"Now tell me what's wrong. Not as your boyfriend, but as your friend - someone who loves you very much and hate to see you upset," Kurt invited softly and started running his fingertips soothingly over his hand.

Blaine brushed his tears away and looked down in the sheets. It was so awkward and straight up dumb for this to even happen.

"It was just… he kept saying that he loved me, and then he asked me to come over tomorrow night and was like - starting to be all… Sebastian-like. I just lost it. I can't do this anymore, Kurt. I feel so terrible. Then he said that I was breaking his heart with the way I've been acting lately. I just feel so guilty all the time."

He sniffed and his voice was tipping at the edge of breaking over. His throat was rasp and ice was filling every cell of his body. Pain washed over Kurt's face and he felt like dying - _not him too._

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to go through that. But at least it's only two more days and he will know. Just - I'll help you take your mind off things so you can endure," Kurt crooned and let his thumb twist around Blaine's.

In that moment it occurred to Blaine that even though it pained Kurt deeply to listen to him talk about Sebastian that way, what hurt him the most was that Blaine was hurting over it. He didn't judge him, get jealous or mad that Blaine had talked to Sebastian while he was lying naked in his bed - he just wanted to do whatever he could to help him not hurting.

"How do you feel about showering and then we can go raid the closest video store to find a bunch of movies we can watch while I cover you in kisses?" Kurt smiled and his fingertips took a trip down Blaine's cheekbone over his jaw line.

"That sounds really great," Blaine agreed in a thick voice.

"Not really something I usually do with _just friends_, but considering it's you I am willing to make an exception," he teased and mushed his lips against Kurt's neck, doing his best to push away the unease running through his body.

"Good. Cause I don't wanna share you with anyone," Kurt chuckled and nudged him lightly in the ribs.

**xXx**

When they entered the kitchen Tina was sitting by the table with dozy eyes, drinking coffee while flipping through a newspaper in front of her. She looked up at them and Blaine could feel that she was uncomfortable about the situation.

Blaine got coffee for both of them and started preparing their breakfast while Kurt sat down at the table, very clearly uncertain how to tackle the sudden encounter.

"Goodmorning, eh - Tina," he tried awkwardly and Blaine couldn't help feel blessed that Kurt honestly wanted to make conversation with Tina.

His best friend and his boyfriend. Or lover. Did Tina consider Kurt to be 'the other man' to Blaine? He realized that he didn't even know if Mike had told her what he and Blaine had talked about the previous day and he worried that it might have something to say in her way to react to Kurt having spent the night in his room.

"Morning, Kurt" she replied and looked briefly up from her paper with an expression that mostly said that she felt like a fly caught in a web.

Blaine opened the window to let the sun fill the tiny kitchen before he sat down next to Kurt presenting him with toast, cheese and jam.

"I was thinking - are you guys going to stay here all day?" Tina asked and took in a huge spoonful of cereal while staring awaiting at Blaine who was struggling to avoid choking on his toast from the question.

"We uhm - we talked about going to the video store to see if we could find something and then like - just have a lazy day in," Blaine explained carefully. He didn't have the slightest clue as to where Tina was going with her question.

She kept chewing while reading some article about something Blaine didn't care for, relaxed as if she believed she was alone, not caring that Blaine needed to know why she had asked him that.

"That sounds cozy. It was actually because I… Mike is out all day, so I was thinking maybe we could do something together? Movies sounds cool to me, I just… I figured that if Kurt is going to be a new, permanent, big part of your life I should get to know him. If you want?" She let her attention flicker between both of them. She was nervous about the suggestion, like she was afraid that it wouldn't be okay for her to ask that - like she thought Blaine didn't want these two parts of his life to overlap.

Blaine was baffled. He had been so sure that she was only sitting back, waiting for Kurt to turn around and hurt him again. Bu if that was the case she wouldn't have asked to spend time with them - would she?

"I would love to get to know you, Tina. Again. Or what to actually call it," Kurt said and squeezed her hand on the table between them. She looked a bit surprised by him touching her like that but she smiled back at him and the whole thing made Blaine's heart pop.

They took turns on showering. When they were clean and dressed Tina went with them to the video store where they found a nice mix of musicals and movies they had watched in Silverlake while all three of hem had been living there.

When they returned to the apartment it was awkward. They all sat on the couch, Kurt in the middle. Blaine was craving to pull him close to feel him in his arms, but he didn't know if it would be okay with Tina. _One step at a time._

_This must be how teenagers feel when they introduce their boyfriend to their parents._

He kept sneaking glances in Kurt's direction. His hand was casually resting in his lap, his legs were crossed, his jeans tight over his thigh to show how muscular he was, and his perfect hair, the short-sleeved shirt that would let Blaine feel his soft skin on his palm if he could reach out and touch him – all of it felt like it was a heatwave crying for Blaine to pay attention.

The first movie ended. With the end came the credits and awkward silence filling the living room. Tina got up to get tea for all of them and Blaine was afraid to look to Kurt's side. He just wanted him close, but what if Kurt didn't think that would be appropriate?

He didn't get to think further though, because Kurt turned around to separate Blaine's legs with his knees to his chest so he could move between them on his knees to place a strong kiss on lips. It was like fueling an engine; he grabbed around Kurt and pulled him into his arms, wrapping him in a warm embrace.

"I missed you. You were sitting way too far away from me," Kurt mumbled against his cheek as he fumbled around with a fold in the sleeve of Blaine's shirt. Blaine grinned, chuckled, and his head felt light. That was exactly how he had been feeling.

Tina came back. She simply put the tray of teacups on the table in front of them with a smile covering her face. She sat back down at the other end of the couch and returned to her original position with her feet dragged under her on the sofa, acting like it was the most natural thing in the world to have Blaine sitting there with his arms locked safely around Kurt.

The shocking part was that it actually was natural. Blaine had never been like that with Sebastian - whenever they had been together as two couples Blaine would have let it stay at holding hands, maybe a peck or two and maybe letting Sebastian hold his hand on his thigh under the table - but anything else would have been too much, and Sebastian had respected that.

With Kurt he didn't feel that way. He felt like he didn't care about anything or anyone - he just wanted Kurt to be close to him all the time. Like the way Tina and Mike never cared; they held each other during movie nights, kissed in front of people, danced close together when they were out and didn't mind being the ultimate couple. This was how Blaine felt about Kurt; he wanted all the couple-things with him.

To both Blaine and Tina's surprise Kurt asked Tina how life had been for her since he moved away. This resulted in a laughing conversation filled with childhood memories from they all lived at Silverlake, and eventually Tina and Blaine started telling stories from their time growing up together, the life after Kurt.

By the end of the afternoon Blaine was happier than he could have imagined. His best friend and his boyfriend was talking and laughing together, seeming like they could go on forever. All he ever wanted.

"I love you," Blaine whispered in Kurt's ear as he strengthened his grip around his torso. He could feel a grin covering Kurt's face and Blaine's insides chilled.

_This has to be what life is all about. This precise moment has got to be the meaning of life. How could it be anything else? _Blaine thought and drew an internal sigh, trying to grasp that this was actually happening.

Kurt let his fingers fall into place with Blaine's and rested his head against his arm while he continued his conversation with Tina about her relationship with Mike. She told him how they had met in high school, danced together and one day she asked him out.

As if he had heard the mention of his name Mike walked in the door. He stopped when the scenario that met him hit him right in the face. He looked shocked from Blaine and Kurt entangled in each other to Tina grinning up at him.

It felt like Kurt was shrinking in Blaine's arms. He buried his face against his tricep and took a firmer grip on his arm around his chest. Blaine opened his mouth to say something but he was completely, utterly blank.

Mike stomped his way through the living room, to his and Tina's bedroom where he slammed the door hard. She jumped to her feet and rushed after with a silent "_I'm sorry_" aimed at Kurt.

"I am so sorry. I never wanted to come between you and your friends," Kurt whispered apologetically into Blaine's arm.

"What? No. Don't even think about it. He just needs to… adjust to the thought of me not being with Sebastian anymore. He'll be alright soon," Blaine crooned into Kurt's hair, his thumb brushing soothingly up Kurt's ribs.

"I love you too," Kurt smiled as he turned his head to look at Blaine with an insecure smile. He rested his forehead against his bicep and kissed the opening to his armpit gently.

Tina returned with a dark gloom on her face. Mike refused to be in the same room as Kurt and Blaine like that for as long as Blaine was still with Sebastian. She assured them that he just needed to cool off and that there was no reason for them to do anything out of the ordinary because he was upset.

"He just needs to accept that this is how things are now," she shrugged and emptied her cup. That was it. Tina had spoken.

They returned to watch a movie in silence and after some time the pressured tension lifted itself off the room and they ended in a roar of laughter from a memory of how Kurt had outsmarted a group of older boys who was trying to convince him to kiss Blaine in front of everyone when they had only been 5 years old. Two of the older boys had ended up being the ones to kiss with red faces and a huge group of orphaned kids laughing at them.

It was time. Kurt needed to go home. Rachel had texted him a million times to come home to take care of his dog, and he had to have Sam come to his place for dinner. He hadn't spent time with Sam for ages and he had to if he wanted to keep his head straight until his big game. He only had three weeks left and Kurt would be busy at the theater most of the time so it wouldn't be too hard to keep up.

They spent half an hour in Blaine's room with Kurt packing his bag while complaining over having to leave. In the end they didn't have anymore excuses of how to postpone it so Blaine followed him to the door. On the way Kurt hugged Tina warmly and Blaine had to stop himself from joining them. In the hall they kissed and Kurt was gone.

**Blaine: **"You forgot your toothbrush."

**Kurt: **"I didn't forget it. I left it (:"

Okay, so this was the feeling he had been looking for since Kurt moved away. The hole that had been growing inside him was full. He was sure that this was the perfect feeling of a complete life.

He felt like the teenage girl in a movie getting asked to prom by her crush. Like Hilary Duff in _A Cinderella Story_. Like Fanny Bryce in _Funny Girl_. All of them. He couldn't stop himself from dancing into the kitchen to hug Tina.

He helped her cook during a loud duet of _Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You_. They laughed and danced, drank wine and talked. Tina said that she had a great time hanging with them, and she ended up admitting that she thought he and Kurt were a perfect match.

"It truly felt like he had never been out of your life. You just fell perfectly into place with each other. I am really happy for you," she grinned and Blaine threw his arms around with wet kisses on her cheek.

He let his mouth run over with how happy he was that they got along so well. He told her about all of his worries that Tina would hate Kurt forever, and how he had been afraid that they would never be able to talk or hang out together. Now all he had to think about was Mike - and Sebastian.

He fell back down to earth and explained her what had happened in the morning. About the call from Sebastian and how it had turned out. She looked sad and Blaine felt his throat going back to tying up by talking about it. It was painful to even think.

When they had finished cooking dinner Blaine figured that he should be the one to get Mike in their bedroom. He wanted to apologize to him even though he didn't feel like he had done anything wrong. He couldn't stand Mike being mad at him.

"Hey uhm - dinner's ready if you want," Blaine said as he stuck his head into the room where Mike was lying on the bed watching some movie on his laptop.

Mike looked up at him. First he seemed confused like he had been dragged out of sleep or a haze, but then he looked pained. He closed the laptop down and sat up so he could put it on the nightstand before looking back to Blaine.

"I'm sorry I was being such a jerk, man. It's just… I always thought it was so cool with you being with Sebastian. He's one of my best friends, and so are you. It was perfect, and he keeps saying how happy he is to be with you. I seriously thought you would stay together, like always. But… if you haven't been happy with him - I want you to be happy. And I want him to be with someone who loves him too. I guess I just… need some time to get used to someone else being with you," Mike apologized. Truthfully.

Blaine didn't doubt for a second that it was hard for him to say. Hard for him to talk about it. But he was also certain that he had been thinking deeply about it since he had got the news the day before.

Blaine walked into the room and sat down on the bed in front of Mike. He drew a heavy breath and replayed Mike's words in his head while letting his fingers slide over the bedspread.

"It's not that I was _un_happy with Sebastian. I just wasn't _happy_. I tried to love him, but I couldn't. Then when Kurt came I realized it was because… I've loved him all along. Even though I didn't know where he was or anything. I just… love him," Blaine tried explaining, doing his best to emphasize how much none of this was Sebastian's fault, that he had never treated him bad.

"Sebastian was good to me, way better than I could ever deserve. He would give me the moon if I asked him to, I know that. I have wished forever that I could love him, but nothing happened. I'm happy with Kurt. Happy in a way that I never thought I would be again. It's like… I had lost an important part of myself… an arm or a leg or some vital organ - but now that Kurt is back in my life I don't feel like that anymore," he said and it felt good to tell Mike that this was how it was. He really wanted him to understand how much Kurt meant to him.

"Then I'm happy for you. I just wanna see you happy. I guess I'll have to meet him properly. Some day," Mike said and nodded the way he always did when he had come to terms with something hard but was relieved by the outcome.

They agreed that they'd better get out to Tina who was waiting with their dinner. When they walked into the kitchen she was grinning broadly by the obvious sight that they had made up.

Perfect.

After dinner they helped each other clean up. They went for a walk in the park nearby and when they came home they watched TV before they agreed to go to bed.

When Blaine was in the bathroom to brush his teeth he couldn't help grin at how Kurt's toothbrush was standing in the cup next to his own. It seemed too good to be true.

He was happy that Tina and Mike had spent the night with him. It wasn't until he was in bed with clean sheets and turned off lights he remembered that Kurt was spending the night with Sam. The thought made his skin chill.

His phone was filled with texts. From Sebastian and Kurt.

**Sebastian: **"I'm sorry about this morning. I just miss you."

**Sebastian: **"Can't wait to see you again. I miss kissing you."

**Sebastian: **"Goodnigt, babe. I'll call you when I'm home tomorrow."

**Blaine: **"It's fine. We'll talk about it Tuesday. I miss you too. Goodnight."

He hated himself. It was true but unfair of him to write something like that to Sebastian, because he would clearly still think they were perfectly okay. But he couldn't ignore his texts either.

He continued to go through to Kurt's texts. They had to be able to get his mood up so he could fall asleep with the thought of their night and day together instead of everything that made him hate himself forever.

**Kurt: **"I had a really great time. I'm taking you dancing again."

**Kurt: **"Can't wait till this is over. I just wanna be with you."

**Kurt: **"Also - as soon as we don't have anything to worry about there are much more amazing places I wanna take you."

**Kurt: **"I love you."

Memories from the previous night washed in over him. Kurt being mysterious, the restaurant, the cab drive, the club where they had danced and writhed against each other, Kurt stripping for him and being patient with his insecurities, Kurt sucking him off until his head was spinning and Kurt riding him and begging for more - all of it faded into how he, Kurt and Tina had spent the afternoon together and how everything seemed right.

He was just about to reply to Kurt's texts when a new one showed up on the display.

**Kurt: **"I'm sorry."

**Blaine: **"Sorry? What for?"

An unease started to form in the back of Blaine's throat and before he could stop it he could feel it spread through his veins and muscles.

**Kurt: **"I am so sorry. I love you."

He didn't get to reply, because a new message was in almost before he had opened the previous one.

**Kurt: **"I have to sleep with him. I don't want anyone but you, but if I don't do it he'll know something is up."

Blaine's heart froze. It was banged with a hammer and reduced to ice splinters biting into the inside of his chest and lungs, rolling through his blood like nails biting his insides. How could they have missed taking this possibility into equation? That Sam would want to have sex with Kurt as they were still a couple and to him they were happy and on their way to get married.

He was staring at the message, the letters burning into his eyes and nausea taking over his head and throat. For a second he nearly threw the phone into the wall, hoping for it to fall apart, but he knew that he had to send something back to Kurt. But how was he supposed to respond to that?

**Blaine: **"You're mine."

**Kurt: **"I don't know what to do."

**Blaine: **"I love you."

**Kurt: **"I love you too. I only wanna be with you."

**Kurt: **"Don't hate me. Please don't hate me."

**Kurt: **"I can break up with him now if you want me to."

He couldn't ask him to do that. He was already on his way to break his heart, tell him that he didn't have a boyfriend, fiancé, anymore - he couldn't let him trash him right before the biggest moment of his career, possibly making that dust away from him too.

Blaine didn't care the slightest for Sam. He didn't know him and had never met him. He didn't intend to. He just knew that this was the right thing to do. He knew how he felt about breaking up with Sebastian, but they weren't even engaged or anything. This was the right thing to do. If anything he or Kurt did could ever be right anymore.

Incoming call. Kurt.

"_I am so sorry. I am gonna go break up with him now. Don't worry. Just please don't hate me_," Kurt sobbed into the phone. He was crying and whispering. Apparently he had left the room to call Blaine.

He swallowed hard, tried to keep the contents of his stomach down so he didn't throw up with Kurt at the other end of the phone.

"Don't… I could never hate you! But - you can't… you need to do what you need to do. Please don't make me say it. I just can't… we've ruined enough for him, we can't ruin his career too, it's -" Blaine said, his voice possibly a bit harder than he intended it to be, but he couldn't let himself break down.

"_I love you. Just you. Only you. I only wanna be with you. Always_," Kurt wailed silently.

"_I will only think of you. Of our nights together. Please believe me, Blaine_."

His voice was piercing and it made Blaine's heart ache to return to whole, but he wasn't sure it would mend so easily.

"Do what you have to. Of course I hope you can get around it. Tell him that you're tired, or not feeling well. Something, anything. But just… I don't wanna hear about it. I love you," Blaine said and he could hear a muffled voice in the background of Kurt's end of the phone.

"_I have to go back to him. I'll try anything. I love you so much_."

He hung up. Before Blaine could do or say anything.

He couldn't go to sleep. He felt terrible and nearly shoved two fingers down his throat so he could throw up in a hope that the uneasy rummaging in his stomach would go away. He knew it wouldn't. It had nothing to do with anything he had eaten or anything else.

He wrapped a blanket around himself and went into the living room. He turned on the TV and turned the volume so low that it was nearly inaudible and watched some foreign black and white movie.

All he saw though was Kurt. With a faceless, movie-star-handsome guy having his hands all over his naked body, kissing him, pounding into him with Kurt moaning his name.

_Sam_.

A name Blaine wished that he would never be confronted with again, but he knew that he definitely would. At least for the next three weeks, and Blaine already knew that every time he wasn't with Kurt he would wonder if Kurt was naked with him instead.

**xXx**

Blaine woke up on the couch, his entire body aching and he was nearly unable to move his head from the tension in his neck. The sun was only starting to rise and a pink stream of light was bashing directly into his face.

"Shit!" Blaine groaned and let his feet hit the floor. With a little luck he would be able to sleep a little more in his bed if he ever made it into his room.

He banged the door open a little louder than he meant to, but he just wanted to sleep again so he could get rid of the thoughts of Kurt with… Sam.

_I shouldn't feel like this. I don't have the right to feel like this. He was fucking me as well even though he was still with Sam, so this isn't really any different, _Blaine thought to himself and crawled under his covers.

He tossed and turned for a bit and constantly looked at his phone. Like he was hoping for some miracle to let Kurt text him that he hadn't done it - but Kurt didn't send any texts. He started to drift in and out of sleep, afraid that nightmares were preparing to take him over as soon as he caved in to the sleep.

Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door and Blaine opened his eyes hazy. Apparently he had fallen asleep because the clock said 9.03 on his nightstand.

Another loud, nearly desperate, knock on the door.

He growled loudly and hid his face under his pillow. He was in no way awake enough to go through one of Tina's crises on what to wear for whatever event she was going to or how she should wear her hair. Hopefully she would get it and leave him alone.

"Blaine. Blaine!" Kurt's voice sounded and he tried to pull the pillow of his face.

As soon as it hit Blaine that it wasn't Tina but Kurt who was in his room he hurried to let the pillow drop to his side as he rushed to sit up.

Kurt was pale and his eyes were red. He looked like he hadn't slept all night and honestly he was a mess as he was standing in front of Blaine's bed with a simple t-shirt and jeans matched up with blue converse - something Blaine had never expected to see Kurt in. It was too ordinary for him.

"What -" Blaine started to ask, confounded and hazed about the situation.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't go through with it," Kurt sobbed and his eyes broke into tears.

"What? I - come here," Blaine said, all of his senses suddenly very aware as he stretched his hand out to indicate for Kurt to sit on the bed in front of him.

He didn't even look at Blaine's stretched hand before he flung himself onto the bed and buried his face into his chest with his arms swung around Blaine's waist. He was crying silently and Blaine could feel his t-shirt getting wet and cling to his skin.

"I just couldn't stop thinking about you, and how wrong it felt - and how much I was missing you. When he touch me it was… I am so sorry. I should never have mentioned it to you at all. I can't even imagine - how you must have felt all night," Kurt apologized with shaking voice and his hand grasping tightly at a fistful of the fabric his face was pressed against.

"I am… so relieved. I couldn't stop imagining you with him, and him touching you and kissing you and - but it doesn't matter. It's okay," Blaine crooned into his hair, reminding himself that he needed to keep his head calm.

Kurt drew a heavy, unsteady breath and sniffed. He released his grip on Blaine's shirt and stroke his hand a few times down his chest before he sat up and dried his eyes.

"I told him I was feeling sick. That I hadn't slept much lately and asked if we could just be together instead. I just… his lips, kissing him - I just felt like I was cheating on you, but when I'm with you I know that I'm cheating on him and it's so frustrating," Kurt blabbered out, clearly having kept it inside for way too long, and now it was like it was exploding out of him.

Blaine let a hand up to brush down Kurt's cheek. He let his thumb brush away the last tear on under his eye.

"I know what you mean. I feel like the worst person in the world - but soon. Soon we don't have to worry about it. Just… come here and lie with me," he sighed and started to take his jacket off.

Kurt kicked off his shoes and let his pants drop to the floor before he snuck under the covers that Blaine was holding open for him, dragging him closer the second he touched the mattress.

Blaine made him rest his head on his shoulder so it was easier for them to talk, and yet Blaine could still have both of his arms tightly locked around Kurt.

"I don't know if I can stand three weeks. Last night he started talking about taking me away for the weekend after his big game, and then he wanted to discuss guest list for the wedding and decorations and outfits and everything. I had no idea what to say, I nearly pretended that I was asleep," Kurt said with his fingertips running lightly around Blaine's torso.

"I haven't fucked him, you know. Not after you and I got together - not after we started to really… hang out and I could feel that… you were still my Blaine," Kurt cooed and bored his nose into Blaine's chest, his lips ghosting through the fabric of Blaine's t-shirt, making chills run down his spine.

He had fucked Sebastian. Or… let Sebastian fuck him, was probably more correct to say. Only because he had either been upset because of Kurt, or because he hadn't been able to say no to Sebastian - he was just so damn charming and could talk Blaine into anything because those eyes would poke Blaine's conscious any day.

"Is he upset with you?" Blaine asked absentmindedly, doing his best to try shaking off the thoughts of Sebastian fucking him, or Kurt fucking Sam.

"I don't know… I think he's worried that I'm not okay these days. That I'm too stressed because of the theater," Kurt sighed defeated, but panicked as he phone rang.

He rushed to sit up and stared confused at Blaine before he crawled over him to grasp for his pants on the floor. He fumbled around before he pulled out his phone, and over his shoulder Blaine could vaguely see a picture of a grinning blond staring back at them from the display.

"Hey honey, what's up?" Kurt said sweetly into the phone, still his back on Blaine.

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to witness a conversation like this, but he couldn't leave either. Not just because it would be terribly awkward, but also because Kurt was straddling his legs, making it impossible for him to move at all.

"I'm sorry. I just thought I would go home early so I could go for a run before going to work, and I didn't want to wake you up," Kurt explained into the phone, the mumbling of a husky voice coming from the speaker.

"It's fine. I'll pick you up at practice tonight then?… Dinner at my place?… Okay. Rachel and Finn too. I'll see you, baby… - I love you too."

His phone dropped to the pile of his clothes on the floor and his face dropped to his hands. He didn't look at Blaine, but stayed with his back on him and his face hidden.

For a moment Blaine didn't move. He didn't say so much as a sound, and he was afraid that Kurt had simply forgotten he was present as well, or that Kurt didn't want him to say anything; that he'd much rather be left alone.

He just couldn't do that. Leave him to sit there and seem miserable. So Blaine sat up as good as he could and folded his arms around Kurt. He let his hands slide from his elbows, up his arms to grab his hand so he could remove them from his face while he placed gentle kisses on his neck.

"Let's forget about it. It's okay. We're no saints, I know, but hardly anyone is. That's why they're called saints. Now I want you to turn around and look at me so I can tell you that I love you," Blaine muttered against Kurt's back, his lips tracing slowly over his neck.

Kurt turned his torso around so he could face Blaine, his eyes back to being red and moist, but a weak smile curling on his lips.

"I love you," Blaine said and smiled as he removed a stray lock from Kurt's forehead.

"I love you too," Kurt smiled back with a broken voice.

He turned around, still straddling Blaine, but his arms around his neck now. He wrinkled his nose before he nuzzled it against Blaine's cheek to place a soft kiss of wet lips.

"When do you have to be at the theater? Got a little time for morning cartoons with me?" Blaine chuckled and pulled Kurt closer.

He just wanted all of this talk about weddings, fucking and Kurt being heartbroken to go away. It was shitty and there was nothing they could do, so instead they might as well enjoy being together because the upcoming week he would not have time for anything but the theater and Sam.

"Yes. Cartoons. For an hour. Then I have to leave," Kurt groaned and bit Blaine's earlobe lightly before jumping out of the bed and headed for Blaine's closet.

He opened and rumbled around until he found a pair of sweats. He threw a pair in Blaine's face before he started pulling his own pair on. He leaned against the closet while watching Blaine drag his own pair on before he jumped over to the bed and grabbed Blaine's hand to pull him to his feet.

"Come on. Let's go in and watch TV, snuggle up and pretend we're 6 again," he beamed, seeming like he sincerely wanted all the dark clouds to disappear, even if it would only be for an hour.

He squatted down to fumble around his pocket before he stood up with a grin and headed for the living room.

Kurt flung himself on the couch and opened his legs to indicate for Blaine to come sit with him. He only hit his seat before Kurt's arms and legs were locked around him and there was no way he would be able to move before Kurt would let him, so he folded his own arms around Kurt's waist and rested his cheek against his chest, Kurt's heartbeat pounding in his ear.

"Do you remember when we were kids? It was right after we had been with my dad, and we talked about pets and something like that," Kurt suddenly said pulling Blaine out of his hypnotized state of listening to his heart.

"Not really, no. What about it?" He mumbled, a little confused about what it was Kurt wanted him to remember.

"Oh… Okay, it doesn't really matter then. Never mind," he shrugged and resumed to stroll his fingers down Blaine's back.

"No. Tell me. What about that day?" Blaine pushed, now curious and eager to figure out where he had been headed.

"Well… the thing is - you said that you wanted a unicorn," Kurt mumbled, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"I think I sort of remember that. But I always wanted a unicorn. Unicorns are pretty badass," Blaine grinned and tightened his grip around Kurt, amazed that he had remembered something as insignificant as such.

"Good. Cause I got you something," Kurt said and opened his hand in front of Blaine.

In his hand a small unicorn figurine was revealed. It looked like something he had picked up in Toys'R'Us; it was white with silver horn and silver mane, a tint of pink glitter over its white body. It was cute and magical.

When Blaine looked up at Kurt he smiled awkwardly. He mostly looked like he regretted doing it, but it was silly because Blaine thought it was beautiful.

"I told you I would get you a unicorn some day. I promised," Kurt said and shrugged as if it was no big deal.

"This is… so adorable. Thank you, I love it!" Blaine exclaimed and picked the plastic horse up to turn it around so he could make sure his eyes wouldn't miss a single detail.

"It's beautiful. Really," Blaine assured him and kissed his nose, making Kurt's cheeks blush and let his head tilt to return his attention to the TV.


	26. Story Telling

It wasn't until after Kurt had left that the unease came. It washed in over him like tidewater that had been lurking to find him at his weakest. It was Monday, which meant that Sebastian would be come home, which furthermore meant that there was less than 24 hours until he had to perform the most evil deed of the universe.

He had to be at a restaurant to play around three, and he welcomed it dearly. Mondays the pub wasn't exactly what he would categorize as distracting. More so dead.

He spent the day on cleaning the kitchen in an attempt of thinking about other things than the upcoming task. He watched ridiculous sitcoms on TV and took a long shower before it was finally time to get ready for work.

Nothing helped, and on the train to the restaurant he couldn't stop himself from trying to make up what he should actually say to Sebastian when time was.

He kept clogging, but as soon as he was sitting by the piano he started to loosen up. He kept picturing how Kurt had been waiting for him at the bar, remembering how he had been in tears and how perfectly he had looked like him being there was the most natural thing in the world. It was a great relief and it made it easier for his fingers to flow over the keys and the words to stream from his mouth.

By the end of the sessions he had completely forgot about the simmering horror waiting to cook and eat him slowly, and as he headed for the backroom to get his stuff he had a feeling that he would actually have a good night after all.

**xXx**

"Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina, you have no idea what happened today!" Blaine blabbered out with his heart in his throat and his eyes ready to pop from his skull any minute now.

He had only just burst through the door and flung himself on the couch with a firm grip on Tina's hand, his excitement far too much for him to hold back. He couldn't keep it in anymore. Even the train fare home had been excruciating because he hadn't had anyone to share his news with.

She looked shocked from being ambush that way and had to gather herself from being splashed into the sudden rush of joy, but as she opened her mouth to comment he cut her off, unable to stop himself anymore.

"I was at the restaurant playing and singing as per usual. I played for a few hours and it was no big deal and it wasn't anything I don't normally do, so when I was finished I closed up and went to get my stuff and then Steve, you know the cute waiter with the handsome smile, he came and told me someone was waiting for me at the bar, so I guessed it would be you or Kurt - but it wasn't, and I should have known because then he would just have said so as he's met both of you. Or at least seen Kurt."

Blaine didn't think he had ever talked this fast in his entire life. He was eager and everything inside him was overflowing and he needed his best friend to take part in this thrill that had hit him out of nowhere.

"Anyway - so I got to the bar, and this gentleman in a crazy expensive suit, I think it was... anyway that's not the point. This guy, man, was the only one sitting at the bar so I sat down and he bought me a drink and I was starting to feel weird about it, but I didn't ask any questions, instead I figured I would introduce myself, so I did, and he did too! He said that he wanted to help me, and I was like 'what?' but then he asked if I make my own music, so I had to say no because, you know, I can't. Then he said that it wasn't like he could take me straight from the restaurant to the studio but he could have me other places and he could see if I would fit for recording. Tina! This guy will help me into a recording studio!"

He couldn't breath. He had used all his power of speech in a matter of seconds and his lungs couldn't keep up. He was panting and waiting for a reaction, hoping that she for once would quit being rational and just be happy for him instead.

"I don't know what to say," Tina mumbled silently. She looked at him, clearly baffled by the news, but her lack of screaming and big arm movements made Blaine's heart drop

"This is so amazing!" She suddenly burst out and threw her arms around his neck. She kissed his cheek wetly and made a shrill scream against his neck.

"You deserve this so much!" She crooned into his neck before she jumped to her feet.

"We gotta celebrate! When is Sebastian go - oh, wait," she stopped herself and her face turned grave. She had messed up, in a haze of ecstasy she had forgot that everything had turned around.

"I mean - Kurt. Do you think Kurt is free tonight?" She asked carefully, doing her best to apologize with her eyes and Blaine felt his dinner was trying to escape his stomach. He hadn't even thought about Sebastian, his first thought had been to call Kurt right away and he felt guilty for it.

"I don't think so. He's with like… he's rehearsing. Opening weekend in a few days, you know," he shrugged awkwardly. His heart felt like it had slowed down, a pace close to stopping and it was like the air had turned thick.

He got to his feet and walked towards his room where he turned around to face Tina. She looked like she was torn, like she didn't know if she should follow or stay away.

"I'll go take a shower. Let's go out after or something," he shrugged. He drew a heavy breath before he crossed the floor in a few quick steps to place a peck on Tina's cheek.

"Thank you. I'll hurry, I promise," he smiled and disappeared into his room.

He couldn't decide whether or not he should call Kurt and tell him about the day's event. He wanted to share it with him, more than anything in the world - but would it be wrong of him to share it with Kurt before Sebastian?

When he returned to the living room he found Tina and Mike dressed up nicely, looking like they were waiting. Probably for him, so he crossed the floor and stared at them, uncertain what they had planned to go down.

It was around 9 so it was pretty limited where they could be going, but he just figured he would track along. He got his wallet and phone off the coffee table before he followed them out.

Of all places in the world they ended up at the pub. They sat down at their regular table and ordered drinks. A few of their other friends showed up little by little, surprising Blaine and congratulating him. Apparently Tina had called to ask them to come celebrate with them.

"Hey there. Got room for one more?" a well-known voice asked and Blaine nearly jumped in his seat. Kurt was standing by the group, smiling around at them with bright eyes and a tired smile. His hair was still a bit messy from rehearsals and Blaine had to stop himself from not fixing it.

"Sure," Blaine choked out, not really sure how to react to Kurt standing in front of his group of friends who always saw him with Sebastian. He moved a little on the bench to make room for Kurt who quickly sat down, his hand flighty stroking Blaine's thigh under the table.

"Congratulations. Tina called me. Your voice is amazing, you're gonna do so great," Kurt smiled at him before he grinned around at the crowd of people he didn't know. Blaine was glad their attention was directed towards - that way they wouldn't notice him blushing by his compliments.

The entire scenario came across as surrealistic. He couldn't figure out how it could be that Tina had called Kurt as they couldn't officially be a couple yet, and even more so - how did she get his number?

He stayed still. He smiled and listened to people's conversations while observing the group. Kurt introduced himself as a long time friend of Blaine and Tina, and he quickly fell into talks with the others at the table.

Even Mike seemed to like him as they started discussing dance as an art form rather than sports or grinding against one another in a club. Dancing was Mike's passion - and apparently Kurt shared his passion on some level besides what he and Blaine had done in the club on their date.

The night went on without any trouble. In time with people having more to drink Blaine got a bit more confident about the situation and dared his hand into Kurt's under the table. Kurt turned and smiled at him, his warmth so open that Blaine wished that he could kiss him in front of everyone.

_One day._

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he feared that it was Sebastian. He couldn't do that now. He wanted to have fun with his friends and not think about the fact that it was the day of doom when he would wake up in the morning.

However, he convinced himself that he'd better check it so Sebastian didn't call him and made it all much harder to deal with. He should be able to survive texting.

**Kurt: **"Can I sleep in your bed tonight? I promise I'll be good."

Blaine's stomach took a roll. He hadn't expected that. He hadn't even noticed Kurt getting out his phone.

**Blaine: **"My bed is your bed (:"

As Kurt looked into the display of his phone a broad grin showed on his face and he could hardly suppress a chuckle. Blaine wanted to put his arms around Kurt, or to sneak under Kurt's arm so he could feel him close. For a second he considered that people around them had so much to drink that they wouldn't even care - but it would be much too risky to take that chance.

Around 01.30 they got on the train with Tina and Mike. Kurt kept up a nice conversation with both of them, but Blaine was so tired he fell asleep against Kurt's shoulder, only woken up by Kurt kissing his nose to tell him they had reached their stop.

When they got into the apartment Blaine hugged Tina and Mike goodnight, and to his amusement Kurt hugged Tina and shook Mike's hand. They went directly for the bathroom to brush their teeth and when Blaine entered his bedroom a few minutes after Kurt he found him rolled up in his bed wearing one of his old Silverlake t-shirts.

Blaine climbed into the bed where Kurt was waiting for him with open arms and starry eyes. Naturally Blaine let himself melt into the safety of Kurt's body as quickly as possible.

"You're gonna be a star now," Kurt cooed through the dark. He squeezed his arms around Blaine's shoulders and even though he was so strong it almost hurt it was comforting and Blaine was sure he had never felt as protected in his entire life.

"Not exactly. I'll probably end up playing a few jobs at some private parties here and there, and then they'll forget about me when their next talent strolls along," Blaine chuckled and kissed Kurt's painfully clothed chest.

It was nice to hear Kurt say it even though it was silly and unrealistic. He knew that both Tina and Mike as well as Sebastian had always believed in him, but with Kurt it was different. It meant the world to him in a different way.

"Will you stop saying that? Your voice is incredible. You've got a gift, Blaine. You're gonna be a star in the world, you know why I am so sure?" Kurt burst out, shocked by Blaine's low thoughts of his future that everyone else seemed to think was showing so bright.

"Because you're a star to me! I've been in quite a few musical theater programs and yet I have never met any performer that could measure your talent. You're magnificent - and we need to stop your habit of thinking that you are anything less," Kurt exclaimed firmly and kissed his hair.

Blaine had no idea how to respond to that. He was feeling a bit sheepish by Kurt's declaration. He knew that Kurt liked to hear him sing and that he thought he was talented, but he had no idea that he felt so strongly about it.

"I came to think something -" Kurt suddenly mumbled, sounding insecure.

"Do you maybe wanna come to my opening night? I can get you a ticket. We just have to, you know, be discrete." He sighed heavily as if it was a strong burden weighing on him, the way it was a strong burden for Blaine.

In a split second Blaine put his arms on each side of Kurt and moved to lie on top of him between his legs giving him a perfect view to his shining, blue eyes. Kurt's face was painted in surprise and a grin.

"I will come to every, single one of your shows if you'll let me. I will sit on the front row to clap the loudest, and even though I can't tell everyone that the beautiful guy on stage is my boyfriend it doesn't matter, because when they look away I can do this all I want -"

He leaned down and let his lips softly massage against Kurt's. His lips were like silk and his tongue was warm and wet against Blaine's. His hands were a bit cold under his t-shirt, but they were soothing over his skin.

"Mhm, I like it when you do that. You're really good at it," Kurt chuckled before his face transformed to glooming and serious.

"We should probably sleep. You have something to do tomorrow," Kurt said with a sympathetic look. His eyes were pained from the thought and Blaine's stomach filled with ice.

He dumped down on the mattress and Kurt turned to his side to have a view of his face, but Blaine didn't dare look at him. He had completely pushed it aside in the midst of his excitement even though he had texted Sebastian a few times during the night.

Kurt let out a heavy sigh and put a kiss to Blaine's shoulder before he put two fingers to his chin so he could move his face for eye contact.

"This sucks. I know. It's awful, and he will be crushed - because who wouldn't be crushed to lose you? But just remember that as painful as it will be to do it, just as much is it a good thing. You're doing the right thing, baby. I won't lie to you; he will be devastated - but that won't last forever. He'll move on, get over you and find someone who loves him back. He will be happy eventually," Kurt cooed with a sad expression filling his face.

"And not to mention - this is so we can be together. Without any fuss or secrets," he smiled hopeful, and Blaine wanted to kick himself when he felt his eyes grow moist.

He let a hand up to catch Kurt's and slide their fingers in place with each other. He struggled to keep from breaking but it was nearly an impossible quest.

"I just can't stand the thought of hurting him. I have put him through so much in the time we've been together and this is just the ultimate… but I wanna be with you. So bad. It's all I can think about," he cried silently and Kurt looked as if he didn't know whether he should smile or cry himself.

He let a hand to Blaine's cheek and wiped the single tear away before he kissed his fingertips gingerly.

"I am so happy to have you back in my life," he cooed and it was like a warm blanket was wrapped around Blaine's heart. He was defeated and tired, the alcohol was buzzing in his brain and veins and he appreciated how lucky he was that Kurt was in his bed and not in Sam's.

**xXx**

When Blaine woke up the next morning Kurt was clasped against his body, still snoring silently against his shoulder, so he figured that he would let him sleep while he took a shower himself. He would need some time to get a hold of himself anyway so he kissed Kurt's temple and carefully twisted himself out of his grip, making him express a weak whimper.

As Blaine was standing in the shower he tried deciding what he should tell Sebastian. He was all for honesty, but what good would it serve him to give him the entire truth when it would kill him like that?

He couldn't even figure out how to open to it. If he should do the classic "_we need to talk_" or if he should go with "_I don't think we should be together anymore_" - or if he simply should start out by apologizing for his horrible behavior.

"Mhm, you look morning hot like this," Kurt's voice sounded as his hands started sliding up Blaine's chest from behind. At first he was startled when he was suddenly pulled out of his stream of thoughts, but when he felt Kurt's wet, naked body pressed against his back it didn't mean much and all he needed was Kurt's closeness.

"I thought you were asleep," Blaine said and turned around with a step backwards to share the stream of water with Kurt, his hair and skin only damp and drizzled.

It was almost a mocking to be faced with that perfectly sculpted body, that sweet pale skin and dripping hair, as he was having such a dreadful event ahead of him, and he needed to keep his focus on that. How was he supposed to concentrate on a talk with Sebastian, when this image of Kurt would surely roam his mind for the rest of the day? The rest of his life.

_The most incredible thing about this is that it is all mine. All of the beauty - he is mine. Mine to feel, mine to touch, mine to kiss and hold_, Blaine reminded himself and couldn't stop a grin, but he didn't care.

He let his hand slide onto Kurt's back so he could pull him closer and kiss the slick skin of his neck, making Kurt express a silent hum.

"I was. But you left, and I can't sleep without you next to me," Kurt smiled into Blaine's hair where the curls had turned free and wet.

"I can't believe you just left me there. Thinking you could go to be naked in the room next to me without even inviting me to join you," he teased sweetly and kissed Blaine's earlobe.

"You're perfect. Flawless," Blaine mumbled into his hair.

"Hardly," Kurt muttered back, a dissatisfied tone simmering under the surface of his voice.

"But let's get you showered and ready to go. I don't wanna see you leave, but the sooner you do, the sooner you can get it over with," he smiled and pushed away a curl sticking to Blaine's forehead.

Blaine tried to put on a brave smile for him, but he knew that he failed. He could see in Kurt's eyes that he couldn't fool him, he knew how nervous, and possibly also scared, he was.

They started to get on with intimately washing each other off slowly, and after they both silently agreed that they had no reason to stay in the shower anymore they turned off the water and got out.

They had to go their separate ways at the station as their trains rolled in and it pained Blaine's heart, but it was mostly because he knew what was waiting for him, and by 12.03 he was at Sebastian's door.

He was paralyzed. He couldn't get his arm to move to the doorknob. He knew that Sebastian was expecting him; he had texted him before leaving home. He needed to do it, so he drew a heavy breath and opened the door.

When he entered the living room Sebastian was walking around in sweatpants and nothing else. His hair was wet and he had obviously just come from the shower. He looked tired, but happy, and Blaine was sure that it was possible to crush rocks on his chest.

_Of course he has to look stunning. Just to make it that much easier_, a sarcastic voice drew inside Blaine's head.

"Hey gorgeous. It feels so good to have you in my arms again," Sebastian moaned into his ear as he threw his arms around Blaine's waist and started kissing his neck. He smelled amazing and the skin on his naked back was soft and perfect as Blaine awkwardly returned his embrace.

_This will be the last time I will ever hold him close like this, _Blaine thought as he closed his eyes and inhaled his scent, making memories flow over him.

"I cannot tell you how much I have missed you. Let me feel your lips, baby," Sebastian crooned and caught Blaine's mouth. He massaged his lips against Blaine's, and Blaine felt like his brain was about to go into cramp.

He hurried to put his hands onto Sebastian's chest, but Sebastian's hands were on their way down to his ass, so Blaine did his best to pull away though Sebastian kept getting closer.

"Are you okay? Didn't you miss me?" Sebastian asked perplexed, his voice and eyes hurt as they took in Blaine's face.

"Yes. I did, but - there's something I wanna talk to you about, so could we…" Blaine tried but Sebastian turned sad.

"Blaine. We haven't seen each other for a week. Can't we just be together and then talk and be serious tomorrow or something? I just wanna enjoy being back with my beautiful boyfriend," Sebastian tried, his expression resembling a lost puppy.

Blaine had to look away. He let his arms drop and took a few steps backwards before he turned to go sit onthe couch, hoping Sebastian would see it as an indication and come join him.

He did. His face had turned grave, and he seemed like he was holding his breath. Blaine had a feeling that he was fearing the truth he didn't know was about to hit him.

"I uhm - I know that being with me haven't exactly been easy. I suck at being somebody's boyfriend, I just suck. But you have been so good and kind to me. You've never asked me about - my life before you, and I am so, so sorry. So I figured… now. I wanna tell you now," Blaine stammered, fighting strongly to keep tears out of his eyes and his voice steady. He wasn't sure where he was going with this, but he hoped that he would figure it out along the way.

"Uhm… alright. I think," Sebastian muttered with a nod and leaned back against the backrest, observing Blaine's face as he spoke and waited for him to begin his story.

"You know I grew up in an orphanage with Tina. What happened was - when I was three there was a fire. My parents and brother died. It took everything away. Except for me," he started out, guessing he might as well start with the beginning, and he could see that it was like things were starting to make sense to Sebastian, but he kept silent.

"I was in the hospital. Burned everywhere - but after a week I was taken to Silverlake. I was scared and I cried all the time. I missed my family and I kept having nightmares about the fire," he choked out, doing his best to avoid all kinds of eye contact.

"I am so sorry, babe. I had no idea, I just -" Sebastian started and folded his hand around Blaine's that was resting on his knee.

"So that's the… the nights you've been crying in your sleep, and you don't like fire and… I wish you would have told me. Let me be there for you when you had your bad dreams," he tried worried, but Blaine twisted his hand out of his grip to stop him.

"Please. Let me finish. I owe you this," Blaine pained out and Sebastian looked like he was about to cry.

_Such an amazing guy wasted on me._

"I was so scared. Terrified. I didn't trust anyone and didn't talk to anyone - until one evening a boy came and talked to me alone. His name was Kurt and he became my best friend. We were inseparable. For around four years…"

Even though Kurt was back in his life, this time to stay, the memory was still excruciating. The thought of how he had gradually lost Kurt after his dad had showed up in Silverlake was one of the worst things he had ever experienced.

"What happened?" Sebastian wanted to know quietly, as if he was reading a thrilling novel and had to know what was about to happen next.

"He moved away. He was my best friend, the only person I had ever opened up to and trusted since my family died. It turned out he had a dad who had been looking for him, so when he found him he had to move to live with him. I had to stay," Blaine shrugged, doing his best not to let the terror of the memory take over his purpose of even stirring it up again.

"That is terrible. I knew you had a tough life, but it seems like everyone just kept abandoning you. Whether it was their fault or not. You know I would never leave you, right?" Sebastian ushered and moved a bit closer to Blaine on the couch, making him feel like he was going to suffocate.

"I became friends with Tina. Kurt and I sent letters to each other but one day it stopped. I don't know what happened, but it stopped. No more letters. I was heartbroken. I felt all alone in the world. Kurt had been my entire universe, my new family, and suddenly he was gone too."

"Blaine, I -"

"But then one day some miracle happened. A few months ago. He walked into the pub. Can you believe it? Out of the blue he was standing there staring at me like I had fallen from the sky right in front of him," Blaine told and he could feel that he was growing close to the moment he had been dreading for so long.

Sebastian's face lit up. He still seemed sad and moved by Blaine's horrifying tale of his childhood, but now it seemed like hope had joined his features, like he could see a chance of a happy ending in the horizon.

"Why didn't you tell me? We can have him over for dinner or something. Does he have a girlfriend? Cause he can bring her too then, and Tina and Mike. It will be fun," Sebastian said. He seemed a bit confused as to why Blaine had been hiding it from him, but he also seemed eager to do this for Blaine - to let his friend into their life together.

"You have given me so much. I am so overwhelmed by how much you care for me -"

"Love you! Blaine, I love you so much," Sebastian corrected him, and he felt his nerves grow colder under his skin.

"This love for me. How much you love me - I could never thank you enough for it. I don't deserve it," Blaine said and his pulse was rising. He had to stop himself from not grabbing for Sebastian, so when he moved to sit so close to Blaine that they nearly couldn't move he was on the edge of panic.

"Listen, no one in this world deserves to be loved the way you do. I have never loved anyone like you, and I can't. Blaine, babe, please marry me - I wanna be with you forever," Sebastian choked out and Blaine felt like a bucket of ice was dropped over his head.

Sebastian clearly hadn't meant to get it out that way. He seemed desperate to let Blaine know how much he loved him, and because of the revelation of the lack of love in Blaine's life apparently he couldn't hold himself back - but Blaine didn't doubt for a second that he had planned it for a long time.

"I'm sorry. I had this whole thing planned, with taking you to the opera and white roses everywhere and getting down on one knee and everything -" Sebastian started to apologize.

"I don't… I don't love you. I have tried so hard. I wish so badly that I could love you, but I can't… because I'm in love with Kurt. I always have been. I am so sorry," Blaine cried, and his cheeks were strained in tears.

Sebastian's hand grew stiff around Blaine's and confusion quickly painted his face. His eyes flickered around Blaine's every feature and he looked like he had been slapped in the face, or like he was uncertain whether he had missed the pun of a very obvious joke.

"What? I'm sorry - what? Why… I mean; so all of this has just been a joke? Us being together has just been some pastime because you couldn't find that… that Kurt guy?" He asked and stood up, staring down on Blaine with firm eyes.

"No, Sebastian - no. I care so much about you. I have loved being with you. You don't know how much I have tried forcing myself to loving you. I have loved every single second I have been with you," Blaine cried and got to his feet himself. He felt stupid to sit down. Motionless, cleared of all action, while the world was cracking around him.

"So - we had fun? We had a good time? It was nice to have someone to tell you that you were loved while you were looking for your Mister Right?" Sebastian said, his voice turning cold.

"No. That's not how it was. I didn't know that I felt like that. I… I thought that I just wasn't ready to love someone yet. I really thought I could love you," Blaine wailed, desperate to explain that he never intended to hurt him, never planned for this to happen.

"You were everything to me. My whole world," Blaine cried filled with despair.

"But I wasn't your Universe. You laid there in my bed, in my arms, kissing me, fucking me - while thinking of someone else. Wanting to be with someone else, even though the prick just left you. I am the only one who never left you, Blaine!" Sebastian thundered, pacing the floor at the other end of the room.

"That's not fair. It wasn't like that. I never lied to you, I never… I never thought about him when I was with you. I wanted you more than anything."

He felt like dropping to the floor and hoping for his body to dissolve into the hardwood floor. The world would surely be served better without him.

"Apparently not more than him," Sebastian spat out, and tears had sprung in his eyes that looked like coal in the living room that suddenly seemed cold and dark.

"Sebastian, please - I do love you, just not like…"

"I gave you everything. Everything you wanted, everything you needed. Everything, Blaine! I even bought you a freaking ring!" He shouted and got a box out of his pocket that he threw through the room.

A small, velvet box hit the wall with a bang and fell to the floor where it opened and showed a silver ring with three diamonds worked into the band where two black lines were twisting around each other around the silver band.

A ring. Someone actually loved him enough to buy him a ring in silver with diamonds as a symbol of their love for him - but he could never have accepted it because he could never have repaid his love.

He was nailed to the spot, staring down at the box where the ring looked like it was trying to get loose. He felt his tears silently drip to the floor but he couldn't do anything but sob.

"I am so sorry. Please don't hate me. Sebastian, please -"

"I think you should go now, Blaine. Leave your key," Sebastian said, his voice filled with ice cold acid.

"Please," Blaine begged again, not knowing what he was planning to say, or even why. He didn't have a right to ask Sebastian for anymore, he had asked him for enough.

"Now, Blaine! I can't… I can't stand to look at you."

His voice broke and he started crossing the floor towards Blaine. He didn't know why, but he instinctively took a step back. He twisted the key to Sebastian's apartment out of his others and put it on the table before he headed down the hall.

"Here," Sebastian said as Blaine started to open the door. He turned around and was met by Sebastian's lips against his.

It felt like the night Blaine had first realized the butterflies in his stomach when Sebastian touched him. The way his lips were soft and gentle on Blaine's, and his hand was caressing his with a thumb stroking his cheekbone, even his tongue felt like he was trying to memorize every, single detail of the feeling of Blaine's kiss.

"I really do love you. I don't know if this… Kurt - loves you too. But if you ever… if you ever find that you miss me, that you might love me after all - I could never stop loving you. I don't care about everything else, my job, my apartment, my anything - all I ever wanted was for you to love me, and marry me, and have kids with me. Grow old with me. That's the only dream I've had since I met you at Mike's birthday two years ago," Sebastian said softly through tears strolling down his face.

He wasn't forceful anymore, he didn't seem angry - he was crushed, an empty broken shell of the person Blaine knew so well.

"I just want you to be happy, Blaine. You deserve to be happy. Go have my dream with Kurt, if he makes you happy. Just know that he could never love you like I do," Sebastian said and pecked his lips softly, before he opened the door and Blaine knew that it was his cue to leave.

"Please don't forget me," he begged as Blaine started to walk out the door.

"I never could," he cried back.

"Please love someone else. I just want you to be loved the way I couldn't love you," Blaine begged.

"I'll never forget you either, gorgeous." Sebastian leaned against the doorframe, waiting for Blaine to disappear down the hall and out of his life, but he didn't - he turned around and threw his arms around Sebastian one last time.

"I have always loved you. I just wish I could love you like you love me," Blaine whimpered and kissed his neck, but Sebastian pushed him away with a force Blaine didn't know he possessed.

"Just go, Blaine! Leave!" He roared at him.

**xXx**

Tina was by his side right away. He broke down in her lap where she rocked him back and forth, stroke his hair and kissed his neck all night. She hummed to him, sang silent tunes she knew that he loved, and did her best to comfort him, but the tears kept coming.

Even when the sun set and his room grew dark around them she didn't get up to so much as turn on the light. She stayed with her arms locked around him, ready to hand him Kleenex and return his embrace if he needed it.

His muscles were aching and his throat was sore from sobbing. He expected his eyes to go blind, and his body to stop working, but the tears kept flowing and his lungs kept struggling to keep him alive.

"Shhh, sweetheart. You did the right thing. It wasn't fair to either of you to be together like that. I know it hurts, but it was the way it was supposed to go," Tina cooed into his hair.

She finally got him to move to lie on the bed instead of the awkward position he had stayed in with his head resting in her lap and his arms around her waist.

She helped him get his chinos and socks off, and made him lie under the covers before she pulled the hoodie off him as well.

"Blaine. What's this?" She asked as he was curled up under the sheets, sure his ribs might break.

She climbed into the bed next to him, sitting on her knees and turned on the lamp on the nightstand, the light achingly burning into his sore eyes.

The box. She was holding the velvet box in her hand, presenting it for him as if she had never seen such a thing before.

"I - this…" He couldn't get a sentence out. Words wouldn't cooperate and his vocabulary seemed to have been flushed down the toilet.

She drew a heavy sigh and obviously faced her defeat. She sat the box on the nightstand and let herself slide down on the pillow to fold her arms back around him so he could cry into her chest, soaking her dress but she didn't care - she simply returned to hum soothing sounds in his ear and caress his back and shoulders gently.


	27. Switch

The morning light was red and aching in his eyes as it filled the bedroom. His muscles were stiff and sore, but what took his attention was the fact that Tina was lying next to him, her arm around his waist and her face clasped against his shoulder.

And the day before returned to him. His brain felt like it was split in a piercing headache and tears started prickling at the corners of his eyes but he managed to stop them with a growling sob from the back of his throat.

"Blaine? Are you awake?" Tina mumbled hazily so he turned to lie on his back so he could face her.

"Yeah. Sort of," he shrugged and was glad that he managed to avoid his voice quivering.

"How are you feeling, sweetie?" She asked maternally and moved to have a better view of his features.

"I don't know. I sort of feel... empty. I thought I would feel relieved, but I'm not. I feel guilty. He was so crushed," Blaine said with a heavy sigh. He would never forget that look of pain on Sebastian's face – it had burnt itself into his brain.

"I know. But once you get used to things being this way you'll feel better," Tina assured him with an encouraging smile.

They stayed in bed and talked about stupid things; like cartoons and how Mike had sworn to eat and entire marshmallow-cake by himself, to prove that he could. It was nice and distracting, and it occurred to Blaine how much he appreciated that Tina was still his best friend. Sebastian hadn't been right; Tina had never left him either. She never would.

"Blaine, can I ask you something?"

Tina suddenly turned serious and for a moment he considered saying no because he couldn't take the thought of having to be adult and responsible right now. But he nodded, figuring it better to get it over with.

"Are you planning on proposing to Kurt?" She asked.

Blaine's forehead wrinkled as confusion washed over him and he realized that he had never even considered the possibility.

"What? No! I mean – not now, at least. I don't know... I haven't thought about it," he burst out, unsure of where this was coming from.

"Then what is this?" She reached over him and flashed the black box, and suddenly he remembered Sebastian proposing, asking him to spend forever with him and his heart was cramping in his chest.

"How did you get this?" He asked, remembering Sebastian throwing the box after him and the ring looking like it wanted to escape as it was lying on Sebastian's fancy floor, probably more expensive than all of Blaine's possessions put together.

"I – when I put your hoodie away last night it fell out of your pocket. I'm sorry if I wasn't supposed to find it. I didn't sneak through your stuff or anything," she apologized, embarrassed and nervous.

"I – it's okay. It's just... Sebastian asked me to marry him yesterday. Before all hell broke loose, obviously. But – the last I remember is it... he must have slipped it into my pocket when he walked me to the door," Blaine muttered quietly and recalled how Sebastian had pulled him close to kiss him one last time. The last time ever.

Tina accepted the explanation, fortunately leaving the subject alone without digging any deeper. Over breakfast they agreed that he should go to Sebastian's place and leave the ring with the doorman while Sebastian was at work. He couldn't keep it, but they both knew that if Blaine tried to give it back to Sebastian in person he would never accept it.

Around lunch Kurt called him to ask how it went. He said that he had waited with his phone close all day the day before but figured he couldn't do anything himself if it had gone badly. Blaine gave him a rough walk-through of the event, avoiding the proposing and kissing, and Kurt was sweet, understanding – he told Blaine that he was proud of him that he had actually gone through with it.

The rest of the day Blaine spent doing nothing but cleaning out in his dresser and watching TV while Mike and Tina were at school. When they came home they all had dinner together before Blaine and Tina went to work at the pub.

The rest of the week continued the same way; Blaine did different errands over the day like painting the cabinets in the kitchen and going through thrift stores to find a new lamp for the living room. Then he had dinner with Mike and Tina when they back from school and he went to work at the pub afterwards. Daily routines keeping him occupied.

He did his best to keep himself entertained to not let his thoughts wander to dark places. He felt lonely during the day and the emptiness wouldn't leave him alone. Tina said that it was probably because all he heard from Kurt was goodnight-texts or rushed calls whenever he could squeeze them in. Which made sense.

Whenever he had thought about how it would feel when he had finally taken that leap and broken it off with Sebastian he had always imagined it to mean that he would get to spend every moment with Kurt – but reality was different.

Kurt was still engaged to Sam and he still had intense rehearsals for his show that was only days away from opening night. All Kurt did was being at the theater; he even slept there some nights because it was easier.

So Blaine was left to miss him and try convincing himself that he should enjoy the opportunity to find back to the roots of himself, to get to know himself again; but mostly it meant comic books, sitcom reruns and playing the piano at the music store near the apartment.

**xXx**

The empty feeling Blaine had felt growing inside him over the week had been replaced by fluttering butterflies during this afternoon. He was dressed in his best suit – which was close to his only suit – and he had a large bouquet of red roses resting in his lap. He had spent the evening before going over the details of his plan with Tina and made sure that he had everything ready.

Now he was sitting on the front row of the theater humming with people around him, trying to find their seats and chatting with their relations. Blaine was alone, though. He was doing his best to keep to himself and not look too much around, way too nervous to do or say the slightest.

For a moment he considered sending Kurt a text to wish him good luck, but he quickly reminded himself that he probably wouldn't have time to see it anyway. He wished that Tina could have gone with him, but since she was at a dancing job with Mike and they would mostly likely be there all night that hadn't been an option.

Suddenly the room fell quiet and the light started to fade out. He could felt the butterflies twirling in his veins and even though he wasn't going to be on stage he felt a suction in his belly with nerves.

The show started and Blaine nearly sat on the edge of his seat. He was clinging the roses to his chest and chewing on his lower lip in anticipation. Whenever Kurt entered the stage he completely took over it – his acting was exquisite and Blaine could swear that he sent a smile in his direction, and he had to restrain himself from not jumping to his feet and giving a standing applause whenever Kurt so much as delivered a line.

During intermission he stayed in his seat, afraid that he might run into Kurt's family or friends who was bound to be there as well, but all he wanted to do was run backstage to find Kurt so he could tell him how proud he was.

Second act was just as superb, and Blaine felt like Kurt had gone even more spellbinding while he had been on his short break. All nerves and blood in him was tingling to blow him kisses and tell everyone in the room that Kurt was his boyfriend and that he loved him more than anything in the whole, wide world.

The audience cheered and clapped and whistled at the end of the show. Pride was swelling in Blaine's heart and he was sure he could see tears in Kurt's eyes, tears that was reflected in his own eyes.

As soon as people started streaming out of their seats and seeking for the exit Blaine waited a little while to make sure his row was empty as an extra precaution before he followed Kurt's instruction of how to get backstage so he could see him. A kind elderly man guided him to where a large group of people was gathered with laughter and cheery voices.

Blaine stayed by the wall to not interrupt and hoped that Kurt would come by and see him or that he would call or text him. Little by little crowd started thinning out and Kurt came in sight, his arms wrapped about the short, dark haired girl Blaine remembered as Rachel. A strange notion crept up his spine as he recognized Kurt's dad as well, but before he could start decipher what the notion meant Kurt caught his eyes and a huge grin spread on his face.

"Hey. I'm so glad you came," he trilled as he threw his arms around Blaine's neck.

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world," Blaine murmured and returned the embrace warmly.

"Oh, you shouldn't have done that," Kurt cooed as he broke away and Blaine reached him the bouquet. His eyes were glistening with stars and Blaine wondered if there was ever a way he could get to kiss those stars.

"Yeah I should. You were so great. I'm really... proud of you," he smiled shyly and was satisfied with himself when he noticed Kurt's cheeks blushing.

He was back in his own clothes, and his hair was fixed as perfectly as ever. He still had a little make-up smeared down his jaw and Blaine wanted to stretch up his hand so he could wipe it away.

"I uhm – I arranged a little something. It's nothing big. I had to have Tina to help me, but if we go now we can maybe..."

Kurt's face dropped. He looked like he was feeling guilty and sadness brimmed his eyes.

"Oh Blaine. You shouldn't have – I have to... Rachel and Carole arranged a party for me at home. They've spent over a week preparing it and so many people will... I can't just ditch them. I am so sorry. You didn't go through too much trouble did you?" He said and looked over his shoulder to close his hand carefully around Blaine's wrist before pulling back.

"No. Of course not. It was just... a silly thing. Of course you should go to your party," Blaine said bravely and wondered how long it would take him to get rid of the candles and flowers in his room.

"Hey babe. Who's this?" A blonde guy asked and wrapped his arm around Kurt, pulling him closer and kissing his temple.

Kurt's face was practically screaming. Just like Blaine's insides. He couldn't decide whether it would be best to run or throw up in the spot, so instead he stayed paralyzed, nailed to where he was.

"This is Blaine. My... friend. Blaine, this is Sam," Kurt mumbled weakly and his eyes were swimming with apologies and pleas for forgiveness.

"Oh... is he coming to the party too? Cause we have to go now. I can't wait till I have you by myself though." Sam started nuzzling kisses down Kurt's face and Kurt reluctantly returned his embrace.

"No. I just came to deliver these and I'm leaving now. I... have plans," Blaine said with a pokerface and turned around.

"Blaine, please -" he heard Kurt call after him, but right now all he needed was to get away before he had to witness anymore of another man sweeping his hands all over Kurt's body and his lips all over his face.

**xXx**

The trip back to the apartment was long and cold. Blaine couldn't remember when it was the last time he had felt so lonely – and stupid. Of course Kurt's family would have arranged something for him after the show. How hadn't he thought of this?

He called the restaurant and canceled his reservation before he faced that he had to get to it and started getting rid of all candles and flowers draped around his room. He opened the window to make the smell disappear and showered before he curled up on the couch in his pajamas. He watched bad TV and stared at the unicorn figurine he had let stand on the coffee table in front of him before he fell asleep.

It felt like he had only slept for a few minutes when he was woken up by a loud hammering on the front door. His neck was burning from having slept on the couch and the living room was filled by an all consuming darkness except for the TV that had drifted into black-and-white reruns.

When the hammering returned, even before he found back to all of his senses, he stumbled to his feet and awkwardly staggered to the door. What he saw was not what he had expected.

Kurt was curling his arms around his chest with muffled hair and tears streaming down his cheeks. The second Blaine had the door properly open Kurt flung himself into his arms with a guttural sob.

"Oh thank god, Blaine -" he wailed and buried his face in his chest.

"Hey, what's going on?" He asked, still a little hazed from sleeping, but his brain slowly starting to pick up on the situation.

He slowly got Kurt moved inside so he could close the door and he carefully got him to the living room so he could sit on the couch.

Kurt's crying continued for what felt like ages, but really it was probably not anymore than 15 minutes. Blaine kept running his hand up and down his back, cooing soothing sounds in his ear and pressing light kisses to his hair.

When Kurt gradually fell limp in his arms Blaine carefully got his jacket off and replaced it with the blanket Blaine had been sleeping with. It only took a few more minutes for Kurt to get control of his sobbing and when he looked at Blaine it was with teardrops in his long eyelashes and eyes red from crying.

"Shhh, tell me what happened, honey -"

Kurt drew a heavy breath and curled in on himself. He squeezed his eyes shut before he opened to face Blaine and let it all spill. All at once.

"It was at the party – everything was going so well, but... Sam had a bit to drink, and I was dancing with some friends, and it wasn't anything out of the ordinary; it was just girls. So when he came over and grabbed me a little hard the way he does when he's angry or jealous I was confused. But then he started asking me about you, and saying how he had seen me stare at you... and I just couldn't hold it anymore, Blaine – I couldn't lie to him," Kurt's voice broke and he took a moment to regain control before fat trails of saltwater was running back over his flushed cheeks.

"I told him everything. How I'm in love with you, and how I don't love him like that anymore. I kept telling him that I was sorry, but all he wanted to know was if I fucked you – so I said yes, because... the lies are just too much. So he slapped me and called a slut – and everyone was just staring at us. My dad had left already, but my brother came over and pulled Sam away as soon as he saw what was happening..."

He paused for a moment with trembling lower lip and sniffles from his nose before his eyes pierced into Blaine's; big, wet and the darkest blue Blaine had ever seen them.

"I just had to get out of there. I needed you so much. I am so sorry, Blaine -" Kurt sobbed and buried his face in his hands.

Blaine quickly wrapped his arms around Kurt's shaking frame and pulled him close. He took his comforting strokes and sounds back up, not knowing what else to do.

"It's okay, baby. You can always come to me. He shouldn't have acted like that. I just wanna punch him – no one should put a hand on you," Blaine crooned and hummed slightly into Kurt's ear. He felt hopeless, worthless.

But most of all he felt sick by himself. Kurt was broken in his arms and right now he wanted to beat that Sam guy up more than anything in the world for having slapped Kurt and humiliated him that way, but another big part of him was also cheering that he finally had Kurt to himself and he wouldn't have to share him with anyone else ever again.

"Thank you. I love you so much. I just... it wasn't supposed to end like this," Kurt cried into his chest.

Blaine nodded in understanding and rocked him back and forth. Kurt just kept on crying and his tears were soaking Blaine's t-shirt. After a little while he finally fell back down and his sobbing faded out to silent tears instead.

"Can I – can we go to bed? I am so exhausted," Kurt sighed heavily with a fistful of Blaine's shirt pulled to his own chest.

"Sure. Of course we can," Blaine smiled softly and kissed his forehead before closing down the TV and leading Kurt to his bedroom.

Blaine helped Kurt strip off his clothes and handed him clothes to sleep in. They both crawled quietly under the covers and Kurt rushed to curl up around Blaine as good as he could. Blaine responded by pulling him closer and letting the emptiness and loneliness in him be filled by the feeling of Kurt in his arms.

"Thank you. I love you," Kurt said with a weak voice. Blaine hushed him and kissed his forehead.

"Always. Now sleep, honey. I love you too, and I will love you in the morning, still."


	28. It's A New Life

When Blaine woke up the next morning he felt wrong. Like something was missing – and then he remembered Kurt coming to him in the middle of the night; crying and telling him about his break-up with Sam and then they fell asleep together.

But Kurt wasn't in his bed. He could have sworn that Kurt had fallen asleep in his arms, but the bathroom door was open so he wasn't there either. He sat up in confusion and saw Kurt's clothes folded neatly on the chair, so he got up and headed for the living room.

The sight that met him really wasn't anything he could have ever expected. Kurt was sitting on the couch, wearing Blaine's pajama pants and Blaine's t-shirt. He still had bed hair and he was sitting with his legs curls under him and a mug of tea in his hand.

In the big armchair at the end of the coffee table Tina was sitting wrapped in Mike's arms and legs like they so often did during movies or casual hanging out in the living room. To Blaine it seemed like he had just walked in on them in the middle of a chatty conversation.

"Hey, sleepy head. I didn't think you were ever going to wake up," Kurt said softly.

Blaine let a confused glance around the gathering and was met by smile from Tina and Mike. He took a few steps over and Kurt spread his legs, gesturing for Blaine to sit down, so he did.

"Kurt told us what happened last night. It's terrible. He really shouldn't have reacted like that -" Tina said, but she was quickly cut off by Mike.

"But now you two can be together. Like, really be together. That's awesome," he said and rested his chin on Tina's shoulder.

It was strange to sit there enveloped by Kurt with Tina and Mike casually next to them. To know that they were now officially a couple was mindblowing and scary in one time. They didn't have to hide anymore.

They spent the morning chatting. Kurt asked interested into Tina and Mike's lives; about their jobs and school, their relationship and plans for their future. Blaine listened and watched, letting himself bathe in the relief of how things had turned out for them, regardless of the unfortunate way it had to go.

Around noon Kurt had to go leave. He needed to get home and change before going back to the theater for their matinee show, even though Blaine didn't want to let him leave.

"I'm thinking – I don't have a show Wednesday, so how about we go to my place for once? I can ask Rachel and Finn to be there... if it's not too much," Kurt suggested while he changed out of Blaine's clothes and into his own fancy party clothes from the night before.

The question caught Blaine off guard. He hadn't even considered meeting Kurt's friends and family yet. He knew Kurt hadn't had a chance to explain them what had happened between him and Sam – and the thought of meeting his protective brother who was best friends with the fiancé he had cheated on was, mildly put, intimidating.

"I uhm – we could do that," Blaine said, mentally checking his calendar. He figured he would have to ask Tina to take his shift at the pub then, but he was sure it wouldn't be a problem.

"Great. I'm afraid I'm gonna be busy until then, but I'll send you the address later. I'm gonna miss you," Kurt sighed as he closed his jacket and stood straight to face Blaine.

"Me too. But I'll live. Now I can tell people you're my boyfriend," Blaine smiled and kissed his nose, chuckling as Kurt went cross-eyed on purpose.

"Yeah. Gonna be a fun task to explain that to my family and cancel the wedding invitations and everything. But – don't be nervous. They just want me to be happy... and you make me happy," Kurt said.

"I have to go now. I love you."

"I love you too. Go out and be amazing," Blaine cooed and pulled him in for one last kiss before letting him go.

**xXx**

To be on the train towards his boyfriend's apartment for the first time was a lot more nerving than Blaine had expected it to be when Kurt asked him Sunday. Nonetheless, here he was – on the train, clutching a bouquet of flowers and a feeling of his nerves having decided to tap dance for the entire day.

When he got off the train he wasn't sure he had gone right. The buildings were tall and clean and pretty. Some had doormen, like where Sebastian lived. These places just seemed a bit too clean for even being New York. At least the parts of New York he spent time in, except for when he played in restaurants he couldn't afford to visit on his off-time.

But when he reached the building of the address and went inside he found a silver platter with an index of the people living there, and surely it said 'Kurt Hummel & Rachel Berry' so he had to be at the right place.

He took a deep breath and climbed the stairs to the right floor before he walked down the hall in his search for the apartment he was looking for. He knocked the door carefully, but then figured to ring the bell would be a better choice.

The door was abruptly opened by a short girl with long dark hair and big brown eyes. Rachel – the one he had heard so much about. Her face cracked in a grin when she saw him and for a second he feared that she would attack-hug him. Fortunately she didn't, but stuck to bouncing on her toes instead.

"Hi! Blaine! Kurt has told me sooo much about you. Come in. He's in the kitchen. I've just been dying to meet you," she blabbered out and Blaine nearly couldn't catch up with her words from the speed they rambled from her mouth.

He hung his jacket on the rack she told him to and followed her through the apartment. It was a big place in warm colors with fancy art and designer furniture. Blaine felt it like had stepped into a movie.

"Hey. Finally!" Kurt smiled and dropped whatever he had been working on to run around the kitchen counter and throw his arms around Blaine's neck. He kissed him deeply and clenched him hard before backing away.

"Oh sweetie, you didn't have to do that. They're gorgeous," Kurt smiled when he accepted the bouquet of pink flower Blaine had brought him. He walked around to find a vase for them and put them on the counter, looking at them proudly with his cheeks slightly resembling their color.

He turned around and smiled at Blaine before he gestured for Blaine to sit down on a barstool by the counter. Kurt and Rachel were both all over the kitchen, apparently caught up in cooking. Kurt asked Blaine how his week had been and told about how his own was. Blaine always found it interesting when Kurt talked about his work at the theater and now that they were in the middle of the run of a show the tales only seemed to grow in fascination.

When Kurt and Rachel slowly calmed down the girl disappeared into her room to prepare for the arrival of her boyfriend, so Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand to lead him to the living room.

"So, do you want a tour? It's really not that big of a deal, but -" Kurt started to say, but stop mid-sentence when a yellow lab came running with wagging tail and tongue hanging from his mouth, staring up at Kurt with an eager expression.

"Hey Simba. Didn't Rachel want to play with you anymore?" Kurt cooed and got on his knees to hug the big pup with hands petting around the thick fur.

The dog nuzzled his nose into Kurt's neck with an excited slurp and a little groan as Kurt scratched his ear. He kissed his snout and rested his temple against the pup as he looked up at Blaine who had been looking awestruck on Kurt sharing the affection with his pet.

"I hope it's not a problem that I got him from Sam. I just... really love this baby so much," Kurt said with big, doe-eyes and pouting lower lip.

Blaine rolled his eyes and dropped to his knees as well. He brushed his hand down the back of the animal and leaned in to press his lips against Kurt's.

"Kurt, I didn't even think about that. I could never ask you to get rid of your dog. He's adorable," he sighed and was glad to be rewarded with a big grin from his boyfriend.

"You're perfect. Now come on and let me show you around," Kurt beamed and got to his feet.

The rest of the apartment was just as fancy as what he had already seen. They had a clear taste for brands and designers that Blaine only knew by name and longing looks when he walked past a store or saw something in a magazine.

Pictures of Kurt and Rachel together or with other people decorated walls and shelves. Blaine recognized Kurt's dad. Large collections of books, music and silver screen DVDs were accompanied by fashion magazines and cook books, and a signed Wicked poster were hanging on one of the walls.

"So – are you ready to see where we're gonna create magic?" Kurt asked teasingly as he stopped in front of the last door of the long hall, and of course Blaine couldn't help laughing, so Kurt opened the door to his bedroom.

Kurt's room was much bigger than Blaine's own – and much more occupied by finesse and caring for details. He had a big bed in the middle of the room, a cute nightstand on each side and a chest by the end. There was a dresser on the opposite wall with a flatscreen TV on the wall over it and a huge pair of closet doors. All furniture were in the same dark, warm wood and the bed was covered in a cherry bedspread with decorating pillows in a bottle green color.

"Wow. We should be at your place more often. It's so comfy," Blaine grinned and turned around to take in the rest of the details.

There were more pictures. Kurt growing up, with cats and dogs and friends, in different costumes clearly from musicals and plays. There was a stack of playbills on the shelf in one of the nightstands and over the bed a large black-and-white photo of Audrey Hepburn was filling the wall.

"Yeah. I wish I could have taken you here sooner. It feels so right to have you here, you know -" Kurt sighed and sat on the bed, watching Blaine take in the impressions.

What Blaine saw when he glanced around the room he couldn't have prepared himself for. Between the series of framed photographs one struck him straight in the gut. Pictures of Kurt laughing or sleeping and in his graduation robes were neatly rowed with a well-known picture in the middle of it all.

Admittedly, he had completely forgot about the photo, but that was honestly one of the things that made his insides bubble even more. It was a picture from they were kids in Silverlake. It was a few months before Kurt's dad first came to the orphanage and the boys had been outside to paint a project for Blaine's art class, but ended up painting each other's faces instead. Miss Pillsbury had caught them in a moment after Kurt straddling Blaine to paint orange down his neck causing Blaine to pull him down with laughter so they were lying on a blanket with arms around each other, orange and purple paint smeared all over their faces and clothes and sun beaming down on them.

"That day was really fun. I remember how we still found paint the next day even though we were in the shower for more than an hour to scrub it off," Kurt smiled and rested his chin on Blaine's shoulder as he snuck his arms around him from behind.

"I had no idea that picture still existed," Blaine said breathlessly and turned around to smooth himself into Kurt's embrace.

"Of course. Blaine, I've had this picture standing out since I moved away from you. I've got a bunch of them all in albums in the living room. You were my best friend, my first love – and you will be my last love. My only love. How could I not keep the memories?" Kurt said and leaned in to kiss him when Simba came running into the room and nudged them.

"Aww, buddy. Of course you're the number one man in my life," Kurt laughed and let a hand over the dog's head as let his head fall to Blaine's shoulder.

"Right here, just like this – I'm happy. This is what I've always wanted," he whispered and squeezed the arm he still had wrapped around Blaine's waist.

"Me too. I've never really had a dream of what my life would be, but right here is all I want. Right now with you," Blaine agreed and kissed Kurt's hair.

They let themselves enjoy the moment for a little while before Rachel called to tell that Finn had arrived and they were ready for dinner.

Meeting his new brother-in-law wasn't as scary as Blaine had been afraid of. The guy was mostly just a big boy. In the beginning he was a bit apprehensive towards Blaine. He asked about his life, his job and his education. He asked into Blaine's time in the orphanage and his relationship with Tina and Mike. To Kurt's dismay he also asked into how much Blaine had known about Kurt's relationship to Sam, and how it was that he could take so easily on adultery.

"Finn, would you mind? That subject is completely dead. Blaine broke up with his boyfriend and I ended things with Sam. That's enough for us, and that should be enough for you as well," Kurt scolded and closed his hand around Blaine's on the table.

Rachel was gaping between them with wide eyes and an obvious fear of any awkwardness taking over.

"I'm just asking. If he could cheat on his boyfriend with you, who says he can't cheat on you with someone else? Hadn't he been with that guy for 3 years?"

"Actually, it was two years. And Sebastian and I weren't having a healthy relationship. I chose to be with Kurt because it was the only right decision for me. One of the only right things that has happened in my life," Blaine commented, possibly a little sharper than he should have, but he needed to set straight from the get go that he wasn't planning on letting Kurt's brother take him down – but most importantly; that he would never do anything to hurt Kurt. Ever.

"Good. Good. I'm just checking. I didn't mean to be rude or anything. I just wanna make sure that you don't just run from Sam, who was making you happy by the way, directly into the arms of someone who could potentially break you down," Finn said and pushed his empty glass away.

"Honey, I don't think there's any reason to be nervous. Kurt has known Blaine for a long time. Forever. And Kurt is old enough to take care of himself," Rachel said with a warning look at her boyfriend.

The rest of the dinner went on without problems. They discussed Kurt's play and the musical Rachel was hoping for a part in. Finn told about the big game that was coming up and what his coach had said about his chances for getting seen by a scout from a big team, and Kurt proudly told about the talk Blaine had with the guy from the record company.

By the end of the night Blaine heard Finn apologize to Kurt. He said that he was sorry about his behavior during dinner and that he just wanted to make sure Kurt wasn't getting himself into something he couldn't handle and eventually would crush him.

"Finn, it's fine, really. I know that Blaine and I only just found back to each other again, but I know Blaine is the only guy for me. And I know that I am the only guy for Blaine. He loves me, and I love him. I wanna be with him – all those things I wanted with Sam. I only thought I wanted them with Sam. Really I just wanted them; being loved, getting married, maybe have kids some day... It wasn't Sam, it was just the idea of having that life. Now I know that Blaine is the only guy I could ever make that life work with," he heard Kurt tell his brother.

"I believe you. Alright? But if he hurts you I'm gonna kick his ass. But if he makes you happy, and if he can give you the life you dream of -" Finn sighed and Blaine heard Kurt giggle.

He hadn't been eavesdropping, it was just impossible not to hear their conversation when he was sitting in the living room alone as Rachel was in the bathroom.

When they returned to the living room Blaine was petting Simba and a broad grin filled Kurt's face with affection as he walked over to sit next to Blaine on the couch.

"Finn? Are you ready? We agreed that I'm gonna stay at his place tonight... to give you two some privacy to – adjust. To life in the open," Rachel declared as she started pulling on a fuchsia coat with a matching beret.

And that was it. They said goodnight to Finn and Rachel as they left the apartment and was suddenly alone. Kurt apologized that he had to walk Simba before going to bed, so naturally Blaine offered to go with him.

It was a quiet walk down the street and through the park down the block. Neither of them said much and Blaine had no complaints. He enjoyed being with Kurt without having to feel like they should sneak around. He loved watching Kurt with his dog and the way he cared for it. He couldn't stop thinking about how perfect the picture was.

When they came back to Kurt's place they agreed that it was time for bed so they went to Kurt's room to get ready. Blaine hadn't brought an overnight bag, so he decided to just sleep in his underwear and folded his clothes and put it on the chest by the end of the bed.

"I sort of... already bought a toothbrush for you, so you can have one here and don't have to carry yours back and forth. I hope that's okay," Kurt said nervously and handed Blaine a blue toothbrush as he came from the bathroom.

"Kurt, that's really great. I hadn't even considered that. Thank you," Blaine said, overwhelmed by the consideration. This was definitely going to work.

They both finished up and curled up under Kurt's midnight blue sheets. His bed was soft and Blaine was pretty sure the sheets were expensive cotton that he wouldn't even know where to buy. It was only a few minutes from they had entangled themselves in each other before Simba came in to curl up in the foot of the bed.

"I love your place," Blaine mumbled and shuffled a little closer to Kurt.

"I'm glad to hear that. I love having you here. It feels much more like home when you're here," Kurt sighed, kissing over Blaine's neck.

In Kurt's arms the darkness felt protective and comforting, so Blaine closed his eyes and felt himself fall into the moment. He was sad that they couldn't have done this before, but now that they were there it felt right and true.

"I know that you heard what I told Finn," Kurt whispered through the darkness.

_Oh god, does he think I was eavesdropping?_

"I could see it on your face, in your eyes. I know you so well, Blaine. I know you weren't listening on purpose. It's a small place here. But it's okay. I want you to know how I feel," Kurt assured him and Blaine felt his nerves calm back down.

"So you really mean it? You want those things – with me?" Blaine asked, his ears red and his stomach twirling. He had never considered those things for himself.

"Yes. Blaine, one day I hope we can have those things together. I would be blessed to be able to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of my life, to proudly tell people that you are my husband – to see a miniature you playing with a miniature me like we did when we were kids. To grow old with you. I know what life is like without you and I don't ever want to go through that again," Kurt told and moved up to rest his head on the pillow so he could see Blaine's face.

"So if you want me – some day," he assured him.

"That's all I want," Blaine responded and kissed him, his fingers running into the dark locks at the nape of Kurt's neck.

"For now Simba can be our baby," Kurt chuckled and snuggled as close to Blaine as he possibly could.

"Yeah. That's gotta be a lot better than being a divorce-child," Blaine agreed.

"Oh no. I'm not seeing Sam again. He hit me and called me terrible things. I don't care about him. It hurt me. A lot. But all I care about is you, and our furry baby, and us having a life together."

"Good. I'm looking forward to that," was all Blaine could think to say. He hadn't meant it like that. He knew that Kurt was one hundred percent done with Sam.

"Let's just sleep, baby."

And after a minute Blaine could hear in Kurt's silent breathing that he was asleep.

**xXx**

The coming time was easy. They quickly let their lives blend in together and were quick to find a routine of switching between being at Kurt's or at Blaine's apartment to make sure they didn't neglect any parts of their lives.

After Kurt's show finished running he went back into acting courses and kept up his vocal training while going to auditions. Blaine kept singing in restaurants and working at the pub with Tina, and Kurt started to drop by every now and then, that way he easily slipped into Blaine's circle of friends who all seemed to like him, but of course everyone was shocked and sad about his break with Sebastian.

Being able to go out for dinner with Kurt, or go see a movie, or simply hold his hand while they were on the train or walking Simba or in the supermarket was a joy he hadn't known he needed. They had fun going out with Tina and Mike, a few times Kurt convinced Blaine to go dancing with him again and to simply be able to cuddle against each other on the couch while Blaine was reading a book and Kurt was reading a magazine made Blaine feel home and safe – like he actually had a purpose in life.

They agreed that as soon as Kurt's dad was back from his vacation with his wife they should set up a dinner with them so Blaine could be introduced to them. He was nervous about it – a lot. But he was eager to do it so they could take the last step of their relationship becoming public. It felt like if he was able to go through a dinner with Kurt's family, being accepted by his dad, that was all they needed before the rest of their lives could start together.

Kurt's dad wasn't mad about the cancellation of the wedding. What he was angry about was the way Sam had acted. In Kurt's family they had a family dinner one time a month and Kurt had broken the news to them over the first dinner after it had happened. He had come to Blaine's place after and told him everything.

The dinner had went on great like always, but since Kurt had made his brother promise to not say anything about the break it had been awkward and uncomfortable. Kurt had finally dropped the bomb at the end of the dinner and hell had been lose.

He started out by telling them that he and Sam had broken up. Then Finn had joined in by telling what Sam had done to him. Kurt's dad had been furious with Sam, Kurt said that he had never seen his dad be like that. His step-mom had asked into why they had broken up and Kurt had told them about Blaine, about everything, and Kurt's dad had been happy for him – that he had finally found back to Blaine after all these years.

Blaine was relieved to hear that Kurt's family didn't hate him for coming between Kurt and Sam. He hadn't know how big of a fear to him that was until Kurt told him how happy his dad had been to hear that they had found each other again.

As for now Blaine just needed to meet him and hope that he would actually like him – it wasn't exactly because Blaine had a whole lot to offer Kurt compared to Sam.

Now they were at Kurt's apartment where they were cuddling with Simba on the couch, Finn and Rachel on the chaise while they were watching a movie. The week had been slow for both of them and since the weather was starting to drift from summer to fall their energy wasn't to anymore than snuggling.

Resting against his collarbone Kurt had drifted into sleep and as Blaine was close to falling asleep himself his phone vibrated. Kurt hazily squeezed a little tighter around his waist, kissed him on the jaw and opened his eyes to look dozily up at him.

Blaine pulled out his phone and unlocked it. There was one text. From Tina.

"What is it, baby? Can't it wait until tomorrow? I'm so exhausted, and I just wanna keep you here forever," Kurt murmured and yawned before nuzzling his face against Blaine's chest.

"It uhm – it was Tina. She just said I got a letter from Silverlake."


	29. Back To The Start

"Blaine? What does the letter say?" Kurt asked eagerly when they entered Blaine's bedroom and he picked the letter up from the middle of his bed where Tina had left it waiting for him.

"Can I open it and then tell you?" He chuckled. He sat down and turned the envelope in his hand. It was thick and seemed expensive, high quality paper. The logo of the orphanage, the place that had served as his home for nearly his entire life was printed on the front at the top left corner, bright and red.

"What are you afraid that it is, babe?" Kurt asked sympathetically and sat down next to Blaine where he put a hand to rest lightly on Blaine's knee. He could clearly sense the nerves simmering from the feel of the paper in his hands.

"I'm not afraid... well, that maybe someone died -" he choked out, only then realizing that it was the reason he hadn't just rushed it open already. The only times he had heard from the orphanage after he moved out was funeral invitations.

"Oh – I'm sorry... I'm sure it's fine. Just open it, honey," Kurt smiled and caressed a hand down Blaine's back.

So he did. He ran a finger through the opening, trashing the thick paper, leaving the envelope gaping open so he could get out the letter.

_Dear Mr. Anderson_

He read through the words in the black ink and felt his nerves on ends as he continued to read down the paper. It wasn't a funeral, it definitely wasn't what he had expected.

"It's uhm... do you wanna go to a party with me?" Blaine smiled and let the letter drop to his lap.

"What?" Kurt asked confused.

"Apparently it's the 100th anniversary of Silverlake this year, so they're having a party in a month and everyone who lived there got an invitation – everyone still alive, at least," he explained and felt the relief it was that no one had died.

"That will be so much fun! Of course I wanna go with you, but...I didn't get an invitation," Kurt said.

"They don't have your address, Kurt. But you're with me. It's gonna be fun, right? We can go there with Mike and Tina. I bet they're going too – this is where it all started for us," Blaine chimed and moved closer to fold his arms around Kurt with smiley kisses peppered over his cheek and jaw.

This was happening. They where going back to Lima, Ohio. Back to the place they first met, back to the place they fell in love – back to where their story started.

**xXx**

A month later they were in their hotel room and Kurt was finishing up the last details on Tina's outfit before he would finish his own. They had an hour left before their cab would be there and Blaine was strolling around his and Kurt's room to see if he had remembered it all.

"Are you nervous?" Blaine asked when Kurt started fumbling with his own tie. Blaine noticed how he had to re-do it three times before Blaine pushed his hands away so he could do it for him instead.

"No! Maybe a little nervous. Blaine, I haven't seen these people since I was eight. As far as they're concerned I'm the evil kid who abandoned you to eternal loneliness," Kurt sighed and smiled as Blaine stroke his hand down over his tie one last time.

"First of all: no one will remember that. Second of all: now we get to go there and show them that you're the gorgeous kid who saved me from eternal loneliness," Blaine smirked and pressed his lips against Kurt's.

They parted and finished the last details before they locked up their room and met up with Tina and Mike in the hall so they could head to the front where their cab would pick them up.

All the way Blaine and Tina chatted lively about the party; old days and expectations, who they were looking forward to see and memories of activities they had participated in with the orphanage. Kurt and Mike on the other hand kept quiet and sent each other weak smiles filled with nerves and insecurity.

When they were finally at the gates Kurt was clinging to Blaine's hand and right before they reached the point where they had to turn down the little tiled path to the back where the party would be going on in the garden Kurt held him back.

"Blaine can I... did you ever bring Sebastian to any of the events here?" He asked and bit his lower lip.

"No. I – I never really told him much about it..." Blaine shrugged.

For some reason these things had felt like it was something he had to do alone. This was a different part of his life that didn't have anything to do with Sebastian.

"Oh – okay... why?" He asked.

"I just... I just always felt like – I never really told him much about it because – I guess I knew that if I did he would see through me. About you. And I would be alone again. Because he would know that I could never love him when I love you," Blaine said truthfully. He had never given it much thought. It wasn't something he had planned or analyzed, but now that he spoke the words he knew that it was true.

"Okay. I – just curious. But you will never be alone again," Kurt smiled and tiptoed to kiss his forehead before they walked around to the party at the back.

It was a weird sensation to be back. The party was a wide mix of playing kids, dancing teenagers and adults spread in chatting groups around the garden. At first they stayed a little away, holding each others hands and watching the party before Blaine caught a glimpse of Miss Pillsbury, and he figured that it would only be in order for him to greet her as the first and that way tell her the news about him and Kurt being together.

Kurt followed nervously, clenching Blaine's hand like he was afraid that he they would slip apart. When Miss Pillsbury saw Blaine she lit up and hurried over to hug him, forcing him to let go of Kurt's hand so he could welcome her embrace.

"Hey Blaine. You've become such a handsome young man. How are you, sweetheart?" She asked with a smile, and quickly noticed that he wasn't alone for once.

"And you've brought somebody. That's so good to see. I'm Emma Pillsbury. I practically raised Blaine," she trilled and shook Kurt's hand.

"He knows. Miss Pillsbury this is Kurt – remember?" Blaine explained and felt like the world was put on hold for a moment while he watched the pieces fall into place for Miss Pillsbury.

"Kurt? _The_ Kurt? That is so wonderful! How are you, honey? Look at you! All grown up and so cute!" She chimed eagerly when she realized what it was Blaine was telling her.

She threw her arms around Kurt as well. Kurt was a little stiff and startled at first but eased up and returned the hug.

"Yes. It's been quite a while. But – I'm really good. Blaine and I... are together now," he smiled and Blaine's heart throbbed by hearing Kurt say the words out loud so he grasped Kurt's hand to squeeze it in his.

"You are? That is so great to hear. I am so happy for you boys," Miss Pillsbury chimed and started asking about how they found each other again and they ended in a long conversation explaining everything that had happened since Kurt walked into the pub a few months earlier.

They proceeded around to greet all of Blaine's childhood friends, everyone reacting the same way Miss Pillsbury had. Not for one second did they let go of each others hands and Blaine could feel that Kurt slowly relaxed more and more in time with people expressing their happiness for them being together.

It was surprisingly easy to fall back into conversation with people. Blaine usually only talked to his closest friends from Silverlake when they occasionally met at small reunions once or twice a year since they moved out and spread around the country. Everyone were nice and made conversation with Kurt; asked him about his life and how he had been since he had left – no one were holding a grudge to him over what had happened with him and Blaine when they were kids.

"See? I told you it would be fine," Blaine smiled and leaned in to kiss Kurt's cheek when they had a moment to themselves late in the afternoon after having talked to what felt like everyone at the party.

"Yeah. You were right. That's nice. It's really good to see everyone again. Even though I don't know them anymore," Kurt sighed and sounded like he had just had a great burden lifted off his shoulders.

He turned around and folded his arms around Blaine's waist, so Blaine returned the gesture by putting his arms around him as well. For a while they simply stayed a little away to watch everyone mingling between each other; talking, dancing and laughing. They were enjoying being together, and being back where they had first met each other when Kurt dragged him over to sit on the porch.

"This was where we first met," Kurt said quietly and rested his head on Blaine's shoulder.

"Yeah. I was terrified. And sad. And so alone -" Blaine recalled. He couldn't say if it was one of the saddest days in his life because of what he had just lost, or if it was the best day in his life because of what he gained when Kurt came over and sat next to him.

"I remember. I felt so sorry for you. You looked like you could break at any second."

"I felt that way. But then you came – and I didn't feel alone anymore," Blaine smiled and turned his head to kiss Kurt's hair before resting his cheek against it.

"Blaine. There's something I wanna talk to you about... it's really stupid, I know, but I still want to anyway, because... it's important to me," Kurt suddenly said and grasped Blaine's hand.

Blaine didn't know what to expect so he didn't say anything. He held his breath and waited for Kurt to continue. He squeezed his hand back and hoped that nothing scary or bad was about to come, because he wasn't sure he would be able to take it.

"I know that we haven't been together for that long time. Not really, anyway. But I have something for you -" He said and moved to sit up and pulled something out of his pocket.

Blaine looked down and when Kurt opened his hand a silver ring was lying in his palm, perfect contrast to his pale skin. It wasn't as clean-cut and expensive looking as the one Sebastian had given him, but it still looked like something Blaine would never be able to afford.

"Kurt, what is -" he started to ask, but Kurt rushed to cut him off.

"This is... this is not a proposal. Not really. It's just – it's a promise ring. I wanna marry you some day, and I wanna be with your forever, and... this is my promise that I will never leave you ever again. Leaving you back then is the only thing I have regretted in my entire life, and I will not let that happen again. So – this is a promise that I will stay with you for as long as you want me. I just felt it appropriate to promise you my eternity here where it started," Kurt blurted out, clearly afraid that he would stumble over himself halfway through if he didn't hurry it out before he could get too scared to finish.

"Kurt! You didn't have to... of course I will always want you. You didn't have to get me a ring," Blaine smiled and felt his voice crack all the way down from his lungs.

"I know. But I wanted to. Because then you can always look at it on your finger and remember _'Oh yeah, he's still there'_," Kurt said and shrugged, as if it wasn't just the most precious thing in the entire world.

Blaine turned to cup his hands around Kurt's cheeks, to look him in the eyes and let the widest grin in the world take over his entire face.

"Kurt – you're so dumb sometimes. Of course I don't need a ring to remind me of that. But it will be an honor to wear your ring. And yes, I will marry you some day. Tomorrow or in 50 years, I don't care. I'm yours. Silly..." He chuckled and pressed his mouth onto Kurt's with a passionate force that had Kurt gasping for air, but he didn't pull away, he simply pulled Blaine closer.

"I love you. Always have, always will -" he smiled against Blaine's lips before they both looked down on the ring in Kurt's hand.

"Is this where you put it on me?" Blaine asked with a crooked smile.

"I think it is."

Unfortunately they never got to it because they were interrupted, ripped out of their blissful moment as Miss Pillsbury was suddenly standing in front of them.

"I was wondering if I could have a word with you two," she requested.

They agreed and Blaine smiled apologetically at Kurt before he put on the ring himself. It was a perfect match and he wondered a bit how Kurt had managed that, but they had to get up and follow Miss Pillsbury to her office so he made a mental note to ask Kurt the next time he had the chance.

It almost felt like they were kids again as they were sitting in the chairs in front of her desk, the petite woman smiling at them with her big bright eyes and soft, yellow cardigan just the way it had been years ago.

"I had actually promised myself that I would never drag this up again. But since you are reunited I figured that... it's time for you to hear the truth," she said and chewed on her lower lip like she was expecting the desk to explode between them.

"I found out what happened to your letters. But not until years after you gave up, Blaine, and I didn't wanna say anything to rip up in all the feelings. You were so crushed and I didn't want to drag you back into that sadness you had back then," she said, her big doe-eyes flickering between them surely waiting for a reaction.

"What? But... what happened?" Blaine asked, not sure he had heard correct.

It wasn't because it mattered anymore, but if he had a chance to find out how his relationship to his childhood love had been shattered he felt that he deserved to know. He was sure Kurt felt the same way, but he was stiff in anticipation in the chair next to Blaine.

"Well... I'm sure you remember Jimmy, the boy who was very fond of... teasing you. He was a few years older than you and he often had chores of helping around the house when he had stepped out of line – I found all of your letters in one of his boxes one night. All the letters from Kurt asking why you didn't write anymore, and all the letters I helped you writing him asking if he had received your letters. All of them were there along with all the pictures and all of it. I am so sorry, boys," Miss Pillsbury explained.

She looked like she feared that she had just crushed their world all over again, and Blaine had a sudden urge to run around the desk to hug her. It wasn't her fault. Not that he understood why this boy had taken a liking to bully him the way he had always done, but he would never had suspected him of stealing their letters.

"It's okay. I'm just... happy to know. I mean – when I was little I thought Blaine had stopped answering my letters. Even though my dad kept making excuses. But when we met again and talked about it... ever since then I haven't doubted for a second that Blaine didn't stop writing until long after he didn't receive my letters," Kurt assured them, seeming as confused as Blaine did.

"I wish I could give you the letters, but I threw them out because I never thought I would be able to explain you what happened. But... I kept the pictures. From both of you. I meant to discretely slip them into one of the Home's photo albums from when you were both living here, but I never got around to it because I was afraid how you would react if you saw them, so they stayed here," she explained, mostly addressed to Blaine.

She turned around and opened a drawer to find out an envelope that she handed them with nervous eyes.

"Thank you, Miss Pillsbury. That's... wow. I don't know what to say. I mean, if we hadn't been together now I'm not sure I would have been able to take it but... it's nice to have a closure about that. It's comforting to know what happened," Blaine said, not really sure how to express his gratitude – both to her for telling them but also to the universe for letting them know what happened back then that caused them to lose each other.

They accepted the envelope but didn't look in it. Instead they returned to the party and found back to Tina and Mike who were talking to Blaine's old friends Jeff and Luke. It was getting late and they knew that the party would close down soon because it was getting time for the youngest kids to get to bed, so Blaine wanted to spend the last hour with his old friends.

However, he was very pleased to find out that Tina had planned for them all to go out for a drink after the party and Blaine was thrilled that Kurt wanted to join them as well.

"Oh look, Blaine – come here," Kurt suddenly exclaimed and dragged him to the other end of the garden.

Before Blaine could say anything Kurt was on his knees and crawling into the bushes. After weighing whether to follow or not he was on his own knees and in to sit down next to Kurt on the soft grass inside the cave of branches.

"I can't believe it's still here," Kurt beamed at him and pulled him closer. He wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck and mushed their lips together.

"It's where we had our first kiss. It's amazing. All the nostalgia of this place is crazy," he grinned, and it was like his playful child-spirit was filling up his eyes with stars.

"I know. It's weird. All those happy memories, and sad memories, and... you," he sighed and looked around the bushes where they had spent so many hours as kids. The place where they sought a refuge from all the other kids that just weren't what they wanted because they only wanted each other.

"We're getting sappy here," Kurt chuckled and nudged Blaine's cheek with his nose before pressing a wet kiss to it, his lips burning on Blaine's chill skin.

"We are. Let's get back to the others and find somewhere to get a drink," Blaine suggested and got back to his knees to leave the cave.

Kurt teasingly swatted his ass before following him out so they could cross the lawn and take a round to say goodbye to everyone. It was the same at every event; they would hug and talk about how sad it was to never speak, then they would promise to stay in touch, but they rarely did, and to be honest Blaine didn't mind that much. There weren't many from Silverlake that he really would like to have as a part of his new life. All he wanted he already had.

**xXx**

It was nice to be back in the cafe where they used to hang out as teenagers. They got to talk about old times and what was going on in people's lives. They sang and had drinks, and Blaine was happy to notice that it seemed like Mike had completely let his grudge against Kurt behind – they were chatting and laughing together, something that made Blaine's insides bubble up.

By the end of the night it felt like Kurt had never left their midst and had grown up with them all, and it struck Blaine that he didn't really care much about anything that had happened before, because all he needed in his life he had now.

They took the cab back to the hotel a little earlier than Tina and Mike so they shared hugs and kisses with everyone before they left. In the cab they didn't talk, instead Blaine rested his head sleepily on Kurt's shoulder and enjoyed the warmth of Kurt's hand resting on his thigh.

Back at the hotel they got ready for bed in silence, but Blaine could sense that Kurt was observing him with a smile. When they crawled into bed it was in t-shirts and underwear, curling directly into each others arms.

The moment the lights were out Blaine snuck his hand under Kurt's shirt and kissed him deeply while pressing his hips against Kurt's, responded by Kurt humming and smiling into the kiss with his fingers running into Blaine's curls.

With a grin Blaine sucked Kurt's lower lip into his mouth before put a peck to his nose and disappeared under the comforter. He kissed Kurt's belly right above the waistband of his lime green boxer briefs and hooked his fingers in the elastic so he could start dragging them down.

"What are you doing?" Kurt laughed as he lifted the comforter to look as Blaine dropped the fabric to the mattress next to him.

"If I remember correctly – someone asked me to marry him today – and I figured that should be celebrated," Blaine smirked before licking a wet stripe up the underside of Kurt's semi-hard cock.

"Oh god. Yes. Yes please!" Kurt gasped with a giggle and entangled his fingers in Blaine's dark locks.

Blaine swirled his tongue around Kurt's shaft, finding his way back to the top so he could lap at the head and let his lips wet in the pre-come starting to gather at the slit before he slowly sunk his mouth down around the slick glans, staring up at Kurt and enjoying the way he was watching his every move.

It didn't take long for the dry skin to go wet and slicked up with the spit from Blaine's tongue that he kept running down the underside vein, making sure to keep his tongue hard and curled around Kurt's erection best possible.

"Fuck! Blaine – shit, you're so pretty like this," Kurt breathed out with a sound that probably should have been a laugh but turned into more of a sigh as he tugged a little harder on Blaine's hair from the way Blaine relaxed his throat to make Kurt's cock hit a little deeper.

"You've gotten so good at this, baby -" Kurt smiled and whined, his eyes locked with his boyfriend's as he started bobbing his head up and down with a steady rhythm, his hands resting on Kurt's thighs with his thumb stroking the soft skin.

It was getting hard to breathe through his nose, but Blaine was determined to not let go so soon. He let his lips slide agonizingly slowly up to keep his mouth open around Kurt's head so he could let his tongue twirl around the head and lick up the slit to lap up the pre-come waiting for him.

He moved down to nip lightly at Kurt's sac, making him moan pitchy before Blaine sucked one ball into his mouth followed by the next, letting his tongue lightly massage the skin before returning to licking his way up.

He took back up his quest of locking his lips around the cock and immediately starting to move his mouth up-down up-down around him, Kurt now unable to hold back. He was shallowly bucking his hips upwards, thrusting into Blaine's mouth.

Blaine closed his hand around Kurt's root and started swiping him with the same pace as his head was moving before he hollowed his cheeks and sucked for all he was worth, Kurt's breathing out of control.

Within a minute Kurt's thighs tensed and his knees bent as he pressed his cock nearly all the way down Blaine's throat with a breathy scream of "Shit Blaine!" and pulsed all he had into his mouth and Blaine continued to suck and swallow until he couldn't breathe anymore and pulled off with a popping sound.

Kurt grasped around his shoulders to drag him up his body so he could pull his face down for a kiss, pushing his tongue into Blaine's mouth. With a grin Blaine let the remains of Kurt's come into Kurt's mouth where he willingly tasted and swallowed it all down as he grabbed Blaine's ass to press him closer with a squeeze.

"That was – sudden. But so damn good," Kurt grinned and let his thumbs caress over Blaine's ass, his index fingers hooked in the hem of his underwear at the back of his thighs.

"Glad I could pleasure you, sir -" Blaine smiled and kissed Kurt's upper lip before falling down next to him.

"Will you hold me as we sleep?" Blaine asked and pouted as he strolled the tip of his finger down Kurt's chest.

"I always wanna hold you, silly," Kurt sighed and kissed him, putting his arms around Blaine so he could drag him closer and let Blaine rest his head on Kurt's collarbone.

"Tomorrow is payback time," Kurt whispered into Blaine's hair, nuzzling his nose into his hair and caressing his fingers over the exposed skin of his hipbone where his t-shirt had crawled up.

"Oh what a shame," Blaine teased and tried moving a little closer – but it really was impossible for him to get any closer than he already was.


End file.
